Seeing Improvement in an Unexpected Way - Project Hunger Games

I received a message from Katniss (the pool player of the Project Hunger Games section of my blog) last month, and as usual, I was super excited to hear from her!  Usually that means a blog topic will creep up in our discussion and I will get to write about it and share it with you all!

She said, "I’m not sure if you watch many pool matches online, but there are these two guys playing a race for $500.  It's on FB Live.  I see some awesome blogging ideas."

Hey, wait a second!  Is she telling me I should write about a certain topic?  WTH, I thought that was my job?

lol.

I told her, "Let me know the topics!"

And she shared, "Too much body movement while making their shots. On guy especially is the worst. I have to give them props, though, for matching up and recording it."

Of course I had to dig deeper (you all know me!)

"What do you mean exactly, please?"  

She laments, "That guy just lets go of a shot, and then his body moves. Kinda like he is willing it to go in...  with his body.  The other guy is missing, also, while moving.  His misses may be from nerves, too?  He's missing more than usual.  They are both missing badly."

I told her, "Interesting."

She continued, "I’m just not use to seeing them play so badly like this. It also didn’t help that I was watching the Mosconi Cup warm-up matches. I was watching pro’s play with great form and technique before I was watching these local players play lol."

I could go on and on and on about the importance of staying down and staying still, but like I said recently, I'm trying not to write novels so I can blog more frequently (so here is a link to a previous blog post about the importance of "stillness").

Instead, what I really REALLY want to point out is:  how much Katniss is improving!  You see, let's say a player named Cindy (made up name) is not working on her game or trying to improve, Cindy would never have noticed such an important part to our pre-shot routine of staying down: being still.

This tells me SO much about Katniss!

It tells me just how far Katniss's game has come. Cindy may be watching the gambling match because it's fun and exciting to watch. She is most likely watching to see if they are winning or not. But, is Cindy noticing the shots or patterns they are trying to make?  Did she notice they are moving their body a lot and maybe that's why they are missing?

If she's not trying to improve or work on her game, the answers are no.

When you notice things such as stance, body movement, not staying down - that's an extremely good indicator of your own game improving!

Second Place is the Real Winner

I wrote about this topic a couple of years ago. But I'd like to touch on it again real quick.

I remember distinctly after I lost in the finals of a big tournament in Florida in 1998, one of the local good players told me, "Second place is the real winner." Of course at the time the sting of losing in the finals was too strong for me even hear what he was saying. 

And then of course it took me YEARs to figure out and finally understand what he was talking about.   

I hadn't really understood a lot about the mental part of pool at that time, was hardly putting effort into improving, and didn't understand all the beautiful nuances of the sport yet, to truly fathom how powerful that one sentence is.

One of my friends recently placed second in a big tournament and I was SO HAPPY for her! I'm guessing she might have felt deflated and maybe defeated because it was second place, but all I could think about was how much she was going to learn because she got second place!

You see, if she had won the tournament, she may not be as reflective as she will be now. Let's face it, second place means you didn't win the tournament, so you're going to evaluate what happened, think back on your shots. Was I staying down? Was I tired? Was I nervous? What was going on? Had she won the tournament, none of those great questions would have entered into her mind for her to reflect on and learn from.

Lessons we learn when we lose big matches are sometimes the highest gifts to our game. Second place is the real winner.

Cueist Project: That Miss - Intro

I think we all have that one shot we reflect on where we were at a critical point of a big tournament, we can feel our tournament life on the line, and we can sense what a big moment it is. And as we reflect back, we then see that stupid, damn, easy shot we missed!!

I can picture mine like it was yesterday. It was a team event at BCA State. I had a very simple straight-in shot on the 8 ball in the side. If I make it, then my teammate gets to the play the hill-hill game. But instead, I miss it.

As soon as I missed it, I start jumping up and down and exclaim, "I was nervous! I two-stroked it! I didn't stay down!"  You know, because when embarrassment kicks in, we want to explain to everyone watching why we dogged it, lol.

That miss might have been 10 years ago. I still remember it clearly.

However, it taught me the most valuable lesson of all - to stay down on my shots when I'm nervous and to stroke more when under pressure.

Of course that was not the first time I dogged it - but it was the first time in a that crucial of a moment - and that's when we learn the most from.  I've dogged 1,000 nine balls.  But it was that 8-ball for the team win that haunts me most, but most importantly, it's the miss I learned from the most.

The Cueist recently had a similar experience, learning lessons from a crucial miss. Damn misses!

Here is his story:

I'm deep in a big state tournament. My opponent is spotting me 1 game and in a matter of about 10 mins, I'm down 4/1. I claw my way to being down only 5/3, and he misses his last ball. I only have 4balls on the table and I have the break on the hill game. Heck yeah, that's exactly what I wanted! I make my first ball, stop shot. Take a breath. 2nd ball, good shape. Take a breath. 3rd ball, had to go 2 rails for shape w/ inside English. Nail it and took a breath. Last ball before the 8 ball, and I have to draw it back off of the rail w/ outside English. Well, I didn't HAVE to do that, but that was going to get me perfect shape on the 8ball. I get down on the shot feeling a bit nervous and single stroked the shot, while chicken-winging it, and jumping up at the same time. Then took a breath. LOL. Cost me the match of course.

So what did he learn?

Well, I'll keep you in suspense!

He actually talks about 4 very important aspects of that miss.  And they are too important to talk about in just one blog post.  Plus, it would make for a very long read and I don't want to lose your attention (uh, hello?)

Stay tuned!

And while you are waiting with bated breath, what do you think his learning experiences were?  Write them down and compare your notes in the follow days.

Snitches Among Friends (and a Great Tip!)

I mentioned before that I sparred a few times with two friends in the spring.  It's been really fun because we get to spend quality time together not just playing pool, but we usually eat before or after, which is always nice to do with great friends.

One important part of the game I have shared with others, I consequently shared with these two ladies as we sparred.

I learned from my friend June Hagar Walter a very long time ago, don't ever tell your opponent you fouled.

She instilled in me that it's my opponent's responsibility to pay attention to the game.

Now, I'm not saying you're not supposed to fess up if you are asked, "Is that a foul?"  I'm NOT talking about lying at all! But what I am saying is, if you foul, simply walk away from the table and sit down. If your opponent asks you if you foul, you absolutely be honest and say yes.

However, she taught me to not pick up the cue ball and give it to your opponent. Nor tell your opponent that you fouled.

I'm not going to be able to truly express why this is an important part of the mental strategy of the game, but let me try. It could be because it is the opponent's responsibility to pay attention and you aren't their keeper. It could also be because it is more a 'killer instinct' kind of action. Remember on the table you are not suppose to be friends. It could also be that it might annoy your opponent, right? But it's a legal part of the game - you aren't going against any rules.

However, I fully admit to you that because I didn't get even a smidgen of the killer instinct until about 15 years into my pool journey, I picked that cue ball up or offered my blunder to my opponents all the time, lol! It was only when I got more mentally stronger and that killer instinct ramped up, that I was finally able to walk away from the table knowing I fouled without telling my opponent.

Here's the kicker: this goes completely against my grain of being a nice person!  It was actually REALLY hard to do, because I felt like it was going against my own personality and character. I am serious - it was truly difficult! I felt like I was being mean, and that's not like me. But once I figured out more about the killer instinct and to be tougher (not nice friends with my opponents), then I realized it was just part of the game.

Okay, back to my sparring friends!

I think we sparred together about four times, and so you can imagine that fouling happens often enough that it happened every session. And I would give them this June Hager Walter advice. But, they seemed to forget the advice a lot (because it was a habit) and they would always want to give me the cueball after they fouled.  I would remind them to stop doing that. Sometimes they would say, "Well we're just sparring, we're not competing, so I'm just doing it to be nice." Well, that allowed me to use the moment to remind them that even when we spar, we are to treat it like a real match. And in matches, we are not suppose to be nice!  I also reminded them they needed to get into that 'routine' / 'habit' (just like I had to) - so even when they're practicing or having fun, don't go out of their way to tell their opponent they fouled.

I know it was difficult for them, as they are two of the sweetest people you will ever meet, and so it goes against their grain to not just tell their opponent they fouled, also. I get it, I really do! But I wanted to remind them (when it came up) that this is a great tool to have in their toolbox because it IS a mental toughness and strategy thing.

Eventually, towards the last of our sparring sessions, if one of them fouled and almost grabbed the cue ball, the other one would kind of pick on them because that's what they weren't supposed to do. And they knew that I would get on to them, lol. It became really funny!

So imagine my surprise when in May I was having dinner with one of the ladies.  And she snitched on the other one!

Their teams were playing league against each other one night, and in their own match, the other friend fouled, picked up the cue ball, and gave it to her. And my friend, eating dinner with me, sharing this story, was almost like an older sister who snitched on the bad behavior to her mother! She couldn't wait to tell me our friend did that LOL!

My friends are so cute!

Learning Lesson about Interviews

I love learning!

Don't you?

Wanted to share something I learned the hard way the other day.

When I ask any prospective interviewee about being interviewed for my column in Billiard Buzz, I always have some questions already in mind for them. I don't ever inquire without already knowing what I might ask. That wouldn't be proper journalism, right?

Then I wait to hear back from them before I type up all the questions.  But, I learned in late May I just might need another plan of attack lol.

You see, I asked the next potential interviewee if they were interested and I immediately received a "Yes!" back. I promised her I'd email the questions by the end of the week. Work got in the way, and I also finishing up the June interview. Then, work got busy the next week (real bad), and told her I would need another week to get her the questions. Luckily for me she was very cool about it.

Then, omg... nightmare scenario happened.

Granted, none of this would be a nightmare if I had the Internet at home, but that's not my fault! That's the fault of the companies who wont install wiring underground in my neighborhood.

But I digress....

I ended up for the first time in my life getting a sinus infection. I don't know about you, but I haven't had one before and I actually was out of work for almost two full weeks. And because I do all my computer and Internet things at my desk at work, I could not send her any questions via email as I had not prepared them yet!  And, I couldn't even drive a car - that's how bad my infection was - so I couldn't even sneak to work on either weekend to type them out.

omg...

So every week I sent her an apology email... "Next week...."

Well, that sad pattern continued for weeks of apologies - literally 4 weeks later than originally planned!

So, to say the least, I wont be making the July issue.

But, not to worry, as I'm not worrying! As you recall from my blog post last month, I'm learning to not let things stress me.  Including deadlines!

But, it's an interesting learning lesson for me.

Because actually, no one has (yet!) actually turned me down when I've asked if I could interview them. So, maybe I should prepare the questions ahead of time just in case unforeseen things happen again.  What a concept, right?!  Oh, and I just realized that will also decrease my stress because I wil already be prepared. Hmm...

My Experiences May Not be Good Advice - Project Hunger Games

Katniss (of the Project Hunger Game Series section of my blog) shared with me she played a tournament match on a stream table a few months ago.  Being the person I am who asks questions because I'm inquisitive, I asked her if she watched the match afterwards.  Well, and in order to write about her pool journey I need to ask questions, right?  haha

This is one of those situations, though, I have realized I think I share too much of my own experiences, that are not helpful to others.

You all know I have written several times about how listening to streams affected my play. Back when I was playing competitively often, if I listened to streams and if what they said wasn't positive (unlike Billy Guy who I wrote about who was not only effective, but never negative), I discovered it affected my future play on stream tables.  Sometimes they would say negative, hurtful, unattractive things about people's games.

But not only that, people in the chat hide behind keyboards and they would say pretty crappy things in the comments. It's almost like they don't even realize what they're saying is rude.

However, no matter how much they're hiding, usually what they are saying is true. But, it just happens to not be stated in a very nice way at all, right?

So, that's why towards the end of my pool journey I didn't want to watch streams. Not ust because of what the commentators said oftentimes, but also because what I read from the peanut gallery might be in the back of mind for my next stream matches.

Does that make sense?

In other words, when I was on a stream I would get nervous because I would think about the people that might be on there that would be judging me. That's the bottom line. I wasn't mentally strong enough to look at it the way Tina Malm does (which I wish I could have, which I wish I did! lol).

So, it kinda freaked me out to be on the stream. Don't get me wrong, I became mentally strong in the last couple of years of my successful pool journey, and so I won many more matches than lost on the streams, but I am not shy to admit I was internally tormented trying to not think about people watching/commentating if I made a gross mistake, and just focus on the match in front of me.  Luckily I learned and instilled many tips to keep me focused on the game in front of me, but it was still tough at times not to be distracted by my own negative thoughts of the "what ifs" about the people watching me on the stream.

Back to Katniss....

I had shared with Katniss (after she told me she hadn't yet watched her recorded match) that she should watch it with the sound off. And I also told her to not read the comments.

Now, she's a big girl she can listen to the commentators and she can read the comments - it was just my suggestion.

But, honestly, I'm not sure it was a good suggestion on my part.

I can tell that Katniss is more mentally strong and mentally tougher than I was at her spot in her pool journey, so I really don't think that she would have the same negative effects that I did.

And I need to really be careful about my advice.  I need to remember that my lack of mental toughness was my experience.  And therefore, I should not give such pinpointed advice.  Instead of suggesting to her not to turn the sound on or read comments, I should state it in another way or maybe not be so specific with my advice. Just because I was deeply affected along the way in my pool journey with this topic doesn't mean others will be.

Don't get me wrong - Katniss is her own person and she listens to advice and then decides on her own what to do and not do, so it's not like she HAS to do what I suggested. But I can help be better in these situations and be more general about things like this.

A Perspective: Singles Finals in Vegas

A friend of mine finished an impressive 2nd place in the BCAPL National singles event last year. It was the highest national singles title he's ever come close to!  He has had several big wins here and there throughout the last 10 years or so, but none on the national singles stage.

He has put in the time and he was due for sure - we were all very proud of him!

He shared with me his tournament experience because we used to share these type of things many, many years ago. Plus, he knows I LOVE hearing these type of stories :)

He told me, "So I was reading your blog, and it made me reflect on pool in general and I think you'd be the person that could relate to it the most." And he was right! Trust me when I say I could blog about five topics just from these few paragraphs, lol. A lot of great insight he shares.

He's a very funny guy and I actually call him my "Favorite Mexican," but then that makes my other friends jealous, lol. I have written about his Mom before in my blog: here.

I would never even begin to adequately be able to describe what he did, so I'm going to simply copy/paste his words so you can experience for yourself this amazing, unforgettable time in his life. You will enjoy this, I promise!

-------------------------------------

I've never been able to put myself in a position to play in the finals of the nationals in singles, and I got super nervous when I was playing in the semi-finals match. I walked around the table trying to calm down, took deep breaths, did my PSR [pre shot routine], and just made sure to stay down on every, single, shot until the 8ball dropped.

So now, I'm super excited I'm in the finals, I damn near wanted to cry. LOL. I called my wife, then walked to the bar. I knew I had to calm down from the excitement, and figured a drink would help (mental right?). So I get to the tv arena, and I hit a few balls. Those tables were super fast and rails really bouncy. I was overrunning everything during warm up. Up until that point, I made it a point to not look up. Just wanted to focus on my table, and that's it. Well, there was a slight delay in the start of the match, and then I looked up. Ugh! Just about everybody that was there in the building from Dallas, was in the stands! Then I looked over to the table next to ours, and see two top players playing, Jesus Atencio vs Omar Alshaheen. 

At that exact moment, I got a text from my friend Alex. In '09 when I got 3rd at the state tourney, Alex was texting me and calling me, telling me to have fun in every match towards the end of the event. It really helped! Well, the text that I got from him was something similar. 

Since we hadn't started yet, I stood up, took a deep breath, then turned to look at the crowd. I took it all in, and decided to enjoy the moment. I mean, who knows if I'll ever be in that spot again. 

The nerves instantly went away. It was weird. I felt a sense of calmness just before my opponent walked back up to the table. It was just a matter of tapping into the mental calmness for a bit. Of course, we all know how the finals went, LOL [he lost :( ]. But afterwards, I didn't feel any kind of regret or sadness. I just felt great to be able to play in the finals of that event, which had been my goal since stepping foot in the BCA league.

-------------------------------------

What is your favorite part of the story?  Mine is pretty easy:  "I stood up, took a deep breath, then turned to look at the crowd. I took it all in, and decided to enjoy the moment."

I just loved that whole sentence - it truly captured everything we all wish and hope for to feel some day in our own pool journey!

Congrat's to my Favorite Mexican! err, I mean, Juan!  SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU!

Not Exhausted During Tourney - Project Hunger Games

Katniss (of the Project Hunger Games series of my blog) shared with me in January "Oh btw...I reached a milestone this weekend. I was at the tournament all day mainly waiting, but I did not get tired! Usually by 7 pm I am wore out. I felt strong and awake at my match in the evening!"  

Being the nosey, curious person I am, lol, I asked her, "That's great!  What was the difference or what did you do different?"

Katniss: "I really don't know? I drank water and pepsi; no alcohol. I was nervous playing a super-high ranked player my very first match and even remember seeing my hands shake while trying to rack for him...but just did deep breathes. By my 4th match, all my nerves were gone!  I waited 5 hours before that match. I really don't have any idea. Maybe my mental toughness is getting stronger?"

I listened to her words, but my gut was telling me something different.

I prodded some more, "Didn't you mention you have been working out?"

Katniss: "Yes I am.. More lifting weights than anything."

Me: "Hmmm....I don't think mental toughness helps tiredness.  I think instead you working out helped you from getting exhausted."

Katniss exclaimed: "Oh, that could be very true! How many pros claim a healthy lifestyle helps keep them on point. Mmmm...interesting."

Me: "All pros in every sport.  Golf, too."

Katniss: "I will need to make a mental note of this milestone!"

Me: "Absolutely!"

I was so happy for her - overcoming exhaustion and finding out why is huge - and it will help her in future tournaments with long wait times.  

Awww, I love our journey with pool!

League Players and Tournaments

Katniss sent me a message the other day, "I have a quick question for you."

Being who I am, I got all excited!

I replied, "I love questions!"

She asked, "Do you believe that players get comfortable with league play and not so comfortable competing in big tournaments?"

Wow, what a question!

"It really depends on who you are asking about.  Some league players stay league players and never really improve, and therefore don't do well in big tournaments.  They are perfectly fine with that - they love playing in league with their friends and they have a lot of fun.  While other league players want to work on their game and improve, and when they do that, they become better competitors in tournaments.

So, the answer is really yes and no."

Katniss replied, "I was asking because of a certain player who is in the top spot of my Tuesday league...he did not place well in singles at the State tournament this past year. I mean, we can all have bad days, so maybe he just didn't do well this year. But the top players on my Tuesday league never miss - either against me or my teammates. So, I think highly of their game and expect top performance at all times, so that is why I was surprised of their finish. Or maybe they do not do well in big tournaments with "other" top ranking players? Hmmm."

I told her I had wondered that exact same thing before about top players in league who don't finish well at the state tournaments. I never really understood it, either.

But.... then I did.

She is exactly correct.  You see, many of the top league players get super comfortable and quite content in their weekly leagues.  But if they don't work on their game, don't want to, or don't play in more non-league events, then they wont be competitive in tournaments.

"For some people, it's a natural progression to go from league play to big tournaments and/or playing on tours.  For others, they only stick to league (or only have the skills or means to do league play) and aren't interested in playing in other types of tournaments.  Or, they might want to improve, but they haven't really done anything about it for years.

So, again, the answer is yes and no."

I shared further my opinion (I know, you are all surprised, lol!):  "The top league players that only play in league will always be a league player.  If they would play in bigger tournaments more often, their game would improve from all those experiences and they would be more than just top league players (if that's what they want)."

She said she understood and also defended them saying, "Oh well, everyone has their own feelings and reasons as to why they do what they do."

And she has a good point!  Some people are perfectly fine with only playing in league; there is nothing wrong with that at all.

This is a good time to share something I witnessed when I ran the Omega Tour.  A couple of good friends of mine who were top league players finally wanted to play on the Omega Tour when it was being hosted by one of their local pool rooms that they were used to playing in.  It was close to their house, they felt "at home," and it was a comfortable setting.  So, they took the plunge to play on a Tour stop!

Although these two guys were extremely successful on their league teams and the type of player we all feared at league, they quickly discovered they were a fish out of water playing on the Tour.  They were no longer the top player in the room.  And the feelings and pressure they experienced were pretty rough on them.  Neither lasted until Sunday, and they were very disappointed and disheartened.  But, they simply didn't have enough experience away from league.  One of the two guys played in another stop, but by the end of Saturday night he was out of the tournament and then he wanted his money back for the events he had paid for in the future; he recognized he just wasn't competitive.  He was so deflated - I felt very bad for him.

Sharing this story is not to deter anyone, it's to share with you that we all start out this way and it just takes time and experience playing in different types of tournaments often to become competitive.  It doesn't happen overnight.  I truly believe if they would have kept playing on the tour, the next year or two they would have been lasting until Sunday.  But, while one was interested, his schedule didn't allow for that and the other was just too frustrated to keep trying.

But her question leads to the EXACT tip I have stated over and over in my blog that one of my all time greatest pieces of advice to improve is to play in as many tournaments as you can. 

"In order to do well in tournaments, you must play in as many as you can. Please hear these words. You cannot learn to handle pressure or learn mental toughness with only a couple of tournaments a year. You need conditioning over and over in a tournament environment to give yourself the best chance to gain experience."

Are You Playing Too Slow?

I don't know if many players have gone through this in their pool journey, but I've noticed this in a couple of friends of mine so I thought that I would write about it.  If you are one of "these people," then the experience I share in this blog entry will be your friend and help you out!  :)

I remember there was a time in my pool journey when I played slow.  Well, let me be more clear... it's not that I played slow - it's that it took me awhile to make my decisions which looked to others like I was playing slow - like a sloth, lol!  But in reality, I was standing at the table looking at the layout and all the options that could possibly happen, thinking about what I should do, what was possibly best, and therefore it took me awhile to finally get down and shoot a shot.

I actually played like this for about nine months of my pool journey and that happened to tumble over into a nationals tournament in Vegas.

I was playing so slow, that it actually pissed off my scotch doubles partner!  I didn't know his personality, and he actually snapped at me in front of everybody about it.  Yea, that was a lot of fun.  NOT.

I asked one of my friends who is watching, "Hey, was I really playing that slow?"  You see, I didn't think I was!  And she confided, "Yeah, you really were. But what it looked like to me was you're standing up there and you don't really know what you should do, and that's why it's taking you so long to shoot."

Man, I had no idea I was taking that long.

And she was absolutely spot-on. And once I heard that, it actually help me to stop being so indecisive at the table.

You see, when we are learning a lot of things that get in our head that we didn't know before, it can slow down our decision process. And so there's a ton more new options that we didn't know before and so now we kind of stand there and wonder, "Uh, what I should shoot and what would be the best shot to take?"

Even though I still had some indecisiveness, because that doesn't go away completely right away, her pointing that out made me realize that I do need to make my choices faster.  Not that I do need to SHOOT faster, but have more confidence in my decision and the shot that I do choose so I can go for it.  The reason why I say this, is we could stand there for several minutes trying to decide what to do and in reality that doesn't help you, your percentage to win or help your opponent.

I actually believe that taking too long to make a decision can actually hurt our game.  Why?  Well, it throws off any rhythm we have.  If we go from normal shooting (whatever that is for you and I) to being super indecisive, that slows down your rhythm, which is detrimental to your game.

But, like I said, I think this might be part of most pool players' journey and so it's something that in time we eventually just stop standing up there at the table being indecisive.  So, don't fret if you do this right now!  Things will change for the better soon. :)

And I admit, when you find out people are getting upset or agitated because of how slow you play, you really don't want to keep being slow.  Yea, yea, I know some people think that it's a good thing to agitate your opponents lol, but in reality, a lot of us want to have a smooth match.  And if that means I stop playing sloth slow or being super indecisive, that will actually help me anyway, right?

I think if I hadn't asked my friend that and she wasn't honest, or that guy hadn't snapped at me, or our opponents didn't call a ref because I was playing so slow, I wouldn't have known that I had that issue.  I was in the moment and I'm standing up there just trying to make a good decision, not realizing how long it's actually taking me, lol.

So, obviously, unless someone tells you are playing super slow or you see yourself on a stream or some video tapes, you may not realize just how long you're taking at the table.  Now I'm not saying that you should rush through any of your decisions and that you should rush through any of your shots at all!  But what I am saying is there does come a point where we sometimes take too long in every single match with every single decision with every single shot. And when that happens, that's when you need to have some self-reflection and make a change. Because I promise you, when you do make the change (ie decide to accept your decision and be confident with your choice), I promise when you do this your game will actually go up.

Again, I'm not saying to rush your shots.  I'm not saying to rush your decisions.  But sometimes standing at a table looking at a layout for too long is something you should eventually try to get away from.

Again!  Your game is going to go up after you stop doing this.  Maybe it's because when we finally start making decisions, we are more confident in ourselves and with our choices.  And whether they're right or wrong, at least you're learning each time that happens instead of standing there wondering, "What the f*** should I do?!"  lol.

Enjoy peeps!  (but don't take too long)  lol

Expectations by Katniss

One of the main things I disliked about competing was those damn expectations.

Expectations has been my Achilles heel for sure!

When you play someone you've beat 10 times the last 10 times you played, then you let your guard down and don't play your best when you play them again, right?  Then what happens?  They beat you!  All because you expected to win.

And that really stings.

Or, how about when you are still in the winner's side on Saturday night going into the tournament on Sunday?  The expectations you have for yourself of doing well (or scared you wont do well) affect you.  Or, how about the thoughts you have of others and their expectations of you?  OMG why do we put ourselves through this trauma!?  lol

These thoughts get in the way of us performing our best pool.

I wrote about this before, but when I was going to be playing for the hot seat the next day of a National 8-ball tournament for ACS in Vegas, I freaked myself out. When I got to my hotel room, it hit me - "omg, tomorrow I will play for the hot seat and I could be a national champion!"  I immediately started to shake and got nervous - and I wasn't even going to play until 24 hours later!

Golf and pool truly are mental sports. We can let our thoughts get away from us and then that ruins any semblance of a stroke, or we can try to tame our thoughts.

As I wrote about the other day, being mentally strong takes experience and takes putting yourself in numerous situations that make your mental toughness strong.

Just a mere two years after that debacle of not even being able to make three balls in a row because I was so nervous of the possibility of becoming a national champion and not staying in the moment, I would find myself in the finals of ACS 9-ball Nationals in Vegas.

My mental game was pretty extraordinary at that time (in my opinion) and I had no worries, concerns, or expectations.  I was thinking only in the moment completely and I simply played pool and double dipped my opponent in the finals to become a national champion!

I share that story to show you that any and all invisible expectations CAN be overcome with time, practice and experience.  I even wrote after that win, "I know in my heart that that experience two years ago of me falling apart helped me WIN the 2014 ACS Nationals Women's 9-Ball Singles event this year."

….Eeeek.….

Oh shit!

This blog post is suppose to be about Katniss, not me, so let me get on topic here, lol.  :)

Katniss played in a tournament a couple weekends ago.  She shared with me about her two losses, "In my defensive they are both great players...but I have beat them both before. So I guess I EXPECTED to beat them again."

So, she wasn't playing as tough because she expected to win again.  Doesn't this resonate with you all?!  Damn expectations lol.  She didn't have the attitude to beat her opponent 7-0 or to squeeze them like a boa constrictor (btw, this is a reference from the book Winning Ugly that I highly and always recommend), instead she played both girls on expectations instead of focusing on the game in front of her.

I'm going to sound like a broken record, but if you focus on your pre-shot routine, three balls ahead, and you stay down and follow through - there's no room in your brain to be thinking of expectations or worries or distractions. (btw, this is one of the most helpful tips I ever received in my pool journey!) It doesn't mean you're always going to win, but you're going to give yourself the best chance to win.

I've been in Katniss's situation a thousand times it seems like, and it's so frustrating to accept that the reason why you lost a match was because of the way you were thinking - not because of the way you were playing.

I appreciate her opening up to me about this, as it gives me a chance to remind folks to stay in the moment and don't think ahead and don't have any expectations (good or bad).  Remember, if you are thinking, you aren't playing pool.

Discovering You're Not Alone

I write, I personally feel, quite often about personalities and such.

But, differing personalities are something we have to deal with in everyday life, and of course when we compete, too.  And if everyone had a pleasant personality, we wouldn't have much to complain about or get upset about, right?  In life and with pool, lol.

The other day I was talking to Katniss (of the Hunger Game Project of my blog).  She shared she was worried about running into her Nancy at an upcoming tournament.  If you don't know who Nancy is - read about her here.  Real quick though, Nancy is the generic name of players we all have a difficult time competing against and can't seem to defeat them for some reason.

I hadn't really asked her WHY she didn't like her Nancy, but this day I finally asked her what was up.  She was having anxiety days away about a person she may or may not even play in the tournament.

She shared, "She mentioned once that she hates playing these women that can not make two balls in a row.  So, when I have to play her, all I'm thinking about is trying to make more than two balls in a row!"

I lamented and told her, "Yea, she's a complainer.  And she talks and complains in her matches, too."

Katniss said, "Hmmm....maybe that is what she was doing: complaining and not saying that to me directly.  I need to let it go already... thank you for pointing out another side to Nancy.  I took it so personally....when in reality she probably doesn't even remember that convo!"

I shared with her, "Yeah when I used to run the Omega Tour, all she would do is talk and complain the whole time in her matches.  And yet players are supposed to be quiet when playing on the Omega Tour.  It made it really tough being a tournament director, lol!  But, yes she probably doesn't remember that she said something like that.  She complains so often about so many things, it's tough to those around her when she's playing.  So, it's definitely not just towards you.  As a matter of fact, I doubt she even realizes she does this."

Her response was, "Wow I am seeing another side to her for sure!"

This exchange is actually very familiar to a lot of us.  And we normally find such things out later.  What I mean is, sometime we go through life and run across people who may treat us rudely, are mean, say things that come across badly, etc.  We take it personal, maybe get offended and upset about how they treated us.  It's normal to feel this way.  But later on, whether it's years or months later, we find out the way we were treated was how they treat EVERYONE.  It's actually a light bulb moment for us.

For instance, my Dad used to hang up on me on the phone all the time when he would get upset at me.  I'm talking even until my mid 30s, he'd still use that gesture as a way to show he was pissed off about something/me.  At his Celebration of Life, his sister joked to her brother, "Remember when Tommy used to hang up on us all the time?"  I looked at her dumbfounded.  I had no idea he did that to other people.  AT ALL.  To learn he wasn't just hanging up on my Mom and I made me realize it was HIM and his personality, not anything I really did.

And the same for Katniss.  She hasn't been around her Nancy enough to realize that this is just the way Nancy is.  She makes comments like that in general and kinda complains a lot.  It's never personal at all, it's just her personality.  As a matter of fact, her Nancy is actually a really great woman, she just complains a lot. 

And once I shared with Katniss how her Nancy acts like that all the time, it was a sigh of relief her to find out it wasn't just her.  Actually, not about Katniss at all.  It relieved the tension she felt and the anxiety she had to find out that Nancy was kinda like a, well, Negative Nancy, lol.

One of the Four Agreements (one of my fave quotes) even says not to take things personal.  But, that is SO hard to do.  But down the road we usually find out our perception was never personal - it was the other person.

Being a Leader Takes Self Reflection

One of the humbling lessons I've learned running the Omega Billiards Tour is it doesn't matter my personal distaste for a player or not, I must be cordial and nice to them.

But, it even goes beyond that. 

A player who has never played on the Omega Tour signed up in February for a stop in July.  Seems no big deal right?  Happens all the time.  However, I just happen to have history with this guy.  And not good history.

He is the one I wrote about last year ("The Clapper") who was rude to me during a tournament.  Read all about my emotions and his unethical behavior here.

However, running the Omega Billiards Tour is just like running a business.  And running a business well takes leadership, learning from mistakes, and treating everyone with respect.

It wouldn't be proper for me to deny his entry fee because he pissed me off last year.  That would have been unethical on my part. 

Confession:  The thing is, I have not treated all players equally or fair the entire time of running the Tour. 

I unfortunately learned from my upbringing to ignore people when they've upset me.  Learned this well from my Mom; she didn't speak to one neighbor ever again because of a comment he made about her in 1980.  Throw in that I'm female, and it seems to be part of our DNA.  You know the joke - guys get into an argument and are friends in 5 minutes; girls get into an argument and don't talk to each other for 5 years, lol.

Whether clique or not, it's not right to ever ignore anyone because you are upset at them or because they hurt you.  Sure, it's a "normal" defense mechanism we use to protect ourselves, especially right after we feel hurt.  But when running a business, it's really not the right thing to keep doing. 

When I first started the Omega Tour over five years ago, there were a couple of players I was upset with, and so unfortunately I wasn't nice to them.  I wouldn't really ignore them, but I wasn't real friendly and I was cold to them and barely made eye contact because I was hurt by their actions in the recent past.  I was also rude to a couple of players when I ran the Ladies Tour.

You might think ignoring people because they might have hurt you or because you don't like them is childish and rude.  And well, you are right!

Every single time I did that, I was WRONG.  It was a VERY unprofessional, rude, and unacceptable behavior on my part!  I am still ashamed how I acted.

However, I have luckily realized my actions were wrong.  I don't care what history we had or if I'm still upset with a player for something personal, the bottom line is I run a business and I need to treat everyone with respect.

"The Clapper" played this past weekend and we were both kind to each other and there were no issues.  And I also wasn't a bitch to him - NO reason to act like that at all.  I was a professional.  I was a leader.  And it felt good.

The point is, no matter your position, always treat people with respect.  And as a Tournament Director, this leadership position for sure means I need to act like a leader, and not like a child. 

Learning From Mistakes

Adding more to my thoughts about learning from our mistakes.

Let me put it another way about learning from errors.  

If you miss an 8-ball in practice, what did you learn?  You didn't even think about it again, do you? Do you think that missed shot will ever cross your mind again in the middle of a tournament match?  I'd bet not (and I'm not a betting woman).

However!  

If you miss an 8-ball on the hill for your team, I guarantee you will learn why from that 100 times over.  

And then carry that learning experience into future situations. 

You will think about that missed shot a lot.  Not because it haunts you (well, maybe at first lol), but because you will think about it enough to figure out why you missed it (and how to solve that for next time).  You didn't stay down, your adrenaline was racing so you were shaking, you rushed your shot - all those feelings do not come up during practice.  All those feelings only come up during intense, real-life match situations; NOT practice.  

And then you learn to tame those feelings so you CAN sink the 8-ball in a crucial, future match.  

Water and Exhaustion

Watching players compete intensely on the Omega Tour for the last 4 years, the most important thing I have witnessed is how exhausted the players get towards the end of the tournament.

At that point, it truly is about who is less exhausted.

Here is the situation on the Omega Tour:

On Saturday, the day is chalk full of matches and waiting around for matches.  You can be there for 8 hours and play only 2-3 matches if you stay on the winner's side.  If you get on the one-loss side, you get to stay even longer on Saturday and play even more matches - easily 12 hours some times.

That is exhausting - either playing a lot or waiting, both are tasking both physically and mentally.

Then here comes Sunday.  We start at 10:30am and usually finish around 10:30pm.  If a player stays on the winners side, it would go like this:  Play for an hour or hour and half then about an hour break; play for an hour or hour and half then about an hour break ..... and repeat all day until the finals.

If you are on the one-loss side, there are no breaks.  You play back to back to back.  If you make it to the finals, you have just played pretty much non-stop for 12 hours (a few breaks of 10 minutes between matches, but nothing more).

One stop this past season a player told me after he lost the hosteat match, "Man, I am exhausted."

I shared, "You know, at this point every single player is exhausted.   You've all been playing all day. What I witnessed and learned is the player who is the least exhausted does best."

He looked at me, taking in my words and agreeing.

Then I shared even more, "what I have seen is drinking water wakes a player up a little bit and gives them energy."

He ran immediately to get water.  And he won the tournament, too.  I'm not saying I helped him win, but I AM saying that the refreshing feel of water in his system helped him feel better and less exhausted with a clearer mind.  His opponent did not hydrate himself and was just as exhausted as he had been in the last few matches.  So, the player who was the least exhausted won.

We have all heard the benefits of water and hydration.  

And as most people know, hydration is key for thinking clear and being able to compete well.  The important thing of course is recognizing you are exhausted and then remembering water can help invigorate you and your senses.

Drench on, people!

Raised My Voice

I wrote just last month how a friend of mine suggested that I'm too nice sometimes to the players of the Omega Billiards Tour that complain a lot or cause issues.  My response and explanation I shared in this blog post (appropriately entitled:  Tournament Director Punching Bag) stated:

"I am of the opinion that it's not me being too nice, instead I am in a leadership role.  I am showing empathy and showing respect.  I am treating the players like I am a friend or maybe a mentor, and show understanding and let them talk and express themselves.

I think it's like running a business or being a supervisor.  And I wouldn't bitch out my employees or treat them with disrespect if they were upset.  I would show empathy, listen, offer advice (if a good moment to do so), etc."

Well, he was right.... I am too nice.  And, this past weekend I wasn't nice.

While I want to pat myself on the back for being the nice leader and treating everyone with empathy and respect, I found myself instead raising my voice over the past weekend.  I had two players "lay into me" and I couldn't take it anymore just standing there being a "punching bag," and I finally reacted.

I finally got fed up and raised my voice back at them.  Unfortunately the "discussions" were back-to-back so that didn't help matters at all.  While I might have HATED that I raised my voice, the reactions from the twp players were something I hadn't planned on:  they each stopped bitching at me as I "retaliated" and defended myself.

Basically, I let them vent to me for a while and just tried to be nice and calm in response, but inside I was upset and honestly, fed up.  I finally just couldn't take it anymore and raised my voice in defense of the tour and the decisions.  And told those two players that if I had the control to make things better, I WOULD.

I can't control mistakes, I can't control if a table rolls off;  there are just some things I can't control.  I feel like I am trying so hard and to get beat up on is tough to take sometimes.  If I could fix any of their concerns, I expressed to them passionately and with frustration that I would in a heart beat.

Because I was verbally abused for 25 years, I DESPISE raising my voice.  However, I simply couldn't handle the complaints, grumbling, and bitching at me any more.

I am disappointed in myself for raising my voice.  But I couldn't take being a punching bag that morning.  I just find it ironic, weird, and confusing that raising my voice finally stopped them from bitching at me.

Don't worry, this experience wont cause me to raise my voice a lot, lol.

Learn From Others' Pain

I was quite impressed the other day when a high-level instructor shared his heartache (and lesson, tho) out in public on Facebook.  It is really great advice, and I wanted to pass it along to others via my blog, too.

From Randy Goettlicher, Professional Billiards Instructor at Pool School:

Just want to share a Life Lesson that just occurred.

I have just finished Team competition in Las Vegas. Our team played outstanding. I played way below my skill level.

This past year I had many great things happen to me. Whether it was family, China, and of course I was extremely busy in Pool School or a lot of golf, I failed to do what I preach. I went into competition thinking that I was going to play at a high skill level. Boy, do I ever teach it correctly.

I had abandoned my three times a week practice routines. I didn't even play on any local pool stops, I didn't need to. I have played for 55 years, why do I need to practice! Well I just got my ass kicked and I don't like it.

All Champions hone their skills daily, That's what makes them perform under pressure. But no, not me. I forgot how much I love pool.

So, starting on Sep 1st, I go right back to my old practice routines. I will practice my drills and test my skills. I am ashamed of my performance. I just hope my team will have me back.

Thanks for listening. Playing like that is embarrassing.

Never happen again, NEVER!

Nagging During Tournaments

I know I've written about this before, but since it came up with a friend over the weekend, I thought I would write about it again.

I fully admit I have been a bad girlfriend in the past.  I wasn't very understanding at times, I nagged a lot, and my timing to pick a fight was not very smart to my boyfriends.  I was selfish, immature, and wanted attention at all times.

So, because I dated pool players, that meant that they were playing in a lot of tournaments.  And, that also meant that they were gone a lot on the weekends.  That gave me a lot of time to sit at home and wait for their calls and texts, only to get upset when I didn't hear from them often enough or quick enough.

Being immature, I didn't realize that if I was upset about something, I could just WAIT until they were either out of the tournament, or at the end of the tournament to pick a fight to let them know I was upset.  It was all about my emotions and how I felt at that EXACT time.  I didn't realize that because they are competing, I should wait to express any frustrations or disappointments.

Over this past weekend, one of my friends had to forfeit out of a big tournament because his girlfriend was chewing him out via text in the middle of one of his matches.  He was obviously upset, distracted, could not focus, was mad, and irritated at the fact she was in a fight with him while he was trying to compete.

My only quesiton to him was, "how old is she?"

"22," he replies mad and frustrated.

I just shook my head and told him, "she's too young to understand that she should wait to express she is upset."

He went on to say, "I couldn't play at all!  I had to forfeit and go home and handle the situation because she kept chewing me out."

Now, I don't know why she was upset, but they are still together and after he came home and they talked it over (after some words) they were okay.  That tells me it could have waited.

There is nothing I can put in this blog to help females (or males) understand that it's okay to wait to express you are upset.  That when a guy is competing for money, he needs to focus on pool.  It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, he just needs to focus on the game at hand.  You ARE still important, but right now he is trying to make money and compete - and that's okay, right?

Don't get me wrong, I was the constant texter, too.  I would get on to my boyfriend all the time and he was a pro!  It was his lively hood and yet I still didn't understand to not bother him while he was playing in tournaments.  Not sure why he stayed with me for 5 years over 20 years ago, lol.  I wasn't very understanding and nagged all the time at him when he traveled. 

I didn't realize I should be more aware of his situation.  I was more so not aware that it really IS okay to NOT have to state your anger right then and there.  It's actually better to wait to express yourself because you give your head and heart some time to think about your hurt (or whatever is going on).

This isn't just about pool, I hope people see.

I'm not denying your emotions or pain or hurt, I'm just saying as you get older you will see that it's okay not to vent right away.  It's okay to reflect for awhile.  It's okay to WAIT.   Your feelings wont go away, and if you allow your sig other to go through their important day, and not ruin it, it will be best for you both.

I am the first one to admit it took me a LONG time to figure all this out.  WAY into my late 30s.  WAYyyyyy.

Takes time.

Good luck :)

Competing Helps Real Life

The other day I received an email from a dear friend.  In it, he told me, "I applaud your devotion you had for you Mom.  All the tough situations you went through, the heart you've developed as a pool player was invaluable to help you through it all."

I admit I wasn't sure what he meant.  So, the nosey person in me asked him.

And he replied with words that I'm still shocked by:

"It means the resilience that you have developed as a pool player - the ability to overcome adversity, pick yourself up, and get going again - helps you in difficult situations."

Did he really just say all that?

It sure does put quite the spin on just "competing" in pool (or any sport), doesn't it?

While I didn't see that in myself over 4 years because of the grief and depression I could barely climb out of bed for, it's been pointed out to me on numerous occasions that ALL my big title wins were during those years.

It's funny though, that he said this, because I actually never thought of that and usually see the reverse:  When I find myself in a pressure situation in a tourney or I'm in the finals of an event, or I can feel the adrenaline moving through my veins and pumping my heart feverishly, I sometimes use life learning experiences to calm myself down:

"This is /nothing/ Melinda.  You found a loved one pass away. "

or, 

"Why are you so nervous?  You had to speak in front of 200 people you didn't know through sobbing tears and absolute heartbreak about your Dad after he passed."

So, to read his take on the reverse - using what I learned in pool to help me through adversity in life - is not only huge compliment because of the words he chose ("heart," for example), it's also because I never really thought of that before.

P.S.  I was reminded that A Mind for Pool by Phil Capelle touches on this.  :)

People Mature and Change

The pool world is actually a very small universe in the universe.  We all know each other and if we stay in the same town, we see each other grow up into mature adults.  Well, most of us, lol.

So it's sad to me that they way we acted when we were immature (young), that "stigma" still carries over into adulthood.

I am even victim sometimes of judging people by their past.

But, I wish none of us did.

Most of the people we know, I mean like 98% of them, grow up and mature and outgrow their (our) stupid immature ways of either throwing temper tantrums, or being rude, or not thinking before speaking (as some examples).

I played scotch doubles with a guy in Vegas for BCAPL Nationals back in the mid 90s.  I didn't play that good back then (hell, neither did he), but he needed us to do well because he needed money.

Well, I didn't play good because I wasn't a good player.  I heard he told a few of my friends (because he was upset) that I "stepped on my dick."

Boy was I mad he was talking about me!  (even tho I didn't know what that meant at the time, lol!  Now I know it means I basically caused us to lose).

But, I was also immature back then so I didn't handle his criticism well or talking about me behind my back very well.

Fast forward 20 years and he played with a friend of mine in Vegas BCAPL Nationals last year.  They got in the money and were a great team together.  I overheard her say, "He's the best partner I've ever had!"

:-/

It shows how much he has matured!  He is now loved as a partner.  And he wouldn't dare talk bad about her because he now knows better as he has gotten older.

Yet, I still see people judged for how they used to act.  Although we think we know them still because we've known them for so long, people DO change.  People DO mature (well, most of them).  So, when you see someone from your past, because as we know the pool world is very small and you will run into people you played pool with years and years ago, give them a chance to show they aren't immature anymore.

Maturing is actually a very beautiful thing.  It also FEELS good.  Not only seeing it in others, but ourselves as well.

So, don't badmouth someone you hadn't see in a long time because they acted a fool or mean or rude 10-20 years ago.  Of course, as we mature we already know not to do that badmouthing anymore, too, huh?