Friday, June 24, 2016

To Play or Not to Play?

Ladies tourney this weekend in Dallas - only about an hour from home.  Do I play, or not play?

Most of my being isn't even interested.

Going to Vegas during BCAPL Nationals.  Not even interested in playing there, either.  Just going for vacation and picked the same week. 

I was sharing with a coworker how cool it is to not have to compete anymore.  Don't have to deal with drama, or expectations, or disappointment, or all the emotions one goes through when competing.

Let's face it, I've had my good years.  I don't expect to do well anymore because I don't play anymore.  And.... I don't even miss playing.  

I am blessed beyond belief that I was able to have such fantastic years in pool from 2013-2015.  And it's kind of a small curse, because now that I have been successful, I feel fulfilled and want to step away from competing.

Maybe one day I will feel like getting in the ring again, but right now I can't even figure out if I have the desire to play in a ladies event tomorrow!  lol.  10-15 years ago, I'd already be packed!  I think if the atmosphere was like it used to be, I would go and try my now-old skills.  There's just a lot of reasons NOT to play.

I've learned if you really want something, nothing can stop you.  And you wont be on the fence.  And right now, I can't decide what I want to do about playing in a regional ladies tournament semi-close to home lol.  Doesn't that say something?  Doesn't that show my interests have changed? 

I may wake up tomorrow morning and feel refreshed and energized and happy and then start that drive to the venue.  Who knows.

It's tough to describe to people how moving on is not a bad thing.  Things change.  So many friends say, "you'll miss it!"  If anything, not playing just reinforces I don't miss competing, don't miss the time, don't miss the energy or emotions.  Funny, normally when we miss something, we think of the good times.  While I have fond memories I'll never forget, I'm also thinking about all the things I don't have to go through anymore or deal with lol.
Again, will never, EVER, forget all those years competing, having fun, making friends, learning about mental toughness, etc.; it's all helped me become the woman I see in the mirror (who I like, btw).  Competing gives one all sorts of learning experiences that help in every day life.  I'm blessed beyond belief!

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