Running Tours Differently

I saw this post from FaceBook the other day and as par the course for me, I wanted to blog about it!  (smile)

This post shows a couple of photos of the committee members of the DFW 9-Ball Tour, "getting ready for season 2020."

(click image to enlarge)

The reason it stood out for me was because there is roughly 15 people around that table, working on the Tour.

As you may all remember, I ran the Omega Billiards Tour for 7 years in DFW.  When I stopped running it, the DFW 9-Ball Tour was formed.  I was SO thankful a tour was going to continue in the area for the players!  Relieved, actually.  So, it was a Godsend the DFW 9-Ball Tour came to fruition... for the players!

The difference is, I was a one-woman shop.  Don't get me wrong, I had a few advisors I would bounce ideas off of, and I ALWAYS spoke to the sponsor of the tour (Mike Hoang of Omega Billiards) to get his suggestions and/or confirmation of ideas.

Because I helped run the Ladies Tour in Texas for nine years, I was very seasoned and felt very comfortable in the role.  Further, I am extremely conscientious (maybe too much) and therefore updated the website and put out FB announcements routinely, frequently, and often.  I also was on top of writing the articles, taking photos, running the tournaments, etc.

I always worked hard to get the calendar ready early for the next year - the players were anxious to know the dates. I would call and try and confirm locations, which took a ton of time, and also ensure the dates didn't conflict with other big tournaments. Every October when the last location/date was confirmed for the next year, I'd throw my fists in the air with such happiness and satisfaction! I would be ELATED! It's such a big thing to get finalized, whew! But, all this was done by little 'ole me.

I always needed a couple of helpers at the events and luckily had some great help all those years - couldn't have run such successful events without them.

To see such a large committee for the new tour tells me a few things.  One, each person probably brings a certain talent to the group, which is great for a business.  Two, it's great they are planning things together - the success of a committee is to ensure all have input and know the vision of the business.  Three, that they are taking the responsibility of the Tour seriously (which of course I LOVE).  Four, I shouldn't have ran the tour with so little help all those years.

Number Four is the reason I wanted to write today.  I remember when I announced I was stepping away, one of the players told me they wish they knew I was burnt out and they could have helped me, so that the Omega Tour could keep going. He and another player even offered to help me, and I immediately felt anxiety and stress... I didn't want to even be "just an advisor," they reassured me.  By then, I was way too ready to stop being a Tournament Director, a Baby Sitter, and down right exhausted.

Do I wish I had a committee of people to help me?  Actually, no.  lol.  While running the Tour solo was in reality not a good idea, lol, but in the end - it was what was meant to be.  It allowed me to remove myself completely from running a tour and to step away about 1,000,000 miles, lol.

I am a FIRM believer that everything happens for a reason.  I am extremely thankful Mike Hoang and Rusty's Billiards believed in me, which helped start my dream to run a Tour in DFW for the players. While 7 years later I stepped away, it allowed for another Tour to jump in and continue the dream.

Me stepping away was beneficial to so many people. For myself, I now have more peace and happiness away from the pool room. For the committee members, the DFW 9-Ball Tour is allowing for new people to gain experience and/or showcase their talent/experience. For new pool players, a Tour continued in the area. And most importantly, for all the players and businesses in DFW, a Tour continued in the area and that is the best gift ever!

Offering Support Without Pressure (pool and everyday life)

Just as you all experience, also, our every day life overlaps with similar things we experience in our pool game.

I have stated many times I am very careful how I speak to friends before they compete. I try to not ever add pressure with my choice of words. People that say on social media "win it!" or "hope you do well!" or "you got this!" aren't way overboard pressure comments, I admit, but there are better word choices.

As a matter of fact, I actually never say "good luck" to anyone before a match or tournament.  I always try to say something like, "enjoy the game we love" or "have fun!"

See what I did there?

I didn't add pressure and I reminded them to have fun (we usually forget that, right?) and reminded them to enjoy the game. A lot times we are so consumed with trying to perform well or place well, we forget that if we just think about how much we love the game, enjoy playing, and have fun, we actually do a lot better.

You all know I'm right!

I have recently experienced this same situation wishing my supervisor at work and also my mentee at work (I'm in a mentor program through my company) good luck on interviews.
I have to say, I really struggled with what to say and how to say it.  Well, I didn't struggle per se, but I did a lot of backspacing (lol) and reevaluating my choice of words. I didn't want to add to the pressure they already felt being interviewed for a promotion.

It so much reminded me how careful I am with my choice of words to friends either in text or on social media about wishing them luck on an upcoming tournament. It's a very fine line imho.

I used to get irritated by how people worded these to me before tournaments. So, I came up with a great solution! (1) I didn't let social media friends know the morning of an event I was even at a tournament and (2) in case they did find out or someone tagged me, I stayed off social media until I was finished for the day OR until I was completely out of the tournament on Sunday. I wanted NO distractions (good or bad) so I did what was best for my mental toughness, and it was a very successful plan for me to just stay off social media until I was done and then give the great (or sad lol) update!

When my mentee was chatting with me about her interview the next day, I debated so much with what to say. I finally just said, "hey, just remember to breathe." And she loved that advice because she is an extrovert and can sometimes keep talking and talking - this reminded her to take breaths and not rush.

With my boss, I backspaced SO much on my text to him. Not good luck, not break a leg, not hope you do well, not you'll be fine, etc.  I didn't even want to tell him, "get some rest tonight" as I didn't want him to stress in case he couldn't sleep in his hotel room worrying about the interview, lol. I finally just said, "be yourself." Which even that I wondered about haha.

You have to understand that because I have test anxiety, I am more careful with my words to people before big life events, but it's also because so many times I have heard from friends who were nice-intentioned, but their words still added pressure.  So, I might be going overboard a little bit, but I know in my heart sleep better at night being super caring and aware to not state pressure-related words at all to my friends before competing or big life events.

Now, reflect: how are YOU giving advice?

If You Can't Say Something Nice....

In early April I shared some of my most helpful tips with Katniss of things she can do when she has that self realization during a match she is having negative feelings or emotions (here's the link to the blog post).

To recap, to help curtail negative feelings and emotions, simply follow these three important things:

1. focus on 3-ball shape, 
2. focus on your pre-shot routine, and 
3. stroke on your shots more.

Ironically, just about a month later, I saw a friend of mine playing on a stream and I could tell immediately just by the way she was shooting that something was off - either she was nervous or felt pressure, something was bothering her. Whatever it was, it affected her mechanics. She wasn't staying down on her shots, not walking around the table, and shooting much faster than I'm used to seeing her shoot her shots.

I reached out to her about a week later and broached the subject carefully. She was open to suggestions and then I gave her the same advice on how to calm negative emotions. (They really are great, solid tips that helped me for years!)

Fast forward only a month later, and my friend shared a story with me.

She shared that she watched a fellow female pool player (a friend of hers) playing on a stream on a Sunday afternoon.  And what do you know - she noticed and recognized right away that her friend was also not playing up to par and wasn't playing like she normally plays. Turns out she was feeling a lot of pressure and had a lot of nerves because of it.

She reached out to her friend a day or two later and passed on the advice that I had just given her a month before!

But, there is more to the story than me tooting my own horn, lol. There is actually a greater learning lesson here.

What I thought was more intriguing with what she shared with me, was that her friend told her no one had given her advice on how to solve her nerves... All everyone else did was just tell her how badly she played.

Poor girl!  Ugh, I felt so bad hearing this.

But... how powerful is this reminder!

If you 're going to bring up something to someone that is negative about them, instead of just making rude remarks, make sure you bring to the table something that is beautiful, something that they can learn from, something that is positive about the topic you're about to bring up.  Don't just dog them; help them!

Rude Players Create a Stigma

Competition can really bring out the worst in us sometimes.  Right?

But what's interesting is, it's not who we are away from the table.

Take John McEnroe as an example.  He LOSES it on the court.  Yet when he commentates, you can tell he's not emotional and mad all the time, lol.

Here's the thing about competing.  If we are an extrovert and we wear our feelings on our sleeves, we may be a sore loser when we lose.  We may quip as we limply shake your hand, "I'd say nice game, but you only got lucky."

Ouch!

However, if we are an introvert that keeps our feelings inside, we would shake our oppoents' hand when we lose and bite our tongue.  We may vent to a friend, blog about it on the internet, lol, but we wont make a crappy, uncalled for comment to our opponent.

Here's another situation - many players learn or figure out eventually to not act that way (rude).  I know numerous players who used to act crappy after they lost, and now they are cordial.  Sometimes it's takes great self-reflection, control and learning to stop that "habit."

But this leads to an interesting point I'd like to share.

Because again, many people who spout off, are rude, or make crappy comments, they aren't that way all the time.  Competing brings that out.  Their emotions of losing, the sting of the loss, the bite of feeling embarassed - THOSE are the things that causes most of the rude comments to come from our mouths lol.

However, what this does is it is causes an unfortunate observation from people who don't know them personally.  And then they get a vison in their head, "Wow, that girl was a bitch and rude."  And then we immediately don't like them.

This is normal.

But what you pleasantly find out when you get to know them away from the table is how great they actually are!  Almost 95% of the players I thought were rude and obnoxious, were actually really great people.  Sure, there are 5% of the players who really are rude assholes and bully's.  But 95% of them are really cool, dependable, nice, people!

So, while it's normal to judge someone on how they react after they lose.  What is more surprising is when you get to know them and they become your friends.

Many of the rude players happen to be top players, right?  Not all, obviously, but many of them play good.  So when I joined their team or I formed teams (because we want the best teams, right?), that's when I learned most of the "rude" players were actually great people!  Many even became good friends.

Don't get me wrong - I'd still not like to compete against any of them because of their attitude on the table lol.  But if you get a chance to maybe have dinner and get to know those 95%, it actually becomes a surprising blessing.

What I'll Miss Most

There were many special things that happened personally for me over the course of running the Omega Tour for almost 6 full years that I am honored and blessed to have happened. 

Let's look at some remarkable parts of running the tour in detail that I cherished and will miss:

PLAYERS BECOMING FRIENDS:  New friendships, even some love interests, happened because of running the Tour.  And not to mention all the cool players I met who either I learned a lot from (about pool or personal things) and also who ended up being genuine good friends.  Had I not run the tour, I wouldn't have met all these wonderful people who are now a part of my life and for that I will be forever grateful. 

RESOURCES:  One of the cool benefits were the contacts I gained.  As I mentioned in a previous blog post, having access to so many different types of people allows one to find trusted resources of expertise we may need.  Like I now have a roofer, a friend who works on cars, a friend who helps me with house improvements, people who will lend a hand if needed when friends are sick, etc.

GAME IMPROVED:  The other thing that of course happened was my game skyrocketed because I watched so many talented players compete for 2 full days at a time for 8 to 12 times a year.  That's A LOT of learning that not many people get to witness!  I admit completely that part of my winning run for a few years was because I was able to watch patterns of the top players and also see how well they stay down with smooth strokes.  You watch great pool like that so often and so much, you gain such incredible knowledge that helps propel your game.  And I was lucky to be on the receiving end of that.

LEADERSHIP:  And another thing I truly loved was all the leadership I gained.  Talking at times to all the sponsors allowed me to learn a lot of the ins and outs of a business and why decisions were better than others.  Further, a lot of leadership opportunities also arose by running the tour when I interacted with the players.  There's a lot more to just running a tournament and going through the motions, it's also about personalities, and how to handle conflict, and dealing with issues professionally.  Huge opportunity and experience for leadership.

FRIENDSHIP:  The thing I'll miss most is talking with friends and getting to know them.  Even a few friends would come to visit me at the tournaments on Sundays, and we spent hours chatting and catching up.  We have decided to continue that in other arenas (away from smoke and pool rooms).  Further, all the players who helped me run the tour became really good friends and I will miss them.  Heather, Ginger, Jeff Georges, Dana, Duane, and Kara.  Even my bestie Amanda and I only really saw each other at the tourneys.  But I gained valuable friendships in all these people and I will miss hearing their advice, learning more about them, and enjoying conversations.  It's not to say I'll never see or talk to them, but the Omega was the Perfect Storm for all that conversing to take place.  And of course hosting birthday celebrations for friends who I normally wouldn't see was a pretty cool side benefit of running the Tour.

And no... none of this changes my mind about my decision to get away from the pool room.  But, many have asked me what I'll miss from not running the Omega Tour anymore, so wanted to share.

But, the distance wont stop me from still having great connections with friends!

Effective Teams are the New Successful Business Model

Another leadership post!  Stop reading now if you hate to read about leadership in my blog, and save yourself some time.  Or, if you are like most motivated peeps, read on :)

I have learned the most about leadership through my job - through classes, required reading and on-the-job training that has led to leading and running well the Omega Billiards Tour. 

But, the overall success of running the Omega Billiards Tour was several key things that helped:

• I multi-task very well
• Those leadership classes at work
• Am extremely consciousness about duties (e.g. writing articles timely, updating standings right away, posting photos right after event, etc all on website and Facebook)
• Had 9 years of experience running the OB Cues Ladies (/Hunter Classics) Tour 

All 4 of those things combined created the person in me to be able to run the Omega Tour well.  I have heard I have created a great foundation for the new Tour.  Which leads me to my topic today.

I just read this article passed on to us from one my boss's at work.  Long story short it discusses how an effective and trained teamwork of teams is the new leadership model, in lieu of the single leader running a business.  Success has transitioned to effective and powerful teams.

And the new tour in Dallas-Fort Worth (DFW) will be run by a team of individual experts all working together to run the new tour:  the DFW 9 Ball Tour.  

I had several people help me AT the tournament stops (run the brackets, photographer, stream, etc), but all the behind the scenes work was a solo act.  Looking back, it probably wasn't the best idea to do all that myself.  But in the end, it really was ideal as it allowed me to step away completely and transition the Tour to someone else.

I am very excited that a group of players will be running the new Tour.  That will help any overwhelm-ness, fatigue, and the load will be shared by all.  I LOVE this idea and am very excited for the players in DFW to have this new tour to play in!

Teamwork, Baby!

Tournament Directors Put on an Act

I think one of the things that players may not realize is, is that a Tournament Director of a Tour has to always be their best, no matter what.

I'm not talking about doing things right or good during a stop, I'm talking about "acting" our best, no matter what is going on in our personal lives.

You see - we really have to act like things are great and be a good leader for the players so they have a great experience, even if in our personal lives something might be going on.

They say good leaders are the pulse of their employees.  If the boss comes in upset, usually their employees aren't jumping around for joy - instead they are not smiling, staying out of the way, being quiet, worried about upsetting the boss more, etc.  So, good leaders are aware that their actions and demeanor can directly affect the productiveness of their employees and also their mood.

During the last Omega stop, I had to put my work issues aside and show up with a big smile on my face and simply get my ass to work for the 123 players.  I had no time to sulk or be upset about my job situation, because the players needed me; because running the Tour is important; because the players' experience is important.

Can you imagine if I was to show up upset and in a bad mood?  That would be terrible for the players!

The same goes for our love life.  If a TD is going through a bad break up, divorce, whatever, we still have to show up and run the tournament smoothly - not cry in the corner and do a haphazard job because our hearts are broken.  Sure, when we leave the event we may cry all the way home (or celebrate, lol) but during the tournament, TDs put their personal lives and emotions on hold to run a smooth event for the players.

It's what all good TD's do.

Giving and Receiving Advice During a Tourney

As the main photographer of the Omega Billiards Tour (I wear many hats running the Tour, lol), I know probably more than anyone which players stay down well on their shots and which do not.

Of course we may generally recognize which players shoot fast or maybe don't stay down.  Or maybe you might recognize players that exaggerate staying down on their shots (whether intentional or not).

As the photographer, though, I know EVERY single players' normal shot routine.

During the last Omega tourney, I was taking photos and immediately recognized that a player was staying down longer on his shots.  In the past, he tended to falter sometimes in matches due to misses (not due to choice selection or safeties), but today he was staying down so well and taking his time more than I'm used to seeing, and it was clearly related to his positive score in this tough match, because he was making more shots.

I debated on telling him or not that I noticed this.  As I've written before, bringing awareness to someone about their game can actually be detrimental during a tournament, as they then begin to focus too much on that, instead of playing pool.  So, I decided to just kept the compliment to myself.

The player won that match, but then lost his next match.  He came over to the tournament chart, waiting to play his next match, and I decided to finally give him the compliment. 

I told him I noticed he was staying down really well and was taking his time more than usual in his earlier match, and that he made more shots than usual.  I told him I was pleased to see this change, as it really benefited him.  I also shared, in comparison, that in his next match he didn't stay down quite as well, to shine on the reality that his staying down and taking more time was indeed beneficial to him.

And then I recognized right away my compliment was kinda lost.  He wanted to explain to me why he hadn't stayed down in that last match and why he lost.  Every time he would say something like, "He hooked me 3 times in a row by accident," I would counter with a chuckle, "What does that have to do with staying down well?"

And then he shared more of his frustrations with me, "Well, he had me down and then shit in a ball."  Again I asked, "What does that have to do with staying down?"

I tried to really reinforce that him staying down was a beautiful sight and that he played so good taking his time.

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Okay, folks, I could easily end this blog post right here.  But for some reason, I think it's intriguing to delve into this exchange some more.  Sure, it makes for a longer reading (sorry!), but I like evaluating aspects of situations.  It's the leadership classes I've had over the past 20 years that begs my mind to evaluate and contemplate the different aspects of communication.  

You can stop reading now if you wish, or read on for my opinion of the leadership/psychology aspect, lol.
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At this point in the conversation, I knew there were many factors affecting his absorption of the compliment or not.  It was now a matter of his personality on if my words would sink in or not, or maybe my timing was bad, or maybe my choice of words wasn't good, or maybe comparing it to his next loss was not smart on my part, etc.

Further, it's actually tough for some guys to take advice from anyone, much less a chick.  Further, he wanted to really explain why he lost.  That's his personality; and I'm okay with that.  He might have heard what I was trying to tell him that would help him, but he didn't acknowledge it; which again is fine.

But he seemed to brush it off, and instead wanted to counter with the reasons why he lost (many bad rolls and his frustration over that). 

I am fully aware that some people take advice, some don't, some don't think I know much, some don't acknowledge positive things, etc.

The whole conversation was really about two personalities and also if the words I choose would help the compliment be received.

Further, what frame of mind was he in to receive the words of advice?  If I told him over dinner, I bet the convo would have been different.  Instead, I might have picked the wrong time to tell him because it was right after he lost a match.

Timing, personalities, ego, acceptance, choice of words - all these things go into giving/receiving advice.  Even if it's a compliment.

I am hopeful he thinks about the compliment the weeks after, and shows up at the next tournament ready to take extra time on his shots and kick more ass!

Being a Leader Takes Self Reflection

One of the humbling lessons I've learned running the Omega Billiards Tour is it doesn't matter my personal distaste for a player or not, I must be cordial and nice to them.

But, it even goes beyond that. 

A player who has never played on the Omega Tour signed up in February for a stop in July.  Seems no big deal right?  Happens all the time.  However, I just happen to have history with this guy.  And not good history.

He is the one I wrote about last year ("The Clapper") who was rude to me during a tournament.  Read all about my emotions and his unethical behavior here.

However, running the Omega Billiards Tour is just like running a business.  And running a business well takes leadership, learning from mistakes, and treating everyone with respect.

It wouldn't be proper for me to deny his entry fee because he pissed me off last year.  That would have been unethical on my part. 

Confession:  The thing is, I have not treated all players equally or fair the entire time of running the Tour. 

I unfortunately learned from my upbringing to ignore people when they've upset me.  Learned this well from my Mom; she didn't speak to one neighbor ever again because of a comment he made about her in 1980.  Throw in that I'm female, and it seems to be part of our DNA.  You know the joke - guys get into an argument and are friends in 5 minutes; girls get into an argument and don't talk to each other for 5 years, lol.

Whether clique or not, it's not right to ever ignore anyone because you are upset at them or because they hurt you.  Sure, it's a "normal" defense mechanism we use to protect ourselves, especially right after we feel hurt.  But when running a business, it's really not the right thing to keep doing. 

When I first started the Omega Tour over five years ago, there were a couple of players I was upset with, and so unfortunately I wasn't nice to them.  I wouldn't really ignore them, but I wasn't real friendly and I was cold to them and barely made eye contact because I was hurt by their actions in the recent past.  I was also rude to a couple of players when I ran the Ladies Tour.

You might think ignoring people because they might have hurt you or because you don't like them is childish and rude.  And well, you are right!

Every single time I did that, I was WRONG.  It was a VERY unprofessional, rude, and unacceptable behavior on my part!  I am still ashamed how I acted.

However, I have luckily realized my actions were wrong.  I don't care what history we had or if I'm still upset with a player for something personal, the bottom line is I run a business and I need to treat everyone with respect.

"The Clapper" played this past weekend and we were both kind to each other and there were no issues.  And I also wasn't a bitch to him - NO reason to act like that at all.  I was a professional.  I was a leader.  And it felt good.

The point is, no matter your position, always treat people with respect.  And as a Tournament Director, this leadership position for sure means I need to act like a leader, and not like a child. 

Venting at the Position

A friend of mine got bitched out the other day from a teammate.  The players' feelings were hurt and by the time she let her hurt known, there was raising voices and pointing fingers and expressing pain.

My friend is the Captain of the team.

She was upset about the entire thing (who wouldn't be) and while expressing empathy, I also tried to tell her it comes with the territory.  As Captain, we are in a position to get yelled at and when feelings get hurt, or players are upset, they most of the time take it out on the Captain, the person who is "in charge."

Case in point is being a Tournament Director.  I get yelled out and chewed on a lot.  Players show their frustrations to me and cuss at me (yes) and get mad at their situation while raising their voices at me.  Or sometimes players send me day-long texts about why they are upset with the handicap system or what transpired that day they got upset.

It just happens to be the position we are in.  All Tournament Directors have an unwritten line in their job description that reads, "will be bitched at."  LOL

I get it.  I do.  Players lose, they vent.  Players get hurt, they vent.

Players are competing, it gets emotional, money on the line, rankings, etc.  I understand so completely about losing and venting.

While I admit it's tough to be on the receiving end and handle sometimes, I would rather players vent to me than to all their friends and bad-mouth the tour (or my friends' team as another example).

It's just the position.  And it's part of the "job."  It's not the time to take anything personal, retaliate, argue back, etc.  Sure, it bothers us.  As turmoil or conflict normally does.  But not taking the venting or hurt towards us personal is the true leader in ourselves.

Tournament Director Punching Bag

I was telling a friend the other day that there have been some recent arguments and conflicts during matches (or after) during the last two Omega Tour stops.  I also mentioned a few players were giving me grief about handicaps.

He told me not to lose sleep over it because there will always be complaints about the handicap system and you can't make everyone happy.

He also confided that he didn't think that I would be able to handle running the Tour.  He said that I had thinner skin in the beginning (I did) and that he thought I was too nice to run a tour full of men because it was a handicapped tour, and those are the very hardest to run.

I thought it was really weird to hear.  I honestly never even imagined the Tour wouldn't be successful or that I couldn't keep running it.  Failure wasn't even a thought - it was always, "what can I do better for the players."  It was weird to hear that would cross someone's mind, as it never crossed mine lol.

He told me he was super proud of me and the Tour and was very happy to see it going well, thriving, and how I handle things (even I admit it's tough sometimes).

Another friend told me also I was too nice.  When a whiny player or venting player comes up to me and raises their voice, or vents, or storms off, he feels I should be harsh with them.  I am of the opinion that it's not me being too nice, instead I am in a leadership role.  I am showing empathy and showing respect.  I am treating the players like I am a friend or maybe a mentor, and show understanding and let them talk and express themselves.

I think it's like running a business or being a supervisor.  And I wouldn't bitch out my employees or treat them with disrespect if they were upset.  I would show empathy, listen, offer advice (if a good moment to do so), etc.

Are there times I wish players wouldn't yell at me?  Well, of course.  Do I wish I had super thick skin?  Yes.  But players venting to me or getting into arguments with each other doesn't happen all the time.  And every time a situation, conflict, venting session, etc, occurs, I learn from it.  :)

Reactions When Bothered

Last month two players were having a verbal altercation during their match.

As the Tournament Director, I intervened and told them to stop talking, only play pool, no more breaks and to not do ANYTHING (move or talk) while their opponent is at the table.

Turns out one of the players was bothering the other player by mumbling while his opponent was trying to shoot, moving, and going to the bathroom more than once.  So, it got under the players' skin.  By the time he finally spoke up, he was pretty vocal and it became an argument.

Afterwards, I overheard someone say that the player should have told his opponent right away that he was bothering him, and then he wouldn't have reacted as he did (upset at the guy).

I told the guys talking that while I agree, sometimes that's very tough to do.  You don't know until it's too late that a culmination of things have bothered you to the point you have to speak up rudely.

Or, maybe the first bathroom break was no big deal.  Maybe the first movement was no big deal.  Maybe by the time he heard the mumbling, it was already too late to bring up his concerns "early."

And while they thought he shouldn't have reacted so upset, in my opinion while I agree, sometimes we can't control it as our emotions are swirling and we feel like a poked bear.  And when we finally do speak up, it isn't pretty.

Not everyone handles their upsetness with calmness.  Especially when competition is on the line. 

I don't necessarily mean that raising your voice is "right" or "correct" but I will defend that fact that everyone handles being upset differently under different situations.

BTW, after the match they talked and the one player apologized for bothering the other player.  He admitted he had no idea and felt bad about it.

Asking to Brag

I have been a COOP (Continuity of OPerations) class all this week for work.  It's a fantastically-run class about how to prepare for the "What If" scenario. 

You know, if your office building is no longer standing due to a natural disaster or human intervention, what would you all do in that situation?  How would the essential functions of your business continue?

We need to prepare for these "What If" scenarios.  This can include doing training, exercises, preparing plans, what are your notification procedures?, etc.  Finally, do you have an alternate building your staff could work out of until you get to return?  If so - those type of situations should be planned out BEFORE an event.

It was a great class and it made me think of things I hadn't thought of before and gave us a lot of resources to get a plan in place.  Loved it.

Anyway, back on the topic of pool...

The week was separated into two classes.  In the first morning of introductions, we were to stand up and say our name, where we worked, title, and then something we were passionate about. 

I don't normally share what I'm passionate about.  I kinda keep quiet it.

Yet here I was EXCITED!  I was being ASKED to share.  :)

I shared with the folks in the class that my passion is pool and I'm kinda a top player in the area and I also run one of the largest billiards tour in the state of Texas right here in DFW (Dallas - Fort Worth area).

No one seemed to care, honestly, lol.

In the second class of the week, sure enough the morning of we do introductions again b/c it's not all the same people.  THIS time we had to share not our passion, but something we are kinda famous for. 

Hmm... I don't normally talk about myself.  Even in the pool room, usually a friend will mention first I've got a certain title - I don't like to talk about myself too much, especially to strangers.

While most people said they went to school with a famous person, I stood up proudly and said, "on my work side, I implemented the Southern and Eastern United States Tsunami Warning Program and on my personal side, I am a National 9-Ball Champion and a 3-time Texas State 8-Ball Champion."

People said, "ooooooh" and the instructor joked no one should play me in pool, and I quipped as I sat down, "yea, keep your money in your pockets please."  As we all laughed.

It was actually a nice way to brag a little.  Like I said, I don't normally talk about myself (prolly why my resumes aren't very stout, lol).  But in this case, I kinda had to brag and a small piece of me was proud to do it.  :)

Tournament Director is Like a Supervisor

One of the things I have learned by running a large tournament, is it's very similar to being a boss or supervisor at work or a company.  The players are kinda like coworkers and many things can be going on in their lives.  As a supervisor or Tournament Director, we have to take care of tough situations (bad behavior) and also be friends and understanding to those who are going through tough times.

I think people just show up on weekends and play pool and think it's easy to run a tournament.  But, there are not only the logistics of running a tournament, but there are some leadership principles that much be utilized.  Especially empathy, servant leadership, speaking up for others, communication skills, understanding, etc.

To give a flavor of the type of situations that can come up, that not many people realize, I'll just list a few from the past 3 months.

I want to be clear I am not complaining about my role - if anything I think I have the temperament and leadership experience to handle situations.  Further, I also learn quickly which helps in this role.  What I am trying to do is just express there is much more to running a tournament than just moving names around on a bracket, calling matches, and figuring out the payouts.  There are PEOPLE and EMOTIONS and LIFE involved.  And as the Tournament Director, you are kinda responsible for handling these situations that may come up.

Again, just in the last 3 months:

• One of the players found out two days before a stop he has throat cancer.
• A player contacted me that there was a restraining order against her ex, who might show up at the tournament.
• Someone had a tough break up who helps out with the Tour.
• Someone got married.
• Someone tried to forfeit at the end of the tournament in front of a large crowd.
• A player lied to the Tournament Directors.
• A player snapped at one of the helpers of the Tour.
• A player called the week before a stop to let me know he could not play because his wife has lung cancer.

You can see the range of emotions and life situations that came up in just the last 3 months.   These are NOT examples. 

Just a different perspective to think about....

Nagging During Tournaments

I know I've written about this before, but since it came up with a friend over the weekend, I thought I would write about it again.

I fully admit I have been a bad girlfriend in the past.  I wasn't very understanding at times, I nagged a lot, and my timing to pick a fight was not very smart to my boyfriends.  I was selfish, immature, and wanted attention at all times.

So, because I dated pool players, that meant that they were playing in a lot of tournaments.  And, that also meant that they were gone a lot on the weekends.  That gave me a lot of time to sit at home and wait for their calls and texts, only to get upset when I didn't hear from them often enough or quick enough.

Being immature, I didn't realize that if I was upset about something, I could just WAIT until they were either out of the tournament, or at the end of the tournament to pick a fight to let them know I was upset.  It was all about my emotions and how I felt at that EXACT time.  I didn't realize that because they are competing, I should wait to express any frustrations or disappointments.

Over this past weekend, one of my friends had to forfeit out of a big tournament because his girlfriend was chewing him out via text in the middle of one of his matches.  He was obviously upset, distracted, could not focus, was mad, and irritated at the fact she was in a fight with him while he was trying to compete.

My only quesiton to him was, "how old is she?"

"22," he replies mad and frustrated.

I just shook my head and told him, "she's too young to understand that she should wait to express she is upset."

He went on to say, "I couldn't play at all!  I had to forfeit and go home and handle the situation because she kept chewing me out."

Now, I don't know why she was upset, but they are still together and after he came home and they talked it over (after some words) they were okay.  That tells me it could have waited.

There is nothing I can put in this blog to help females (or males) understand that it's okay to wait to express you are upset.  That when a guy is competing for money, he needs to focus on pool.  It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, he just needs to focus on the game at hand.  You ARE still important, but right now he is trying to make money and compete - and that's okay, right?

Don't get me wrong, I was the constant texter, too.  I would get on to my boyfriend all the time and he was a pro!  It was his lively hood and yet I still didn't understand to not bother him while he was playing in tournaments.  Not sure why he stayed with me for 5 years over 20 years ago, lol.  I wasn't very understanding and nagged all the time at him when he traveled. 

I didn't realize I should be more aware of his situation.  I was more so not aware that it really IS okay to NOT have to state your anger right then and there.  It's actually better to wait to express yourself because you give your head and heart some time to think about your hurt (or whatever is going on).

This isn't just about pool, I hope people see.

I'm not denying your emotions or pain or hurt, I'm just saying as you get older you will see that it's okay not to vent right away.  It's okay to reflect for awhile.  It's okay to WAIT.   Your feelings wont go away, and if you allow your sig other to go through their important day, and not ruin it, it will be best for you both.

I am the first one to admit it took me a LONG time to figure all this out.  WAY into my late 30s.  WAYyyyyy.

Takes time.

Good luck :)

Effects of JUST a HandShake

I have written numerous times, and experienced this numerous times lol, when after you lose someone says something that just ticks you off.

• "You gave that to me"
• "You didn't want to win"
• "You had me"
• blah blah blah

Just walk away people!  Shake their hand and walk away!

A friend reminded me the other day how I told a league-mate years ago not to tell me after I missed the 8 ball three times, "you gave that to me."

Why do people even talk?  lol

And then my friend said something refreshing that I had never really realized before:

"Do you remember that time during State we had to play each other and I was up 3-1 over you?  I missed the 8 ball, and then I couldn't recover.  Then you beat me.  And, you never told me, "you had me" or "you should have won."  Instead, you simply shook my hand after wards.  I didn't understand that day at league why you got upset at that girl, but now I do.  And now I appreciate so much that you DON'T say those things to anyone (or me) because it would have stung SO much more had you have said something." 

Funny how I have written before about how I feel when people say things that sting right after a loss.  When instead I should have also written about the other side of that:  how appreciative people are when we are cordial and understanding and that a simple handshake with no words is sometimes the best course of action after a tough loss.

All Around Player

When you are deciding players for a team, talent only gets you so far.  Good players are only asked if they also have the demeanor and composure needed in a team dynamic.

Some great players are hot-heads or throw tempers or are mean or are not nice people in general.  No matter how good someone plays, we are looking for the complete package.  Sure, talent is the top reason, but if the player is a jackass or doesn't get along with others, then why ask them to be on a team?

Just like when choosing someone for a job, you are looking for someone who gets along with others.  Even if they are the top salesman, if they are a douche bag or don't have any people skills or fly off the handle at coworkers or customers a lot, you would probably pick someone else who gets along with their fellow employees and loyal customers instead.

Or what about relationships?   You would want the entire package for a significant other as well.  If they make great money, but have a bad temper all the time, what is that?  Or they are the hottest dude in school, but can't keep an intelligent conversation?

Same for team dynamics

We want a great shooter with a level head, gets along with others, drama-free, and maybe even one with humor who can make teammates laugh during adverse situations when competing. 

And what being dependable?  If you happen to nab the best player around but he won't show up on time for league or flakes committing for big team events, is it worth the stress and anxiety!?

It's not just talent.    

Stepping In

Because I've run big tours for over 14 years (9 years with OB Cues Ladies Tour and 5 years with Omega Billiards Tour), I really enjoy being able to relax and just focus completely on playing pool when I get a chance to play in a tourney I'm not running.

However, since I'm a perceptive person especially of things going on around me, I also can't help but notice if any fellow Tournament Directors (TD) need assistance.  Then my instinct to help naturally kicks in.

At a tournament in early April, I noticed the TD struggling trying to fill out the tournament chart at the same time trying to collect all the calcutta money.  I could NOT STAND IT.  I /had/ to help.  I could only wait impatiently for about 5 minutes and then wiggled my way through the crowd and went right up to the chart and started adding the players names to their appropriate spots, while the real TD was collecting money and being bombarded with players coming up to pay him.

I recognized the tourney would start so much later if someone didn't intervene, and so because I feel very comfortable in my role as fellow TD, I just kinda stepped right in.  He thanked me later for the help, and we both recognized that you need two people sometimes to get a tourney started timely.

I also help at another locations.  In Feb I was at a tourney and was helping make announcements, helping with decisions, and pulling numbers for the draw, kinda all automatically when I recognized the TD was stressing dealing with unappreciative players.

My leadership skills kinda kick in magically and I love to help a tourney run smoothly.

Kinda funny... I am happy to play in events where I can focus on pool, but also happy to be able to help!

Obviously I don't do this at every tourney,  but more so at events where I am friends with the fellow TD or they could use some help to move things a long or help smooth things along.

I recall as I walked to help the TD in early April, one of my ex teammates in the crowd quipped, "I was giving you about 5 minutes before you jumped in to save him," lol.

Just who I am.  A little helper.

Competing Helps Real Life

The other day I received an email from a dear friend.  In it, he told me, "I applaud your devotion you had for you Mom.  All the tough situations you went through, the heart you've developed as a pool player was invaluable to help you through it all."

I admit I wasn't sure what he meant.  So, the nosey person in me asked him.

And he replied with words that I'm still shocked by:

"It means the resilience that you have developed as a pool player - the ability to overcome adversity, pick yourself up, and get going again - helps you in difficult situations."

Did he really just say all that?

It sure does put quite the spin on just "competing" in pool (or any sport), doesn't it?

While I didn't see that in myself over 4 years because of the grief and depression I could barely climb out of bed for, it's been pointed out to me on numerous occasions that ALL my big title wins were during those years.

It's funny though, that he said this, because I actually never thought of that and usually see the reverse:  When I find myself in a pressure situation in a tourney or I'm in the finals of an event, or I can feel the adrenaline moving through my veins and pumping my heart feverishly, I sometimes use life learning experiences to calm myself down:

"This is /nothing/ Melinda.  You found a loved one pass away. "

or, 

"Why are you so nervous?  You had to speak in front of 200 people you didn't know through sobbing tears and absolute heartbreak about your Dad after he passed."

So, to read his take on the reverse - using what I learned in pool to help me through adversity in life - is not only huge compliment because of the words he chose ("heart," for example), it's also because I never really thought of that before.

P.S.  I was reminded that A Mind for Pool by Phil Capelle touches on this.  :)

People Mature and Change

The pool world is actually a very small universe in the universe.  We all know each other and if we stay in the same town, we see each other grow up into mature adults.  Well, most of us, lol.

So it's sad to me that they way we acted when we were immature (young), that "stigma" still carries over into adulthood.

I am even victim sometimes of judging people by their past.

But, I wish none of us did.

Most of the people we know, I mean like 98% of them, grow up and mature and outgrow their (our) stupid immature ways of either throwing temper tantrums, or being rude, or not thinking before speaking (as some examples).

I played scotch doubles with a guy in Vegas for BCAPL Nationals back in the mid 90s.  I didn't play that good back then (hell, neither did he), but he needed us to do well because he needed money.

Well, I didn't play good because I wasn't a good player.  I heard he told a few of my friends (because he was upset) that I "stepped on my dick."

Boy was I mad he was talking about me!  (even tho I didn't know what that meant at the time, lol!  Now I know it means I basically caused us to lose).

But, I was also immature back then so I didn't handle his criticism well or talking about me behind my back very well.

Fast forward 20 years and he played with a friend of mine in Vegas BCAPL Nationals last year.  They got in the money and were a great team together.  I overheard her say, "He's the best partner I've ever had!"

:-/

It shows how much he has matured!  He is now loved as a partner.  And he wouldn't dare talk bad about her because he now knows better as he has gotten older.

Yet, I still see people judged for how they used to act.  Although we think we know them still because we've known them for so long, people DO change.  People DO mature (well, most of them).  So, when you see someone from your past, because as we know the pool world is very small and you will run into people you played pool with years and years ago, give them a chance to show they aren't immature anymore.

Maturing is actually a very beautiful thing.  It also FEELS good.  Not only seeing it in others, but ourselves as well.

So, don't badmouth someone you hadn't see in a long time because they acted a fool or mean or rude 10-20 years ago.  Of course, as we mature we already know not to do that badmouthing anymore, too, huh?