Mental Toughness During a Pandemic

Seems like the title is a a paradox, right?  The pandemic, if anything, has affected our mental strength because there are so many unknowns, and stress, and impacts to our daily lives, etc.

And what about our pool game and mental toughness during these remarkable times?

I have written a couple of times this year that from my experience, if you have solid fundamentals, your game will not go down during the pandemic. So, stop sweating it or worrying if you can't play a lot of pool - your solid fundamentals will carry you!

While I wholeheartedly believe this deep in my soul, there is a part that I forgot.

Oooops.

I am being reminded because of the struggle, tough times, and nerves that Katniss and The Cueist (and maybe you if you are back to playing) are feeling lately. Katniss said after a little tournament she played in, "It's like I lost my kilter instinct" and The Cueist shared in his recent blog post, 

I started to get nervous! Now, don't get me wrong, I get nervous all the time. But I haven't felt nerves BEFORE walking into the poolroom since the early part of my pool career. The only difference was that this time around, I was nervous about not playing up to my usual expectations, and making a fool of myself.

I wrote about this same 'anguish' back in late 2016 - basically that I had played in a little tournament and while my fundamentals were solid still, my mental toughness was NOT, because I had not been playing in league or tournaments; I had cut down on my competing.

Yes, fundamentals are key. But, the brain is a muscle as well.  

Honestly, the only thing that keeps me from competing well after taking years off is not my stroke, but the pressure I feel. The more we put ourselves in pressure situations, we find ourselves becoming stronger and stronger in those situations. But, if you aren't competing, that part of our game, that big muscle, has not been worked on.

As I said two years ago, 

"The bottom line is, I know myself and based on my past attempts the last few years at playing in tournaments, I already know that I am only mentally strong when I'm consistently competing. Once I stopped competing, that mental toughness definitely went away for me. 

As a matter of fact, I noticed it was the first thing that went away for me.  Even though the brain is a muscle, for me my muscle memory in my arms and in my pre stroke routine were still there, but not in my mental toughness."

So, what can you do about this?

What would I do?

Take advantage of what you can control: I would read about mental toughness!  

If you can't play in high pressure situations, then improve your mental toughness the only other way if you can't compete: READ, LEARN.

Winning Ugly is a book I have HIGHLY recommended a lot in my blog. You cannot read that book and not improve in your mental toughness arena.  I PROMISE. Therefore, pick up the book and read it when you can't compete. I also recommend Mental Toughness Training for Sports. But, the point is, find books or articles or watch video Ted Talks about mental toughness, how to gain the killer instinct, how to be mentally stronger, etc.  

I have this good book within arms reach right now,:

(watch out, you will also learn about leadership as well when you read about the mental toughness topic)

There are a ton of books out there for many different sports, but I recommend those about golf or tennis most.

I admit nothing can take the place of playing regularly in the middle of true pressure situations, but you can at least still work on it in other ways. Give yourself an advantage over your competitors for when you do start to play pool again. 

One side note. When I was in my late 20s, my mentor suggested I read Mental Toughness Training for Sports. I happened to be in a big slump and was playing terribly. So, I decided to take some time off and NOT play pool. And so I read that book during the time I wasn't hitting balls or competing. My mentor told me later, "I wanted to share that with you, but wasn't sure you would stop playing for a bit. Not playing pool while reading/learning about the mental game is a great plan."

Again, if you can't play pool, work on your game! 

Someone has to win, right? Might as well be you because you put in the time to improve in so many different ways even when you can't play pool regularly!

The Cueist Finding His Stroke

Latest thoughts from The Cueist:

So I've been slowly going out to play a little more pool. My first time back to hitting my first ball was about a week after my previous post. My Wednesday league had our league banquet, which was mostly to give the payouts for a very short season. But nonetheless, I went out there mostly to get out of the house. Usually, they have a small tourney to pass the time, but I had no intention of playing it IF they had one. I wanted to hit a few balls and find my stroke, which had been on an extended hiatus. 

So, one of the shots that I spent a ton of time practicing was a stroke shot with inside English. I set the object ball on the spot, and the cue ball on the head spot. I also set up a ball on the short rail closest to the head spot, so you have to avoid the scratch, and go 3 rails for shape on the next ball. I get down on the shot, and my eyes are having a hard time adjusting to the sight picture. I guess it had been THAT long. LOL. I do a few warm up strokes and my arm feels so weird doing the cueing motion again. So I stand up, step into the shot and concentrate on the shot. Surprisingly, I fired it in center pocket, avoid the scratch, and float the 3 rails for shape. One of my teammates saw and said, "Wow, haven't been playing my a$$!" I laughed and set up the shot again. Stepped into it, and boom....center pocket again. Now, this is one of my most practiced shots so I figured I made the shots due to the fact that it was so comfortable to me. So, I decided to break a rack of 9-ball and try to beat the ghost for a few games.

Now, this is where the wheels promptly fell off. LOL. 

I took ball in hand and got perfect shape on the 2. Now, the 2 is about center table, and I had to force follow with inside for shape on the 3. So I get down on the shot and I missed the shot by a diamond. I set it up again, and same result. Now, I set it up one more time and adjusted.....missed the shot by 1/3 diamond this time - so I was improving, LOL. So I decided to scratch that and go back to the basics and do a drill my old coach Gordy used to have me do. 

While I didn't have the actual track, I just set up the balls accordingly and practiced on mechanics. It took me about 30 mins, but I managed to complete the drill after lots of frustrations. But as you (Melinda) mentioned in a previous blog, if you have a good stroke then we'd have nothing to worry about. But, I sure was worried there!!

Now, since then I've gone to practice about once a week and have been sparring with a guy that's about 2 points (Fargo) lower than I am. He's got access to a table at home, but hasn't really competed either aside from playing the ghost at home. So the first night, we played 3 races to 7. I lost 7/1, won 7/3, then won hill/hill. The following week, the same exact result. The 3rd session, I lose hill/hill, win 7/1, win 7/2. 

The practice was leading up to a goal in mind, and that was me playing in a tournament coming up. Last week, I made it a point to go play 2 times that week, and I felt like I was about 90% compared to my old self. But, while my muscle memory may have been there, along with my stroke, my mental game wasn't near at 90% come to find out. 

So, the morning of the tourney, I woke up early and made it a point to stop and get breakfast at God's chicken house (Chick-fil-A). The poolroom is about 50 mins away so I got there with plenty of time to hit balls and finish my breakfast in the car. While finishing breakfast, the weirdest thing happened....I started to get nervous! Now, don't get me wrong, I get nervous all the time. But I haven't felt nerves BEFORE walking into the poolroom since the early part of my pool career. The only difference was that this time around, I was nervous about not playing up to my usual expectations, and making a fool of myself. I mean, last year I worked so hard on my game and was finally getting the results that I wanted in my league. So, I felt like I somewhat had to keep getting some decent results.

After the draw was complete, I realized I had to play a guy who is a low 600s Fargo on paper, but I'm the favorite. But he's been going out of state to play during the pandemic, while I've been doing home projects and woodworking projects. LOL. So it was a tough first match. 

In my mind, I thought "oh great, there's going to be an audience for this attempt of mine to play pool again." Aside from that, the nerves started to creep up again immediately and I felt my grip hand quiver a bit during my PreShot Routine. So, I had to reset multiple times on each shot to try and shake that feeling.

Naturally, because of the extra concentration, I found myself playing pretty good actually. I gave away 2 games but overall, played well and made it to the hill first. I was up 7/2 and was firmly in the driver's seat. I was finally able to close it out with a score of 7/4. 

My next match was against a good friend, teammate, who has tons of knowledge. So, by me not being at 100%, I knew I had to play good just to make it competitive. I played great, only made 2 mistakes. But unfortunately, he only made 1 mistake! Damn him, lol. He beat me hill/hill. It was a little disappointing because I played soooo well. But, I can't be too upset because he really did play almost flawless.

My next match was on against that sparing partner I mentioned (figures, right?). I didn't play too well in that match, and I ended up losing hill/hill. But, considering I haven't competed in five months, I'm both disappointed and proud. 

Disappointed because I felt like I gave myself a chance to win both matches that I lost. And proud because I did give myself a chance to win. So, all of my hard work wasn't lost 100% during the pandemic. Sure, I have a little rust in my mechanics. But, give me another month and I'll be VERY close to 100% again. 

Like you said in your blog.....give it time, you'll be fine if you haven't been playing much.

Not Looking at the Bracket - Project Hunger Games

I have written many times how I have test anxiety, and that's one of the reasons why it took me so long to finally win that title tournament I yearned for for years!

But even after I got mentally strong and became more successful, I still never wanted to look at the bracket; I just didn't want to see who I was playing next.

I would psych myself out before even getting to the table with them, lol. If they were a top player, I could get timid and scared. If I thought they didn't play well, I could get too cocky.  Either persona doesn't look pretty, right?

Recently I had a convo related to this with Katniss.

She was explaining a tournament experience and in that recap, she said she had asked a friend to go over to the bracket and tell her when she would be up next, as she didn't want to see the bracket.

I immediately felt giddy of course, because I could relate! I told her, " I don't like to see who I am playing next either. "

But, she shot me down.

She wasn't saying that at all!

She told me, "I don't mind who I'm playing next, I don't mind knowing that at all, but I don't want to see how much money I could potentially make if I won a few more matches."

Oh!

So, this goes to show that we each have different things we don't want to see or know about because because it might affect our thoughts and emotions. 

That Miss is a Teacher

One of the readers of my blog, that I've mentioned before (Dave), emailed me recently about a situation he had. He wondered what the lesson could be.

What's really cool about my friend is (who lives over 1,000 miles from me in Texas and has been emailing me updates for at least 5 years), he has said my blog posts have helped him with his mental game and his journey in pool. So, anytime he emails me, it brings me joy to hear of his improvements!

Here's his situation today:

Dave shared that he missed a 10 ball that would have made him go up 7 to 2 in a race to 11.  Eventually, he lost 11 to 9. He said he "didn't make disastrous mistakes," but the loss "gnawed at him."

He confided,

"Now if someone told me that the result would have been 11-9 in his favour, I would have thought I played well. He is at the next tier above me, but not impossibly far ahead. But at the end, the result gnawed at me. Certainly not in a poor sportsmanship way. But from my perspective I knew that the 11-9 loss felt different in the way I squandered the opportunity."

He asked me and the readers of my blog, what are his lessons?

This is going to sound really profound from me, LOL just kidding, but there is really a very good point I want to share.

We have all been in those same situations right? dammit LOL.

We think about the 10 ball, we think about that we should have won, we think about the opportunity lost, etc.  Even though we didn't play horribly, we still lost because of that stupid 10 ball, right?

I believe Dave will learn from this experience a hundred times more than someone that simply played the match with no self-reflection. Not only is Dave self-reflecting, which you all know I've talked about a lot (link here) and am a firm believer it will propel us (another link here), but him writing it down (even just to email me) is going to help him reflect deeper, and help him much further.

What I feel he is going to learn is:

1. if you miss a shot, try not to let it bother you during the match 
2. play your best every single shot (check out this link about this).

I know it sounds simple and I know there's a lot of emotions, thoughts, feelings that go on when you're competing in a match, but what's interesting to me is he talked about the 10 ball only.  He didn't mention any other miss! So, because that is what is sticking in his mind, that's probably what bothered him during that match, as well.

However, he may not even realize it affected him.  But if at any point he thought further about the miss, or thought about what the score 'should be,' then if affected his game.

You know the scenario!  We are winning and then all the sudden our opponents jump ahead of us, and all we can think about is, "What if I would have made that nine ball....?" (or 10 ball or 8 ball) "I would be up such and such, and I wouldn't be down such and such." It's very tough to not think that way, but it's very important to stay in the moment. The only thing that truly matters is the ball in front of you.

I know I sound like a broken record, but if you're thinking about the missed 10 ball, you're not thinking about the shot in front of you. If you're thinking about what the score should be, you're not thinking about the shot in front of you.

How can you possibly play your best with those distractions in your head?

Here's a link to something that proves that you cannot do more than one thing at once. Even though I claim to be a multitasker and can focus well, in reality it's very difficult to do.

But my long-winded response and my babbling on and on is really to say that his learning experience will sit with him because he's reflecting on it, and because he wrote it down.  He will now try to put more effort into staying in the moment and he will also work on playing his best every single shot, because he saw what that one miss can cost him.

You might think that this is a bad thing that he lost, but in reality (as I've also mentioned before), sometimes a dynamic loss is really the catapult you need in your game.

Snitches Among Friends (and a Great Tip!)

I mentioned before that I sparred a few times with two friends in the spring.  It's been really fun because we get to spend quality time together not just playing pool, but we usually eat before or after, which is always nice to do with great friends.

One important part of the game I have shared with others, I consequently shared with these two ladies as we sparred.

I learned from my friend June Hagar Walter a very long time ago, don't ever tell your opponent you fouled.

She instilled in me that it's my opponent's responsibility to pay attention to the game.

Now, I'm not saying you're not supposed to fess up if you are asked, "Is that a foul?"  I'm NOT talking about lying at all! But what I am saying is, if you foul, simply walk away from the table and sit down. If your opponent asks you if you foul, you absolutely be honest and say yes.

However, she taught me to not pick up the cue ball and give it to your opponent. Nor tell your opponent that you fouled.

I'm not going to be able to truly express why this is an important part of the mental strategy of the game, but let me try. It could be because it is the opponent's responsibility to pay attention and you aren't their keeper. It could also be because it is more a 'killer instinct' kind of action. Remember on the table you are not suppose to be friends. It could also be that it might annoy your opponent, right? But it's a legal part of the game - you aren't going against any rules.

However, I fully admit to you that because I didn't get even a smidgen of the killer instinct until about 15 years into my pool journey, I picked that cue ball up or offered my blunder to my opponents all the time, lol! It was only when I got more mentally stronger and that killer instinct ramped up, that I was finally able to walk away from the table knowing I fouled without telling my opponent.

Here's the kicker: this goes completely against my grain of being a nice person!  It was actually REALLY hard to do, because I felt like it was going against my own personality and character. I am serious - it was truly difficult! I felt like I was being mean, and that's not like me. But once I figured out more about the killer instinct and to be tougher (not nice friends with my opponents), then I realized it was just part of the game.

Okay, back to my sparring friends!

I think we sparred together about four times, and so you can imagine that fouling happens often enough that it happened every session. And I would give them this June Hager Walter advice. But, they seemed to forget the advice a lot (because it was a habit) and they would always want to give me the cueball after they fouled.  I would remind them to stop doing that. Sometimes they would say, "Well we're just sparring, we're not competing, so I'm just doing it to be nice." Well, that allowed me to use the moment to remind them that even when we spar, we are to treat it like a real match. And in matches, we are not suppose to be nice!  I also reminded them they needed to get into that 'routine' / 'habit' (just like I had to) - so even when they're practicing or having fun, don't go out of their way to tell their opponent they fouled.

I know it was difficult for them, as they are two of the sweetest people you will ever meet, and so it goes against their grain to not just tell their opponent they fouled, also. I get it, I really do! But I wanted to remind them (when it came up) that this is a great tool to have in their toolbox because it IS a mental toughness and strategy thing.

Eventually, towards the last of our sparring sessions, if one of them fouled and almost grabbed the cue ball, the other one would kind of pick on them because that's what they weren't supposed to do. And they knew that I would get on to them, lol. It became really funny!

So imagine my surprise when in May I was having dinner with one of the ladies.  And she snitched on the other one!

Their teams were playing league against each other one night, and in their own match, the other friend fouled, picked up the cue ball, and gave it to her. And my friend, eating dinner with me, sharing this story, was almost like an older sister who snitched on the bad behavior to her mother! She couldn't wait to tell me our friend did that LOL!

My friends are so cute!

Confidence Playing in Big Tournaments - an example

I'm always a tad jealous when I see players who are excited about playing in upcoming tournaments that I know I would be super anxious and nervous to play in.  

I believe (still) this stems from the "test anxiety" issues I've had all my life. I have freaked out due to nerves before many big exams in college and also for job interviews. And so I have talked a lot about how I had jitters before almost every big tournament. I honestly feel I would have won BCAPL and ACS State tournaments much sooner in my pool journey if I didn't have "test anxiety" or "title tournament jitters."  I would just get psyched out before even making the drive to the events, lol.

So, when I read on Facebook a friend of mine, Tyler, was excited to play in the US Open 9-Ball Championship this year, I was like, "look at him - how cool is that that he's excited."  

If you haven't heard, the US Open 9-Ball Championship is no longer held on the East Coast in Virginia Beach in October.  It is now headed by Matchroom Sport and it moved to Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas this April.  Here is what their website says about the tournament:

The US Open 9-Ball Championship comes to Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino, Las Vegas as America’s most prestigious billiards tournament is relaunched by Matchroom Multi Sport with a record-breaking prize fund.

One of the biggest titles in world 9-ball, the US Open sees the best players on the planet battle it out over three breathless days to reach to the final 16, after which all matches are sudden death knockout played under the TV lights in front of an international audience.

The US Open roll of honor is a who’s-who of billiard legends and is now under the banner of Hall of Fame promoter Barry Hearn, whose Matchroom Multi Sport company are renowned in billiards for the Mosconi Cup, World Pool Masters and World Cup of Pool.

Tyler won a Qualifier in February to the US Open. Here is that flyer and a photo of him from the tournament that I stole from Facebook for this blog post, lol:

I congratulated him on the win of the qualifier and he replied, "Thank you! Going to be neat to go to that event! I'm excited."

I thought to myself: Excited? Dude, you are playing top pros of the world! Aren't you scared and nervous? "Excited" is not the word I would use. "Petrified" or "Crazy" maybe. hahaha.

See, there's the difference - I would be nervous, apprehensive, and be shaking already and yet he's freaking excited. 

However, I admit I am thrilled and get impressed by that mentality and really love to see that type of positive, confident attitude, because it's so opposite of mine.

But, it got worse! Someone shared on his Facebook page this article about the "Unprecedented field for US Open 9-Ball," stating, "Upcoming US Open 9-Ball field is hands down the strongest field we've seen."

And of course Tyler exclaims, "Going to be an awesome event! Stoked to be able to play against the best players in the world!"

If only I had a smidgeon of his confidence and excitement to play in tough events...

Go get 'em, Tyler!

Not Exhausted During Tourney - Project Hunger Games

Katniss (of the Project Hunger Games series of my blog) shared with me in January "Oh btw...I reached a milestone this weekend. I was at the tournament all day mainly waiting, but I did not get tired! Usually by 7 pm I am wore out. I felt strong and awake at my match in the evening!"  

Being the nosey, curious person I am, lol, I asked her, "That's great!  What was the difference or what did you do different?"

Katniss: "I really don't know? I drank water and pepsi; no alcohol. I was nervous playing a super-high ranked player my very first match and even remember seeing my hands shake while trying to rack for him...but just did deep breathes. By my 4th match, all my nerves were gone!  I waited 5 hours before that match. I really don't have any idea. Maybe my mental toughness is getting stronger?"

I listened to her words, but my gut was telling me something different.

I prodded some more, "Didn't you mention you have been working out?"

Katniss: "Yes I am.. More lifting weights than anything."

Me: "Hmmm....I don't think mental toughness helps tiredness.  I think instead you working out helped you from getting exhausted."

Katniss exclaimed: "Oh, that could be very true! How many pros claim a healthy lifestyle helps keep them on point. Mmmm...interesting."

Me: "All pros in every sport.  Golf, too."

Katniss: "I will need to make a mental note of this milestone!"

Me: "Absolutely!"

I was so happy for her - overcoming exhaustion and finding out why is huge - and it will help her in future tournaments with long wait times.  

Awww, I love our journey with pool!

Your/My Pool Journey is Worth It!

I am beginning to wonder if I should reconsider sharing in my blog I enjoy not competing anymore.

hmmm...

I have many friends that don't just love pool, but live and breathe pool (just like I did for decades). And some of my friends started playing pool only in the last few years. So I really truly hope me sharing my joy of no longer competing will not deter them.

Admittedly, I have heard from a few people they completely relate to what I'm saying and it gives them relief to know they're not alone. You have to understand that it almost feels shameful and an embarrassment to admit we choose to not play pool right now in our lives and that we really are okay with it. 

So, while I know sharing my feelings are helping some, I hope at the same time I'm not hurting others. I hope they don't think that becoming mentally tough is hard or that competing isn't fun or that it's a lot work to play pool and deal with all the negative aspects of competition.

Well, wait, crap!  Haha, all of those things are true!  Don't be scared, though!  It's all part of the process of loving the game and improving.

I knew that competing was tough and that mental toughness was something I hadn't honed in, but yet I still competed for 25 years. Once my mental game and physical pool game came in the line at the same time, I became a force to be reckoned with!

And so that's what I would tell anyone who are starting out:  read my past enjoyment and realize that in order for me/you to become so successful, all the ups and downs of our pool journey is WORTH IT!

No-Pressure Playing Well

So when I spared that second time this month with my client/friend/student, I mentioned in a previous blog that I was playing really, really well.  I mean, REALLY well.  I have to admit that I am super surprised how well I am playing, for someone who hasn't played pool for an entire year.  But it shows that my pre shot routine and mechanics that I honed-in the last few years of the height of my pool journey I definitely instilled in me.  But, I also didn't just "show up" - I prepared to play my best and also ensured I was comfortable; no matter how well my mechanics are still, preparation is still part of playing your best.

But during my jam-up session, lol, I mentioned to her that maybe I should play in that scotch doubles tournament that I was invited to play in.

hmmm...

However, I already knew the answer was really no for me; maybe I just secretly wanted to point out to her that she wasn't the only one playing good that day (she was playing jam-up, too!)

But, I wanted to chat real quick about this here in my blog.

I've expressed numerous times already that it took me a very long time to (1) get the killer instinct, (2) to become mentally strong to not let things distract me when I'm playing pool, and (3) to get my pre-shot routine down firm.  I truly feel the reason it took me so long is a direct correlation of me not playing sports in school.  But that's for another blog topic.  :)

The bottom line is, I know myself and based on my past attempts the last few years at playing in tournaments, I already know that I am only mentally strong when I'm consistently competing.  Once I stopped competing, that mental toughness definitely went away for me.  As a matter of fact, I noticed it was the first thing that went away for me.

Even though the brain is a muscle, for me my muscle memory in my arms and in my pre stroke routine are still there, but not in my mental toughness.

So, back to the discussion with my friend....

She said, "You are playing really good.  Maybe you should go play in that doubles tourney?"

My response was flatly, "Yea, but I'm playing well here because I have no pressure."

This day I had no outside influence, no people watching me, no worry about invisible status, I did not have to worry about what people were thinking about me, or wonder who I *might* play next, etc.

You see the difference already?

If I was still competing, I'd be mentally strong and those worries wouldn't even enter my mind.  Instead, I would walk in the room confident with my head held high, chest out, strutting a little bit (lol), ready to play.  

So, yes I was playing really solid that day, but I also had no pressure because I'm retired.  :)

Choosing the Right Words - Scotch Doubles Invite

So as we near February, every year about this time of year, the sweetest thing starts to occur:  guys ask me to be their partner in the annual Sweetheart Scotch Doubles tournament that is held annually in Dallas around Valentine's Day.

I think it's a huge compliment that some of the players even think of me, and then ask me to play Scotch Doubles with them.

And this year was no exception.

The last two years I had to break some hearts (just kidding!) and remind the guys who invited me that I just don't really play pool anymore.

This year, I thought many more players would know this, but I still received a few inquiries about playing.  Again, it's super sweet.

However, one invite *almost* got me to play.  I said almost.

Okay, okay, I didn't really almost say yes, but I do want to share that the words he chose were pretty incredible and were probably the ONLY way I would ever even consider to play.  He said, "I know you are retired, but any interest in some no-pressure scotch doubles?"

You see - it was wasn't that he remembered/knew I retired, it was that he prefaced it with "no-pressure."  He knows I play good, but he was cognizant enough to realize that the best way for a retired athlete (no matter the sport) to play in a tournament/event would be if I felt like there was no pressure.

I was quite impressed!

And then I broke his heart, too.

Ha!

I played pool on Sunday (sparred with a student) and I played JAM UP.  Was that a sign I should actually play?  I even joked with her I should play in the scotch event, but it was just a joke.

But then I saw ANOTHER sign!  Here was my fortune cookie from yesterday:

I sent it to the guy who asked me to play no-pressure doubles and he replied, "See!"   lol

I will explain in further details in a future blog post for you all, but alas, I'm still not going to play.

But next time you ask someone to play doubles or on a team, chose your words carefully to make the most impact.  :)

Mentality of Next Match After Losing

During the International 9 Ball Open back in October, I was reading some comments on Facebook about the tournament and players.

A big name player had just lost, but was still deep in the tournament.

Someone commented:  "Gonna be tough to bounce back right away after that tough loss.  We'll see."

A pro replied, "Easy to bounce back when you don't get to shoot....harder to come back if you dogged it. "

It was such an important exchange, I wanted to take a minute to talk about it.

You see, the pro was spot on.

In one sense, we can all agree that it can be difficult to bounce back right away after a tough loss.  But in all honesty, we do bounce back "easier" if our opponent simply outshot us, right?

It's when "we" are the cause of the loss that makes the next match tougher.

Because why?

Yep, because it's tough to stay in the present moment.

Plenty of players have won matches after a close, tough match.  But if a player missed balls, missed opportunities, or played bad, it's difficult to shake those ill feelings as you go right into your next match.  There sometimes isn't enough time to get over the embarrassment or sick feelings we have for dogging it in front of a crowd, or the feelings we have about ourselves for dogging it.  And therefore, it's tough to get ourselves into the "present" moment frame of mind in the next match because our body and mind are still reeling from the repercussions of the last match where we shot ourselves in our big stupid foot.

Just as I wrote about the other day - having a quarterback mentality of forgetting what just happened can go a long way to help you prevail in your matches.

Here's a really cool ending, though.  The person they were talking about was Chang Jung-Lin.  And guess what?  Yep, he ended up winning his very next match.  He was so determined because he didn't get many chances in his previous match, he actually went up 8-0 in his match before finally winning and moving on to the finals.

And then he defeated his opponent in the finals and won tournament!  $40K, baby.  Not bad, Chang!

That's some strong mental toughness that dude has!

Distractions May Shark

I think I've written about this before, but wanted to shed a little light on something that can potentially shark me.  Maybe you can relate?

Some tournaments have scorecards to keep the score, while others use coins, and yet other tournaments have score sheets you fill out to mark each game.  Whatever scoring apparatus is used, most fans cannot see the score of the match from every vantage point in the room.

Yet, so many people, friends, fans, potential future opponents, etc want to know your score.  And when they cannot see the score, they either walk over to check it out, or send someone over to read the score.

Either way, this is actually something that used to shark me. Let's be honest, checking the score isn't as simple as slyly walking by.  The person sometimes has to step in front of the score card, or bend their body around to see where the coin is, or has to read the paper scoresheet that is sitting on the table between the players.  It's pretty obvious when we are playing matches when people check the score.

I know it sounds kind of outrageous, but if I'm losing badly and then I see someone check the score, it can make my embarrassment factor go up.  And if I'm winning and someone checks the score, I can sometimes get overconfident.  And finally, sometimes the score doesn't even matter - and instead, I become distracted by a person all of a sudden in the area of my match checking out the score - and that distraction can interfere with my rhythm at the table.

You all can relate to one or all of these, right?

(gosh I hope so, or else I sound pretty weak, lol!)

This is part of what I've been talking about lately - that if you have a strong mental game or you are in the zone, someone checking the score won't even bother you.  Heck, you may not even notice!

Eventually, things like this didn't bother me, as my mental game got stronger and stronger, but I admit it took a long time to get there in my pool journey.

You have to be in a good mental spot or you have to already know to not to let things like this bother you to help you become less distracted by things.

Wait, how do I not let things bother me, Melinda?

Good question!

Well, personally, one of the things that helped me was when I finally came to the realization that some things are just facts. And facts aren't normally tied to emotion.  The score doesn't represent if someone likes me or dislikes me, or judges me, or thinks I should win, or anything like that. If you look at it as it is, which is really just a score of a stupid game we love (lol), it wont affect you as much.

It's kind of hard to explain, but if you accept something as a fact, you're less likely to react to it, right?

Instead of wondering what they're thinking and why and starting to add doubt or anxiety into your head, just think to yourself, "Well... that.is.the.score."

Everyone has something that sharks them more than other things. Some people don't want you moving around, some people want you sitting at all times, some people don't want you to talk to them during the match, some people don't want you to talk to the crowd, others hate when you use your phone in a match etc..

There's always one thing that kind of rubs us the wrong way - and it's different for each person.

Mine happened to be people checking the score.

But!  Because I'm not competing anymore, you can't use this against me when I'm playing, LOL.  :)

Expectations by Katniss

One of the main things I disliked about competing was those damn expectations.

Expectations has been my Achilles heel for sure!

When you play someone you've beat 10 times the last 10 times you played, then you let your guard down and don't play your best when you play them again, right?  Then what happens?  They beat you!  All because you expected to win.

And that really stings.

Or, how about when you are still in the winner's side on Saturday night going into the tournament on Sunday?  The expectations you have for yourself of doing well (or scared you wont do well) affect you.  Or, how about the thoughts you have of others and their expectations of you?  OMG why do we put ourselves through this trauma!?  lol

These thoughts get in the way of us performing our best pool.

I wrote about this before, but when I was going to be playing for the hot seat the next day of a National 8-ball tournament for ACS in Vegas, I freaked myself out. When I got to my hotel room, it hit me - "omg, tomorrow I will play for the hot seat and I could be a national champion!"  I immediately started to shake and got nervous - and I wasn't even going to play until 24 hours later!

Golf and pool truly are mental sports. We can let our thoughts get away from us and then that ruins any semblance of a stroke, or we can try to tame our thoughts.

As I wrote about the other day, being mentally strong takes experience and takes putting yourself in numerous situations that make your mental toughness strong.

Just a mere two years after that debacle of not even being able to make three balls in a row because I was so nervous of the possibility of becoming a national champion and not staying in the moment, I would find myself in the finals of ACS 9-ball Nationals in Vegas.

My mental game was pretty extraordinary at that time (in my opinion) and I had no worries, concerns, or expectations.  I was thinking only in the moment completely and I simply played pool and double dipped my opponent in the finals to become a national champion!

I share that story to show you that any and all invisible expectations CAN be overcome with time, practice and experience.  I even wrote after that win, "I know in my heart that that experience two years ago of me falling apart helped me WIN the 2014 ACS Nationals Women's 9-Ball Singles event this year."

….Eeeek.….

Oh shit!

This blog post is suppose to be about Katniss, not me, so let me get on topic here, lol.  :)

Katniss played in a tournament a couple weekends ago.  She shared with me about her two losses, "In my defensive they are both great players...but I have beat them both before. So I guess I EXPECTED to beat them again."

So, she wasn't playing as tough because she expected to win again.  Doesn't this resonate with you all?!  Damn expectations lol.  She didn't have the attitude to beat her opponent 7-0 or to squeeze them like a boa constrictor (btw, this is a reference from the book Winning Ugly that I highly and always recommend), instead she played both girls on expectations instead of focusing on the game in front of her.

I'm going to sound like a broken record, but if you focus on your pre-shot routine, three balls ahead, and you stay down and follow through - there's no room in your brain to be thinking of expectations or worries or distractions. (btw, this is one of the most helpful tips I ever received in my pool journey!) It doesn't mean you're always going to win, but you're going to give yourself the best chance to win.

I've been in Katniss's situation a thousand times it seems like, and it's so frustrating to accept that the reason why you lost a match was because of the way you were thinking - not because of the way you were playing.

I appreciate her opening up to me about this, as it gives me a chance to remind folks to stay in the moment and don't think ahead and don't have any expectations (good or bad).  Remember, if you are thinking, you aren't playing pool.

How Fast Players Stay in Stroke

Late last year I was chatting with a player who shared with me because he plays fast, he thinks that's why doesn't finish well in tournaments. He said a pro player confirmed with him that he's better at gambling because he's a rhythm player and can keep playing fast with no down time, like tournaments do.

I was actually really disappointed to hear this. I strongly believe that that pro player should never had put those doubts in his head. Why? Because even though he is a fast, rhythm player, he has been successful in many tournaments before. And now he's thinking when he doesn't finish well, "Yep, he was right. Just not prone to doing well in tournaments because of the long wait between matches."

I so much disagree!

And to prove my point, I reached out to another top player who shoots fast and is a rhythm player who has had a lot of success finishing very high consistently in tournaments. No reason for me to try and tell you my opinions about this - let's go directly to a successful player!

He's what I asked this Champion player:

I am going to write a blog topic about players who are rhythm players that shoot fast. I thought I'd ask you a couple of questions to help my piece. How do you keep your rhythm during a two day tournament with all the waiting around? Why do you think you are more successful than other rhythm players at being able to get back into a match after maybe being "cold"?  Other rhythm players are better at gambling than in tournaments, b/c they can keep playing fast with no "down time" between matches.

He replied matter-of-factly, "Well, during a 2 day tournament, I still like to hit balls while I'm not in a match. I will rent a table and throw 12 balls out and play rotation. Playing the 12 ball rotation will make 9-ball seem easier."

I like how he was specific - he doesn't just hit balls, he uses 12 balls to practice rotation.  

Then I asked him the more relevant question that affects a lot of people here in Texas:  What do you do when there are no extra tables to practice on?  Some pool rooms in Texas have 12 tables - and every single one of them are used for the tournament. That allows for no ability to keep in stroke.  So, what does he do then?

He shared, "If I come in cold because there are no tables, then you will see me on the sidelines just moving my arm back and forth to try to stay in the rhythm. Sometimes when I'm waiting you will see me make a bridge with my other hand to loosen them up.  So even though I haven't hit a ball, my bridge fingers and swinging arm are already loose.  Which in turn I think gives me an advantage."

He continued, "As far as gambling goes, I think I'm the same way in a tournament or not. Even playing one pocket I shoot fast."

He then pointed out the exact player I had chatted with as an example!  "Take XXX for example - he plays fast, great gambler, but an okay tournament player. Why?  I think when he plays in the tourney betting short races compared to gambling, he falters.  He plays the player in the tourney, but plays the table in gambling.  He needs to play the table in both."

He continued, "So his game allows just a little in tournaments. Maybe because of his opponent I don't know. But I know what I do in both is I play the table. I never pay attention to the player. My mind is constantly thinking "if he misses how a I going to run out" or "if I get ball in hand what am I going to do" when I hook him. That's another reason why I shoot fast - I know exactly how I am going to run out and where to put the cue ball.  So, my two main goals are to play the table and keep my swing arm loose."  

I like how this top player not only shared how he keeps in stroke being a rhythm player, but also how he keeps focus on the table which is most advantageous for him.  

Isn't it cool to be able to get into the mind of a Champion?!  :)

Thank you, Rick Stanley!

Being Perceptive Can Hurt

I wrote the other day how I noticed a family come into the pool room.  After I took their photo a couple of hours later, my partner-in-crime, Tina, asked me, "How did you even notice them?"  I told her I saw them walk in the door and noticed that it might be three generations of pool players.

Her question led me to some thoughts.  Hold on for a ride, hahaha!

Her question reminded me how perceptive I am.  I can be in any room and I will notice every person that walks in, and what everyone is doing.

While this "attribute" may be great for being prepared for any situation that may suddenly arise in a room fill of people or emergency that may come up, it doesn't bode well for a competitor!

One of my friends, Dave Faver, told me once that he is so enthralled in his game and not distracted by things around him, he sometimes forgets to mark his score.  And yet here I am being "perceptive" of every person and movement while I'm trying to play pool lol.

This is why it's tough for me to focus well and be mentally strong throughout an entire tournament, and it's why I look at the ground a lot (read this favorite article about this tip HERE).

Sometimes certain attributes are not good for us competitors lol.  Wait, what was that? (as I look towards the window as a bird flew by)

Opinions Before or After Matches Should be Off Limits

I don't know why I find it so intriguing and confusing when people make comments that I feel can be detrimental to our games.

I guess I just wonder WHY.

Why say something that can affect someone's play?

I know, I know - some people just don't realize this.

While I stated a few times (either in print or my video blog) that my mental toughness isn't want it used to be, I am still good with not letting some things bother me.  And I was lucky, too, because a couple of things over the weekend at the Oklahoma City tournament could have really derailed me lol.  Although I am distracted with my own thoughts while down on shots, I AM still good at not letting things get to me from others that could potentially be pressure type things.  And thank goodness!

My friend Tina and I went to OKC for this tourney and it was a really cool trip.

Of course several things happened I want to blog about, lol.  Come on - you all knew the blogging was coming!

Here is one:  As I walk to my table for my first match to play a guy named Victor, the Tournament Director for some reason walks right by me and tells me with a soft, cavalier tone, "I told the guys, "Watch this girl from Texas run all over Victor." "

Uh, WHY?!

lol.

WHY say that to me.

Now, I know from experience not to let that bother me or get to me, but come on now, why tell me anything.  And as a Tournament Director, I would expect one would know not to say anything to a player before or after a match.

EVER.

Isn't that obvious? 

Oh, guess not.  lol.

While waiting to play that said match, a friend from the area told me I should do well in the tournament, as they looked around at the competition.  Again - pressure much?  LOL.  But, like I said, that part of my mental toughness is still solid.

But, it does bring up the fact we just shouldn't really say, well, anything.  It's really one of the best things you can do for a player, friend, whatever - shut your mouth, hahaha.  Any type of words that have to do with future thoughts or opinions of them or their opponents should be off limits, lol.

Reminds me of this gem:

(Unwelcomed) negative reinforcement is described well by this AWESOME story by one of my favorite psychology and sports psychology authors, Denis Waitley, in The Psychology of Winning:

The World Series, in the 1950s.  New York Yankees, Milwaukee Braves.  Warren Spahn, the great Milwaukee left-handed pitcher on the mound.  Elston Howard, the great Yankee catcher at the plate.  Score tied.  Two men on, two men out.  Three and two.  A critical part of the series.  And a critical part of the game.  

The manager walks out of the dugout to give Warren Spahn, the great pitcher, some encouraging motivating advice.   “Don’t give him a high outside pitch, he’ll knock it out of the park,” said the manager.  And walked back to the dugout.  

Warren Spahn said to himself, “why did he have to say it to me in that way.”  Let’s see, “don’t give him a high outside pitch.”  “The reverse of that is…” too late.  Like a neon sign, high and outside came as the dominant message.  Out of the park went the ball.  A 3-run homer.  

Because of that one dominant thought Milwaukee almost lost the World Series.  But Eddie Mathews came in with a home run to save the game and the series for the Braves.  Warren Spahn, to this day says, “why would anyone ever try to motivate anyone with the reverse of what they want?”  

That’s like motivating and office staff by saying, “firings will continue until morale improves.”  You know, it just won’t work.  

I know many series for the coaches who unwittingly set up their players for losing performances every day.  Here’s an example and basketball.  “Missing free throws is what loses big games, team,” yells the coach.  “You’re all going to stay late during practice and shoot free throws until you stop missing them so often.”  While the winning coach would take advantage of the positive motivation opportunity by saying, “teams with high free-throw averages win ballgames.”  “I want you to put an extra 15 minutes a day making your free throws in practice, so that when we get them during next week’s game, we’ll make all we can, and will win the game.”  

You see, this is the right way to motivate. 

Filling Your Head

As I sat with my friend Dave Faver on Christmas Day, who was in the hospital over the holidays, we were talking about pool at one point.  Dave is a great pool player in the DFW-area (and other states, too) and he has a vast knowledge of the game that most people don't realize he has.

I was sharing with him that I was distracted when I had sparred over the weekend, and was missing easy shots at times.  You see, because I'm not competing as much anymore and as often, my mental toughness is actually really weak.  I don't bare down or focus as much as I used to, and I get easily distracted with thoughts.

He shared with me, "Yep, if you don't fill your head with of the right things, then the wrong things will wind up there for sure."

And he's SO right!

I have a tourney in Oklahoma this weekend and I know if I can fill my head with focusing on following through, staying down and focusing on the object last, then the surroundings and atmosphere and negative thoughts will have a tougher time to get into my head.

Great advice/reminder for me for this tournament!

Danielson's 2017 Year!

Danielson had his best year of the last three years on the Omega Billiards Tour.  I joke it's because of me - you know because I was giving him mental advice starting in the Spring.  But, alas, I suppose I should give some credit because he was the one who was actually shooting in the matches and competing in the games.  haha

Let's go over his stats real quick, and you will be very excited for him!

In 2015 he played in 6 stops of the Tour and cashed only one time.  That means 5 of the events he never lasted until Sunday.  He ended the year ranked in the 60s.

Last year (2016) he played in 8 stops of the Tour and did not one time cash or last until Sunday.  Not one!  Poor guy.  Because he played 2 additional stops, he did finish the year ranked in the 40s.

This year was spectacular!  Presenting 2017 stats:  He played in 12 stops and cashed/lasted until Sunday 6 out of 12 events!  This is a HUGE transformation and improvement!  He went from no money to cash money, baby!  And he finished the year ranked in the mid 20s in the end-of-year standings!

We started to talk about the mental game in March/April and in the April Omega Tour stop he cashed for the first time in two years.  And then went on a great run.

What did we talk about?  Just about many aspects of mental toughness, really.  Why some feelings of pressure interfered with performing his best, how he can overcome mental obstacles, etc.  All the topics are HERE.  You are welcome to read them for yourself.  There are gems in there!

I am glad he had the idea to share his progress and learning experiences with you all.  I think it shows how valuable it is to talk about the mental game, the what and whys of why things happen, and the feelings/pressure that can affect us (or not).

Danielson's stats not only rose, but I noticed his thoughts and words did, to.  In the beginning he was more worried about how he should finish and what people thought about him.   At the end of the year he said inspirational things that impressed me, and proved how far he had come in his maturity of the game and his mental toughness.  Like this he said after his final tourney in 2017:  ”3 things you should never take with you to a tournament:  fear... compassion and expectations.  All of these will get you beat before the lag."

After hearing that, i suggested he start blogging himself!  He said, no... he's leaving that to me, lol.

Danielson wanted me to share this with you all:

"I want the readers to know that all these things didn't get me back on track... it got me ON track.  From countless 0-2s to winning my first 5 matches and making it into the money consistently.  This wasn't a stepping stone... this is a major milestone."

Danielson finished in the top 20-25% of almost every tournament he played in this year, not just on the Omega Tour.  That's a heck of a feat!  And proves how much he has improved.  Also proves just how effective mental toughness is to our sport.

CONRATS Danielson!

And don't worry - the series will continue into 2018 for all you fans!

The Way You Say Things

I think we all could be more careful with our choice of words.

Sometimes they come off harsh and rude and uneffective.  Obviously, this is true in all aspects of life, not just our pool game.

A friend of mine received some "advice" that wasn't very positive nor helpful.  It could have been said in a much softer, gentler, more effective way.  Instead, he told her, "You make things so much harder on yourself."

You may be thinking to yourself that wasn't that bad.  And you are right, it's not that bad.  But, it still could have been stated with less negativity and with more effectiveness.

Further, as soon as she told me his words of unwisdom, I told her, "Wow, now you will be thinking about that every time you have to play pool in front of him.  Darn it."

And she agreed in disappointment.

I've written several times about how the way people say things become a hindrance, not helpful.  Negative words, repeatedly from the same people, have affected me so much, that when they happen to watch me play pool, it distracts me because I get nervous about what they might say after my match.  Which, is never positive lol.  NEVER.

Luckily for my friend, her thought process is to improve so those words he said to her don't bother her.  As a matter of fact, she played in front of him at a weekly tournament full of great players and she placed 3rd!  Take those words and shove them up your a$$!  lol

If I Was a High School Athlete

I have wondered at times throughout my pool journey if I had been more active in sports in high school, would I be a better pool player sooner in my pool journey?

My Dad wanted me to focus on my grades in high school, so the one sport I was in for maybe 2 months (basketball) I had to quit.

I don't regret his advice (i.e. demand) at all, as I was able to get into college first stab because I was in the top 10 of my high school class (out of 650!).  #bragger

I do wonder, though, would I have excelled sooner in my pool journey had I taken up sports and been competitive in high school?  I would imagine it would have to be more advantageous for people who were in competitive sports in high school (heck even middle school).  They would have more mental toughness, right?  That's what I think (wonder).

While I guess high school athletes may not have necessarily have more mental toughness, they definitely would be introduced to it sooner.  Heck, I didn't really even understand mental toughness til my late 20s.  And didn't grasp it until my low to mid 30s.  Had I been in a sport in high school and was active in it, I would think it would have helped me understand and harness my mental toughness much, MUCH sooner than 10 years into playing pool.  Right?

Sure, the mechanics of playing pool would have still taken me as long to solidify, but mentally, I could have been so much farther ahead?

I do also wonder had I taken up golf, would my mechanics been more solid sooner?  Following through and staying down are also key to golf, just as in pool.  I do know people who have played golf well in high school or golf now, and they are not running away with pool titles, but I think my mechanics would have been more solid sooner.

Now, don't get me wrong - I LOVE my pool journey and all the amazing different steps and adventures that brought me to a state and national champion in my 40s.  I wouldn't change my path for anything.  I just wonder if there is a benefit for other players who were athletes in high school.

Just for kicks, here's me in high school!