Thursday, February 28, 2013

A Test is a Test, No Matter How You Slice It

I have written NUMEROUS times how I freak out in title tournaments.  The mere thought of winning a big title causes my palms to sweat, my heart to race, and my thinking gets clouded because I'm so nervous.

Pool needs to be played with a clear, sharp mind.

Nervousness is a block to the coveted title.

I found out the hard way on Monday that it turns out I have test anxiety in all areas of my life.  It turns out, being nervous about future events is common for me.

As I did an interview for a promotion at my job on Monday via a conference call (not in person), I had so much anxiety, I bombed the interview very badly.

After the first question, I knew I wouldn't get the job.  After the 7th question (the final question), I for SURE knew I wouldn't get the job.

I honestly couldn't think straight.  I would ask them to repeat the question again, and STILL couldn't remember what they had just said.  :(

I was trying to breathe and slow down my heart rate, but my future career was on the line and I was too nervous.

It reminded me SO much of my tournaments, where I have anxiety before I even play in critical positions on the brackets during title tournaments (the ones I crave the most).  And then, it ALSO reminded me how I was in college - I would study and study and know the material back and forth, but come test time, I freaked out and had test anxiety.

Before the interview, I stood at my window and told myself, "You can do this.  You have been through extremely tough things in your life and survived."

It's funny, I can talk in front of 300 people very easily.  But taking a test freaks me out.  Test anxiety.  That's what I have.  :(

It's amazing how powerful nerves are.  No wonder I can't perform well all the time in title tournaments.

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