One of the coolest things I experienced in a long time playing in the OKC tournament last weekend was I only knew one single other player in the tournament!
Talk about fun! That was SO cool and relaxing. And less pressure, too.
I normally play in Texas and we all know each other. And when I used to go play out of state, I normally played in larger events or women's events. In the larger events, all the top players are there and I know them and also run into a ton of friends or acquaintances. At the ladies tournaments out of state, we also all know each other.
But since this was a tournament for players rated 575 or below in the Fargo Ratings, I didn't know many of the players there since it was out of state and not open to the top players who normally roll in to steal the show.
So this tourney was completely different and a joy to play in because of the atmosphere. It was so relaxing and refreshing to play somewhere where no one knew me and I didn't know them. I could focus on my game, not on the expectations of others. Nor did I have any predictions of my opponents as I had no idea who they were or how they played lol.
Sure, there were some whispers that Tina and I heard: "the Texas girls" or "they came all the way from Texas to play." But it was nothing like the accolades (while flattering) I hear in Texas tournaments or national events that can be a added pressure if one doesn't hone it all in.
I'm not trying to brag, I promise. But I think it's important to share that a lot of players (no matter the sport) who have had success are very aware that success can actually sometimes add pressure.
So, I guess my point is it was a really treat to be able to focus all my attention on playing good pool.
A lot of people ask my about my routine for tournament play.
SLEEP: Well, honestly, THE most important thing for me to do to ensure I play my best is to get sleep. SLEEP I say. I don't really know what consistent sleep is in the last 5 years, but I can tell you the odds are more in my favor to play good when I get sleep, more than absolutely anything else I could do.
BREAKFAST: Honestly, whether I eat the morning of, doesn't matter. If I do eat, I don't eat too much though - can't play pool on a full tummy.
THOUGHTS: What am I thinking about? What am I going to wear so that I feel COMFORTABLE. Being in comfy clothes is key, too.
MUSIC: I DO like to jam out to hip hop on the way to the tourney, Jamming in my car and singing keeps me happy and joyful and not thinking, just enjoying the drive singing.
But again the most important thing for me to do to help me play my absolute best is to get sleep. And not just the night before - a couple of nights before ensure you get good sleep.
Sleep can however sometimes be affected. At my last tourney, I didn't get much sleep because one of my dogs passed away in my arms at home the morning of the tourney. I was still on the winner's side on Sunday but obviously didn't get much sleep. I won my first match. Then I was playing for the hotseat match and in the middle of it it hit me like a tone of bricks, "Omg I'm exhausted." I should have taken a break and gone and done some jumping jacks but it was a rough weekend and I admit I was content to be in a position to place 3rd (when I didn't really even want to play in the event in the first place). My 3rd place is dedicated to lovely Izzy. May she RIP.
But, get some sleep if you have the power to! You'll thank me, I promise.
One HUGE thing I learned from being diligent about competing in tournaments was I found out how vital it is to refocus during a match.
I wrote about this before and I still think it's a huge, important thing (link here) to increasing your winning percentages.
And I experienced this just the other day in league playoffs.
Basically, a match can go by in a instant! And then afterwards, you think, "what happened? why did I lose?"
Although you should always evaluate your game and learn after each match - how about after you miss a few times you ask yourself those questions right then and there (what's going on, why am I missing?). Don't wait til after the match to finally realize why you were missing. Figure it out before the match is over so you can try to resolve it.
Probably over 200 times over ten years after a match, I realized, "oh crap I was nervous" or "dammit I wasn't staying down" or you were worried about someone watching so you felt funny and were concerned more about that than focusing on three-balls-ahead-shape.
After a match, it's TOO LATE. So the key is it REALIZE early that your game is off and to figure out why during the match so you can resolve it before the last ball falls and you lose.
Sucks to figure out later what was going on.
However obvious this sounds, it's really not. It's really about training yourself to recognize that something is off. As soon as you miss a few balls - what is different? Why am I missing? What am I thinking or doing? And then resolve it - right then and there - to give you a better chance at getting back into the match at hand.
So during league playoffs, my opponent ticked me off b/c she said we didn't need a ref even though I wanted one. It took me about 5 missed shots (in 8ball with a tough table, luckily) to realize I was missing because I was upset with her. And since I was upset with her, how can I possibly focus on pool? (multitasking is something our brain cannot do well - read another link here).
So, as soon as I realized what was going on in my mind and with my body being upset, I was able to refocus back on my fundamentals and not miss again to win for my team. Can you imagine if you were in a race to 5 or 7 of a match? Figuring out what is going on can easily get you back in the game even if your are down 0-2 or 0-3.
It's normal to get distracted at times, the key is getting you back on track as soon as possible.
I got lucky I had time to regroup. That's why it's important to really recognize right away that something is off so you can resolve it to give you a better chance of winning.
The last night of my Thursday night women's league season about 4 weeks ago, while we were playing in this small bar I hadn't played in before, a group of bikers came in towards the end of our match.
They knew the bartenders and were obviously regulars. Two guys, two girls, in leather, owning the place, really, you could tell, as they walked in.
They sat at the bar and watched us play. I think they wanted to play some pool themselves, and were politely waiting on the sidelines for us to finish.
My last game, I had a very long tough 8 ball shot, and I wasn't sure if I could get by a ball that was located in the center of the table. The pocket for the 8 ball was of course at the end of the pool table closest to the bar, yes, right towards the bikers. So, if I was to shoot the 8 ball, I'd be shooting right at them.
But I wasn't sure I had a clean path. I leaned down to to check out if I could really squeeze by the 6 ball, and as I did that, two of the bikers leaned down from their stools to take a look also - to see for themselves if it went by.
I stood up and kinda laughed.
You have to imagine - I get down to see if the shot goes, and they are doing the same thing from the other end of the table, at the same time. Lol. So, basically, we are kinda looking at each other, lol, except I'm the one who has to shoot the game-winning ball.
It was a bit of a distraction, I admit, but I got down and nailed the shot. I joked with them afterwards, "could you tell it went?" They all agreed it would go by the other ball just fine. lol. I honestly didn't think it could sneak by (luckily it did, tho).
After all our games are done, we start to pack up and I can't get my cue unscrewed. I keep trying and trying and while I'm struggling, one of the biker dudes comes up to me and says, "since you can't get the cue unscrewed, would you like to play me a game of 8 ball? I heard you were a master player."
I normally never play strangers that ask me to play. Like never, not even one game. But I was in a decent mood and he was being super kind and genuinely interested.
I replied, "I'm not a master, just advanced, but sure I'll play one game." He told me his name and then introduced me to his girlfriend and their two friends.
Here's where it gets interesting.
As he's racking he asks, "bca rules?"
Uh, yea, this guys knows his pool games, lol.
I told him to break and he motioned for me to. I told him I already put up my break cue and then he holds out his house-cue and offers it as a gift to break. I obliged.
I break and make a ball, then start to run out while he and his friends are watching me. Then on my last ball - a tough shot - I miss it.
So, it's his turn at the table, but he comes up to me first and says, "I don't want you to take any offense to this but I play one-handed. It has nothing to do with you and I'm not trying to be a smart-ass, I've just always played this way."
You have to understand that he didn't have to say that to me. He could have just started to shoot one-handed, as he obviously does every day, and not explain himself to me. It was really cool he was very cognizant that it would be best to explain this before he plays. Why? Because otherwise he would have come off as a cocky, arrogant guy playing one-handed trying to be an asshole.
And I was impressed with that.
So, he did shoot one handed. And in the other hand he held his beer bottle. The whole time. I'm not shitting you! This is how he played!
And he played GOOD.
OMG, he ran ball after ball - and was making everything! I was impressed now with his game, and I thought he was going to beat me for sure. He had one ball left and it was a tough cut (even for someone using both hands lol) and he missed.
I got back to the table, made my tough shot and then the 8 ball and won.
He shook my hand and said, "I think even my girl over there now thinks you play better than me" as he tilts his beer bottle towards the bar and she smiles at me.
I have shared before that thinking ahead in a match can be costly.
Well, this made the news just this week:
"BEIJING (AP) — They both lifted their arms to celebrate before the finish line."
But for Molly Huddle it was a different story. While slowing down and
raising her hands, she had no idea her American teammate, Emily Infeld,
was sprinting behind her. Infeld caught up, shouldered her way past
Huddle and crossed the line in front of her to capture the bronze while Huddle was celebrating.
The correlation is do not start to celebrate before you make the last ball in a rack! Don't assume you made the last shot (or out) BEFORE you win.
Do NOT think ahead.
The lady above already slowed down and started to celebrate, yet she hadn't even made her last ball. Don't find yourself in this position - cross that finish line first!
If you already think you won, that means you are not even thinking of the ball right in front of you. Your mind needs to be 100% on the table, not thoughts of "I'm about to win." You haven't won yet!
Focus on every single shot with all your might. It's the easiest shots that we take for granted. Those are the ones we don't stay down for, or the ones we shoot too fast. Treat every shot the same.
Don't ruin a good run-out by missing a ball late in the rack because you are *almost* about to win or because the ball is easy. Take your time. Take your time with EACH shot - especially the easy ones.
Don't celebrate too soon! You haven't won til the last ball falls, and that comes with staying down and following through on every single shot, even the "gimmes."
Pretty tough to do, but Greg Sandifer and I WON the BCAPL Texas state Scotch Doubles event undefeated! Second year in a row for me! And with a new partner.
Then came singles. After a very long, exhausting, tough day full of close matches and lots of nerves and adrenaline, I found myself winning all my matches somehow and won the hotseat match. I would be I the finals the next day!!
As you might recall, I won this event last year - THE tourney I always wanted to win. To be in the finals the next year didn't even make sense to me how I could do that.
Felt pretty fortunate to be in the finals!! I got double dipped by a super talented player (Ricki Casper), and plus I didn't play well enough. But very pleased with second place in a really tough field!!
People kept acting disappointed when I told them (after they asked how I did in singles), that I placed 2nd (and not 1st). Well, I still think I did great, honestly!! (even tho someone actually told me second place is the first loser). BUT.... I found out after the finals, that my opponent lost her Grandmother just the week before, and she wanted to win it for her. So, I'm even more glad she won! I've been in her shoes and I know that means a lot. So again, second place was great for me, and my opponent played her heart out to win it!
And my women's team, 8 Ball Heat, placed 7th!!
Good pool week. Made me reflect a lot about pool and where my future lies with it as I can sense a change acoming, but still feel extremely fortunate for my week!
But someone saw how I was waiting patiently in my chair, waiting to shoot when it was my turn.
I always lean my cue on me. I learned to always be ready to shoot and one way to accomplish this is to NOT put your cue down in between shots (I wrote about this before). Always look like you are ready to shoot; always be prepared. I was taught that when you put your cue up, it can be a symbol of defeat.
While I was taught to hold my cue, I lean it on me so my hands stay clean and my cue doesn't get sticky or dirty by holding it a long time.
It actually bothers me when I see a friend out their cue on their cue clip, instead if taking it with them to their chair. As I said, it kinda looks like a defeated action (even tho I know they aren't thinking that way).
But, imagine the players who keep holding their cue and what that reflects as: confidence.
Anyway, so this is what they saw, and said I should make it my logo, lol:
I was playing in the women's singles event finals at the BCAPL Texas State tourney the week of April 6th. As I was at the table, about a game down in the middle of the match, I was busy surveying the table for my next shot when I see out of the corner of my eye, a guy came from the large crowd (of mostly my opponents' friends) and sat down in my chair and then scooted it over close toward my opponent.
I stopped shooting and said to him, "that's my chair."
He looked at me funny and said, "I'll give it back."
First of all, please get out of my chair.
Second of all, I'm in the finals, that's very rude.
Third of all, you just moved it away from where I was sitting! That was my little comfort area, near my water and napkin.
I stood there not knowing what to say, and then my opponent found him another chair. He scooted mine back, then proceeded to sit next to her and talk to her while I was shooting. Very distracting!
After my turn at the table, I sat down (in my chair) and the guy leans over and says, "I'm sorry I took your chair."
I was pretty annoyed still. I said, "I wouldn't let any of my friends take her chair, or let them sit next to me and talk. We are in the finals. "
He didn't know what to say, as the last part of my sentence I really mumbled, because I'm not one for confrontation.
Later on the the match, maybe closer to hill hill the first set, my opponent was at the table. Someone came and sat right in my opponent's chair. "Ummm, that's her chair, " as I pointed to my opponent at the table.
He replies, "that's my home girl," pointing to my opponent. I reply, "well, that's still her chair." He finally looked around for another chair and sat in the new one.
I understand people want to watch the finals, or watch their friends play, but please be courteous of the chairs for the players. It's so annoying and frustrating to come back from a shot to sit and collect your mind to a seat that is now taken by someone who is inconsiderate or not consciousness enough to realize the players have to sit and you might be taking their little chair that they had been in comfortably the entire match. It throws off our rhythm. You may think it's minor, but it's really not.
It's the place of comfort we retreat to. And taking or sitting in our chair disrupts that. And we are no longer focused on the match, where our head needs to be. Instead, we are trying to locate another chair to sit in, as is courteous etiquette towards our opponents to sit.
I have written before not to look at the crowd during matches.This really helps me stay
focused entirely on my match. It also helps me from being distracted from anyone in the
crowd.Nothing worse than seeing someone
you don't like watching, or you notice someone who gives you bad vibes (we
all have that person(s)).
I have "trained" myself so well with this tip, that
something kinda crazy happened in one of matches in Vegas for BCAPL last weekend.
I was in the middle of a really tough match.I noticed a guy sat down to watch.Then a couple came to watch.I thought , "dang, my opponent has a lot
of support!"
I got up 3-1 and prolly played my best pool of all week in this
match. But a bad leave on an 8-ball cost me the 4-1 win.
Next thing you know, I'm fighting for my life.... it goes
hill-hill!
And even MORE people have come to watch her play!
At this point, I have run out of water. I had two small short
containers of water, but I ran out. And I'm the type of player that needs to
stay hydrated in my matches.And being
hill-hill,I REALLY didn't want to not
have my water.Water also gives me
energy and wakes me up, which I have written about before.
My opponent played really well and we were in a long safety
game.
I REALLY didn't want to leave while she was at the table, but
I needed my water!
I finally walked away quickly while she was at the table, all
the while I'm looking back to watch her so I could wave I was down the long aisle
getting water from the free water cooler.
I walked very briskly back and apologized for leaving.
"Sorry, I had no one to ask to get me water."Feeling kinda silly saying pretty much I
have no friends, lmao.Just kidding, I
have a few ;)
She was super kind and said no problem and then I immediately
took my turn to shoot another safety.
Long story short,I
managed to win hill-hill!
Whew.
As I am putting my cues up, the first guy that came to sit
down to watch her play says, "Great win, Melinda."
I finally look up, and look AT him for the first time (because I don't look at the crowd).Oh my goodness, he was MY friend!Not hers!LOL.The whole time I did have a
friend, cheerleader, supporter, but didn't even realize it, lol.
He even tells me, "I could tell you needed water but could
also tell that you were really focused and I didn't want to ruin that."
I laughed as I told him, "yeah,I don't look at the crowd when I'm playing.
"He laughed some more and said "I noticed
so didn't want to disrupt your focus."
Which I REALLY appreciated.
He was from Kansas and flying out that afternoon.He was only in town for work and stopped by
to see some friends play.He scudded
quickly off to watch another friend as I went to my next match.
Funny - I had no idea
til that match just how dedicate I am to not looking around!
One of the best advice that Joe Salazar has ever given me is to not look at the crowd.
He shared with me that he won many tournaments against other great great players with this tactic.
I try so hard not to look at the crowd when I'm in any matches - whether the first match of a tourney or the finals.
I have captured a glimpse of something or someone and it affects me the rest of the match. And it sucks!
No one means to affect us or do anything to disrupt us, but sometimes we just see things or hear things.
Case in point, I'm trying not to look in the crowd when I was playing in the hotseat match of the BCAPL Texas State 8-Ball Championships. But about half way through the match, I notice a friend come and sit near Tracie and I's match. He's always been super supportive of me and my game so it was cool.
So I thought.
After a good shot by Tracie, she walks over to this guy (for some reason) and high-fives her for her safety and they laugh together.
I see this and am thinking, "What the hell?"
I thought he was my friend. (childish much, Melinda? lol)
Now, this isn't what normal people think on a daily basis, but it IS sometimes what competitors think in the heat of battle. It's a very tricky little mental thing we go through with ourselves.
We want support; we don't want negatives.
I tried to tell myself that it didn't matter; he is my friend too, he isn't AGAINST me.
But this is the type of thing we can accidentally see. For all I know she was high-fiving him because he was still in the winner's side of his division. Who knows!
I know what you are thinking, "WHO CARES!"
Well, that is easier said than done when you are competing. You all know what I'm saying.
Think about those few friends when they walk up you feel immediately comfortable. Now think of those few people when you see them in the crowd you kinda cringe.
So, I just try not to look at the crowd. I don't WANT to know who is watching. It just gets me thinking too much. JUST LIKE Joe said.
So, if you see my not turning around, or you try to get my attention and I don't respond while I'm in a match, that is why. I'm trying to focus all my might, mind, and energy looking at the floor and on the playing this already mental game.
Basically, anything that makes your heart race, hands shake, maybe sweat a little, can't really focus on pool or your fundamentals, mind racing, etc.
Sounds like pressure, huh?
How do you overcome these negative feelings and thoughts? You need to reverse those feelings and start thinking positive.
As I wrote about before, I talked to Paul Potier (a coach of pros) about this very thing - embarrassment
in matches - while sitting next to him at a poker table at the Riviera
in Vegas in 2007.
As a well-known instructor, I took the opportunity
to ask him about my latest obstacle (I had been going through
embarrassment in matches for a few months - right after I worked
successfully on another part of my mental game, ironically).
He said,
basically, embarrassment is the same as fear. If we look at fear and
confidence on a percentage level, we have 100% of them combined into a
flask (my terminology). The key is to make the two "feelings" lopsided
in the flask so there is more confidence than fear. He didn't tell me how to
do that but it's still a very important thing to remember. get MORE confidence than fear.
I have a few tricks I use to get that confidence:
Focus on what you are doing right
Celebrate even the smallest successes (drawing the ball well or maybe breaking well)
Tell yourself how lucky you are to play the game you love
Compare this fear to other things in life. Is this REALLY the worse thing you've been through? Have you been through more "scarier" things in life. Tougher things? Of course.
Think of a great thing in your life that is going on to try and occupy your mind off of the negatives
Think of a song and sing in your head
Think of things that make you smile
Try and have fun even though you might be nervous
Basically, re-direct your thoughts to positive things. Being "scared" or feeling pressure is not the end of the world! So, make yourself realize that enough you may be heaving, can't breathe, and can't stop shaking.
I, of course, also take deep breathes when that adrenaline is racing through my veins. Breathe in deeply, hold, let the air out slowly. That actually slows your adrenaline.
The other key I have written about before is to focus on your pre-shot routine, fundamentals, and three-ball shape. Tough to worry about what is going on around you if your mind is solely on the game. Of course our mind SHOULD be only on the game at hand, but we all know thoughts creep into our minds. But focusing on the layout in front of you helps your mind focus on that only.
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which
you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to
yourself, "I have lived through this
horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." You must do the
thing you think you cannot do.
From my dear friend, Phil Capelle. He aid this to me the other day in a chat; thought I'd share so we can all learn/absorb:
I have just started reading a book titled Sports Gene, which tackles the
question of whether or not champions are born or made. After reading 20
pages, I can conclude that there is a lot more than goes into making
one versus being born one. So, this means that you can, and likely will
continue to get better as long as you stay the course. Onward and
upward.
Our mind can really be an extreme negative beast to ourselves.
I have seen two very recent "episodes" of the extreme negative turn that our minds can take.
And, it's not pretty.
The first one is when I read about how Mike Dechaine accused my friend during the most recent TAR match with SVB (Shane Van Boening), that her and her two friends were deliberately texting to shark him. I counter that what really happened was, because Mike was losing in front of 100s of fans, that he got agitated at-any-little-thing. Our mind starts to assume things when we aren't thinking clear, when we get upset, and embarrassed, and that is why I presume Mike assumed they were deliberately doing something so horrendous to a pro.
What's worse about these situations, is in our minds (well, Mike's mind in this case), he prolly honestly believes that happened and nothing will ever convince him otherwise, even after he calms down.
The second recent instance: I was gambling a couple of weekends ago a $200 set, race to 9 on the 9-foot table. And the guy I was gambling with, was losing.
Now, since I'm a girl, the thought of losing is even worse, esp since a lot of people were watching and cheering me on.
One of my friends had played him earlier in the day, and beat him. Unrelated to that instance, my friend (who's voice carries) was telling a small group us (while I was gambling), about how he didn't get paid a few months ago from a guy named JB. I would walk back and forth from my shots to hear the story.
My opponent was about to shoot during his turn and instead walked right up to my friend and started to verbally attack him, saying "I have ALWAYS paid you!!" He told my friend to shut his loud mouth and that it was rude that he was telling lies about him while he was trying to gamble.
Several of us tried to tell my opponent that my friend he was talking about JB, not him, but he would not listen to us. He insisted the guy was deliberately lying, deliberately talking loud, and trying to shark him during this gambling match.
I was shocked and desperately tried to reassure him, as I knew my friend was talking about JB and not him, but he didn't believe us and so we just asked our friend to leave so as to not cause problems. He didn't mean to tell the story loudly and distract my opponent. But my opponent was the one who flew off the handle assuming my friend was talking about him. I can only guess if he was beating me, he could care less my friend was talking, because then nothing would be bothering him and he would be in a good frame of mind.
When we are losing, get embarrassed, or make stupid mistakes, things on the sidelines bother us a lot more than when we are winning. When we are losing, our mind can get so upset, that we don't think straight and things that normally wouldn't bother use become extremely negative, sometimes nasty, unrealistic thoughts.
Not everyone in the world shows emotion or speaks up when they get mad, angry, or agitated (thank goodness), but many do. You can visualize Tiger Woods throwing a gold club, or John McEnroe chewing out a referee.
I don't think these reactions are wrong per say, I just think sometimes they are unavoidable as we react to our internal emotions and the deep negative feelings we can't contain, so we slam a cue or snap at our opponent. It's not right, but remember, we aren't thinking clear if we are upset and angry anyway.
It IS tough to tolerate that behavior, but if you recognize what is going on, it's sometimes easier to handle.
He basically shouts out when his team does well, shouts out his disapproval when they don't do well, and has even called me out for my choices on the table. Sure, he's just an extrovert. But, I don't like to be judged during my matches. I judge myself enough, I don't need to be standing at the table, trying to decide what to shoot, while also worrying this guy might verbally not like my choices and tell me in front of everyone.
Granted, this is MY issue, not his.
BUT, it doesn't mean it's still easy for me to play pool in front of him.
I play my first match, feel myself choosing the wrong run, but decided I can do it. I have to come with a shot on the ball before the 8 and scratch. :( I get SUPER embarrassed b/c I think someone clapped, but also b/c I knew I was running the balls wrong and felt this guys and others thought the same thing.
Next match, my arms are still a little wobbly from embarrassment and I admit I feel like people watch me more to see if I really deserved that National Team win back in May. Yes, I KNOW I'm not suppose to think that way, but winning tournaments does NOT mean we no longer feel pressure. Quite honestly, sometimes we feel MORE.
Anyway, I fly the cueball off on the break. Ugh. BUT - I get a chance at the table! But, miss a tough shot. :( The guy runs out.
TWO losses right off the bat.
I win my next game and I tell myself, "I might be able to pull out three wins tonight, still."
I win my next game, too. WHEW!
Then I realize, though, that I will have to play the extrovert as my last match. Damn. He's so tough to play. Well, he's tough when he's on the sidelines, too.
He breaks dry (somehow) and get this.... I RAN OUT! OMG! I shook his hand after the 8ball fell and said, "That's the first time I ever beat you!" All proud. :) He replies, "Yep sure is the first time out of all these times." (ugh)
But, no hooping and hollering from him this time! Or telling me what I should have done different to run out.
Instead, the only words I hear are from my boyfriend on the sidelines saying a few times out loud, "good shot!" during my run. :)
I then tell my team as they high-five me, "CIRCLE!" Which means I ran out from the break - AND I get a quarter from each teammate. :)
This past weekend, as I mentioned, was the Season Opener of the OB Cues Ladies Tour. Four (4) of my friends who had never played in one of their stops before, played!
Sometimes, the biggest step is stepping through the door to a pool room of a big women's tourney and actually playing in it. It's really not easy at all to do!
There is SO much pressure for new players. Mostly because the whole experience is very new and there are a lot of unknowns. And there are really talented players all around them, they notice, as they scope out the competition and absorb the atmosphere. Plus, nerves, stress, desires, unfamiliarity, etc., all the while they are trying to play pool and compete!
I am SO proud of my friends this weekend who played in their first-ever OB Cues Ladies Tourney - Angelina Dean, Lyn Jones, Ileana Ford, and Jennifer Dooley!
I was also worried for them, tho. While the OB Cues Ladies Tour is a very friendly, fun tour, it also has some very strong players on the tour. That in itself can be intimidating and discouraging.
It takes a very passionate, dedicate player to want to come back and do it again.
And....all 4 ladies had such a great time, memorable experience, learned a lot, and enjoyed the day, that each one of them have already stated they will play again - and can't wait to play again! I am SO excited!
As my friend Courtney said, (who just recently joined the Tour), "I have been putting off tourney's for years, and now I can't stop going!! And I won't stop....I learn so much from playing such great players and I am not afraid to go out and take a beat down anymore!"
I do wish my friends would have been able to play in the Second Chance event on Sunday, though. It's even more laid back than the Main Event, and most of the top players are still in the main tourney and can't play in the Second Chance event. The Second Chance tourney is named just that for that reason (then again, at one point we called it "The Cry Baby Tourney," lmao). But, it's another fantastic avenue to compete against women players. With $100 added, it can be lucrative, too!
I have already heard their calendars are marked for the next OB Cues Ladies event and they are very anxious to play. :)
I cannot express enough how very PROUD I am of these Ladies!!!
And if anyone else wants to be a virgin on the Tour, please let me know so I can try and convince you to play. :)
As I keep telling anyone and everyone who will listen, the BEST way to improve your game and to get better at competing is to play in more tournaments. And the OB Cues Ladies Tour is a perfect opportunity no one should miss out on.
I played in a scotch doubles tournament last Saturday with my boyfriend.
We ended up winning the tournament. We either dominated our matches, or it was too close, lol. Not many inbetweens.
After our first match, the female player of the team came up to me and said it was difficult to play against me.
"Really, why?" I asked.
I *thought* she was going to say it was because we were good friends, instead she said, "Because we are both competitive. You want to win as bad as I do. And, so it's tough to be friendly during the match."
I laughed in embarrassment and shared, "I don't think I'm very competitive. I mean, I don't have a killer instinct at all, for example."
I realize her point was it was tough for her to be competitive, while also being friendly (because we are friends).
I have written before about how certain people are extremely competitive. Some even say, "we are friends off the table, not on," like my friend Lisa Marr for example. But for me, it's tough to separate the two.
Further, while I struggled with the killer instinct in the past, I'm the type of person that has to be reminded of it, if that makes sense. Like from Brad Gilbert's book who kinda teaches you to want to pummel your opponents.
I'll be brutally honest: Because the killer instinct is not intuitive for me, I have to remind myself about it. As silly as it seems. And I usually forget to remind myself, lol.
But the exchange with my friend really got me thinking about the word "competitive" in her sentence.
I don't consider myself competitive.
Why is that?
Do I want to win?
Of course!
But I don't have that killer instinct (all the time) and I just don't see myself as a competitive person.
A strong competitor, yes, but not very competitive.
Does this makes sense?
I mean, I COMPETE and I compete with all my might and I try to win, but I mostly just try to play my best under the circumstances that I can with my knowledge of the game/shots.
I don't really see myself as a person who wants to win badly; yet obviously I do try to win.
Even the definition:
Competitive: "having the strong desire to compete or to succeed."
And when I look up the synonyms of Competitive, the words seem kinda negative to me: aggressive, rival, cutthroat, viscous, unfriendly, hostile. I DO like the "ambitious" and "aspiring" synonyms better, lol.
Even if I pick apart Competitive:
COMPETE definition: to strive to outdo another for acknowledgment, a prize, supremacy, profit.
Sheesh, no wonder I don't have the killer instinct! No wonder the peeps like Lisa Marr and Jennifer Kraber and Kim Pierce have that presence during matches - THEY emulate competitiveness. Thinking about it, I'm just a standbyer in my own game, lol.
No, I know I'm not, but I definitely don't feel like I'm very competitive. I am so docile, I can't even imagine myself that way.
Maybe that's why it's tough for me to consistently have the killer instinct inside me? Hmmm....
Don't get me wrong, I still want to win and I still give it my all!
I do get upset if I lose a close match or if I don't play my best, or miss out on tournament titles I crave, and so I do CARE about playing pool and competing. I mean, pool is the air I breathe.
I know it just seems like I'm picking on the word. When in reality, I do like competition and enjoy competing, just don't see myself as "competitive."
I know, tomato / tomahto :)
However, look at that sentence I just wrote. "When in reality, I do like competition and enjoy competing, just don't see myself as competitive. "
Should I use words like "like" and "enjoy" in the same sentence as competitiveness? Shouldn't I be more aggressive or something? Like, I want to torture my opponent or I want to beat everyone in my way" ??
Nope, not me.
I'll be the type of competitor who loves the game of pool and wants to win. Brad Gilbert would be so disappointed in me, lol. It's okay, writing this blog has been a very sweet reminder for me!
My friend always tells me, "winning or losing doesn't define you." I love that quote from her.
Let's face it, we care what others think, and the expectations we have for ourselves (and for what others might think) can affect our play.
Many mental toughness books talk about our expectations and our "status". We instead should focus on playing the best to our ability and only concentrate and focus on our pre-shot routine, not thoughts unrelated to the very reason we play pool, which inhibit and paralyze our abilities. However, sometimes that is tough to do. But these two quotes are very helpful to counter that, imo:
I'll say it again:
"Winning or losing doesn't define me."
While reading some excerpts of Pleasures of Small Motions, I came across this one powerful little paragraph that I just HAVE to share:
"What are you really scared of? Remember that no one crucial to your happiness is going to hurt or abandon you for winning or losing, for making a brilliant shot or a bad one.... "
As the famous line in A League of Their Own, as the female baseball player is crying, Tom Hanks tell her, "There's no crying in baseball!!"
Well, evidently, there is crying in pool, too.
I think it's EXTREMELY ironic that just on Friday I wrote a blog post to share my thoughts about the pain, frustrations, pressures, and heartbreak of competition. While I wrote that post to help newcomers, I did reference that even players who have been playing for years still feel heartbreak and discouragement after their matches. I have listened to my friends vent, seen their emotions escalate, and even witnessed their tears.
After this past weekend, I now think my post was incorrect. I now think I was wrong. It's not newcomers that feel discouraged. It's the some of the seasoned players that feel the most pain!! lmao. Some of the seasoned players have competed for a long time and even though we have more experience, the heartbreak is harder on us. I think I'm feeling more discouraged as my game goes up.
It's very frustrating!
:(
There were 50 women at the first OB Cues Ladies tour stop this past weekend. It was a GREAT turn out and a very well-run event!
I was not nervous Saturday so that meant I was probably gonna do okay. No expectations works best for me.
I won my first match (played good), got nervous my second match because I made mistakes and almost lost (but I won). Won my 3rd match and then my 4th.
All of a sudden, I'm left on the winner's side on Sunday! OMGoodness! I was SO excited and not sure how that happened (okay, I played good and got a decent draw), but it felt good. :)
But, I could feel my heart race when I couldn't go back to sleep on Sunday morning. I thought about why I was nervous (and the match was 4 hours away!). I could tell my nerves were building up, so I tried to calm myself down. I ran through the many mental toughness things I've learned over the years. I knew if I didn't think of the expectations, I would do better. I tried to simply be happy I was able to play on Sunday.
I posted on my akatrigger FB page, "Expectations are my enemy". I tried as hard as I could not to think of the results, but I admit, I wanted to win because if I did, I'd be playing in the hotseat and that would be my highest finish yet on this tour! (My highest finish is a few 4th place finishes).
I know how to stop the chatter in my brain (taught to me by Phil Capelle) and he said to focus on my pre shot routine and three balls ahead. But I could tell I was still nervous. :(
I read a comment from Ingo on my FB post and he said,
"Just define your goals- 3 timezones: short,middle and long. Note everything you do and did. So you can *clear* the list by working on each point :-) clearly defined goals/targets are better than expectations."
A light bulb went off my head and instead of focusing my concentration on my pre-shot routine and three balls ahead, instead, I made it my goal! Ingo really helped me out.
I was very nervous the first game of the match on Sunday morning and missed an 8 ball because of it. I then calmed myself down, tho, and concentrated on my goals: Smooth stroke, three balls ahead.
It really, really worked! I played SO good!
I didn't want to lose from nerves. I didn't want to dog it because my arms were wobbly from nerves. And I didn't - I played good! I saw the layouts SO well, checked for shape, saw three balls ahead crystal clear, but......................
I missed late in the rack. :(
A lot.
Too much.
I scratched on a tough 6ball (with two balls left on the table); I fouled on a 7ball; I missed a tough cut on the 8 ball, trying to hold the cueball for shape; I scratched on a 9ball when my opponent was on the hill; Missed that first 8ball; And scratched on a 7ball.
That's 6 games and I lost 4-7.
When the score was 4-3 me, I was on the 6 ball and saw the run. Tears swelled in my eyes as I thought to myself, "I'm close to playing in the hotseat." I then fouled on the 7ball and she took a break at 4-4...and I even told myself I might lose. I knew the break could be costly to me. I tried not to reflect on my misses or what the score "should have been..." I can honestly say I wasn't beating myself up, but I did feel a little deflated after every game I felt I gave away.
I played SO @#$$%*^% good, but couldn't close out for some reason. I lost my chance to play for the hotseat. I gave the match away. "It was not my time," I told myself. :(
But, as I shook her hand, I mumbled I gave the match away (which wasn't fair to her), but I truly felt that way. I walked outside the pool room and started to cry. Then I came back in to get my things, and as I drove home (to pick up my b/f so he could play league for me), I cried on the way there. When I walked in, I cried as I walked into his arms. I was sobbing! I was cry baby! :( I was so emotional. So upset. I lost. Badly. Played good, but still handed the match over.
Everyone kept telling me, "but you are still in." Still, the heartbreak of knowing how close I was was extremely painful. :(
I had almost two hours to wait til my next match and the same thing happened again! I would see the patterns well, but would miss late in the rack. It was heartbreaking. I lost 4-7 again and went immediately outside, and cried AGAIN!
There's no crying in pool!
;(
A friend comes outside (because he thought I was leaving) and he calls my name, "Hey Melinda!"
I shout, "don't talk to me. Please! Don't do it..." as I put my hands over my face and start to sob....
He walks up to me and tries to console me. He tells me that it just means I care. He tells me, "You are human. Humans make mistakes. It's okay."
I tell him again "I tired...." and he says he understands.
He keeps trying to console me as I keep crying.
Then he says, "I do have some advice for you."
I immediately raise my voice, still crying, "No, I can't take it. No, don't tell me anything. I'm too upset and my heart can't take it at this moment!" (completely aware that I'm sobbing and I know from experience I can't take constructive criticism too early after a loss)
And he tells me anyway, "You are taking it too serious. It's just a game."
Later on, I did ask him if he saw anything I could work on (like, did I jump up or not take my time, etc) and he said he didn't notice anything.
One of my other friends tells me (after I calmed down), "You played good." I turned to her and hugged her real hard as I shared, "Thank you for that." She kinda laughs and says "you did play well, just missed some balls at the end of the rack." I felt relief for some reason. Felt relief that I really DID play well, dangit! lol.
I placed 5th outta 50 and while I should be happy, I'm trying to figure out a few things: Why did I miss balls late in the rack? Why was I so emotional? What are my learning experiences?
First, my mental game is still very soft still right now. I'm not sure why, but it's obvious I am thinking too much during my matches (even when down on shots I have been thinking too much). While that might be a tough thing to tame, it's something I need to work on to help me succeed.
Second, I was very emotional all weekend. My Mom was on my mind a lot and I feel I am not doing well in that regard.
Third, while I'm embarrassed I cried, it shows how much I love this game and that I care. I have expectations and although I wanted to place further, the two matches on Sunday will forever be great arsenals of knowledge for me for the future.
It's funny, in the blog on Friday I stated that the more experiences you have, the better it is for our game. I've decided in order for me to do better on Sundays, I need to play in more tournaments to last until Sunday so I can keep trying and get more experience to be able to handle the invisible pressure I put on myself on Sundays. The sooner I get over this "obstacle," the more goals I can make and be better prepared for.
A friend called me this week for a pep talk. There is an OB Cues Ladies Tour event being held IN our city this weekend and she had reservations about playing in it.
"I don't feel quite ready yet to enter the Ladies Tour stop this weekend. I just don't think I'm prepared."
She should take advantage that the tournament is in town! Further, I explained it's important she get her feet wet in this type of big women's tourney. I also tried to share my experience with her that the more tourneys you play, the more comfortable you will eventually get --> and, your game will improve because of the experiences.
I also touched on (carefully worded but didn't go into detail), that she might get frustrated in this tourney, because a Big Ladies Tournament is a whole-lot different than practicing. I didn't go into details, but my heart ached about the emotions I wanted to express, so I felt like writing this blog entry about it to explain some things us ladies go through. I wonder if guys go through the same thing?
Anyway, she mentioned she practices well with friends, but then come league or weekly tourney time, she sometimes doesn't do as well and gets frustrated. I told her that was very normal and we all go through that. And quite frankly, many are still going through that, even after playing pool for years; it takes much experience. There is no pressure when we practice. Tournaments are full of ALL different types of pressures.
I tried to express that she needs to start to get her feet wet now. Don't wait til she thinks she is ready, because I don't know anyone who ever feels they are ready, lol.
She is getting a lot of flack from guy friends who are telling her to enter the tourney, etc. I told her the expectations people put on us are very unfortunate. I know I always hated to come back to work on Monday and share I "only got 24th place" and then my coworkers wonder why I still play this game. :(
However, what I didn't get across to my friend and what I didn't have the heart to share with her yet, was that she might get very disappointed. I'm not here to debbie-down anyone, but it takes YEARS to finally feel comfortable in a big ladies tour event. But you have to start somewhere! It takes years to finally even play well in a big ladies event. It takes years to finally not let the mental game get the best of you (I still learn about the mental game during every tourney). It can sometimes take years to last until Sunday.
I don't care how many hours your practice, the mental aspects of playing in a tournament is quite frankly, BRUTAL. The pressure is immense sometimes. But - it's the best experience for your game! I have so many friends who cry after matches, tourneys, and weekends. It's tough to accept that you KNOW you play so much better than how you just played in a big tourney. It can be heartbreaking; extremely emotional to be so disappointed in yourself and your own expectations. Saturday you can't make a ball, and then Sunday when you are out of the main event, your game shows up!
Sure, tournaments are fun and my friend will have a GREAT time in the environment among great friends ("Good Pool. Good Friends. Good Times. "). But, I'm also aware if she doesn't perform well, she might get disappointed and discouraged. Hopefully that wont happen and maybe she is mentally stronger than I realize! But, it happens to many of my friends even today, many who have been playing for a long time.
However, I want all players to know that we have all felt this way. It just takes time, commitment, pain, tears, frustrations, etc. to finally feel good about our performance in these big tournaments. And, the success WILL come!
The sooner you enter tournaments, the more experience you will get. The more heartache you feel, the tougher you become for the next tournament/opponent. Tournaments are not easy. Sure, they are suppose to be fun, but they are emotionally very tough on our hearts and emotions and will power.
Almost damaging sometimes. It's very frustrating to know you play better than what you performed. ;-(
So, now that I've basically ruined fun expectations (lol, sorry), let me be a good ambassador of the game and share what I have seen that has worked to counter this the fastest:
Take lessons. The friends who have taken lessons do so much better in the tournaments much much faster than people who haven't.
Keep entering the tournaments. While it takes time to become mentally strong and finally "show up" in tournaments, the more tournaments you enter, the more experience you get. And the better you become!
The best advice my friend Cristina ever received was to "Put yourself in competitions above your skill level whenever possible." Read her great article about this on her blog.
Talk to friends. Friends who have been playing for a while can empathize with you and share that they have felt all these same emotions you are feeling. Talk to them about your concerns before and after matches. It will help!
Time. Time is your friend. On Saturday you may be crying, but come Monday you will want to be playing again! I promise.
Read about the mental game. While each match you play in will strengthen your mental game, it will also help if you can learn about the mental aspects of competing from books, too.
I'm sharing this "ugly" side of competing so my friends wont feel like they are the only ones who go through this. I went through it for years, and even now I still sometimes get very upset after matches. And I've been playing for over 20 years. And, I see my friends' heartache a lot, too. It's part of competition, but the rewards are there, I promise!
Remember, Pool Is A Journey!
And my friend Janea describes competing perfectly:
'I know this may sound kinda silly but, the main reason I love playing pool competitively is that it's like a spiritual practice for me. Ironically, when I stopped playing to win, is when I started winning. And when I fall back into the habit of trying to win, I start losing. To me, playing pool is about being patient, present, compassionate, empathetic, gracious, respectful, forgiving, kind, persistent, in the flow, accepting, emotionally intelligent, calm, conscious....sure, winning feels great! but I feel like if I'm improving any one of those areas from playing, then I AM winning! :) Now, if only I could remember that when the pressure is on and my nerves are going nuts!"
