Monday, July 7, 2014

Worry About Future

As I wrote about many times in April and May, the reason why I did so well at the BCAPL Texas State tourney and ACS Nationals in Vegas was because I didn't think ahead, had no concerns or wants, and just kinda went through the motions without worrying about wanting the title so badly I paralyzed myself.

I also shared that I had not hit balls.  I felt that if I didn't prepare, I wouldn't be disappointed.  I had prepared and practiced SOOO many weeks before big tourneys for SOOO many years with no success, that I just wanted to get away those weekends.  Pool was the last thing on my mind.

And yet, then I won.

Well, I decided to practice straight pool a few weeks ago at my house.  Instead of sitting on my butt just watching tv, I actually hit balls.  Granted, straight pool is a VERY frustrating game and although it's suppose to sharpen your skills, I feel as if I'm playing worse now (only playing in my women's league, but I don't see great runs).  Instead, I'm not really playing well right now.

As the BCAPL National Championships is on the horizon, in literally a week and a half away, I feel pressure.  Ugh.  Pressure is NOT good for me.

As I mentioned, I was interviewed a couple of times in June about my recent wins and each asked me what my hopes were for the BCAPL Nationals coming up.  I replied honestly, "I don't have expectations or wishes or wants, I just hope to NOT think ahead, stay in the moment, so I don't freak myself out with wants and desires."

Each person seemed surprised by my response, "You don't think you'll do well?"

I replied, "No, like I explained already, I do better by NOT thinking ahead.  So, I don't want to even think that far ahead."

Well, of course, now, the tourney is on my mind.  Someone told me recently I could be amateur player of the year, if they had such a title.  And as of May, it was not even half way into the year when this famous billiard writer told me this.

I am fully and very much well aware that people are kinda "expecting" I do well in Vegas at the BCAPL Nationals.  It would make sense, right?  Since I'm having such a great year.

But, man, that's A LOT of pressure!

Dang it, I'm thinking ahead.

I feel like I have pressure.

I feel like I'm suppose to do well.

I only have a week and a half to GET OVER these thoughts, emotions, feelings, concerns and ONLY show up and trust my fundamentals, all those years of experience, and play pool.  NO THINKING AHEAD.  No wants or desires or worrying about expectation or status.

I sure hope I get over these concerns, because I really would like to do well!  Yep, I said it,  I care. Ugh!  NOT good for me to think like that!

See why I'm concerned?  :(  Thinking ahead is NOT good for me!

I know that playing scotch doubles first with my awesome partner, Marty Jones, will help prepare me for singles.  And if I don't do well in either.... then I'm still a good person who loves pool, right?

No pressure.  Enjoy the moment.  We only live once.

That's what I need to do.  No expectations.  Enjoy playing the game we all love: pool.

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