Thursday, April 24, 2014

Character Not Believed

I wrote last year and the year before, how I had really bad experiences with a couple of fellow competitors during big events.  Well, it happened again the 2014 BCAPL Texas State 8-Ball Championships.  :( 

When bad situations occur, it makes me really start to wonder if I should play pool anymore.  I'm tired of not being believed, or my character is being questioned.  But I'm more upset that I hurt people, my friends.

I walked by one of the girls on that Friday, who I upset a few years ago, and she looked me dead in the eye, and didn't say one word to me and kept walking by me.  Wow.  :(  I waited to see what she would do.  I guess I should have said hi and smiled, but I could already tell by her body language she could care less if I existed.

This year, I was told because of a certain instance, that I was sharking someone.  And, I was.  :(  I had no idea I was doing it.  As soon as my friend indicated to me that cheering for my teammate bothered her her, I felt like shit right away.  I sunk into my skin and felt horrible!

I was so into helping my teammate gain confidence, I didn't even realize I was cheering for my teammate while my opponent (my friend) was down on her shots.  I felt SO badly the rest of the day and was ashamed I had hurt a friend.  I apologized several times and she said rightfully and very stern, "Don't do it again," after we finished our match in the team event.

I stopped cheering for my teammates the rest of the tourney the next two days.  I felt so horrible.  :(

I apologized to her on Monday again, and wanted to wait til I got on a computer so I could type things out and not be limited to text messaging.

She had read my post about how these guys were talking during one of my singles matches and they should have known to be quiet, and she said it was ironic I wrote about that.

Well, I DID know that, I just didn't realize it.  :(

She felt I was deliberately sharking her and I have to say that that really hurt me.  I have never ever deliberately sharked anyone.  And we are friends, and I would never do that to her (or anyone, but especially a friend).

I presume my character will once again be talked about and it hurts me to the core that people think I would do things like this deliberately.

But I told her I was very thankful she put me in my place.  I needed to be because I did not realize what I was doing.  But to think I would do that deliberately really bothers me.  Because I am not like that AT ALL.

I have hurt our friendship beyond repair and for that I feel horrible about because I wasn't paying attention.

She pointed out that because of my years as a board member and because I have been bothered by others before, I should have known what I was doing.  I understand what she is saying but I also know I didn't realize I was cheering and being so disruptive when she was down on her shots.  I wasn't even looking at my opponent, I was trying to help my struggling teammate by yelling "good shot!" when she would execute a good safety or tough shot.  I don't think I would have been so engaged in my teammate if I wasn't the captain but I felt like it was my role to pump her up because she was struggling.

But these accusations keep happening and I keep hurting people and losing friends.  I won the Texas State tourney, but I felt nothing like a champion.  I just feel like quitting pool.

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