Happy For Friends Games Maturing

This past weekend was a nice treat for those who love to watch women's pool. RackemTV, a live streaming company out of the Dallas area, streamed throughout the Jerry Olivier's Ladies Tour stop at JR Pockets in Denton, Texas.

I played at JR Pockets several years via the Omega Tour, so it was nice to see a familiar place in the background. And one of my favorite commentators was helping call plays (Billy Guy who I wrote about before), so that was an added bonus as well. When RackemTV was streaming the DFW 9Ball Tour last month from JR Pockets, Billy was not the commentator and boy was he missed!

Anyway, the reason for writing this morning is to share how happy and proud I was to see some friends play who have not just kept their game up, who have not just improved, but that their game has a maturity to it that we all hope for in our friends game!

I can't begin to put into words how happy my heart was to see some of my friends who have been playing well for years, who now play not just better, but with confidence, poise, and improved knowledge. They not only played well, they shot damn good - their games have really matured! They didn't take shots for granted, they stayed in each match whether up or down, and their mechanics were spot-on. It was such a joy to see shot after shot these few friends who I have always loved and admired their game and talent, but to see them play even more successful because of their solid mechanics, gained experience, and comfortable confidence.

I can't really put down in words what I mean.  I guess I am trying to say after years of watching them play and improve, it was nice to see their games elevated to such a level of maturity that no longer showed weak fundamentals, bad shots, or poor choices, if that makes sense. Every shot mattered, every pre-shot-routine was important and solid, and every decision was smart and confident. It was such a joy to witness!!

Awww, growing up is so much fun seeing in others!

New Relationships and Talent

I don't know if y'all have ever heard about this before, but there's some unwritten philosophy (or maybe there are a ton of technical papers written about this for all I know lol) that people feel if you find yourself in a new, strong relationship that it might affect whatever it is that's going well in your life.

Okay hang on with me people, hang on, lol!

Let me think of an example maybe you've heard before.  How about like.... a prodigy child who is amazing at music or the best baseball pitcher anyone has ever seen at 11 years old.  All of a sudden, they start to be interested in girls and then they are no longer focused on music or baseball. That's the only example I can think of right now.  Have you heard of something this before?  I sure hope so or you may think I'm off my rocker, lol.

And the point of this blog post is to share with you that this happened directly to me.

No, I wasn't a great pitcher or music prodigy (sorry to disappoint, lol), but in the mid-90s I started to date one of the top pool players in Texas.  His game was so good, people were talking about him all over the country.

However, when we first started going out, some of the guys in the pool room (which I feel they shouldn't have done this), told him that he should not go out with me. They told him that having a new girlfriend would be a distraction and it would affect his game (and all the work he put into it).

That actually caused him to have some doubt in our relationship, because there were these little voices chipping at his ear telling him their thoughts.

And you can understand that for someone who was top of his game, when he would play badly all of a sudden or not finish well, he wondered, "Are those guys right?  Should I not be with her?"

And as you can imagine, when you have that much skill and when you're that talented and you're all of a sudden at the top of your game and finishing well in almost all of the big tournaments you're playing in, and you're all of a sudden all over the magazines, the one thing you don't want to do is derail that.  Especially since playing pool was his dream.

I'm not saying I wasn't worth it, but even I would say I wouldn't want to get in the way of his dream career.

We eventually would break up a couple of times while we were together for 5 years and part of the reason was because I was a very immature girlfriend.  But, the other part of it was because it did seem like I was affecting his game.  At first it was because he wanted to be a good boyfriend and didn't want to travel and be away from me, but eventually it was because I wasn't a mature enough girlfriend for him at the time.

You see, I wasn't a strong woman in my late 20s.  I was also still treating people like I was treated growing up in a verbally abusive house - I yelled, instead of talked when I was upset.  I was also extremely jealous.  And being that I didn't understand most of the emotions I was feeling, I overreacted with crying and getting upset at him.  Not realizing that I had a ton of inner turmoil and learning to do to become the stronger, more mature, happier, and confident woman who is typing this out today.

I'm lucky that he was SO talented that he kept playing top-notch pool - heck, he even skyrocketed to 2nd place in rankings on the pro tour while we were together!  (so, I couldn't have been that bad of an influence, right?  lol.)  While I didn't necessarily affect his game detrimentally the entire time we were together, I do admit that if I had been a more mature, more understanding, less emotional girlfriend, he might have won even more tournaments - instead of trying to play his best pool while having to deal with a crying girlfriend back home lol who was overacting about stupid shit.

But, this blog isn't about me crying or being a bad girlfriend - that's for another time, right? haha - but what I am saying is I have experienced directly the affect a new relationship can have on someone who's very talented.

But, what if I had been a strong girlfriend? What if I wasn't so emotional and unconfident? Yep, I still think I would have affected his game somehow.  I'm not saying every new relationship affects a young music or sports prodigy, but what I am saying is having a new, deep relationship for the first time in your life does cause a certain amount of distraction. It's a normal thing, really.  And that's why all the Mom's and Dad's want their kids to stay far away from the opposite sex for as long as they can lol.  How many kids do you know who were on their way to college and got derailed because they "fell in love."

His friends were correct. I distracted him from playing top-notch pool like he had been playing before he met me. But again, he was talented enough to overcome the obstacles, still became a top pro, and is still today, actually.  Thank goodness!

Blog Has Grown With Me

I find it interesting the path my blog has taken in the last 12 years.

I went from simple stats after a tournament, to pain-staking-details-to-the-reader of every match during my tournaments, to lessons learned, to giving tips, to sharing things I experienced, to insights/observations, to leadership, to people and feelings.

The blog has grown with me. From the fish out of water trying to play pool, to the confident, more honest person one sees today.

I used to not share the details of my personal life and feelings in my blog, now I am an open book and share things a lot more than I ever expected I would. From the depressing or tough learning experiences to the feelings we go through during defeat. I also talk more about "life" things, ie. even death. I love how my blog has evolved from "who is this girl?" to "look at that woman."

Life is about learning from our experiences, and making experiences happen. Not sitting around thinking of our dreams, but going for them.

Look at your own pool journey. You aren't the same immature player/person, you are more mature, too. Don't you just love yourself more? I do. And you should, too!

Topics Change as We Grow Up

I found it pretty comical when I was sitting with my girlfriends at the Oklahoma tournament, catching up and gabbing.  The reason I found it funny was because our topics were so different from when I first starting playing pool some 25 years ago.  

In my 20s, the girls would sit around and talk about the normal things at that age.  Maybe what makeup we like best, stupid drama shit, cute clothes, boys we liked, etc.

Fast forward 25 years and instead of finding out where you bought the cute shirt, now we talk about how much we saved buying the shirt.  Instead of sharing how bad our cramps are, we are sharing who is going through menopause already, lol.  Instead of wondering if the cute boy likes us, we're figuring out ways to like our self.  Instead of makeup tips to look make us better, we're talking about makeup tricks to help our wrinkles, lol.

I do love the more mature conversations for sure, and also because many of the more insightful convos lead to helpful tips swapping from one woman to another.

Ahhh, from girls to woman.

Nagging During Tournaments

I know I've written about this before, but since it came up with a friend over the weekend, I thought I would write about it again.

I fully admit I have been a bad girlfriend in the past.  I wasn't very understanding at times, I nagged a lot, and my timing to pick a fight was not very smart to my boyfriends.  I was selfish, immature, and wanted attention at all times.

So, because I dated pool players, that meant that they were playing in a lot of tournaments.  And, that also meant that they were gone a lot on the weekends.  That gave me a lot of time to sit at home and wait for their calls and texts, only to get upset when I didn't hear from them often enough or quick enough.

Being immature, I didn't realize that if I was upset about something, I could just WAIT until they were either out of the tournament, or at the end of the tournament to pick a fight to let them know I was upset.  It was all about my emotions and how I felt at that EXACT time.  I didn't realize that because they are competing, I should wait to express any frustrations or disappointments.

Over this past weekend, one of my friends had to forfeit out of a big tournament because his girlfriend was chewing him out via text in the middle of one of his matches.  He was obviously upset, distracted, could not focus, was mad, and irritated at the fact she was in a fight with him while he was trying to compete.

My only quesiton to him was, "how old is she?"

"22," he replies mad and frustrated.

I just shook my head and told him, "she's too young to understand that she should wait to express she is upset."

He went on to say, "I couldn't play at all!  I had to forfeit and go home and handle the situation because she kept chewing me out."

Now, I don't know why she was upset, but they are still together and after he came home and they talked it over (after some words) they were okay.  That tells me it could have waited.

There is nothing I can put in this blog to help females (or males) understand that it's okay to wait to express you are upset.  That when a guy is competing for money, he needs to focus on pool.  It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, he just needs to focus on the game at hand.  You ARE still important, but right now he is trying to make money and compete - and that's okay, right?

Don't get me wrong, I was the constant texter, too.  I would get on to my boyfriend all the time and he was a pro!  It was his lively hood and yet I still didn't understand to not bother him while he was playing in tournaments.  Not sure why he stayed with me for 5 years over 20 years ago, lol.  I wasn't very understanding and nagged all the time at him when he traveled. 

I didn't realize I should be more aware of his situation.  I was more so not aware that it really IS okay to NOT have to state your anger right then and there.  It's actually better to wait to express yourself because you give your head and heart some time to think about your hurt (or whatever is going on).

This isn't just about pool, I hope people see.

I'm not denying your emotions or pain or hurt, I'm just saying as you get older you will see that it's okay not to vent right away.  It's okay to reflect for awhile.  It's okay to WAIT.   Your feelings wont go away, and if you allow your sig other to go through their important day, and not ruin it, it will be best for you both.

I am the first one to admit it took me a LONG time to figure all this out.  WAY into my late 30s.  WAYyyyyy.

Takes time.

Good luck :)