Mental Toughness During a Pandemic

Seems like the title is a a paradox, right?  The pandemic, if anything, has affected our mental strength because there are so many unknowns, and stress, and impacts to our daily lives, etc.

And what about our pool game and mental toughness during these remarkable times?

I have written a couple of times this year that from my experience, if you have solid fundamentals, your game will not go down during the pandemic. So, stop sweating it or worrying if you can't play a lot of pool - your solid fundamentals will carry you!

While I wholeheartedly believe this deep in my soul, there is a part that I forgot.

Oooops.

I am being reminded because of the struggle, tough times, and nerves that Katniss and The Cueist (and maybe you if you are back to playing) are feeling lately. Katniss said after a little tournament she played in, "It's like I lost my kilter instinct" and The Cueist shared in his recent blog post, 

I started to get nervous! Now, don't get me wrong, I get nervous all the time. But I haven't felt nerves BEFORE walking into the poolroom since the early part of my pool career. The only difference was that this time around, I was nervous about not playing up to my usual expectations, and making a fool of myself.

I wrote about this same 'anguish' back in late 2016 - basically that I had played in a little tournament and while my fundamentals were solid still, my mental toughness was NOT, because I had not been playing in league or tournaments; I had cut down on my competing.

Yes, fundamentals are key. But, the brain is a muscle as well.  

Honestly, the only thing that keeps me from competing well after taking years off is not my stroke, but the pressure I feel. The more we put ourselves in pressure situations, we find ourselves becoming stronger and stronger in those situations. But, if you aren't competing, that part of our game, that big muscle, has not been worked on.

As I said two years ago, 

"The bottom line is, I know myself and based on my past attempts the last few years at playing in tournaments, I already know that I am only mentally strong when I'm consistently competing. Once I stopped competing, that mental toughness definitely went away for me. 

As a matter of fact, I noticed it was the first thing that went away for me.  Even though the brain is a muscle, for me my muscle memory in my arms and in my pre stroke routine were still there, but not in my mental toughness."

So, what can you do about this?

What would I do?

Take advantage of what you can control: I would read about mental toughness!  

If you can't play in high pressure situations, then improve your mental toughness the only other way if you can't compete: READ, LEARN.

Winning Ugly is a book I have HIGHLY recommended a lot in my blog. You cannot read that book and not improve in your mental toughness arena.  I PROMISE. Therefore, pick up the book and read it when you can't compete. I also recommend Mental Toughness Training for Sports. But, the point is, find books or articles or watch video Ted Talks about mental toughness, how to gain the killer instinct, how to be mentally stronger, etc.  

I have this good book within arms reach right now,:

(watch out, you will also learn about leadership as well when you read about the mental toughness topic)

There are a ton of books out there for many different sports, but I recommend those about golf or tennis most.

I admit nothing can take the place of playing regularly in the middle of true pressure situations, but you can at least still work on it in other ways. Give yourself an advantage over your competitors for when you do start to play pool again. 

One side note. When I was in my late 20s, my mentor suggested I read Mental Toughness Training for Sports. I happened to be in a big slump and was playing terribly. So, I decided to take some time off and NOT play pool. And so I read that book during the time I wasn't hitting balls or competing. My mentor told me later, "I wanted to share that with you, but wasn't sure you would stop playing for a bit. Not playing pool while reading/learning about the mental game is a great plan."

Again, if you can't play pool, work on your game! 

Someone has to win, right? Might as well be you because you put in the time to improve in so many different ways even when you can't play pool regularly!

Give Examples When Giving Advice - Project Hunger Games

A few months ago I sent Katniss a little tip via text before a tournament she was playing in.  I normally just say "Have fun! Enjoy playing the game we love to play!"

I never say good luck or kick ass - I just keep things upbeat and positive.

I looked online and saw that the pool room where the tournament she was going to play in, had diamond bar tables. I wondered if she had ever played on them before (we hadn't ever discussed it). I also don't know how many diamond bar tables are in her town. She doesn't live in Dallas / Fort Worth and I'm not privy to most other areas anyway.

But, I learned something that helped me exponentially one time, and I wanted to share that with her.

From a previous blog post (linked here), describing advice from my scotch doubles partner who was a pro:

"...he knew them [the 7foot Diamond tables] well. He stressed that the team who stroked the balls the smoothest would win. He showed me how he barely had to hit the ball to get it around the table."

While I don't like to give advice right before any tournament, surely not the morning of a tournament, I decided to this time. I broke my rule of thumb, went out of my comfort zone, and after I hit send on my phone, I was nervous.

REAL nervous.

Did I do the right thing? Maybe I shouldn't have done that.  What did I do?

You see, most players should already be prepared before a tournament and if you throw something at them new right before, it could throw their game off (not on).

But, I did something different this time.  Instead of just saying something like, "The tables are fast, so have a smooth stroke," I gave her an example to go along with the tip.

I told her (hold on a sec while I go look at my text, this was several months ago...…)

Okay, I'm back.

I told her: 

Goal today: have fun. And if you're playing on diamond bar tables, you don't need to hit the ball hard, just a smooth stroke to get around the table.  Picture Mister B playing on the diamond, he never strokes hard, just smooth and pocket speed.

('Mister B' is a top player in her area that she has seen on streams, that I already knew played with a smooth stroke well on Diamond tables)

She said thank you and I didn't hear from her again.

I wondered throughout the weekend.. how is she doing? Did that mess her up? Did it help or hurt? WHaaaaat?!

lol.

I heard from her the Monday after (that's usually when I get tidbits from her for the Katniss Project of my blog), and she shared:  "OMgosh that helped me SO much!"

Immediate relief came through my soul.

"It did, really?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed.  "It helped me to visualize him playing; helped a lot. I focused all day on the "Mister B mantra."  And I believe that's what helped me finish well in this tournament. "

I giggled at her words, "Mister B mantra."  Evidently, that's what she focused on throughout the tournament and it helped her on the tables.

I was relieved and very happy I didn't hurt her. I think the key was to share an example she could visualize.

Let me give an example (see what I did there?).  If I tell you to lower your body so that your cue is near your chin, and that will give you a more solid stance, you would think, whatever Melinda.

But what if I added, 'Picture Allison Fisher.'  The tip all of a sudden becomes more impactful because you can see in your mind her doing that.

Same for Katniss.

So, don't forget to use concrete examples people can picture in their mind, when giving advice.

Passion Can Come Across as Upset

One of the things on my "to-write-about" list is something I noticed I did back in November.  I didn't get around to writing about it yet, though. Dang it.

And then what do you know, I found myself doing it again just last week. Now I'm even more determined to write about this, as it is something I am not proud of at all.

What did I do that was so horrible?

I got on to a friend for something I am passionate about.

I know, doesn't sound horrible per say.

But, when I am passionate about something that I learned that helped me deeply and strongly about my pool journey, I tend to speak up more about it.

It's difficult to describe.

However, let me share something real quick:  I recall distinctly a friend in the late 90s telling me that my personal goal to win Most Improved Player was ludicrous.  It took me awhile to realize her point, but she was saying basically my goal was dependent on others. I had no control over that - someone else decided that "title" (and no, I did not win it, even though I came close).

So, fast forward 20 years and I kinda got on to my friend who shared with me back in November ironically that was her goal for the upcoming year. I should have listened more to her and also been kinder in my response. Instead, my passion for what I learned took over and I didn't really acknowledged her goal, just more so told her it wasn't a good idea.  I didn't want her to go through the same thing I learned the hard way. But, I could have stated it all better, as I told myself as I drove away from our outing.

Fast forward 9 months later and I recognized on my drive home from visiting with a different friend, that I kinda got on to her for a comment she made about big tables versus bar tables.

I admit when I am passionate about something or feel strongly about something that exponentially helped my game, I will speak up. But I don't need to be rude about it.  Ugh.  I pretty much told my friend she was wrong, and I kept stating all these reasons I learned why it's best to only practice on a 9 foot table, and that that will in turn actually help you when you get to smaller tables.

I even quipped, "don't you read my blog?" lol.

She laughed at the moment, but I am betting she felt badly I was so vocal about the topic.  (here is just one blog entry I wrote about why it's crucial to practice on 9 foot tables and how helpful it is to your game on all table sizes.)  (see, I can't stop!)

I really need to be better at giving advice at times.  Just because I learned something that deeply helped my game, doesn't mean I need to be a bully about it. I can be kind and still make points.

I am trying to figure out why I was so vocal these two times, when usually I'm pretty calm and reserved, and actually carefully think about how I'm saying my advice. I want my learning experiences and advice it to be received well, so I normally am very careful with my word choices so they don't come across harsh.  Not sure what was going on these two times.  My apologies.

 

Offering Support Without Pressure (pool and everyday life)

Just as you all experience, also, our every day life overlaps with similar things we experience in our pool game.

I have stated many times I am very careful how I speak to friends before they compete. I try to not ever add pressure with my choice of words. People that say on social media "win it!" or "hope you do well!" or "you got this!" aren't way overboard pressure comments, I admit, but there are better word choices.

As a matter of fact, I actually never say "good luck" to anyone before a match or tournament.  I always try to say something like, "enjoy the game we love" or "have fun!"

See what I did there?

I didn't add pressure and I reminded them to have fun (we usually forget that, right?) and reminded them to enjoy the game. A lot times we are so consumed with trying to perform well or place well, we forget that if we just think about how much we love the game, enjoy playing, and have fun, we actually do a lot better.

You all know I'm right!

I have recently experienced this same situation wishing my supervisor at work and also my mentee at work (I'm in a mentor program through my company) good luck on interviews.
I have to say, I really struggled with what to say and how to say it.  Well, I didn't struggle per se, but I did a lot of backspacing (lol) and reevaluating my choice of words. I didn't want to add to the pressure they already felt being interviewed for a promotion.

It so much reminded me how careful I am with my choice of words to friends either in text or on social media about wishing them luck on an upcoming tournament. It's a very fine line imho.

I used to get irritated by how people worded these to me before tournaments. So, I came up with a great solution! (1) I didn't let social media friends know the morning of an event I was even at a tournament and (2) in case they did find out or someone tagged me, I stayed off social media until I was finished for the day OR until I was completely out of the tournament on Sunday. I wanted NO distractions (good or bad) so I did what was best for my mental toughness, and it was a very successful plan for me to just stay off social media until I was done and then give the great (or sad lol) update!

When my mentee was chatting with me about her interview the next day, I debated so much with what to say. I finally just said, "hey, just remember to breathe." And she loved that advice because she is an extrovert and can sometimes keep talking and talking - this reminded her to take breaths and not rush.

With my boss, I backspaced SO much on my text to him. Not good luck, not break a leg, not hope you do well, not you'll be fine, etc.  I didn't even want to tell him, "get some rest tonight" as I didn't want him to stress in case he couldn't sleep in his hotel room worrying about the interview, lol. I finally just said, "be yourself." Which even that I wondered about haha.

You have to understand that because I have test anxiety, I am more careful with my words to people before big life events, but it's also because so many times I have heard from friends who were nice-intentioned, but their words still added pressure.  So, I might be going overboard a little bit, but I know in my heart sleep better at night being super caring and aware to not state pressure-related words at all to my friends before competing or big life events.

Now, reflect: how are YOU giving advice?

My Experiences May Not be Good Advice - Project Hunger Games

Katniss (of the Project Hunger Game Series section of my blog) shared with me she played a tournament match on a stream table a few months ago.  Being the person I am who asks questions because I'm inquisitive, I asked her if she watched the match afterwards.  Well, and in order to write about her pool journey I need to ask questions, right?  haha

This is one of those situations, though, I have realized I think I share too much of my own experiences, that are not helpful to others.

You all know I have written several times about how listening to streams affected my play. Back when I was playing competitively often, if I listened to streams and if what they said wasn't positive (unlike Billy Guy who I wrote about who was not only effective, but never negative), I discovered it affected my future play on stream tables.  Sometimes they would say negative, hurtful, unattractive things about people's games.

But not only that, people in the chat hide behind keyboards and they would say pretty crappy things in the comments. It's almost like they don't even realize what they're saying is rude.

However, no matter how much they're hiding, usually what they are saying is true. But, it just happens to not be stated in a very nice way at all, right?

So, that's why towards the end of my pool journey I didn't want to watch streams. Not ust because of what the commentators said oftentimes, but also because what I read from the peanut gallery might be in the back of mind for my next stream matches.

Does that make sense?

In other words, when I was on a stream I would get nervous because I would think about the people that might be on there that would be judging me. That's the bottom line. I wasn't mentally strong enough to look at it the way Tina Malm does (which I wish I could have, which I wish I did! lol).

So, it kinda freaked me out to be on the stream. Don't get me wrong, I became mentally strong in the last couple of years of my successful pool journey, and so I won many more matches than lost on the streams, but I am not shy to admit I was internally tormented trying to not think about people watching/commentating if I made a gross mistake, and just focus on the match in front of me.  Luckily I learned and instilled many tips to keep me focused on the game in front of me, but it was still tough at times not to be distracted by my own negative thoughts of the "what ifs" about the people watching me on the stream.

Back to Katniss....

I had shared with Katniss (after she told me she hadn't yet watched her recorded match) that she should watch it with the sound off. And I also told her to not read the comments.

Now, she's a big girl she can listen to the commentators and she can read the comments - it was just my suggestion.

But, honestly, I'm not sure it was a good suggestion on my part.

I can tell that Katniss is more mentally strong and mentally tougher than I was at her spot in her pool journey, so I really don't think that she would have the same negative effects that I did.

And I need to really be careful about my advice.  I need to remember that my lack of mental toughness was my experience.  And therefore, I should not give such pinpointed advice.  Instead of suggesting to her not to turn the sound on or read comments, I should state it in another way or maybe not be so specific with my advice. Just because I was deeply affected along the way in my pool journey with this topic doesn't mean others will be.

Don't get me wrong - Katniss is her own person and she listens to advice and then decides on her own what to do and not do, so it's not like she HAS to do what I suggested. But I can help be better in these situations and be more general about things like this.

Choice of Words on Streams

For someone who stated I don't listen to streams sure has been posting a lot about what they hear on streams lol.

But, I have discovered recently certain tournaments have really good commentators, so want to definitely talk about them!

I listened to the stream of the DFW 9-Ball Tour last month. This is the tour that took over the Omega Billiards Tour I used to run.

I was very impressed with the commentators! Several of the players seem to consistently commentate - a few I recognize the voices (like Jeff Georges who is a great commentator), but others I have no idea who they are lol because I'm away from pool halls now.

But, you all know I do my homework so I put on my Big Investigator Hat and went to work finding out who commentated certain matches so I could talk about them, errr, showcase them in my blog.

I found out one of the players I wanted to point out was Billy Guy - he was a really fantastic commentator!

One of the things I admired most (besides his vast knowledge of the game), was how he handled commentating matches of players who aren't seasoned.

While I listened to him and watched the stream, I recognized and was very impressed with his wording choices. You see, if a player did something unconventional or maybe kept making the same mistake, instead of calling the player out or saying something rude/hurtful, he was actually very kind with his choice of words.

I was so impressed, I think he should be a coach to players because he has a way of making a point without being judgmental.

Now come on people, don't make fun of me! I know you all know someone who has given you crappy and hurtful advice, no matter how well-intentioned, right?

Anyway, the one thing he did repeatedly was instead of saying what the player did wrong, he would instead say what they should have done with a preface like, "I'm a big fan of..."

Let me give an example instead of being vague, lol.

If a player was, I dunno, continually using top English on certain shots, when instead they would get better results using a stop shot, Billy would say something like, "Again, I'm a big fan of using a stop shot for that position. It allows me to control the cueball and also get great shape for the next ball. Top English on those shots can cause too much unnecessary movement with the cueball."

This might sound perfectly normal and you might be thinking, "Well, Melinda, isn't that how most people would say that?"  I would argue no. I can guarantee you I've heard instead from other commentators something like, "What are they doing? Why do they keep using top?"

[Watch out - here's where I talk about leadership in my blog]

You may think the second example is perfectly fine, but I would argue that it:

1. passes judgement (What are they doing?) 
2. doesn't give suggestions, alternatives, or advice like Billy Guy did ("Using a stop shot for that shot allows me to control the cueball and to get great shape for the next ball.")
3. And further, doesn't explain why this other option might be better ("Top English on those shots can cause too much unnecessary movement with the cueball.")
4. Billy's intro was so gentle and not passing judgement or blame on to the player, either. "I'm a big fan of …" and actually points to himself, not to the player.

So, which one would you listen to and learn from if someone said this to you:

"What are you doing? Why do you keep using top?"

OR

"You know what, I'm a big fan of using a stop shot for that position. It allows me to control the cueball and also get great shape for the next ball. Top English on that certain shot can cause unnecessary movement with the cueball."

See the difference?

Yep, we are all more receptive to the second example.

(BTW, Bill gave some great advice about safeties that I will write about soon!)

A Perspective: Singles Finals in Vegas

A friend of mine finished an impressive 2nd place in the BCAPL National singles event last year. It was the highest national singles title he's ever come close to!  He has had several big wins here and there throughout the last 10 years or so, but none on the national singles stage.

He has put in the time and he was due for sure - we were all very proud of him!

He shared with me his tournament experience because we used to share these type of things many, many years ago. Plus, he knows I LOVE hearing these type of stories :)

He told me, "So I was reading your blog, and it made me reflect on pool in general and I think you'd be the person that could relate to it the most." And he was right! Trust me when I say I could blog about five topics just from these few paragraphs, lol. A lot of great insight he shares.

He's a very funny guy and I actually call him my "Favorite Mexican," but then that makes my other friends jealous, lol. I have written about his Mom before in my blog: here.

I would never even begin to adequately be able to describe what he did, so I'm going to simply copy/paste his words so you can experience for yourself this amazing, unforgettable time in his life. You will enjoy this, I promise!

-------------------------------------

I've never been able to put myself in a position to play in the finals of the nationals in singles, and I got super nervous when I was playing in the semi-finals match. I walked around the table trying to calm down, took deep breaths, did my PSR [pre shot routine], and just made sure to stay down on every, single, shot until the 8ball dropped.

So now, I'm super excited I'm in the finals, I damn near wanted to cry. LOL. I called my wife, then walked to the bar. I knew I had to calm down from the excitement, and figured a drink would help (mental right?). So I get to the tv arena, and I hit a few balls. Those tables were super fast and rails really bouncy. I was overrunning everything during warm up. Up until that point, I made it a point to not look up. Just wanted to focus on my table, and that's it. Well, there was a slight delay in the start of the match, and then I looked up. Ugh! Just about everybody that was there in the building from Dallas, was in the stands! Then I looked over to the table next to ours, and see two top players playing, Jesus Atencio vs Omar Alshaheen. 

At that exact moment, I got a text from my friend Alex. In '09 when I got 3rd at the state tourney, Alex was texting me and calling me, telling me to have fun in every match towards the end of the event. It really helped! Well, the text that I got from him was something similar. 

Since we hadn't started yet, I stood up, took a deep breath, then turned to look at the crowd. I took it all in, and decided to enjoy the moment. I mean, who knows if I'll ever be in that spot again. 

The nerves instantly went away. It was weird. I felt a sense of calmness just before my opponent walked back up to the table. It was just a matter of tapping into the mental calmness for a bit. Of course, we all know how the finals went, LOL [he lost :( ]. But afterwards, I didn't feel any kind of regret or sadness. I just felt great to be able to play in the finals of that event, which had been my goal since stepping foot in the BCA league.

-------------------------------------

What is your favorite part of the story?  Mine is pretty easy:  "I stood up, took a deep breath, then turned to look at the crowd. I took it all in, and decided to enjoy the moment."

I just loved that whole sentence - it truly captured everything we all wish and hope for to feel some day in our own pool journey!

Congrat's to my Favorite Mexican! err, I mean, Juan!  SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU!

Practicing Alone Effectively

The other day someone posted on Facebook looking for advice.

Because I am a huge fan of Copy and Paste, lol, I thought it would be cool to share with you all the question and the answers this player received.

Q:  Anyone else have trouble focusing when practicing alone? Need some tips on how to practice the way I would play against an opponent. 

Reply 1: Practice playing the ghost, and commit to competing against it the whole set, start off with shorter sets and even give yourself a reasonable spot and work your way up to playing it even

Reply 2: Definitely play the ghost like suggested, really work to stay focused. Straight Pool is also a great way to practice. Sometimes you can begin to play 9ball unconsciously because the balls tell you what you need to do. To play straight pool you’ll need to be constantly thinking of what to do next. It will improve your game all around as well.

Reply 3: Go on the road. (this received a lot of laughing emoticons)

Reply 4: I didn't contribute to the discussion on Facebook, but I will share my thoughts with you all here.  I wrote a blog post many moons ago that shares how I practice.  When I played by myself (which was most of the time back then), this was my practice routine - and it helped me all these years.

Changing Your Break In the Middle of a Tourney

I was watching a stream over the weekend and actually had the sound on for once, and could hear the commentators.  I normally don't do that - I would rather just focus on the game and see how the players are doing and what their shot selections are, etc, instead of listening to opinions.

Don't get me wrong - certain commentators I will turn UP the volume (Jeremy Jones is one of the best commentators around and I learn a lot from him.  The other person I used to love to hear was Billy Incardona).

However, I don't normally want to listen to commentators.  As a matter of fact, I have a copy of the finals when my partner and I won the scotch doubles event at Texas BCAPL in 2014. I have yet to watch it with the sound on, lol.

But I digress....

I don't like listening to commentators of streams because I just don't always agree with their opinions and that distracts me, lol. If they are great at giving tips and I learn from them (like Jeremy or Billy), I love listening. I want to know why certain shots were good or talk about alternative options that might have been best. But when it comes to two people just talking in general about their opinions, it doesn't help me, and instead usually only annoys me, hahaha.

Case in point! The match I watched proved exactly why I don't like to listen to commentators. Someone just shoot me next time I turn on the volume! 

First of all, they highly favored one player over the other and didn't give the opponent her due justice. I would rather hear two guys talk highly about both players, not cheer for one over the other and not recognize good shots when they see it from the player they weren't rooting on.

But here was my biggest heartburn:

(as I type this out, I'm wondering if I should listen more, though, as it does give me topics to bitch/write about, lol.)

They kept talking about the break of the player they didn't root on. Basically, some of the players had great success breaking from the side rail. When you do that, you can usually pocket a ball on the break pretty consistently and also plant the cueball in the middle of the table. The commentators kept saying that for as far into the tournament as she was, they were surprised she wasn't breaking from the side rail yet. Her opponent would break from the side rail and pocket a ball and they would exclaim, "SEE!" lol. Further, they stated "that's the break for 9-ball."

While that may be true to some, I think it's ridiculous to suggest and/or expect someone to change their break in the middle of a tournament! When I worked on my break for bar-table 9-ball, I spent hours and HOURS trying to get it right - you need the right speed, feel, where to hit the rack, etc.  It's not as easy as just walking up to a table and simply starting to shoot from the rail and the magic happens. Noooooo. Especially for those of us who do not shoot from the rail at all, it's actually uncomfy and we don't have a feel for it right away. We have been breaking between the top two left (or right) diamonds with our hand on the bed of the table for 20+ years and now you suggest in the middle of a tournament someone needs to adjust their break? Come on people!

How about instead: "You know what, I hope this player recognizes from those around her at this tournament that the 'from the rail' break is more effective and she should practice it when she gets home and add it to her arsenal." NOT suggest she adjust her break in the middle (or end) of a tournament.

omg...

I wouldn't be so ornery about this if I didn't try to do this a few times and discovered for myself just how ineffective and what a horrible idea it was, lol.

When I tried to adjust my break in the middle of a tournament a few times, boy did it throw me off! I had no cue-ball control and the break I usually used was far more effective because I was already comfortable and used it for like 10+ years. One needs lots of practice to change where they break from if they've never broke from that spot before, so imho I think it's ill of them to pontificate their opinions about this.

Then again, I'm pontificating my opinions right here, so who am I to judge. ;)

PLEASE Re-Read "Play Your Best Pool" for 8 Ball Strategy

One of my clients (friends? students? - heck, I still don't know what to call them!), anyway, one of them reminded me of something very important that I would like to share today.

Basically, I was told they forgot some of the key things that we went over the times we practiced together.  As reminder, I don't talk about English or things like that or even how to hold a cue or bridge - what I do talk about is strategy and the why's of choices.

The reason I feel my clients' admission is important is because I erroneously thought that talking about strategy during the entire 4-5 practice sessions was enough to retain the information.  And I was wrong!  And then I remembered why (read below for the many examples).

I was thinking about writing about this last month, but I hadn't had a chance to yet, and then I noticed that fellow blogger Darius talked about something similar at the end of September.

Basically, he said he likes to reread his favorite books because he then remembers something he had forgotten:

"Once I realized that knowledge disappears quickly from our minds, I’ve been re-reading and studying at least one good book a week. We must arm ourselves against the challenge of life by repeating the things we learn so often that they become a habit."

I can completely relate to this and I wish I would have remembered it for my client, as well. I think if I did, I would have had more sessions with them.

The reason I say this is, the first time I read Phil Capelle's Play Your Best Pool, that was when I realized that there were so many aspects to the game of 8 ball that I knew NOTHING about.  And, I just didn't know that until I read his book. But, I didn't retain everything I read the first time I picked up the book.

Luckily for me, for whatever reason, I decided to reread the 8-ball section of Play Your Best Pool before every single state and National Tournament 8 ball tournament I played in.

And what transpired was every time I read it, I as reminded of things I had forgotten.  Further, my game would improve in between those big tournaments and then things would make more sense when I read his book again.  And then I'd read it again before the next big tournament and again realize I forgot a certain strategy or proper sequence of shots.  My client was right - we do forget things.

I promise you that I read the 8-ball section of Phil Capelle's Play Your Best Pool before every single 8 Ball State and 8-ball Nationals tournament for almost 10 years straight.

So for me to think that my client would pick up strategy in just a few sessions, even though some of the strategy was the same, was completely incorrect thinking on my part.

There's so much to learn about the game, and there's so much to learn about 8 ball, and there's so much strategy that can come up every time you play, that you actually can learn something new all the time, right?  Even before I retired from competing when I would watch 8 ball matches, I would still learn something.

There's so much to the strategy of 8 ball that it is important to go over certain things often and or to be reminded of those things.

The thing is, when I started to play pool the first 15 years of playing, I didn't know any strategy about 8 ball.  I would make my stripes or solids.  Simple as that.  NO, Melinda, not as simple as that!  lol.  Therefore, reading Phil's book one time wouldn't help me.  Heck, reading it 10 times wouldn't help me.  BUT - continually reading it a few times every year would definitely help me.

That's why it's actually key for my clients to keep learning somehow - either lessons with me or other people, watching videos, or simply talking about 8 ball matches with your friends to discuss all the options and the why's.

And of course the final, obvious suggestion is to read at least 1 time by the end of the year the 8 ball section of Phil's Play Your Best Pool, and then several times every year after that.  One thing I can guarantee is your game will not go down - it will go up. So the risk versus the reward is golden for you to read that section over and over every year throughout the year.

Darius added:

"...I forgot almost everything I learned more than a year earlier (of the book I read). And there’s no way you can remember even a quarter of a book you read three years ago."

Of course what I want to do is grab a hold of my clients and have a ton more sessions with them so I can personally help them remember.  But, since that isn't feasible (we all have to work at our day jobs, right?  lol), my advice is to AT LEAST re-read Phil's Capelle's 8 ball section of Play Your Best Pool at least 4 times a year.

I want to reiterate (see what I'm doing here?) that I didn't become an 8 ball champion overnight.  I didn't win my first 8 ball tournament overnight.  I didn't win my first 8 ball tournament after reading his book.  But! I did learn more and more each time I read that section of his book - because I either forgot some things, or because my game got better and things made more sense.  

One final tidbit - I didn't read word for word the entire section 4 times a year the last few years, but I would go over all the pages I starred, or dogeared, or the parts I highlighted - those are the things I would go over before big tournaments.

Give yourself an even better opportunity to do well in your 8 ball tournaments.  Understanding the strategy of 8 ball is a repetitive learning of new things and old.

If you don't even listen to anything I say in my blog, please at least take this advice to heart.  I promise it will help you.  And I don't make promises lightly!

The Rabbit Talk

I was watching a player in a match last year on the Sunday of an Omega tournament.  He really studies the game and practices, and it shows in his increasingly high finishes, even though he's not yet one of the top players.

I am very impressed with how much he has improved and how well he knows the game.

In this match, I saw him miss a crucial 8 ball.  He was trying to get shape on the 9ball, but he went for a tough shot on the 8ball and missed it in the side pocket.  As soon as I saw the shot, I thought to myself he should have used a different route to make the 8 ball (an easier shot) so he would for sure have a shot on the 9ball.  In other words, he took a risky shot and because it was a tough shot, it was missed.

Because I really like the guy, I decided to share with him (at the next tournament) my thoughts on his shot selection.  You have to realize I can't just walk up to some dude and start giving advice, I actually have to be careful how I even broach the subject.  Some guys take offense to a chick trying to show them something, so it can turn into a dicey thing.  But, I think you all know me well enough to know I am careful with how I word things to not embarrass him, upset him, or make him think I am better than him.  I am just offering advice.

Long story short, the conversation went very well!  We chatted about the different options and he explained why he made that shot selection (he wanted to get perfect on the 9 ball) and I explained why I thought it was better to go a different route (easier shot and still have shape on the 9ball).

After the great discussion, I shared with him I was glad he accepted my opinion so well, as sometimes guys don't react as receptive as he did.  He then shared something really cool with me.

He said that it's just like taking advice from a rabbit.

Uh, what?

He said in his country (Peru) there is a saying that you can listen and take advice from anyone, but it's up to you to decide if you want to use it or not.

I loved it!  But then I asked, "Uh, what about the rabbit, though?"

He smiled and explained, "Oh, the reason why the quote mentions a rabbit is because in Spanish it rhymes.  Un consejo hasta de un conejo."

I always find it fascinating when someone uses a phrase or quote from their childhood or country.  Makes me feel like they remain connected to their history and they let me see a part of it.  That day was a cool day for me.

Follow-Up about Nancy

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about a friend who asked my opinion if he should play his Nancy gambling anymore or not.

If you don't know who Nancy is - read about her here.  Real quick though, Nancy is the generic name of players we all have who we think we can beat, but we can't for some reason.

So, I suggested to my friend he should NOT continue to gamble with his Nancy.  At first I said he should because his opponent is a good gambler and he can learn from the guy.  But when he told me his confidence goes way down after he loses, and then he plays badly for days, I suggested he shouldn't play him after all.  To me, that's a no-brainer and you stop playing the guy.  My friend said another player gave him the same advice.

But... HE DIDN'T LISTEN TO US!

"Don't play him, not worth it if it lowers your confidence."

"Oh, hey, I'll do the exact opposite!"

Omg people, then why ask if you are going to be a rebel and go against suggestions?!?

Just kidding!  He can keep losing money and confidence - no skin off my back.

However, his report was pretty awesome:  He beat the guy!

Being nosey, I asked him what the difference was this time.  Why could he beat the guy now and he couldn't just literally days before?

"I knew I was supposed to win that game getting that spot.  I was so frustrated with myself for how I played against him that I had to overcome it." He added, "So, I just grinded it out."

He played the guy for two days straight (one day it was a 14-hour marathon).  

Although he didn't listen me at all or his other friend, lol, I am so glad he still played the guy!  He overcame a huge mental block/obstacle.  AND!  His opponent now wants weight!  My friend lost over 4 times to him and he never asked to adjust.  And now this guy is whining and wants to adjust the weight.  Btw, I warned my friend the guy would want to adjust if he finally lost (so, hey, I was right about something!).

Congrats to my friend on the wins!

Giving and Receiving Advice During a Tourney

As the main photographer of the Omega Billiards Tour (I wear many hats running the Tour, lol), I know probably more than anyone which players stay down well on their shots and which do not.

Of course we may generally recognize which players shoot fast or maybe don't stay down.  Or maybe you might recognize players that exaggerate staying down on their shots (whether intentional or not).

As the photographer, though, I know EVERY single players' normal shot routine.

During the last Omega tourney, I was taking photos and immediately recognized that a player was staying down longer on his shots.  In the past, he tended to falter sometimes in matches due to misses (not due to choice selection or safeties), but today he was staying down so well and taking his time more than I'm used to seeing, and it was clearly related to his positive score in this tough match, because he was making more shots.

I debated on telling him or not that I noticed this.  As I've written before, bringing awareness to someone about their game can actually be detrimental during a tournament, as they then begin to focus too much on that, instead of playing pool.  So, I decided to just kept the compliment to myself.

The player won that match, but then lost his next match.  He came over to the tournament chart, waiting to play his next match, and I decided to finally give him the compliment. 

I told him I noticed he was staying down really well and was taking his time more than usual in his earlier match, and that he made more shots than usual.  I told him I was pleased to see this change, as it really benefited him.  I also shared, in comparison, that in his next match he didn't stay down quite as well, to shine on the reality that his staying down and taking more time was indeed beneficial to him.

And then I recognized right away my compliment was kinda lost.  He wanted to explain to me why he hadn't stayed down in that last match and why he lost.  Every time he would say something like, "He hooked me 3 times in a row by accident," I would counter with a chuckle, "What does that have to do with staying down well?"

And then he shared more of his frustrations with me, "Well, he had me down and then shit in a ball."  Again I asked, "What does that have to do with staying down?"

I tried to really reinforce that him staying down was a beautiful sight and that he played so good taking his time.

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Okay, folks, I could easily end this blog post right here.  But for some reason, I think it's intriguing to delve into this exchange some more.  Sure, it makes for a longer reading (sorry!), but I like evaluating aspects of situations.  It's the leadership classes I've had over the past 20 years that begs my mind to evaluate and contemplate the different aspects of communication.  

You can stop reading now if you wish, or read on for my opinion of the leadership/psychology aspect, lol.
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At this point in the conversation, I knew there were many factors affecting his absorption of the compliment or not.  It was now a matter of his personality on if my words would sink in or not, or maybe my timing was bad, or maybe my choice of words wasn't good, or maybe comparing it to his next loss was not smart on my part, etc.

Further, it's actually tough for some guys to take advice from anyone, much less a chick.  Further, he wanted to really explain why he lost.  That's his personality; and I'm okay with that.  He might have heard what I was trying to tell him that would help him, but he didn't acknowledge it; which again is fine.

But he seemed to brush it off, and instead wanted to counter with the reasons why he lost (many bad rolls and his frustration over that). 

I am fully aware that some people take advice, some don't, some don't think I know much, some don't acknowledge positive things, etc.

The whole conversation was really about two personalities and also if the words I choose would help the compliment be received.

Further, what frame of mind was he in to receive the words of advice?  If I told him over dinner, I bet the convo would have been different.  Instead, I might have picked the wrong time to tell him because it was right after he lost a match.

Timing, personalities, ego, acceptance, choice of words - all these things go into giving/receiving advice.  Even if it's a compliment.

I am hopeful he thinks about the compliment the weeks after, and shows up at the next tournament ready to take extra time on his shots and kick more ass!

Bystanders Smoking

One thing that bothers non-smokers is when smokers light up their cigarettes near our matches.

If it's an opponent or someone playing on another table, we just try to adjust our seating arrangement to anywhere the smoke isn't coming into our face (which we all know the smoke has a B line to the non smokers, lol).

But what do you do if a smoker is near you but they are not playing in the tournament?  What do you do then?

Sometimes I just move, or deal with it (although I admit it's SUPER distracting), or sometimes I might say something (which in itself is a distraction - future blog topic).

It's actually difficult in general to ask someone to move their cigarette.  Most take it offensively or react badly to a request.  I shouldn't feel bad for asking that, but hardly anyone replies, "oh I'm sorry, sure I'll move my cigarette," with a smile on their face. 

If anyone has a suggestion for how to ask this, please let me know!

Now - back to pool  :)

During the August Omega tournament I overheard a player ask a bystander to move because they were smoking close to their match and it was bothering/distracting him. 

What was different this time was he explained the situation, which I thought was a smart idea.  Maybe explaining this helped so the guy didn't take it wrong.

After he asked if he could move because of the smoke he explained, "I'm playing a match right here and I can't move.  You can move, though, because you aren't playing, and I would really appreciate it."

I really like that approach!  Maybe I'll use that while in match if a bystander is smoking near me.

Tell-Tale Signs Practicing?

I decided last minute to play in a tournament last weekend (read how that happened here) and did not show up until about 5-10 minutes before noon.

The calcutta would start late about 12:25 or so and I was able to collaborate with a couple of friends about who might be good buys in the calcutta.

I knew most of the players, or recognized them, but there were a few I did not know.  Many I hadn't seen in years it seemed like.

As we discussed the potential horses to buy, one of my friends said, "I don't know who he is, but he plays really good - I saw him practicing earlier."

And another friend said a little later about a different player, "that guy right there couldn't miss a ball practicing this morning against Phillip."

I quickly discounted both of those players.

I told each of my friends when this came up, "well, everyone practices well.  There's no pressure just hitting balls."

It gave them something extra to think about - because I didn't want to them spend their money on an unknown player just because he hit balls well while he practiced.  We all free-stroke during practice, right?  That is actually why some people suggest to play in your matches like you are practicing, because there's no pressure in practice and we play pretty sporty while we hit balls by ourselves with no "real" competition right in front of us.  For instance, have you felt adrenaline during practice?

Don't get me wrong - practice IS important.  Crucial and essential, actually.  But, you can't judge who will be the top players of a tourney the morning of.  Some may be just trying to get the table speed down.  Or warming up their body or getting lose. 

One of the guys asked about another player, "What about the guy in the black shirt?  Do you know him?  He was also hitting balls well this morning."

I didn't know who he was, but I joked, "Well, again, everyone practices well with no pressure.  Wait til he runs against a chick like me."  And everyone laughed.

While funny, it IS true.  If you find yourself against a good player, playing a chick in front of all your friends, or being down 0-3 against a scrub, it WILL affect your play and your free-stroking games of practice in the morning are all of a sudden now no-where to be found.

Advice Given to Others

Sometimes I am not sure if I should give advice or not.

Sometimes I feel like it's not my place, other times I think,  I wish someone would have told me that long ago.  Other times, I don't know the player, so I prolly shouldn't say anything.

But, I opened my mouth at the scotch doubles tournament that I played in last week.

One of my friends was playing with a girl I had never seen before.  He told me she LOVES the game and he had been helping her with shots and things.  And so they decided to play together.

When I say 'LOVES' I mean she has the pool bug bad.  You know - we have all been there when we live and breathe pool when we first start playing.  Sure, it's on our minds now as well, even with seasoned players, but it pretty much is all we think of when we first get the "pool bug."

They won a few matches and while I didn't really see her play a lot, I did watch her this one game.  She stayed down well, made a lot of shots, and also carried herself well for being new to the game.

This one match she also chose the correct balls (the game was 8 ball) and it was a joy to see!

Then she was set up on the 8-ball and she shot it fast, and missed it.  She took her time on all the other shots in that game.  I immediately thought to myself, "I remember doing that."

Later on in the day, I saw them watching matches and I approached her.

I complimented her game and made some small talk, and then suggested to her that if she strokes more under pressure or when nervous, she will make more crucial balls.  And she replied, "Like that 8 ball I missed."

I was taken by surprise she noted the shot I was talking about.  I told her I was sorry I said something, but I had wished someone would have told me this 20-25 years ago!

She seemed receptive to my advice, so I explained more:

I told her she stayed down on all the other shots and stroked more except that one.  I mentioned it's VERY key to be aware you are nervous, breathing fast, feel pressure, adrenaline going, because that's when you will know to stroke a few more times (instead of shooting fast b/c of adrenaline which causes misses).

She thanked me and then I went back to my seat, wondering if I should have said something.

The next day I get a text from her partner, "Thank you for coming over and talking to her yesterday.  She needed another perspective of the game other than mine.  It will make a difference in the future."

I told him I felt bad, like I shouldn't have said anything b/c I didn't want to make her feel bad that I noticed she missed the 8 ball.

He replied, "She was excited that someone of your caliber even noticed and took the time to talk to her about the game.  It was well received."

What, really??  My caliber?  He said that?

OMG!

I asked him how did she know I played okay?

He said, "She's heard a lot of people talk about your accomplishments."

WOW, really?   That made me feel awesome!

Then told him I was glad she took my comments well - it meant a lot he passed that on to me, too!

How cool!  :)