Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Mental Anger

Our mind can really be an extreme negative beast to ourselves. 

I have seen two very recent "episodes" of the extreme negative turn that our minds can take.

And, it's not pretty.

The first one is when I read about how Mike Dechaine accused my friend during the most recent TAR match with SVB (Shane Van Boening), that her and her two friends were deliberately texting to shark him.  I counter that what really happened was, because Mike was losing in front of 100s of fans, that he got agitated at-any-little-thing.  Our mind starts to assume things when we aren't thinking clear, when we get upset, and embarrassed, and that is why I presume Mike assumed they were deliberately doing something so horrendous to a pro. 

What's worse about these situations, is in our minds (well, Mike's mind in this case), he prolly honestly believes that happened and nothing will ever convince him otherwise, even after he calms down.

The second recent instance: I was gambling a couple of weekends ago a $200 set, race to 9 on the 9-foot table.  And the guy I was gambling with, was losing.

Now, since I'm a girl, the thought of losing is even worse, esp since a lot of people were watching and cheering me on.

One of my friends had played him earlier in the day, and beat him.  Unrelated to that instance, my friend (who's voice carries) was telling a small group us (while I was gambling), about how he didn't get paid a few months ago from a guy named JB.  I would walk back and forth from my shots to hear the story.

My opponent was about to shoot during his turn and instead walked right up to my friend and started to verbally attack him, saying "I have ALWAYS paid you!!"  He told my friend to shut his loud mouth and that it was rude that he was telling lies about him while he was trying to gamble.

Several of us tried to tell my opponent that my friend he was talking about JB, not him, but he would not listen to us.  He insisted the guy was deliberately lying, deliberately talking loud, and trying to shark him during this gambling match.

I was shocked and desperately tried to reassure him, as I knew my friend was talking about JB and not him, but he didn't believe us and so we just asked our friend to leave so as to not cause problems.  He didn't mean to tell the story loudly and distract my opponent.  But my opponent was the one who flew off the handle assuming my friend was talking about him.  I can only guess if he was beating me, he could care less my friend was talking, because then nothing would be bothering him and he would be in a good frame of mind. 

When we are losing, get embarrassed, or make stupid mistakes, things on the sidelines bother us a lot more than when we are winning.  When we are losing, our mind can get so upset, that we don't think straight and things that normally wouldn't bother use become extremely negative, sometimes nasty, unrealistic thoughts. 

Not everyone in the world shows emotion or speaks up when they get mad, angry, or agitated (thank goodness), but many do.  You can visualize Tiger Woods throwing a gold club, or John McEnroe chewing out a referee. 

I don't think these reactions are wrong per say, I just think sometimes they are unavoidable as we react to our internal emotions and the deep negative feelings we can't contain, so we slam a cue or snap at our opponent.  It's not right, but remember, we aren't thinking clear if we are upset and angry anyway.

It IS tough to tolerate that behavior, but if you recognize what is going on, it's sometimes easier to handle.

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