Offering Support Without Pressure (pool and everyday life)

Just as you all experience, also, our every day life overlaps with similar things we experience in our pool game.

I have stated many times I am very careful how I speak to friends before they compete. I try to not ever add pressure with my choice of words. People that say on social media "win it!" or "hope you do well!" or "you got this!" aren't way overboard pressure comments, I admit, but there are better word choices.

As a matter of fact, I actually never say "good luck" to anyone before a match or tournament.  I always try to say something like, "enjoy the game we love" or "have fun!"

See what I did there?

I didn't add pressure and I reminded them to have fun (we usually forget that, right?) and reminded them to enjoy the game. A lot times we are so consumed with trying to perform well or place well, we forget that if we just think about how much we love the game, enjoy playing, and have fun, we actually do a lot better.

You all know I'm right!

I have recently experienced this same situation wishing my supervisor at work and also my mentee at work (I'm in a mentor program through my company) good luck on interviews.
I have to say, I really struggled with what to say and how to say it.  Well, I didn't struggle per se, but I did a lot of backspacing (lol) and reevaluating my choice of words. I didn't want to add to the pressure they already felt being interviewed for a promotion.

It so much reminded me how careful I am with my choice of words to friends either in text or on social media about wishing them luck on an upcoming tournament. It's a very fine line imho.

I used to get irritated by how people worded these to me before tournaments. So, I came up with a great solution! (1) I didn't let social media friends know the morning of an event I was even at a tournament and (2) in case they did find out or someone tagged me, I stayed off social media until I was finished for the day OR until I was completely out of the tournament on Sunday. I wanted NO distractions (good or bad) so I did what was best for my mental toughness, and it was a very successful plan for me to just stay off social media until I was done and then give the great (or sad lol) update!

When my mentee was chatting with me about her interview the next day, I debated so much with what to say. I finally just said, "hey, just remember to breathe." And she loved that advice because she is an extrovert and can sometimes keep talking and talking - this reminded her to take breaths and not rush.

With my boss, I backspaced SO much on my text to him. Not good luck, not break a leg, not hope you do well, not you'll be fine, etc.  I didn't even want to tell him, "get some rest tonight" as I didn't want him to stress in case he couldn't sleep in his hotel room worrying about the interview, lol. I finally just said, "be yourself." Which even that I wondered about haha.

You have to understand that because I have test anxiety, I am more careful with my words to people before big life events, but it's also because so many times I have heard from friends who were nice-intentioned, but their words still added pressure.  So, I might be going overboard a little bit, but I know in my heart sleep better at night being super caring and aware to not state pressure-related words at all to my friends before competing or big life events.

Now, reflect: how are YOU giving advice?

A Love Affair

I wish I would have thought of this on my own, but I did not.  Dang it.  lol.  I read this in a book over the weekend and of course as most things I read, I relate it to our journey with pool.

What I read was about a runner who after he successfully finished running an ultramarathon (51 miles in this case), he compared it afterward to the lost desire to run his next regular 26 mile marathon, “just like when you lose the initial crazy feeling you have when you fall in love.” 

If you think about it, our pool journey is really a love affair!

In the beginning, just like in most relationships, we can't stop thinking about pool and every aspect that it brings into our lives. Just like in a new relationship, we savor every word, keep every text or email, and fall asleep thinking about our new relationship.

In a new relationship, you go on dates to certain restaurants or do things together, the same goes for pool.  So when you see a certain restaurant, you reminisce about that first date, or when you drive by Temple, Texas you think about the state tournament you competed there for several years.  And this goes for sad times, too, like when you go to Vegas and you see that the Riviera has closed its doors, it's a similar feeling of missing someone you used to love. 

Just like in all relationships and just like in pool, there are highs and lows.

Similarities between a love affair and our pool journey is actually pretty astonishing to me. Even now, as I step away from pool, it makes me a little sad, just like if a relationship is not doing well. If pool has been integral in our lives, then stepping away from pool can be a similar pain as when we leave a close relationship we had with someone we adored.

And remember when you gave a relationship another shot?  You get back together and it felt like old times and you smiled a lot realizing how much you missed the person, right?  Well, when I practiced this past weekend (I sparred with a friend of mine), glimpses of that love affair I had with pool came right back and reminded me why I loved it so much.  I would run racks, break well, see the outs, play good safes, etc.. 

But then of course there are arguments in pool and also in relationships - even in the deepest love affairs there are arguments - and then we get sad/bad/upset feelings.  That’s how I felt two weekends ago when I tried to play pool and it didn’t go well. I didn't put effort into my pool game, just like it takes putting effort into relationships.

A love affair with a human is something that is tough to even put into words.  Just as the love affair we have with our pool game is tough to describe, as well.

I simply call it our journey with pool, tho.  :)

What Do You Want From Lessons?

Lately, several players have reached out to me for advice.  I am so honored they choose me to ask my thoughts.  And I so much enjoy talking about my experiences to help others.  Been wonderful!

One friend from another state may move to Dallas/Fort Worth and was asking me about lessons. Should he get lessons from a pro (and which one?) or go to a pool school-like place?

I gave my suggestion and then he had GREAT comments/questions and worded them so much better than I ever could about what he is looking for in a one-on-one couch, that I asked him if I could share.

Lucky for us, he said yes :)

He asked me:

"How is his demeanor?  Has he taught before?  The reason I ask is because I don't want to meet up to get lessons from someone who is an arrogant ass.  I won't have enough respect to give him my money.  I need constructive criticism from someone that wants to teach me something about this game.

For Example, when I do a side job at a customers house, adding lights, fans etc., I want them to be happy with the way I just made their home look and feel. The money is a benefit of me making them happy.   

I want a teacher that wants to make me a better player in their heart with the money being a benefit of that. They can honestly say to themselves I made him a better player!  With the money secondary.  It's a mind set good teaching has.  I think some one-on-one coaches don't feel that way; they just want money...bottom line.  And that's not what I'm looking for."

His comments show he isn't just looking for lessons for just anyone, he's looking for lessons from someone who will appreciate giving lessons and not just trying to make a buck or two.  While we may all think this already, I think it's more in the back of our minds.

Most importantly, the correlation to his job and making others happy (money being secondary) really drives home this great point.  I really loved this, and am so excited to share his perspective!