Stop Checking Our Score - The Cueist Project

I'm still catching up from my long list of blog topics. But this month is due for a Cueist blog post, so let me get right on that today!

The Cueist (the pool player of The Cueist Project section of my blog) described a match from a regional tournament he played in last year and I wanted to chat about it. I know, you all are soooo surprised!  lol

Here it goes:

"I had to play my next match against a guy who I lost in the 1st round last year, so I wanted revenge. I got to the table early, hit balls, and was ready to play. I jumped out to a 4/1 lead and he broke and ran. Then he took a potty break, and during this potty break, someone asked me what the score was. Now with that one little question, my concentration was gone. Poof! Just like that. I don't remember anything that happened in that match prior to that question [i.e. he had been in the zone]. And no matter what I did, I couldn't run out after that. My opponent came back to beat me hill/hill and I was deflated, devastated, and wanted to be drunk right then and there. I was SO upset with myself and my mental game that I've worked so hard on. And to top it off, as a result of the loss, I was going to have to face last year's winner, ugh!"

I can completely relate to what The Cueist shared.

I don't like to ever tell anyone the score during my match. Why? If I'm down in the match, I get embarrassed. If I'm up in the match, I sometimes get cocky or start thinking too much.

As a matter of fact, when I used to play in state and national tournaments where you would mark your wins on a piece of paper, it would thoroughly distract me when someone would come up and look at the score.

For friends and loved ones and well, everyone, I think it's important to think about what happens to the player when you are checking out the score or when you whisper to them, "Hey, what's your score?"

OMG I'm playing a match! Don't talk to me. Don't distract me. I have enough of a hard time to remain mentally into a game, lol.

Because this exact situation has caused me to lose focus as well a-many-times, it has changed the way I check the score on other player's matches. What I normally would do if I wanted to know a score of a match was instead of walking by and trying to sneak a peek without the player seeing (and trust me, they ALWAYS see you no matter how stealth-like you try to be!), I would ask people sitting near the match. Or, even better, text them, "Hey, you are close, what's their score?" without even moving NEAR the match, lol.

I never wanted my friends to see I was curious about the score because it's sharked me so much in the past. I didn't dare want to take a chance to accidentally shark them.

So I can relate completely with what The Cueist went through - and oh, I feel for him!

You might think that this means we're not mentally strong. Wrong!  That's really not the case at all. It's more of an unfortunate jolt and distraction that kind of throws off our momentum.

Sometimes we can recover, and unfortunately sometimes we can't.

I know what you are thinking... sheesh, Melinda, I can't do anything around my friends while they are playing.  Come on, that's not what I am saying!

Let me put it to you this way, if your friend was shooting free throws in key basketball game, would you be sitting in front of the basket?  No. You'd be doing all you could to sit like a statue on the other side of the room, maybe even hold your breath so he doesn't see you breathing, lol.

So, help a sister and brother out!

I'm sharing this and suggesting (okay, maybe begging) that you please don't go check people's scores or make it obvious that you're checking their score. This will help your friends out!

Distractions May Shark

I think I've written about this before, but wanted to shed a little light on something that can potentially shark me.  Maybe you can relate?

Some tournaments have scorecards to keep the score, while others use coins, and yet other tournaments have score sheets you fill out to mark each game.  Whatever scoring apparatus is used, most fans cannot see the score of the match from every vantage point in the room.

Yet, so many people, friends, fans, potential future opponents, etc want to know your score.  And when they cannot see the score, they either walk over to check it out, or send someone over to read the score.

Either way, this is actually something that used to shark me. Let's be honest, checking the score isn't as simple as slyly walking by.  The person sometimes has to step in front of the score card, or bend their body around to see where the coin is, or has to read the paper scoresheet that is sitting on the table between the players.  It's pretty obvious when we are playing matches when people check the score.

I know it sounds kind of outrageous, but if I'm losing badly and then I see someone check the score, it can make my embarrassment factor go up.  And if I'm winning and someone checks the score, I can sometimes get overconfident.  And finally, sometimes the score doesn't even matter - and instead, I become distracted by a person all of a sudden in the area of my match checking out the score - and that distraction can interfere with my rhythm at the table.

You all can relate to one or all of these, right?

(gosh I hope so, or else I sound pretty weak, lol!)

This is part of what I've been talking about lately - that if you have a strong mental game or you are in the zone, someone checking the score won't even bother you.  Heck, you may not even notice!

Eventually, things like this didn't bother me, as my mental game got stronger and stronger, but I admit it took a long time to get there in my pool journey.

You have to be in a good mental spot or you have to already know to not to let things like this bother you to help you become less distracted by things.

Wait, how do I not let things bother me, Melinda?

Good question!

Well, personally, one of the things that helped me was when I finally came to the realization that some things are just facts. And facts aren't normally tied to emotion.  The score doesn't represent if someone likes me or dislikes me, or judges me, or thinks I should win, or anything like that. If you look at it as it is, which is really just a score of a stupid game we love (lol), it wont affect you as much.

It's kind of hard to explain, but if you accept something as a fact, you're less likely to react to it, right?

Instead of wondering what they're thinking and why and starting to add doubt or anxiety into your head, just think to yourself, "Well... that.is.the.score."

Everyone has something that sharks them more than other things. Some people don't want you moving around, some people want you sitting at all times, some people don't want you to talk to them during the match, some people don't want you to talk to the crowd, others hate when you use your phone in a match etc..

There's always one thing that kind of rubs us the wrong way - and it's different for each person.

Mine happened to be people checking the score.

But!  Because I'm not competing anymore, you can't use this against me when I'm playing, LOL.  :)

Quieting the Talker - The Danielson Series

Have you all wondered where Danielson was?  Yea, me too.  Finally heard from him, though.

The other day I got a text out of the blue, "You busy?"

I hastily replied, "Not really, just sat down at a poker table in the poker room of Winstar Casino lol.  What's up?"

Turns out he was about to play a guy who was a real talker - one that had in the past got under his skin for being kinda cocky, crappy,and just talking too much when they played.  I guess you could say their banter got out of hand and became personal and rude, instead of fun jabbing among friends.  And now it was down-right sharking.

Danielson said he wanted to talk about the match with him.  I told him via text, "The goal is to shoot his nuts off.  Doesn't matter who your opponent is.  If he talks smack, punish him.  And focus on 3-ball-shape, you'll be fine."

His reply was, "Gotcha - best way to shut him up is to run out."

I reiterated, "Yep.  Punish him for talking."

The thing I failed to remind him was to not get upset.  When I say, "punish" someone, it's not an upset reaction, more so you are laughing at them, I'll show you not to talk to me that way hahaha by running out.  

I asked Danielson a few days later if my golden words of insight were helpful (I'm an only child, feedback is key for us only children, lol).  He said it was when he thought of it, yes.  So, I patted myself on the back and typed up this blog entry :)

Btw, he ended up losing only hill-hill, so I consider that a success!  From his perspective it wasn't, as he lost, but to overcome an adversary who you know ahead of time can get under your skin, is a success, not a defeat.  Then again, that didn't affect my pocketbook, so I can call it a success easier than Danielson can lol.

Remember people, punish them with your art on the pool table.  Quiet them and don't let others affect you.

Gamblers Choice

One of the benefits to gambling (in lieu of playing in tournaments), is you get to choose who you want to play, or not play.

There is always some who gets on our nerves that we run into at tournaments.  Some players complain, some shark, some whine, some throw temper tantrums, etc.  In a tournament, we have to deal with them.

BUT!  When a player gambles, they get to choose who they want to play against and who they want to put up with.

A friend of mine told me the other day, "This guy is the WORST in the area about complaining while he plays pool.  But, I don't want to play him anymore or deal with him.  I have too many choices of who I want to gamble with, so I just don't deal with him."

I thought it was a really great point.  Because again, in a tournament we have no choice who the bracket Gods bring our way.  But when you gamble, you get to decide, "Do I want to deal with their antics today or not?"

However, I do want to point out that playing players with some sort of attitude is a great test for us in our pool journey.  We have to run into people like them anyway in many different type of tournaments, might as well make it a learning experience instead of being so pissed at them that you can't even play pool.

How to Handle Breaks in Matches

One of the coolest things about blogging is I get to share answers to questions.  One someone asks me a question, first and foremost I'm honored they even thought to come to me. Second, I get excited to share the discussion via my blog because if one person is asking, many others usually have the same question.  So, we all win from these questions / answers and learning.

A couple of months ago I got a random question on a weekend.  My friend was playing in a pretty big two-day tournament and was having an issue she wanted some guidance on, so she reached out to lil ole me.

She said, "Have you wrote about taking a break during a match?  Everyone has been doing it to me because I have been up fast in the beginning of the matches."

I told her I thought I did once, but instead of searching for the link, I just kinda dumped my thoughts in the message back to her.  Poor girl.  And now I'd like to do that for you here!  Because it REALLY is a great question.  How do you handle it when people take breaks in your match?

If you can hit balls while they are on the break, that helps.

Some people take breaks because they are trying to regroup.  It's not always to throw off their opponent.  So, imho, there's two ways to look at it.  And whichever is best for you to succeed, is how you need to look at it.  Some people are like me and see the positive in things, so if someone takes a break, I focus on my thoughts only.  If you are the type who thinks they might be trying a move, then get pissed about it and punish them on the table when they get back.  Don't get upset about it and let it affect your game.  Instead, make them pay for trying to throw your momentum off.

The problem for her this tournament it seemed like every match she was up, her opponents would take a break.  On top of that, she herself never takes a break (unless she is ill) so when it kept happening to her, it really affected her.  

I told her I also don't take breaks either (unless I have to pee badly).  I've never in my life taken one to try and affect my opponent.

But I told her again:  either don't take it personal and see it as they are trying to regroup, or punish them.  And then I reminded her to focus on what she can control.  That's important too.  We can't stop them from going to the bathroom or trying to shark us.  So, control yourself, remain calm, and control your pool game.

The Way You Say Things

I think we all could be more careful with our choice of words.

Sometimes they come off harsh and rude and uneffective.  Obviously, this is true in all aspects of life, not just our pool game.

A friend of mine received some "advice" that wasn't very positive nor helpful.  It could have been said in a much softer, gentler, more effective way.  Instead, he told her, "You make things so much harder on yourself."

You may be thinking to yourself that wasn't that bad.  And you are right, it's not that bad.  But, it still could have been stated with less negativity and with more effectiveness.

Further, as soon as she told me his words of unwisdom, I told her, "Wow, now you will be thinking about that every time you have to play pool in front of him.  Darn it."

And she agreed in disappointment.

I've written several times about how the way people say things become a hindrance, not helpful.  Negative words, repeatedly from the same people, have affected me so much, that when they happen to watch me play pool, it distracts me because I get nervous about what they might say after my match.  Which, is never positive lol.  NEVER.

Luckily for my friend, her thought process is to improve so those words he said to her don't bother her.  As a matter of fact, she played in front of him at a weekly tournament full of great players and she placed 3rd!  Take those words and shove them up your a$$!  lol

Talking After You Miss

I find it amusing and yet frustrating at the same time how different players react after they miss a shot.

I'm referring to during tournament play.

I am a tad bit of an introvert and so when I miss a shot, I sit down and reflect about it internally.

For those that are a tad extrovert (or more), after they miss, they tend to want to talk to anyone within earshot about why they missed.

What players who do this don't realize is, it's really unfair to their opponent.

It's kinda of like having their own personal coach in their corner.  Let's face it, if I'm playing an extrovert named Mike, and he misses a shot and then starts to talk to someone about it, he feels better after explaining himself.  This isn't really fair to me - I am going through these same emotions and trying to get through them on his own, yet he gets to talk to someone about his.

Further, after Mike misses, it's now my turn at the table.  Yet, Mike is talking to his friend while I'm at the table trying to shoot!  How rude is it that?  After I missed, I sat down and was quiet.  Instead after he misses, I am distracted by him talking.

I realize it's habit to talk to someone nearby or especially if someone is an extrovert, but it truly isn't proper to do and isn't really fair.  It can also be considered sharking, which many people do think it is.

In reality, they are just miffed they missed and they want to vent to a friend.  But it's a distraction to your opponent.  Be kind, peeps!

The OB Cues Ladies Tour has a pretty strict rule that we can't talk to the audience, so for those of us who play on that tour, we are already "trained" to not talk to the audience or our friends.  For others, this is something not ingrained yet.

Tourney Director Duty - Talking During Matches

It's amazing to me how many times during an Omega tournament I have to ask players or friends of players not to talk to someone during a match.

I don't think people really understand the true dynamics that goes on when two people compete and that what happens along the sidelines affects BOTH players.

I can remember two vivid examples from when I first started playing pool that encapsulates this exact thing:

(1) I was watching June Hager Walter in the finals of a tournament in the mid-nineties and myself and another friend went to talk to her because she was struggling.  We didn't necessarily have any advice for her, we just recognized that she was struggling and so we just wanted to maybe distract her or make her laugh or something. We didn't quite know exactly what we were doing OR that we shouldn't be talking to her, until the Tournament Director (Belinda Campos Calhoun) came up to us and told us that we can't talk to her and we had to retreat to our chairs on the sidelines. We ran away with our tails between our legs not really knowing why.

(2) The other example that I remember vividly is I was gambling in a very small match in the mid to late nineties with a friend in Austin, TX at Eric's Billiards. This was THE place back then for tournaments. While I'm gambling with her, a friend of hers walks by and stops to chat with her.  After her friend leaves, my opponent apologizes to me.  At this point I'm a little confused why she is apologizing to me.  But she explained almost in these exact words, "I could go and on about all the dynamics and reasons why her coming up to me makes me feel better.... and that's really not fair to you."

What?  I was so new at competing I was like, whatever.  But, it was a huge, pivotal moment in my pool journey, also.  She was actually sharing how talking to a friend calmed her down and helped her play better because she "felt loved and relieved."  Since I had no one to talk to to get the same effect, it wasn't fair to me, she expressed. 

Because I have competed for the last 20 years and run big tours for 15 years, I understand and have seen the affects on BOTH players when someone is talking to a friend during a match.  When I am at the table trying to shoot and my opponent starts to have a conversation with someone they know (or even don't know), it's a distraction/disruption to me - the player trying to concentrate at the table.  Sometimes it feels like disrespect.  Depending on your mood and where you stand in the match (winning, losing, playing bad, etc), it may even escalate your reaction to what's going on on the sidelines.  And, that's the case whether the distraction is intentional or not.

And of course the reverse happens when I am sitting in my chair (struggling or not) and my opponent is at the table, and I hear a friendly voice talk to me.  Just like in those two instances above, I recognize (and have felt plenty of times) a sense of comfort, love, and support when someone I know talks to me while I'm in a match.  It calms me down.  And if you think of this dynamic in a competitive setting, it's really not fair to your opponent.  You're happy and calm, your opponent is distracted.

That's why on the OB Cues Ladies Tour you are not allowed to text.  You can easily imagine someone sending a text to a friend, "I'm playing like shit."  And they respond with comforting words or advice.  Again, not fair to your opponent who is NOT on their phone getting support.

And because I recognize all of these dynamics, and because I've been through it, and because I see how people act when it's happening, and because of the many complaints I receive during the Omega tournament, I have to sometimes ask people to refrain from talking to their friends during a match.

Just at the last Omega tournament, I had to ask a player to please not talk to his friends during his match.  They all were not happy with me, but it wasn't fair they were talking while the opponent was trying to shoot.  If it's one time or something, I wont interfere, but if it's every time you are away from the table, it needs to be addressed.

Also at the same event, a player's girlfriend was talking to her boyfriend in the middle of his match. They were drinking and having fun which is normally fine, but the players are competing for thousands of dollars and they're not there just to have fun quite honestly.  So I had to ask her not to sit near him.  It really wasn't fair to the other player who was trying to concentrate and play his best.  Further, when it was his turn to watch, he would sit quietly in his seat and not walk around and talk to friends.

People get upset with me and don't understand why I ask others to move or why I asked people not to talk to their friends, but in reality I'm just doing what's fair and equal for BOTH players.  So, if I'm considered a bitch because of that, I will take that title because these players are playing for a lot of money and they need to be playing in an equal atmosphere so they both give their best.

Even though most of the time it's never intentional, and we don't even realize talking to friends is bothering our opponent, it is still about mutual respect.

There are a lot of emotions, thoughts, and feelings that go into playing competitive pool. We've all heard that pool is mostly mental and that is true.  Therefore, that is why if I notice a player talking to friends during a match, I ask them not to.  It should be equal footing because of all the emotions already going on during a match.  And as a Tournament Director, part of my role is recognizing these things for the players.

Barking Gets Games

The other day, I heard about this player that was barking so much at another guy, it pissed him off so badly, he finally couldn't take it anymore and HAD to play the guy.

Normally he should get the 8ball, but he was so hot at all the barking that went on towards him for too long, his temper won and he gave in and just played even.

While the match ended up being close in the end, the player who /had/ to play because he was so riled up, ended up losing.

Days later I heard that the guy who was barking a lot told a friend of the situation.  He shared something like, "even tho I was prolly rude.... see?  He played; it works."

Interesting ploy.

There is so much to gambling and barking I don't understand, lol.

Compliments and Timing

During the weekend of that 8 ball tournament I played in at the beginning of April that I wrote about, I received a lot of compliments for some reason.

I am not sure if it was because people hadn't seen me in a while or what, but while it can make one feel good, the timing of them can be kinda of brutal.

I have been through so many experiences (ups and downs) while playing that I can actually handle what goes on around me pretty well and not let it bother me (or, I am at least better prepared to handle them because of all the experiences).  It's the one of the main reasons the biggest tip I give to players is to play in as many tournaments as you can.  The lessons are endless and will help you in future matches. 

The weekend was kinda weird in general though because of all the people I hadn't seen in a while or didn't know.  And it wasn't just because I hadn't been playing league, I think it was also because this pool room was pretty far north west of where I live and I hadn't been out that way in several years.  And also I think because I was this chick who people had heard won titles, so people were just sharing things to me they had heard.

At one point, someone said to me who I haven't seen in a few years, "I heard you have been playing really well."  And I gushed and said shyly shrugging my shoulders, "I guess so."  One of my friends (and recent teammate) pipes up and says, "have you not seen her play lately?"  The guy says no, and my teammate declares, "you are missing out if you haven't seen her play in the last 2-3 years."

I walked away feeling amazing I admit!

Wow, did he really just say that?  Awwww!

Fast forward to the next day and I find myself on the winner's side still.  As I'm IN THE MIDDLE OF A MATCH, I hear two people talking right behind me.  One is a bystander watching and the other is a player who I defeated the previous night and had just won his match that morning.  The bystander is asking him questions, did you just win, are you still in, are you on the winner's side?

The player says, "I'm on the one-loss side.  But it's okay, because I got beat by the best player in here."

The bystander asks who and he points to me, "her - she's the best player in here."

Mind you, this is a huge compliment right?  "Why would that bother you, Melinda"?  You are asking yourself right now.

Well, because I'm in the middle of a match and that actually puts pressure on a player.  It can give you either too much confidence or for some people, they would now want to "perform" well in front of this bystander that just heard I'm the nutz. 

Have you ever played well with too much confidence or trying to show off?  Nope; me either.  I have written about this before, but thinking about things like that can actually take you AWAY from your game.  You get a little big headed or aren't as focused and you don't play the same. 

See where I'm going with this "compliment"?

It's actually a pretty weird phenomenon.  If you tell someone who is running out and free-stroking against you in the middle of the match, "my goodness you are playing so well and staying down good!" it actually THROWS their game off.  I have seen people use it as a sharking technique.  Because the player then is thinking more about how they are playing instead of free-stroking like they were.

Of course, the seasoned players aren't deterred and may even laugh about the possible "move."

Luckily, I consider myself a season player and I have been through so much during competitions that the experiences I have gained taught me to simply ignore what the guy said and concentrate on the game at hand.

So, don't let words get you over confident.  I try not to listen or hear anything when I play - it can throw your momentum off.

The Clapper

I wrote the other day that I played in an 8-ball tournament. And I eluded to the fact that something bad happened so I'm going to talk about that now. If you don’t have time to read a long post, I apologize in advance lol.

51 players, Diamond bar tables, couldn’t play if your Fargo rating was below 640, and it was 8ball. Almost the perfect storm for me.  After fighting pretty tough on Saturday, I find myself on the winner’s side on Sunday!  I’m guaranteed 5th place.  :)   

I felt like I'm fighting for my life out there being the only girl left on Sunday, and everyone was talking about my game all weekend, too.  People I didn't even know were telling me they heard how well I played, or heard I was a champion, or people I hadn’t seen in a while were telling me how impressed they were.  As I drove 35 minutes on Sunday morning for Day Two to the location (near the beautiful Eagle Mountain Lake where I’ve hiked before), I thought about how the words of others and their expectations could be unnecessary pressure.  But, I know from experience to have NO expectations and to simply focus one ball, one game, one match at a time.  But, again, I was fighting for my life out there.  Playing with so much heart.  I was trying so hard and had the opportunity to finish high in this event, so it's just interestingly unfortunate that this crappy situation happened at the end.

I lose my first match on Sunday because of some brutal things that happened. I made the 8 ball TWICE out of turn (and this is a race to 4) and when the score was 3 to 2 him, I hooked myself on the 8-ball and didn’t tie it up - instead he won 4-2.  Those three things pretty much cost me the match, and so I lost.  Heart breaker - I would have been playing for the hotseat, dammit.

But now I'm on the one-loss side and as we start, there's another match going on right next to us, but they finish pretty quickly.  And so in a room full of 8 tables and lots of people watching, we are the /only/ match for the crowd and patrons to watch on the center stage.  And, this time it's a race to 3 so that makes it a little bit more intense on the mind because there's not a lot of chances in a race to 3. 

During this match at one point, I missed a shot and I heard someone say from the crowd, “come on Scott,” as I walked to my seat. I kind of looked toward the area of where the words came from because I thought the timing was kind of weird, but I told myself it was no big deal and that they were just rooting for their friend, not against me (I’ve written about this before how crucial that frame of mind is so it doesn’t become negative).

I make a couple of mistakes that match and he plays really good safeties, but I also capitalized well on some of his errors, and the match goes hill-hill!  

At hill-hill, I find myself at the table and after taking some time to survey the layout, I see which way I'm going to go with my patterns and I see a run.  I take my time and I'm playing really good, but I can tell my heart is racing as I can see the finish line (i.e, my run pattern is working out).  With only two balls left before the 8-ball, I shoot a long shot on the 3-ball to set up perfectly for the 1-ball.  I shoot it, and think I made it, but I missed the shot!

I'm pretty devastated at this point but devastation turned into bewilderment with a touch of appall.

Right after I missed this crucial 3 ball, someone clapped after I missed the shot. Yes they were clapping because I missed and because their friend was about to get to the table.

So at this point I'm pretty pissed off and my emotions took over.  I saw who it was and I stood there and I said to him from across the room, “Really?”

And he replies, “Yep. Really. “

I admit I was not happy at this point. Usually when this happens, someone might say hey I'm sorry you're right, or raise their hand as an apology.  But he was very defiant. He could give two s**** that he just clapped.  As I'm walking back to my chair, I'm still looking at him and I proclaim, "I would never do that to you.  I would never to that to anybody.  That's just not right."  And he's just looking at me smiling, cocky, and could care less what I was saying.

While this exchange was happening, one of my friends was standing near him (this is difficult to describe), and as soon as I said “Really?” to him, my friend got caught completely off-guard that I was calling him out. He kinda bent over with that “oh shit!” kinda movement and bolted out the door out of the line of the fire.  He could not believe that I was saying something to this guy and his reaction was actually priceless. (only funny part to this story)

So I sit down in my chair and I see my opponent running out. I see he's going to get out, and I see I'm not going to get another chance at the table. I shook his hand after his run, and congratulated him. Hardly anyone clapped at this point, everyone could feel the tension in the air. He said he was real sorry what the guy did.  I told him his friend was rude and he agreed.  

So then I had to go get my money and I walked over to the tournament director and he and his helper both told me that that wasn't right and apologized.  In the midst of being angry, I made some stupid comment like, “yea, I may not ever play here again.”  But I didn’t mean it - I was just pissed.

But, it was a local player rooting for their local friend.  It was just tough being an outsider already coming in there playing and people rooting against you like that. I know that people root for their friends and I understand that, but to clap when someone misses while you're playing your heart out, just was really brutal and bad etiquette.

Of course wrestling with my emotions, I share this on Facebook, and told a few friends about it who aren't on Facebook. Many people told me "lucky I wasn't there," or that they wouldn't have blamed me if i called him names, and many wanted to know who it was and suggested I should blast his name and photo on Facebook.  lol.

But, I have learned never to call people names, even in the heat of arguments I wont do it.  I just kinda learned that name-calling just leads to unfortunate situations and more anger.  And that was last thing I wanted to do was make this guy angry.  And I would never put this guy on blast and publish his name or anything - that's just not who I am. I mean, I feel bad it happened.  But I’m actually glad it happened to me because I can handle it, even though I was pissed about it at the time.  But, it’s not the end of the world and I know he probably didn't really even mean to do that.  It was just a reaction (I hope that he would not do that deliberately, because if that's the case then I'll completely re-write the theme of this blog entry LOL.).

 
People also kept talking about karma.  Well, I don't really don't believe in karma.  I just hope he learns from this and I don’t wish no ill will on anybody.
  

The only thing I’m disappointed about is I was upset afterwards when I should have been elated I finished 5th. There’s a lot of emotions that go into playing pool hard. I should be happy I placed 5th out of 51 players in this tough tourney!  But it ended this way within 2 minutes of me being put out, and that really puts a sour note on to what should be a fabulous weekend for me. But, in the end, and after some time of reflection, I am pretty stinking proud of myself for doing so well. :) I surprised myself!

But again, I’d rather it happen to me than someone else; anyone else actually.

This does make for a very interesting blog entry tho, doesn't it? 

Timing of Comments

I mentioned the other day that I broke and ran my first rack at league. But what I didn't share was that it wasn't easy.

What's crazy is my captain has been playing bad and he recognized that I was playing good, so he actually switched us up in the lineup so that I would have more breaks than himself.

So, for some reason, my 8-ball breaks on a bar table are working really well for me. Seems like I've been struggling with them for 2 years and now that I want to step away from the game, it's coincidental that I'm not scratching, making a ball every time, and the cue ball is sitting itself right in the center of the table.  It's really quite comical that my breaks are working out now - and by the way I don't recall changing anything except moving the cue ball a tad to the left when I break now (which didn't seem to help last year when I tried this change).

Back to my story - so I make a ball on the break and I see that stripes are much better than solids.  I have to make one risky shot but I know it's the right shot for the out, otherwise I won't be able to get up and down the table for a good leave on the 8ball.

I'm staying down well, I'm breathing well, and I feel like all eyes are on me.  I then leave myself a tricky 8 ball shot in the side.  It was really the only available pocket I had and I felt good I was able to get shape for it in the side, even if it wasn't an easy shot.

So, you're probably wondering, "well what part of this rack was tough?"  Well, it was my opponent!  You see, as soon as I made my last ball before the 8ball, my opponent says to me, "Come on Melinda, really?"

At this point I'm a little more than annoyed because number one, I still haven't run out.  Number two, this is the case ball.  Number 3, why would you possibly ever think that it would be okay to say something before I'm about to shoot the final ball?

I realize he was saying it because I was about to run out on him and he not get even one shot.  But, I was not very happy because it was a tough shot AND it wasn't over yet.  He couldn't wait til after I made the 8ball to say something?  Luckily I did make the 8ball to run out for the win.  But I had to really re-focus and bear down, as he definitely distracted me. 

I'm suggesting that even in league, it is still important to be aware of your words and timing.  I think it's actually unsportsmanlike, even though he was probably trying to be funny, the timing was hideous.

And I can tell you that if I would have missed the tough 8 ball, the tone of this blog post would have been much different!  

Defending People's Character

The one thing I have learned the hard way is that no matter how much you say you aren't a cheater or sharker, or no matter how much you stress to someone a certain player isn't, it wont change their mind.  And nothing will.

Once a player is in a match and they witness their opponent move when they shoot, or talk while down on their shot, or take too many bathroom breaks, or they "think" they lied about a foul, the damage is already done.  And nothing you can say will ever make that player think their opponent didn't do those things intentionally.

I see the glass half full.  So, when I hear someone sharked someone else, I just simply don't believe them.  And, if I know them personally and I know that's not even in them to do that, I will defend them even more.

But, it doesn't matter what I say - the person already thinks ill things about the player and the damage is already done. 

It's sad too, but it's the truth. 

And what's worse is - the player who "felt" being sharked against, will never forget and will always think that player is a cheater or sharker.

During competition, emotions can run high (especially if you are losing).  And it causes us to not think clearly or rational sometimes.  And when a situation occurs while we are competing our little hearts out that looks like sharking, we just can't imagine it isn't really sharking.

People on the sidelines see something completely different.  Why?  Because we aren't in the midst of the competition ourselves.  We are a bystander and see the whole situation different.  AND, we do not have any emotions invested like the competitors themselves do.  So, each we see the same situation completely differently.

But when you are the one on the receiving end, it doesn't matter what you hear afterwards, your mind is already made up.  And no matter what I say or try to defend the player, they just wont listen or hear me. 

Even when we try to defend ourselves, it just doesn't work.  The perception of being a sharker or cheater is already there.  And it's extremely frustrating when people don't believe us.  "That is NOT who I am!"  But we aren't listened to; no one believes us; the damage is done.  We will forever be labeled as a sharker or cheater to that person.  It's a done deal. 

Yes, I know there are cheaters and we all know who they are - but it's the ones that aren't, who are on the receiving end of an unfortunate situation, that pay the price for one offense or for a misinterpreted situation. 

PlayGround Bullying

I was pretty lucky as a child.  I didn't get bullied frequently like I hear other kids are bullied nowadays, or even in the past.

However, what I have realized is, there is bullying going on in the pool room.

I know you can all relate.

Some players just, well, bully us.

They are verbal, rude, harass, intimidate, etc.

What's weird is, I didn't really have a description/word for the players who made my friends and I feel uncomfortable.  It was just something we talked about; something we dealt with; something we felt.

Then one day at work I came across an article about bullying and I realized, "Hey!  That describes those players exactly - they are bullies!"

They are the adult version of bullies in the playground.  But our playground is the pool room where we compete and try to earn titles and maybe even some cash.

And, it's not fun to play against bullies in tournaments.

We try to avoid them at all costs if we can.  Barely even saying hi.  We may say hi as we pass by them, but in reality we are just glad we aren't in a match with them because it's too unnerving and stressful.

When we look at the tournament charts, we hope and pray they are in a different bracket so we don't have to run into them.

I am copying this from the article:

More people than ever are aware that bullying exists. Bullying can be defined as a series of aggressive, inappropriate, or unreasonable activities directed at an individual or group of people. Some typical bullying behaviors include:

• Threats
• Intimidation
• Humiliation
• Exclusion from a peer group
• Harassment

Personally, I think it's pretty sad we have to deal with bullies while trying to compete, but unfortunately, that's how things are sometimes. 

And, we all know who they are.  It's no secret which players my friends and I would rather never play in a match.  While pool is competitive, it's also a tad fun, right?  But it's miserable when you play a bully.  And how can we focus on playing our best when we are dealing with sharking and verbal rude comments and tension from our opponents?

All part of the game, I know.  But, I wanted to at least address it.  It's something definitely out there we have to deal with at times.

Be Aware of the Drunks

I was playing league last night in my ladies league.

Before we started, one of our opponents, and a friend of mine, was playing a guy who had been hovering around.

I did not know if she knew this guy or not.  Let me just begin right now calling him "the Drunk".

He played against her and it seemed like he was flirting with her.  Which is fine - flirt all you want, dude.  But you'll need to get off the table soon so we can start our match.

Sure enough, I have to play my friend first, who was just playing the Drunk.

We play on the same table that they had been hitting balls on, and sure enough, there he was:  lurking, watching, drunk.

After she racked the balls, she had to walk by him because he was using the wall to lean on, and he says, "just don't leave her a shot and you'll do fine."

I am sitting there like, "Really?"

But, I knew he was drunk.

She broke and we went back and forth a little bit because of a lot of clusters.

Every time she got to the table he would lean toward her and say, "just don't leave her a shot."

I normally would get upset at "coaching."  But let's look at a few things:

1. He was drunk
2. He repeated the same "advice" and didn't really talk about particular shots
3. He was drunk
4. He wasn't a friend of hers
5. He wasn't doing it deliberately, he just wasn't aware he shouldn't have been

I was glad I didn't get upset, because people like that can be very distracting.  And when she would make a shot, he would spout out, "good shot!"

Towards the end of the game, he tells her again, "just don't leave her a shot."  And she finally turns to him and says smartly, "You aren't suppose to talk to us during our matches during league!"

He stood there holding the wall up, and didn't say anything again.  But he was too drunk to even realize he should have just moved out of the area.  Eventually he left, after that match, but it's amazing how he was kinda distracting for both of us.  But, since we were both aware he was simply drunk, we didn't really let it get to us and tried to play pool with that surrounding.  I've bee around much worse drunks trying to play, so it wasn't too bad.  Just weird.

Tools in Our Tool Box

What is in your toolbox?

Do you use ALL your tools when you play pool?

There are so many.  Do you use them all?

Maybe it's taking breaks.

Remembering to act/be confident.

Breathe to slow down your adrenaline.

Drink lots of water.

Have no mercy.

There are SO many things to remember when you play in tournaments.  Let's face it.  Stay down.  Sit still.  Breathe.  Try to beat your opponent 7-0.  Wear comfy clothes.  Hit balls before hand.  Eat something effective.  Keep mental notes handy to review.  Oh, and pause then follow through.

While obviously you shouldn't be thinking about all of this during a tournament, you must still be aware of SO many things in your tool box.

For instance.

I was talking to a player back in December during a break she had after a tough win.

She shared something with me, that I'm still shocked about.

The tables are kind of close to each other in a certain part of the room.  She was playing a tall opponent.

She would deliberately leave a safety down a certain end of the pool table, so her opponent would have a difficult time making the shot b/c she would be crouched against another table to shoot, and have an awkward stance.

WOW.  I had never thought of that.

Talk about using ALL the tools in your toolbox!

Makes me wonder what other tools are out there, as I hadn't thought about this one before!

Are They Really Sharking You?

During the Omega Tournament in January, I was sitting at the tournament desk on Sunday and all of a sudden I hear someone talking very loud at me.

I look up and a player is visibly upset.

He's about two and a half tables away, but he was still standing there upset, and raising his voice at me.

"You gonna let him go take a cigarette break?   Really?  I just won 3 games in a row and he has to take a break now?"

I didn't really understand completely what was going on.

But with what I knew, I replied over the tables, "Yes, he can take a break."

"But right now?  He's obviously trying to slow me down because I just won three games in a row and now it's only 3-4."

I stood my ground, "Everyone can take a break each match.  Whether it's to smoke or go to the bathroom, they can take a break."

He was STEAMING.  I could see it in his eyes.

His opponent came back quite quickly, even for a smoke break, and they continued their match.

I would find out later that his opponent had him down 4-0, and he came back and ran 3 games in a row and that's when his opponent took a break.

My optimistic side automatically says that the guy who took the break prolly just simply needed a break.  He was up 4-0, now he's down, and they are playing on the non-smoking side, so he took his break to go smoke a cigarette.

If I was pessimistic, I could see how I would think the guy was deliberately taking a break to slow down his opponent.

I just don't believe a lot of people do "mean" things intentionally.   My heart tells me that the guy just wanted to take a break because HE needed one.  I'm pretty naive, huh?  Or, do I just have a big heart?  I just don't think that way.

But, maybe I'm wrong.  Players do take breaks at "convenient" times, huh?

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

I understand when players show their emotions whether they are happy or upset.

But some players turn downright nasty and mean when they get upset.

I have seen it so many times.  Player is gambling and winning and they are smiling, joking, laughing,  and interacting more with the people around them.

But when they get upset, threatened, mad at rolls, pissed they are losing to a weaker player, they actually lash out.  The don't just show they are upset, they are simply downright mean.

Mean to their opponents, mean to anyone.  I have been lashed into after someone is upset how badly they placed in one of the Omega Tournaments before.

"I got paid about as much as a weekly tournament," He snapped at me in my face.

While I understand he was upset, lashing out at me because HE got beat or dogged it is not really right.

Another time, this same player was upset during league playoffs at my team.

They were losing and he was standing behind a few of us, bad mouthing a player on my team.  Even being intentionally being loud enough to be heard by the player at the table.

"He should have taken stripes.  He has no idea what he is doing.  He doesn't know how to win."

We ended up winning (that was the hill-hill game) but for him to be so vocally mad to shark my teammate was pretty crappy.

But, some players just can't contain their negative emotions.

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

Wearing Your Emotions

People either hold in their anger or show it during/after matches.

I overheard this exchange at one of the Omega Tournaments this year:

"If I get mad, it's not at you.   I just have to let it out.  I can`t keep it in like you," a player told his opponent right before they started their match.

His opponent would tell me later, after I asked him about it, "oh I'm sure I get just as mad, I get just as mad inside tho; I just don't show it on the outside."

Another time, I handed a player their envelope with cash in it, and he ripped it right in half in front of me.

Yikes!

But, he was just upset he lost and only got about $50.

Many people are judged when they show emotions when competing when in reality, we just all show it differently and handle it differently.

Being raised verbally abused, I know what it means to show anger and to express yourself loudly.

And I used to show my emotions also when I first started to compete in pool.

In my career/job,  I took many of the leadership classes and finally learned after years and years of maturing, learning, life experiences, and trying to be a better person, I finally learned to not spat off at people,  not raise my voice when I'm angry, and be more professional at all times (even during very tough times).

And of course this carried over into my pool journey as well.

I also saw how others looked when they "acted up" after they lost or got a bad roll and I didn't want to be that person anymore.

It also helped to be a Tournament Director, as I had to be a rep as well.

However, where I struggle sometimes is I recognize that emotions are part of the game.  However, reacting badly and causing a scene is actually bad sportsmanship.  As a Tournament Director, where do I draw the line and have to say something?

(View the rules of Sportsmanship on the Omega Billiards Tour:  HERE)

I should have talked to a couple of players when I ran another Tour for over-the-top behavior and rudeness. But venting and showing too much negative emotions can be construed as bad sportsmanship.   But, that's just how some people show their emotions, while others show it later on the drive home or by walking outside fuming lol.

I know how tough it is to NOT show emotion. And some people are simply OK with showing  their frustration, even when all of us look at them like ,"there they go again. "

I think taking all those leadership classes has helped me deal with all the different situations that can come up during events.  I'm pretty lucky.   And I suppose the players are too, lol.

Team Line Ups

Although I have a lot of good things to write about from the ACS Nationals, one of the things I witnessed was NOT good.

Actually, it upset me and perturbed me pretty badly.

On our way to the hotseat match, we ran into a really good team from Texas.

We started the match about 630pm, and it was 8-ball, and we had 4 players each on our team.  I flipped, the opposing Captain took the "home" side and then I walked back to my team and got out the score sheet to fill out.

I filled it out as best I could - putting the best player in the clutch position and then pitting the other 3 players in positions best for the team.  In a race to 10, it may seem easy to do, but it's still strategic placement.

I fill out the names and I wait patiently (okay maybe not) at one of the pool tables for the other captain to bring her score sheet over so I can fill in HER players' names.

Well, she comes over, and her FORM IS NOT FILLED OUT.

wtf?!

She then looks at MY score sheet and fills out her player's names based on where *I* put the name of all my teammates.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I was in such shock, I just watched her.  Mortified.

I *should* have grabbed my sheet and hid it behind my back and told her to come back when hers is filled out (nice how I think of these things days later, lol).

Well, I'm pretty miffed but it was too late.  My teammates told me she was prolly doing it deliberately to rile me up, lol.  I think she was just trying to pit the right players against each other, but imo that's not allowed/ or right.

Right?

We are suppose to fill out our sheets and THEN share the names.  Not look at the lineup and then decide where to put players.

We won that match and would play them again later on in the tourney.

This time, I hid my sheet until she was done filling hers out.  But, she comes over, and hasn't filled hers out!

OMG REALLY?

So she's standing there and asks me, "Which game is the hill-hill game?"

REALLY?!

This is the final match of the tourney and you do NOT know this yet?  REALLY?

I point it out to her, which I shouldn't have.  And she filled out two names.  Then changes one of the names.

Then she added the other two.

I was SO happy when I saw her final line-up b/c she wasn't breaking against me (she slow-breaks).

I then call out the first two matches.

Then she says, "Hold on, making a change."

And she changed two of the names around and now she's breaking against me.  OMG.

My sheet was all messed up because I used a pen!

I can't believe people would really look at someones sheet before filling theirs out.  Smooth tactic.  Rude, smooth tactic!  One I would never use.  One I wont ever let her use again.

Lesson learned from her!

$%^%^*!@