Being a Leader Takes Self Reflection

One of the humbling lessons I've learned running the Omega Billiards Tour is it doesn't matter my personal distaste for a player or not, I must be cordial and nice to them.

But, it even goes beyond that. 

A player who has never played on the Omega Tour signed up in February for a stop in July.  Seems no big deal right?  Happens all the time.  However, I just happen to have history with this guy.  And not good history.

He is the one I wrote about last year ("The Clapper") who was rude to me during a tournament.  Read all about my emotions and his unethical behavior here.

However, running the Omega Billiards Tour is just like running a business.  And running a business well takes leadership, learning from mistakes, and treating everyone with respect.

It wouldn't be proper for me to deny his entry fee because he pissed me off last year.  That would have been unethical on my part. 

Confession:  The thing is, I have not treated all players equally or fair the entire time of running the Tour. 

I unfortunately learned from my upbringing to ignore people when they've upset me.  Learned this well from my Mom; she didn't speak to one neighbor ever again because of a comment he made about her in 1980.  Throw in that I'm female, and it seems to be part of our DNA.  You know the joke - guys get into an argument and are friends in 5 minutes; girls get into an argument and don't talk to each other for 5 years, lol.

Whether clique or not, it's not right to ever ignore anyone because you are upset at them or because they hurt you.  Sure, it's a "normal" defense mechanism we use to protect ourselves, especially right after we feel hurt.  But when running a business, it's really not the right thing to keep doing. 

When I first started the Omega Tour over five years ago, there were a couple of players I was upset with, and so unfortunately I wasn't nice to them.  I wouldn't really ignore them, but I wasn't real friendly and I was cold to them and barely made eye contact because I was hurt by their actions in the recent past.  I was also rude to a couple of players when I ran the Ladies Tour.

You might think ignoring people because they might have hurt you or because you don't like them is childish and rude.  And well, you are right!

Every single time I did that, I was WRONG.  It was a VERY unprofessional, rude, and unacceptable behavior on my part!  I am still ashamed how I acted.

However, I have luckily realized my actions were wrong.  I don't care what history we had or if I'm still upset with a player for something personal, the bottom line is I run a business and I need to treat everyone with respect.

"The Clapper" played this past weekend and we were both kind to each other and there were no issues.  And I also wasn't a bitch to him - NO reason to act like that at all.  I was a professional.  I was a leader.  And it felt good.

The point is, no matter your position, always treat people with respect.  And as a Tournament Director, this leadership position for sure means I need to act like a leader, and not like a child. 

Is Honesty the Best Policy?

I wrote before how some people admit if they foul when no one is looking, and others don't/wont.

I wrote it has to do with your internal ethic meter, maybe how you were raised, sometimes it even depends on what the score is or if you are in a team event or not.

I ran across an interesting scenario last weekend during the Omega Tour tournament.  I saw this happen one other time on the the Ladies Tour I ran, and each similar situation still baffles me.

Long story short, a player called three fouls on himself.  The additional problem was, it was hill-hill.

Some people are so honest, that the concept of NOT letting their opponent know they have just committed their third foul is just unfathomable to them.

In this situation, a player called me over and gave me the scenario.  "Uh, well, I just told my opponent he's on two fouls, and he tells me, 'well, actually, that was my third foul in a row, so I just lost.' "

I stood there confused.

The player shares, almost with a sad, conflicted admission, "Melinda, it's hill-hill."

He was conflicted about the whole situation.  He was dumbfounded and didn't know what to do.  He hadn't told his opponent he was on two fouls until he thought he was on two, and now his opponent is telling him, "oh, I already was, so I lost."

I told his opponent that he isn't suppose to call fouls on himself.  He looked deflated.  You could tell he was internally upset that he did the right thing by admitting he was already on three fouls, yet I am telling him he needs to shoot again.

He tried to explain that he was on three fouls and deserved the loss.  Yet his opponent and I are trying to almost plead with him that he's not suppose to call them on himself, tho.

He finally just gave up the fight.  I was asked watch the hit (it was a really close shot), he fouled, and then it was officially three fouls in a row and he lost hill-hill.

I tried desperately to explain he shouldn't call two or three fouls on himself and so did his opponent.  He finally told me, "Melinda, I hear what you are saying, I really do, but I know I will call this on myself in the future if it comes up."

You see, some people are just that honest.  No matter how many ways I could explain to him why or show him the rule book that it's his opponents' responsibility to put him on two/three, he was not going to accept the fact because it is kind of lying or cheating in his eyes and heart.

And that's okay.

Standing in Front of the Light

I hear a lot things being a Tournament Director.

This particular instance still has me  a tad baffled.  Baffled as in, what would I have done in this situation?

A player reports his score to me and says, "I won hill-hill."  And then he pauses, thinking, and adds, "I think my opponent is mad at me."

I look up from the chart and ask him, "why?"

He shared, "Well, we were playing by the window and he was shooting the 9-ball.  The glare was bad from the sun through the window and he asked me if I would stand in front of the sun."

I asked him, "well, what did you do?"

He says, "I told him no!"

I then asked, "had you two been stepping in front of the sun during the match?"

"Nope.  And that was the only time the whole match he asked."

Even to this day as I am typing this up a month or so later, what what I do in that situation?  Could I live with myself (you know what I mean) if I decided yes and lost or decided no and won?  Could I sleep at night peacefully if I didn't help out a fellow player who asked for help?

The thing about the decision is - it can haunt you not matter what.  You say no even though it may be right, but it's not a comfortable decision.  You say yes, and then you lose hill-hill.

Tough.

Admitting to Fouls or Not?

What do you do when you foul and no one's looking?

If you're down 0-6 in a match and you're about to get beat out of a tournament, do you call a foul on yourself or just let it go?  What about if you're in a team event and it's hill-hill, but no one sees you foul?

I was told in the mid-90s by a great player that it's your opponents job to pay attention to the match.  Therefore she was of the opinion it's not your obligation to tell your opponent if you fouled.  Of course, this person was around gambling her entire life, so maybe her perspective is different?  However, the other side of the coin is, you want to do what's right and you would want to be able to sleep at night knowing that you didn't cheat your opponent.  But is that cheating if your opponent wasn't paying attention and didn't see it?  Or is it cheating if you just didn't say anything?

I remember one time I was playing scotch doubles in Vegas with a really good partner and I thought I fouled when I shot my shot.  So as he came to the table to shoot, I whispered under my breath to him, "hey, I think I fouled."  He just kept walking by me to shoot his turn.  I asked him later if he heard me and he said, "yes I did, but I acted like I didn't hear you or that you didn't foul."  It was very weird for me because I respect this guys game very much and he's a very good player, but I had no idea that he would do something like that.   

I've heard of several stories where Pros have called fouls on themselves in key moments of big tournaments and the crowd shows them accolades and people talk about it for weeks and weeks after about their ethics.  Of course, you also hear when people foul, but don't fess up.  People talk about both extremes.

Before Facebook, players used AZBilliards forums to discuss such instances.  I recall one very vividly where a teammate fouled and didn't honor up, and he was blasted on the forums and his fellow teammate said he'd never play with that guy again.  We all knew who it was and every year we would see the "perpetrator" at Texas BCAPL State and whisper and point our fingers at him.

But that's only because it was brought up to the forefront.

Some players remain staunch on the ruling, "well you didn't have a ref present, so it goes to the shooter" (themselves).  Even if they know they fouled, they use the rule as their "excuse" not to give up ball-in-hand.  And in actuality, that's the rule and is true.  (however, the rules also talk about unsportsmanlike conduct which this could be considered as.)  But can that person sleep at night knowing they did indeed foul and didn't do the "proper" thing?

I think what is "proper" depends on the person and also on the situation at hand.

I think it also depends on your mood and the situation if you give up fouls or not. If you're the type of person that /always/ gives up a foul, I commend you, because that's not easy to do.  As the philosophical thought experiment says, "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" 

Do people really give up fouls because someone else might have seen it, or or because they know that they fouled?

What if you are royally pissed off in a match at your opponent or yourself?  Emotions sometimes decipher our decisions as well.

And then of course a lot of people believe in karma so they think, "well if I don't admit to this foul then something like this might happen to me later."

Hitting balls with a friend with no money on the line?  Fess up right away, right? 

So you can see there's a lot that factors into this honor system: 

• how you were raised
• how you live your life
• did anyone see?  
• do you answer to God?
• can you sleep well at night?
• is it a team event? 
• is it a big state or nationals tournament with a lot on the line?
• first match 
• or finals?
• are you in a certain frame of mind or certain mood?
• etc.  

I think all of those factor into if you decide to tell your opponent if you fouled or not.  It's not black or white or yes or no for some people.  Some people it's ALWAYS fess up, others it's situation-dependent.

The Clapper

I wrote the other day that I played in an 8-ball tournament. And I eluded to the fact that something bad happened so I'm going to talk about that now. If you don’t have time to read a long post, I apologize in advance lol.

51 players, Diamond bar tables, couldn’t play if your Fargo rating was below 640, and it was 8ball. Almost the perfect storm for me.  After fighting pretty tough on Saturday, I find myself on the winner’s side on Sunday!  I’m guaranteed 5th place.  :)   

I felt like I'm fighting for my life out there being the only girl left on Sunday, and everyone was talking about my game all weekend, too.  People I didn't even know were telling me they heard how well I played, or heard I was a champion, or people I hadn’t seen in a while were telling me how impressed they were.  As I drove 35 minutes on Sunday morning for Day Two to the location (near the beautiful Eagle Mountain Lake where I’ve hiked before), I thought about how the words of others and their expectations could be unnecessary pressure.  But, I know from experience to have NO expectations and to simply focus one ball, one game, one match at a time.  But, again, I was fighting for my life out there.  Playing with so much heart.  I was trying so hard and had the opportunity to finish high in this event, so it's just interestingly unfortunate that this crappy situation happened at the end.

I lose my first match on Sunday because of some brutal things that happened. I made the 8 ball TWICE out of turn (and this is a race to 4) and when the score was 3 to 2 him, I hooked myself on the 8-ball and didn’t tie it up - instead he won 4-2.  Those three things pretty much cost me the match, and so I lost.  Heart breaker - I would have been playing for the hotseat, dammit.

But now I'm on the one-loss side and as we start, there's another match going on right next to us, but they finish pretty quickly.  And so in a room full of 8 tables and lots of people watching, we are the /only/ match for the crowd and patrons to watch on the center stage.  And, this time it's a race to 3 so that makes it a little bit more intense on the mind because there's not a lot of chances in a race to 3. 

During this match at one point, I missed a shot and I heard someone say from the crowd, “come on Scott,” as I walked to my seat. I kind of looked toward the area of where the words came from because I thought the timing was kind of weird, but I told myself it was no big deal and that they were just rooting for their friend, not against me (I’ve written about this before how crucial that frame of mind is so it doesn’t become negative).

I make a couple of mistakes that match and he plays really good safeties, but I also capitalized well on some of his errors, and the match goes hill-hill!  

At hill-hill, I find myself at the table and after taking some time to survey the layout, I see which way I'm going to go with my patterns and I see a run.  I take my time and I'm playing really good, but I can tell my heart is racing as I can see the finish line (i.e, my run pattern is working out).  With only two balls left before the 8-ball, I shoot a long shot on the 3-ball to set up perfectly for the 1-ball.  I shoot it, and think I made it, but I missed the shot!

I'm pretty devastated at this point but devastation turned into bewilderment with a touch of appall.

Right after I missed this crucial 3 ball, someone clapped after I missed the shot. Yes they were clapping because I missed and because their friend was about to get to the table.

So at this point I'm pretty pissed off and my emotions took over.  I saw who it was and I stood there and I said to him from across the room, “Really?”

And he replies, “Yep. Really. “

I admit I was not happy at this point. Usually when this happens, someone might say hey I'm sorry you're right, or raise their hand as an apology.  But he was very defiant. He could give two s**** that he just clapped.  As I'm walking back to my chair, I'm still looking at him and I proclaim, "I would never do that to you.  I would never to that to anybody.  That's just not right."  And he's just looking at me smiling, cocky, and could care less what I was saying.

While this exchange was happening, one of my friends was standing near him (this is difficult to describe), and as soon as I said “Really?” to him, my friend got caught completely off-guard that I was calling him out. He kinda bent over with that “oh shit!” kinda movement and bolted out the door out of the line of the fire.  He could not believe that I was saying something to this guy and his reaction was actually priceless. (only funny part to this story)

So I sit down in my chair and I see my opponent running out. I see he's going to get out, and I see I'm not going to get another chance at the table. I shook his hand after his run, and congratulated him. Hardly anyone clapped at this point, everyone could feel the tension in the air. He said he was real sorry what the guy did.  I told him his friend was rude and he agreed.  

So then I had to go get my money and I walked over to the tournament director and he and his helper both told me that that wasn't right and apologized.  In the midst of being angry, I made some stupid comment like, “yea, I may not ever play here again.”  But I didn’t mean it - I was just pissed.

But, it was a local player rooting for their local friend.  It was just tough being an outsider already coming in there playing and people rooting against you like that. I know that people root for their friends and I understand that, but to clap when someone misses while you're playing your heart out, just was really brutal and bad etiquette.

Of course wrestling with my emotions, I share this on Facebook, and told a few friends about it who aren't on Facebook. Many people told me "lucky I wasn't there," or that they wouldn't have blamed me if i called him names, and many wanted to know who it was and suggested I should blast his name and photo on Facebook.  lol.

But, I have learned never to call people names, even in the heat of arguments I wont do it.  I just kinda learned that name-calling just leads to unfortunate situations and more anger.  And that was last thing I wanted to do was make this guy angry.  And I would never put this guy on blast and publish his name or anything - that's just not who I am. I mean, I feel bad it happened.  But I’m actually glad it happened to me because I can handle it, even though I was pissed about it at the time.  But, it’s not the end of the world and I know he probably didn't really even mean to do that.  It was just a reaction (I hope that he would not do that deliberately, because if that's the case then I'll completely re-write the theme of this blog entry LOL.).

 
People also kept talking about karma.  Well, I don't really don't believe in karma.  I just hope he learns from this and I don’t wish no ill will on anybody.
  

The only thing I’m disappointed about is I was upset afterwards when I should have been elated I finished 5th. There’s a lot of emotions that go into playing pool hard. I should be happy I placed 5th out of 51 players in this tough tourney!  But it ended this way within 2 minutes of me being put out, and that really puts a sour note on to what should be a fabulous weekend for me. But, in the end, and after some time of reflection, I am pretty stinking proud of myself for doing so well. :) I surprised myself!

But again, I’d rather it happen to me than someone else; anyone else actually.

This does make for a very interesting blog entry tho, doesn't it? 

Cue Ethics and Sponsoring

This is a tough subject to write about because it's taboo.

A good friend of mine was newly sponsored by a cuemaker in the 90s.  At the time, he had become a recent top pro and was making a name for himself across the USA.

He was offered a GREAT deal on a cue sponsorship (his first big, true sponsorship).  That usually entails photo-shoots for magazines and monetarily, they get a percentage of your winnings as they help pay for part of the trips to big tournaments and entry fee costs (as I recall).  And for this particular sponsorship, a cue was designed by him and made especially for him. How exciting!

But the crazy part of this story that I DO recall vividly, is my friend absolutely loved the cue he was already and currently shooting with.   And the custom cuemaker was well known for making extremely solid cues.

The pro got his new (sponsored) cue and tried it out.  But, after playing with it a little bit (few months), he noticed a remarkable difference. So.... he asked his custom cuemaker if he would make an exact replica of his new cue.  Since the previous cue felt more comfortable and solid, and because he could control the cue ball better with it, the pro knew it would help him out better in his tournaments to have that cue he was already used to.  So, he gave the design specs of the new sponsored cue to the custom cuemaker and he made him a cue with the exact same design.  And that's the cue he ended up playing with in his tournaments.

No one knew.

Don't get me wrong, he really did LOVE the cues of his sponsors, but his previous custom cuemaker just made more a solid cue and the pro was accustomed to it.  And as we all do, we think of what is best for winning and so he came up with that idea (I presume it was his idea and wasn't something that was done often?)

Just like golfers and their golf clubs, pool cues are the life and blood of our profession.

As I type this out I am having an extremely uneasy feeling about sharing this, though.  Should I really post such an indiscretion?

But, I am sure there are celebrities drinking Pepsi who endorse Coca Cola.  Or, are driving their new sponsored Mercedes, but really love with Audi.  Or, promoting a certain brand of shoes, but really love Nike (as examples).

But to really consider he had an exact replica made so he could still be shooting with his beloved cuemkaer's cues proves why that particular custom cuemakers' waiting list was so long.

Maybe this occurs a lot and I don't know it?  Still, something "interesting," huh?

Don't even ask me who the cuemaker, sponsor, or pro was - I wont tell you.



 

What a Forfeit Costs

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I had to forfeit a couple of players at the January Omega Tour Stop.

What I wanted to further share was how those forfeits affected others.  Namely, the people that bought them in the calcutta.

Obviously, the people that were forfeited were not very happy.  One was fighting to stay alive on the one-loss side Saturday night and the other was on the winner's side still on Sunday morning.
 

The first guy I forfeited (on Saturday night), *I* had actually bought him in the calcutta.  So, that kinda shows how serious I am about people leaving the site for long periods of time and not being available for their matches.

On Sunday morning, the player who I had to forfeit was late to his match because he overslept.  The guy who bought him, was ALSO still on the winner's side on Sunday morning.

What did this mean?

This meant that the guy who bought him was steaming mad and then couldn't focus well on his own match!  He was very distracted by the fact the guy overslept and cost him money.

The player he bought is a really good player and so he went for a lot more money in the calcutta than the average person.  But it also meant his chances were lowered for him to get high in the tourney, because he was automatically pushed to the one-loss side.

So, forfeits don't just affect the players, but the calcutta buyers as well.

Something we don't always think about.

And yes, the guy lost his match because he was upset at the player he bought.  It's tough to focus when negative emotions enter our minds as we play pool.

The player who was late, he fought all the way into 5th place!  So, he did definitely got into the calcutta money, but even he agrees his chances would have been better from the winner's side.

Forfeiting Players, and a Classy Move

During the first Omega Billiards Tour of the season in early Jan (of this year, 2016) a couple of weird things happened.

I made a point (emphatically) during the players meeting that I might forfeit players if they disappear.  We had 97 players in the tournament and needed it to flow well because we had more players than usual.  And in the past, it has been VERY frustrating calling names and then we find out the players are out in the parking lot or down the street getting food when we have matches that need to be played.

I even joked it was my wish for the year for the Tour (and the two ladies that help me run it), if the players could be cognizant of where they are on the chart and not leave.

Although, I was really kinda joking.  I wouldn't forfeit anyone, lol.

Little did I know I would be put to the test 10 hours later.

Later into Saturday night, I found myself in a VERY tough position.  After waiting 30 minutes (WAY too long) for a player, I forfeited him.  A friend had called him and he was on his way back to the pool room, but we had been calling his name for over 30 minutes.  He walked in 5 minutes after I forfeited him and I felt like SHIT.

Then the next morning, my scotch doubles partner (and a guy who is like a brother to me), overslept and was late to his winner's side match.  I had to forfeit him, too.  He made it for the one-loss side match and ended up placing 5th.  But he was SUPER mad at himself, no one else.

But what about the guy from Saturday night?  He is a friend of mine, too, and I was super worried about how he would react the next time he saw me.  Well, if he ever played in another Omega.

He showed up deliberately Sunday morning to talk to me.  He gave me a big hug and said, "hey, no hard feelings at all.  It was my fault.  I looked at the chart wrong or thought I had more time."

I tried to apologize and he cut me off, "don't even worry about it.  Really.  Don't feel bad or anything.  You did what you had to do and I have no ill feelings at all," as he gave me another hug.

It was the first person/time I have every forfeited someone on a Saturday - I would normally skip their match and play someone else while we tried to find the players.  But with 97 players, we could not afford to (and I made a big deal about it during the Player's Meeting so I kinda had to stand my ground).

But being who I am, I still care and so I was really worried about his reaction.

He could have just never said anything, been rude to me, never played again, or just not even cared.  But, he did.

He completely blew me away by apologizing and coming up to the pool room the next day specifically to talk to me, to make sure *I* was okay.

Impressive.

I told many people about it - it was very classy.

 

Ethics Versus Right or Wrong

What are you suppose to do when someone you are playing is about to shoot the wrong ball in 8 ball?

Do you be nice and stop them?

Do you not say anything at all and let them shoot and then you get ball in hand?

What if it's a friend?

What if it's just league night?

What if it's in league PLAYOFFS?

Or a big National tournament?

What do you do??

What is right or wrong?  What is ethical or unethical?

There isn't a correct answer, is there?

During one of my league playoffs, we were on the hill and the other team was making a charge as they were now only slightly behind.  My teammate had just fouled and her opponent got ball-in-hand and proceeded to shoot the wrong ball.  My teammate stood steadfast and didn't say anything.  Her teammates were practically jumping up and down because they could see she was about to shoot the wrong ball.

She shot it.

My teammate said, "foul."

Her opponent stood there at first confused.  Then STUNNED.  Then cried.... ;(

They lost.

I had this happen to me hill-hill at ACS Nationals in 8-ball b/c I didn't put the cueball behind the line.   My opponent let me shoot and told me sweetly (lol) "foul" and ran out for the 7-6 win.  It's like a dagger to your heart.

That player from playoffs, a dear friend of mine, was able to overcome the embarrassment and the feelings of let down of her team and played good for her team the rest of the playoffs. 

And I commended my teammate afterwards:  "That was a super tough decision there, wow."  She shook her head feeling absolutely horrible, "but it's part of the game and we were in a team event" she explained sadly.

Not easy. 

What would YOU do?