Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Offering Support Without Pressure (pool and everyday life)

Just as you all experience, also, our every day life overlaps with similar things we experience in our pool game.

I have stated many times I am very careful how I speak to friends before they compete. I try to not ever add pressure with my choice of words. People that say on social media "win it!" or "hope you do well!" or "you got this!" aren't way overboard pressure comments, I admit, but there are better word choices.

As a matter of fact, I actually never say "good luck" to anyone before a match or tournament.  I always try to say something like, "enjoy the game we love" or "have fun!"

See what I did there?

I didn't add pressure and I reminded them to have fun (we usually forget that, right?) and reminded them to enjoy the game. A lot times we are so consumed with trying to perform well or place well, we forget that if we just think about how much we love the game, enjoy playing, and have fun, we actually do a lot better.

You all know I'm right!

I have recently experienced this same situation wishing my supervisor at work and also my mentee at work (I'm in a mentor program through my company) good luck on interviews.
I have to say, I really struggled with what to say and how to say it.  Well, I didn't struggle per se, but I did a lot of backspacing (lol) and reevaluating my choice of words. I didn't want to add to the pressure they already felt being interviewed for a promotion.

It so much reminded me how careful I am with my choice of words to friends either in text or on social media about wishing them luck on an upcoming tournament. It's a very fine line imho.

I used to get irritated by how people worded these to me before tournaments. So, I came up with a great solution! (1) I didn't let social media friends know the morning of an event I was even at a tournament and (2) in case they did find out or someone tagged me, I stayed off social media until I was finished for the day OR until I was completely out of the tournament on Sunday. I wanted NO distractions (good or bad) so I did what was best for my mental toughness, and it was a very successful plan for me to just stay off social media until I was done and then give the great (or sad lol) update!

When my mentee was chatting with me about her interview the next day, I debated so much with what to say. I finally just said, "hey, just remember to breathe." And she loved that advice because she is an extrovert and can sometimes keep talking and talking - this reminded her to take breaths and not rush.

With my boss, I backspaced SO much on my text to him. Not good luck, not break a leg, not hope you do well, not you'll be fine, etc.  I didn't even want to tell him, "get some rest tonight" as I didn't want him to stress in case he couldn't sleep in his hotel room worrying about the interview, lol. I finally just said, "be yourself." Which even that I wondered about haha.

You have to understand that because I have test anxiety, I am more careful with my words to people before big life events, but it's also because so many times I have heard from friends who were nice-intentioned, but their words still added pressure.  So, I might be going overboard a little bit, but I know in my heart sleep better at night being super caring and aware to not state pressure-related words at all to my friends before competing or big life events.

Now, reflect: how are YOU giving advice?

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