When You WERE a Better Player

Last week I wrote about how sometimes players who don't cash a lot throughout the years might quit playing pool due to their disappointment and frustration. Today I would like to talk about players that used to cash (that no longer do) who feel similar.

It has to be very frustrating for players of any sport who used to play well, who no longer do. At what point do they decide to throw in the towel? Or, do they just continue to play anyway? Struggling and limping along.

I’d like to share part of a convo I had with someone about this, that puts this into perspective (imho).  I will let his words speak for themselves, instead of me interpreting them. 

I’m taking break, and stop going to tournaments. I am going to hit balls at the house and kinda find myself with regards to my pool game. I need to relearn how to focus and also just hit enough balls that making them becomes automatic again. My lack of confidence and struggling is just making me not have fun. Same thing happened with golf - in high school I was a champion…now I don’t play, yet I still expect to play the same. Same with a couple of other sports I used to dominate. 

I guess I should just accept this fate that I suck because I don’t practice. But, I’d rather just quit than accept being “less than.” But, then I go back to thinking “well, those good players play for a living or at least hang out in a bar every day. I can’t do that, but I have a good life otherwise….so, so what if I suck?”

I suggested one of my blog topics (learn to refocus), and some other tips. I was trying to get him off of the “I’m going to quit pool ledge.” But any attempt at advice was not heard by him. And it made sense, actually.

He is a seasoned sports player. He has played enough different types of sports throughout the years to understand what he should probably do. And no advice for me was going to keep him from quitting pool, solving his frustrations, or giving him an any 'aha' moment.

After my feeble attempt with advice, he replies:

Ahhh…here’s the problem. I’ll admit I’m ambitious and that you are logical in your advice and statements. My problem is that I can’t settle for what may be this moments reality. You see, I honestly believe that I have the potential to play top speed. Call me crazy (I’m totally ok with that). I do however know first hand that to perform at a world class level, then you must put in the work. So, that’s my logic and excuse. Basically, I believe I’m a top player, but without the time to practice or perform as they do. Hopefully this doesn’t sound too “prickish or egotistical” That’s why I often speak of humility, as I have to make a conscious effort to keep my ego in check.

Not prickish at all, right? Just ownership of his thoughts and feelings.

Your/My Pool Journey is Worth It!

I am beginning to wonder if I should reconsider sharing in my blog I enjoy not competing anymore.

hmmm...

I have many friends that don't just love pool, but live and breathe pool (just like I did for decades). And some of my friends started playing pool only in the last few years. So I really truly hope me sharing my joy of no longer competing will not deter them.

Admittedly, I have heard from a few people they completely relate to what I'm saying and it gives them relief to know they're not alone. You have to understand that it almost feels shameful and an embarrassment to admit we choose to not play pool right now in our lives and that we really are okay with it. 

So, while I know sharing my feelings are helping some, I hope at the same time I'm not hurting others. I hope they don't think that becoming mentally tough is hard or that competing isn't fun or that it's a lot work to play pool and deal with all the negative aspects of competition.

Well, wait, crap!  Haha, all of those things are true!  Don't be scared, though!  It's all part of the process of loving the game and improving.

I knew that competing was tough and that mental toughness was something I hadn't honed in, but yet I still competed for 25 years. Once my mental game and physical pool game came in the line at the same time, I became a force to be reckoned with!

And so that's what I would tell anyone who are starting out:  read my past enjoyment and realize that in order for me/you to become so successful, all the ups and downs of our pool journey is WORTH IT!

Losing the Touch

One thing I realized while at ACS Nationals in May was:  my pool game is rusty.

One of the very few matches I was watching, one player had 2 balls left, another 1 ball.  Only other ball on the table was the 8ball.

I was standing there wondering what Player One was going to do.  How would she play safe, what would be her best shot?

I had an answer in my head, and then she shot a safety and it was not something that even came to my mind.  And I realized, "Damn, that was so obvious, too."

I didn't stick around long, instead had a break from working the front desk and wanted to put in some time on the casino gambling tables, but it sure showed me that not playing pool has hurt my memory/ability to see good safes and/or correct shots.

I watched another match a few days later and I could guess the safes right away, so maybe my memory muscle was already being worked seeing that other match.

Does this make me want to play pool again and keep up my skills?  Sorry, boys, NOT.

But, it's okay to share people are correct - the more time I stay away, the more it will effect me.  Oh, and I'm okay with that.  :)

Deciding to Play or Not

I had an opportunity to play scotch doubles back in March. Are you ready for all the details of it?

Are you sure?

Okay, here it goes!

I chickened out.

Yep, CHICKEN.

You see, I'm not in denial. I don't play like I used to because I'm not competing anymore. Sure, I have moments of greatness when I do play, but it's nothing like it used to be.

As a matter of fact, I didn't throw in the towel right away when the opportunity arose. I actually waited to see how I would play when I gave a lesson (remember, I don't watch my client's play and then point to what they should do, I spar with them and we talk about all our options). I told myself, "If you play good, go ahead and play in the scotch doubles event."

Well, I played FANTASTIC! I always find myself surprised when I play good, lol. It reminds me that because my fundamentals were so solid toward the end of my career, they still are.

But I'm not fooling myself. That's practice. Put me on the stream table competing and my mental toughness is thrown out the door and I play like my arms are wobbly and I'm paddling like crazy in a sinking boat, lol. I just don't play enough anymore to be a threat. And I'm okay with that - I'm actually much happier! But I also don't want to put myself through the angst trying to play well.

One of my exes went through this and stated, "My lack of confidence and struggling is just making me not have fun. I guess I should just accept this fate of sucking since I don’t practice, but I’d rather just quit than accept being less than. "

Boy, do I hear those words! I'd rather be doing less stressful things in my life than trying to play well, when I know I can't anymore. Life is short, right?

Don't get me wrong - pool is a beautiful sport! And I played for 25 years competitively.

However, the fact I struggled and debated so much with the idea of should I play or not, is the true answer: I was too apprehensive to play.

Just like with many decisions in life, if we can't decide on something and are struggling with what to do (or not to do) then that usually means we don't really want to do it. In other words, if we have no hesitation and are excited, then that means we really want to do that something. Too much "should I?" or "do I want to?" usually means deep down we don't want to.

Now peeps, don't tell me to start practicing and don't tell me to start playing more. I don't want to. I'm actually much happier stepping away.

Athletes in top sports still compete even though they aren't in their prime anymore. But they have sponsors and are being paid to show up....hmm, those things aren't knocking at my door for some reason lol.

So, when the opportunity comes up to play or compete, am being realistic. And that reality for me is I don't play like I used to, and that makes it stressful, which is one of the main reasons I stepped away. Who needs more stress? hahaha

What's on Your Happiness List?

I have a new client I am giving lessons to.  We have met a couple of times now to spar and talk about strategy.  We go to one of the local pool rooms (Rusty's Billiards in Arlington, Texas) where they have beautiful Diamond bar tables for us to play on.

Both times we have met up, of course there are players in there that I know.

Last month we practiced on the same weekend as the new DFW 9 Ball Tour was being held an hour away in Dallas.  Someone asked me, "Why aren't you there?"  Uh, why would I be there?  I don't run a Tour anymore and have no reason to drive an hour to be around smoke and drama.  Some others  asked, "Do you miss running it?" 

"NOPE, not one bit," I exclaimed smiling.

This past weekend was the same pattern.  About four players asked me how I was doing, do I miss running the tour, etc.  I would smile and say loudly, "Not at all!"

A few of the replies were, "You look good and stress-free.  I am glad you are happy."

It was a nice reaction for me to hear.  I think most of the players are finally accepting I really don't miss running the tour.  They are also seeing on my face and in my body language how happier I am from the lack of stress and drama and all the issues I had to deal with.

Sure, I miss seeing some of my friends, but I don't miss much else lol.  Sounds rude and selfish, but it's okay to be honest.  It was a lot of work and energy mentally and physically running the tour and took a lot of time.  The lack of stress, the more restful nights, and the happiness it brings my soul to be away from drama and long days in a smoke-filled pool room is something I am very thankful to finally have had the strength to walk away from.

I am proud to have been a stepping stone for the new tour and over the moon with excitement there is a still an avenue for players to play in the area (the new DFW 9 Ball Tour).  But I am also thankful to be away from it now.

Happiness is important in life.  How many books and articles and therapists have worked so hard to try and convince us we should make changes about things in our lives that would create more happiness for ourselves.  We nod in agreement, maybe raise our fists with a "YES!" movement, and we might even make a list of the things we want to do to help our happiness.  But then we never do anything to move us to a point to check off things from the all-important list we thought was so enlightening.

I was VERY happy running the Omega Tour for numerous years.  But once I became unhappy, I knew in my heart I needed to make a change.  It was an agonizing 6 month decision, and I cried just giving the announcement, that's how tough of a decision it was.  But now that I no longer run the tour, I have noticed I have become happier.  Did I know that would happen?  NOT AT ALL.  No idea.

What is on your list that you could do that would make you happier, provide less stress, etc?  Life is short, peeps.

What I'll Miss Most

There were many special things that happened personally for me over the course of running the Omega Tour for almost 6 full years that I am honored and blessed to have happened. 

Let's look at some remarkable parts of running the tour in detail that I cherished and will miss:

PLAYERS BECOMING FRIENDS:  New friendships, even some love interests, happened because of running the Tour.  And not to mention all the cool players I met who either I learned a lot from (about pool or personal things) and also who ended up being genuine good friends.  Had I not run the tour, I wouldn't have met all these wonderful people who are now a part of my life and for that I will be forever grateful. 

RESOURCES:  One of the cool benefits were the contacts I gained.  As I mentioned in a previous blog post, having access to so many different types of people allows one to find trusted resources of expertise we may need.  Like I now have a roofer, a friend who works on cars, a friend who helps me with house improvements, people who will lend a hand if needed when friends are sick, etc.

GAME IMPROVED:  The other thing that of course happened was my game skyrocketed because I watched so many talented players compete for 2 full days at a time for 8 to 12 times a year.  That's A LOT of learning that not many people get to witness!  I admit completely that part of my winning run for a few years was because I was able to watch patterns of the top players and also see how well they stay down with smooth strokes.  You watch great pool like that so often and so much, you gain such incredible knowledge that helps propel your game.  And I was lucky to be on the receiving end of that.

LEADERSHIP:  And another thing I truly loved was all the leadership I gained.  Talking at times to all the sponsors allowed me to learn a lot of the ins and outs of a business and why decisions were better than others.  Further, a lot of leadership opportunities also arose by running the tour when I interacted with the players.  There's a lot more to just running a tournament and going through the motions, it's also about personalities, and how to handle conflict, and dealing with issues professionally.  Huge opportunity and experience for leadership.

FRIENDSHIP:  The thing I'll miss most is talking with friends and getting to know them.  Even a few friends would come to visit me at the tournaments on Sundays, and we spent hours chatting and catching up.  We have decided to continue that in other arenas (away from smoke and pool rooms).  Further, all the players who helped me run the tour became really good friends and I will miss them.  Heather, Ginger, Jeff Georges, Dana, Duane, and Kara.  Even my bestie Amanda and I only really saw each other at the tourneys.  But I gained valuable friendships in all these people and I will miss hearing their advice, learning more about them, and enjoying conversations.  It's not to say I'll never see or talk to them, but the Omega was the Perfect Storm for all that conversing to take place.  And of course hosting birthday celebrations for friends who I normally wouldn't see was a pretty cool side benefit of running the Tour.

And no... none of this changes my mind about my decision to get away from the pool room.  But, many have asked me what I'll miss from not running the Omega Tour anymore, so wanted to share.

But, the distance wont stop me from still having great connections with friends!

Acceptance of Your Level of Competing

I have wondered off and on throughout the years, what makes a person stop competing in pool?

I can recall numerous ladies I used to play with in Texas that don't play on the ladies tour anymore.  Was it because they got older?  Because they never got better and got frustrated?  Did life things get in the way (money, divorce, marriage, kids)?

I suppose for each person the reason is personally different.

And at one point, a successful player eventually isn't in the winners circle as much. What do they do then?  And how do they handle it?

Do they accept they are not as talented for some reason anymore, but yet still play?  Or do they stop competing due to frustrations?

Some people can't handle the disappointment and decide to move on from playing pool.  Some people accept they will never play at the level they used to play and are fine with playing for fun.  Some players frequent the pool rooms during the week on afternoons and enjoy sparing with friends, in lieu of competing in leagues and tournaments.

As I type all these words out, I am liking my reasons for retiring (after having a successful pool journey the last few years) more and more!  I can just imagine if I was to keep competing and eventually not be relevant or a formidable opponent how frustrating that could be.  I am liking my decision to choose to stop competing rather than having to stop not on my own terms.

Whatever their flavor is behind the reason, acceptance can go a long way in feeling good about their decision.

Btw, in case you are curious why these thoughts came up this week, it was after I read this excerpt from "What I Talk About When I Talk About Running" by Haruki Murakami:

"I don’t care about the time I run. I can try all I want, but I doubt I’ll ever be able to run the way I used to. I’m ready to accept that. It’s not one of your happier realities, but that’s what happens when you get older. Just as I have my own role to play, so does time. And time does its job much more faithfully, much more accurately, than I ever do. Ever since time began (when was that, I wonder?), it’s been moving ever forward without a moment’s rest. And one of the privileges given to those who’ve avoided dying young is the blessed right to grow old. The honor of physical decline is waiting, and you have to get used to that reality. Competing against time isn’t important. What’s going to be much more meaningful to me now is how much I can enjoy myself, whether I can finish twenty-six miles with a feeling of contentment. I’ll enjoy and value things that can’t be expressed in numbers, and I’ll grope for a feeling of pride that comes from a slightly different place. I’m not a young person who’s focused totally on breaking records, nor an inorganic machine that goes through the motions. I’m nothing more or less than a (most likely honest) professional writer who knows his limits, who wants to hold on to his abilities and vitality for as long as possible."

Sweet Accolades

If you hadn't read yet in my blog, I announced I can no longer run the Omega Tour starting next year (read that HERE).

The loud begging for me to change my mind about running the Tour is sweet, but the outpouring of support about how I ran the Omega Billiards Tour has been really awesome and heart warming most. 

Here is one example I received via email that I thought I would share, because it really means a lot to me and really captures the type of feedback I am receiving:

"I was sad to hear that you were ending the Omega Tour. You did an amazing job and provided a incredibly organized venue for a huge community of pool players of all skill levels. What a success story! You should be very proud of what you've done all these years. To offer a tournament that constantly fills up months in advance is evidence of how everyone loved the tour. Now is your chance to take some well deserved time off.  I personally have enjoyed all the events I played in."

Such kind words.

No, still not changing my mind, lol.

But, truly, TRULY means a lot.

Ouch. Practice IS Important

This is one of those unusual post topics where I'm going to just straightforwardly admit to you all that I was wrong.

I WAS WRONG!

And what a harsh reality it was for me, lol.

I played in a tournament this past Saturday.  It was basically a tournament where if you were rated a 6 or under on the Omega Billiards Tour, you could play.  I wanted to play because it was a nice change of pace instead of playing a lot of players better than I was, and it was cool to be thrown into the mix of playing players my own level.

The night before, I located my cue stick out from the back of my closet and put it together for the first time in about 6 months.  I wanted to see if I could even make a bridge comfortably with my mower-strickened hand.  And of course I found out it was extremely painful to play pool.  The two fingers of my bridge hand that I need to put on the felt are the two fingers that my lawn mower blade cut right into.

But that didn't stop me from going, as I envisioned my heyday of pool playing springing out of my body and I was going to play spot on like I did without practicing all these past years.  Plus, I was going to show up Saturday morning as planned because I wouldn't want to cancel on that Tournament Director (I know from first-hand experience how cancellations cause so much extra work).

Also on that Friday night, I prepared myself mentally.  Since I didn’t have time to physically practice, I still imagined the many, many instances of staying down, following through, looking at the cue ball last, and trying not to think of my surroundings.  You see, in this particular pool room, it's very close quarters and it feels like all eyes are on you, so it’s a tough environment to play in.

But alas, Saturday was a harsh reminder of why I simply don't want to play pool anymore.  I guess you could say I’m finally growing up.  Awww!  You see, I'd rather walk through a new lush park on a beautiful day with a great friend or my dog than be in a smoky pool room dealing with pressure, emotions, conflict, mental toughness, etc.

I went through years of that very successfully!  And I'm very proud of those successful years and titles.  But now I just want to take it easy, lol.

I'll be honest - I wasn't laughing, I wasn't smiling, I wasn't having fun on Saturday.  And yet there I was, trying to play pool from my golden years, lol, in an environment that I'm trying to stay away from, even with hurt fingers.  lol.

And I also found out Saturday I turned into the person that has learned the hard way that playing pool is definitely not like riding a bike. The few times that I competed last year I competed very well with still not practicing.  Even when someone asked me, “it's not like riding a bike, is it?”  I countered with, “what are you talking about?  I don't even notice a difference - I'm still playing gooooood.”

But what I want to say right here and now is that I'm a hundred percent wrong.  One does need to practice. One does need to hit balls to stay competitive.  No matter how many times I tried to pontificate that I have such solid fundamentals that I didn't need to practice, I was completely wrong. I lied to myself.  I lied to anyone who would listen.  And it turns out I'm just like everyone else after you take a break - you're just not the same competitive pool player that you were before.

You may think - then go practice! 

Uh, sorry.  My pool playing days are over with.  And I’m extremely content with that!  It's time to find out what is beyond the smoke-filled pool room walls out there.  I can’t wait!

I was very frustrated and disappointed about Saturday, but it was also a great reminder that my new focus on life really is away from the pool room and away from competing (read more about this here).  And I want to be around things that give my heart and soul peace.  Competing in pool gave me that happiness before, but my goals have shifted away from that.  And again - that's okay!

So I'm glad Saturday happened.  Sure, I'd rather of been getting a massage or walking in a park, but having a great reminder of your goals for your heart in life is not a bad thing.

Stepping Away Explanation

I'm finding it more and more difficult to convince people I'm really not competing in pool anymore lol.  I have written about this several times already:

• April 2015:  A Change Coming
• August 2015:  Becoming a Reality
• April 2016:  What a Difference a Year Makes

I am surprised I first wrote about this in 2015!  Wow!

And, yes, the last two years have been really nice not competing regularly in tournaments or leagues.  :)

Just in the last two weeks. however, I was asked by GREAT players (in and out of state) if I wanted to play in Vegas at BCAPL Nationals. When I said thank you (a sincere thanks!) and then said I don't play league anymore, they pointed out I don't need to play in league for scotch doubles or singles at BCAPL Nationals.  I then had to explain I just don't play pool that much anymore.

And two weeks ago I was asked to join a top women's team.  Makes me smile to be considered!

However, it's just tough to explain why I don't play pool anymore.

Friends say, "Oh you're just burned out.  You'll be back."

No, not burned out - this isn't a temporary thing.

"Why would you stop playing?  You love the game and play so good.  You'll come back after a break."

No, I don't see it that way - I don't think I want to return to competing.  I don't see this as a "break."

"Yea, right, you're not stepping away from pool."

Well, yes, I really am!

You see... I've changed.  I have played pool in smoky pool rooms for over 25 years.  I have stayed out late, been exhausted at work, spent too much money, dealt with drama, and had to manage mental toughness all those nights/days of all those years playing leagues and tournaments.  I've also won many coveted titles, formed great friendships, made amazing memories, and learned a lot about myself competing!

It may sound silly, but hear me out.  When we get into our 40s, we finally figure out instead of "dealing" with people or things, we can just simply decide not deal with the people or things.  Our tolerance gets lower as we age.  And it hit me hard in my mid 40s.  But, the timing was perfect. :)

I don't want to be around drama anymore.  I don't want to have to be mentally tough all the time.  I don't want the commitment to have to play every week.  I'm drained from all the emotions and mental toughness that come with competing.

So, let me state all this more positively so you see I'm not whining, but in reality, wanting more:

I want to be around people who lift me up.  I want to do new things that bring me peace and happiness.  I want to have the choice to play pool when I have the urge to play.  I like being more calm and in less pressure situations.

I explained to a friend who has played pool his whole life how I have the choice to compete or not, and I like this choice because it is actually pretty tough to be mentally strong all the time.  It takes a lot of will power and inner strength and control to not get upset about things around you when you are playing.  He confided, "If pool wasn't my side income, I would quit too. And not have to deal with all that, either.  I have considered that before - less anxiety and less time getting upset."

I could play a tournament and go through a ton of emotions and feelings having to deal with situations.  Sure, my mental toughness got real good the last few years!  But, can you imagine the happiness I feel that I can go through a weekend and not have to be mentally tough or try to handle distractions, emotions, and chaos that can come from competing?  I can walk in a new park, hike in a beautiful spot, get things done around the house peacefully, visit locations I had to put aside before because of tournaments.

I have that choice to not be in a smoky pool room.  To instead be outside in the fresh air enjoying nature, getting some sun, and getting exercise.  What drama comes with that?  Instead, I get inner peace and no turmoil (unless I trip and fall or something lol).

I think it's VERY important to point out that I 100% know that if I had not been so successful in my pool journey the last few years, that I would still be competing.  I am a BCA and ACS State Singles Champion, a 3-time Scotch Doubles BCA State Champion, and a 9Ball Singles National Champion.  I've won countless league playoffs, was the clutch for several teams, and won 6 National Women Team Events.  If I hadn't won all these titles, I WOULD still be competing.

But, instead, I am going out on a high note.  I joke I'm like Michael Jordan, going out on top of his career, but people remind me, "you're no Michael Jordan, Melinda."  Bitches.  lol.

I am still involved in pool, though.  Just because I no longer compete in leagues or regularly in tournaments, I still ADORE writing in my blog, am a monthly columnist for Billiard Buzz conducting interviews (a dream of mine), contribute to a billiard radio show (American Billiard Radio) about twice a month, give lessons (highlight of my life), and also run a large billiards tour, the Omega Billiards Tour (another dream).  So, I'm still around pool, just stepping away from competing so I can have more peace and a better, healthier lifestyle - physically and mentally.

Have I been happy?  Yes.  Do I miss playing?  Only sometimes.  Am I more productive at work?  Absolutely.   Do I enjoy getting sleep and not smelling like smoke?  YOU BET.  Do I like saving money.  Yes!  Am I still going to Vegas?  Of course!  I take at least two trips a year.  Are you loving life?  Yes.  :)

Do I Miss Playing?

A lot of people ask me if I miss playing pool.

Nope.

I am still around pool, but I do not miss playing.

I even went to BCAPL Nationals in Vegas in July and visited a few friends the first day I got there (Friday).  I was apprehensive at first trying to locate them at their tables, thinking I might get the pool bug and the tug of wishing I had signed up and was playing. 

Instead...

I felt nothing.

Not even one smidgen of myself was envious or had feelings of regret that I didn't play.  It was actually really weird.

Sometimes when I spar with a friend and play good I think about maybe going to State, but then by the time I even get back in my car the feeling goes away.

However, I thought it was REAL weird last month when the feeling of playing overcame me.

I happened to catch my scotch doubles partner from the last 2 years play in a match during the Omega tournament when I was walking around taking photos.  I watched him play a rack and for the first time, the desire to play tugged at my heart.

That was such a weird feeling... first time I felt such an urge to play.

I'm still not playing, tho, lol.