Whiny Pool Players - The Cueist Project

The Cueist shared with me once that he really doesn't like to compete against whiny pool players.  He shared an instance when he was playing a match against a guy named Oscar.  I don't live in the same town as him, but I immediately asked him, "Does he have a regular day job?"

He replies, laughing, "LOL, no. How did you know?"

The one thing I can say that I don't miss about playing pool anymore is the pool players who play pool for a living, who look to place in tournaments as their sole income.  I'm not talking about pros, I'm talking about the guys who have been only pool players their entire life, with no other source of income.  

Those players are THE TOUGHEST to play.  Not because they are good, everyone can play good, it's because when they start to lose, they cause a fuss, vent openly during a game, and/or bitch and whine, which of course can sharks us.

Most players look at tournaments as simply extra income. One friend of mine, every time she got an envelope, she would put it into a jar and at the end of the year she added how much she had and then went and bought herself something sweet!

Some players, when they finally maybe place in the top three and for the first time dip into a few hundred dollars, they might buy themselves something special with that extra cash.  When I won the Women's 9-Ball Singles at ACS Nationals, I took that $800 first-place-prize-money and went out and bought myself a tablet!

A majority of people use their winnings as extra money. Yes, we may use it to pay some bills, but we're not solely dependent on how we finish to pay the bills.

While I understand the frustration to need to pay your bills if pool playing is your sole income, but they take it out on us day-job-peeps if we start to beat them in a match or defeat them in a match.

I saw this in another way one time as well. I played scotch doubles in Vegas a long time ago with one of the local guys in San Antonio (where I lived at the time). He is a pretty even-keel guy, but he got onto me pretty badly when I made mistakes in our matches.  Of course back then I didn't even know what shape or patterns were, lol. Turns out he got mad at me because he was relying on us finishing well to pay his flight and hotel bills.  Damn that's a lot of pressure!  No wonder he got mad at me.

But, I just think it's unfair to us who play pool for fun or because we love the game, to have to play against players bitching, whining, cussing, slamming cues, whatever because they are losing. Yes, they are losing lunch money, bill money, etc. and so it is a pretty big loss when they depend on the win to pay their bills.  But, it's not our fault they decided to play pool for a living. But, they sure take it on us, huh?

Cueist said he got into it with Oscar.  "I got out of line when I lost my cool w/ him...but, I'm actually glad I stood up to him. I usually try and avoid conflict especially in the poolrooms b/c we see everyone so often. And plus, it's totally unnecessary. But at the same time, I felt like I needed to stop him and say something that a lot of guys wouldn't have said. "

Players Who Need Money Versus Players Who Have Fun

I have discovered, as I'm sure many of you have, that there are really only two types of players in the world. The players who aren't there to make money and enjoy just having fun, and the players who need to make money.

Obviously, this seems obvious. LOL.

You may think this isn't an issue - who cares, Melinda? Well, the problem is the reaction from players who need to make money from playing pool and/or how they treat others.

Let's face it, many of us who love this game get agitated sometimes and mouth off when we lose. But it's the players who needed that money who have more sting to their words. Or, players make certain decisions to play or not because of the need for money.

I have seen, heard, or experienced unfortunate situations because of these differences.

For instance, a friend of mine found a great new scotch doubles partner, and she was very excited because they made a great team. However, he doesn't want to play unless there is a Calcutta in the scotch doubles tournament. And unfortunately around here, the scotch doubles tournaments don't normally have a Calcutta associated with them.  It's really just a tournament to have fun all day on a Saturday and for a team to raise extra money to go to Vegas to play in Nationals.

Of course the top one or two teams make some money from the payout of the tournament, but there's no Calcutta money (which is normally where most of the cash-ola comes from). So, my friend lost a valuable partner because he didn't want to waste time on "just having fun." In his eyes, if there is a Calcutta, though, he would jump all-in to play!

Another example of the difference in the philosophy about playing pool for fun or money is during times players want to split the finals. Usually this is requested by the team/player from the one-loss side when the tournament is running late.  Or, because they want more money out of the situation.

I experienced this directly at a scotch doubles tournament in Dallas about 6 years ago.  It was getting really late in the night, spilling over into the morning hours, and the couple that would have to play us in the finals would have to double dip us.  The guy of the team wanted to split first and second. The guy even tried to strong-arm me to "just split." But, I was there to try to win that tournament with my boyfriend - I hadn't come close to winning that event before so it was exciting to be in the finals!

Sure, the team didn't want to stay any later, but the guy knew they were probably going to lose. Therefore, to get more money out of the situation, he just wanted to split. But the title meant more to me than that and so I told him no; he wasn't very happy with me.

This came up a few times for me and people would get upset when I never split. But from my point of view, I hadn't won many tournaments yet and I wanted to play and try to win first place, not just split.  One Friday night a guy called me a bitch because I didn't want to split the finals with his girlfriend.

Rough crowd, huh?

Another scenario is when a player needs money, and is dependent on their finish to make money, which of course comes with a lot of pressure. I was talked about behind my back once by a scotch doubles partner because I didn't play well. Turns out (I didn't know this at the time) that he was depending on a good finish from us to make money so he could afford the room he was paying for in Vegas. Well, then he should have got a better partner because at that time (about 20 years ago), I couldn't shoot straight with a protractor.  This guy actually told people I "stepped on my dick."  I was so upset he was talking about me like that!  Well, after I found out what that meant, haha, as I had no idea, lol.  (turns out that meant I played badly)

When I ran the Omega Tour, I never got chewed out by the players who had other jobs for income. But players who relied on their finish to pay their bills chewed me out the most (you know, because when a player loses it's always the Tournament Director's fault because of the handicap system *I* personally put in place, haha).

Which player are you?  Has fun and elated when you cash?  Or relies on a decent finish to pay bills? (hopefully if you rely on pool tournaments for income you are still sweet to the people around you :)

More Tips for Your Tool Box - Understanding Personalities

I know I write about personalities a lot in my blog, but I strongly believe if you not just comprehend different personalities, but realize how they can affect you directly when you're competing, it will give you an advantage over your opponents.  And as you all know, I love it when you all add more tools to your toolbox!

I'm sure a lot of you have heard of Myers-Briggs. I have written about it a couple of times myself.

Long story short,

The Myers–Briggs Type Indicator is an introspective self-report questionnaire with the purpose of indicating differing psychological preferences in how people perceive the world around them and make decisions.

Leadership books teach us you shouldn't treat someone as you would want to be treated.  Instead, you find out their personality (or Myers-Briggs Type) and then treat them based on that.

I realize as I write this out that some of you will be surprised to hear this because it goes against what we've heard for years, "you should treat people how you want to be treated."  But, nope, that isn't really the best thing to do.

So, let me give you one example I can think of right off the top of my head. If you are a supervisor and one of your employees gets an award, how do you give them that award? Myers-Briggs says based on their personality determines how you should give them the award. Some people are fine with getting an award in front of others; they like the accolades and they like being respected by their peers. Other people, however, do not like the attention and they would prefer to get the award handed to them maybe in their office, so as it's not in front of everyone drawing attention to them.

You can see the opposite ways people handle accolades. So, if you were to treat others as you want to be treated, the way you give the award would based on your feelings, not theirs. What you should do instead is to find out how best they would like to receive an award.

So, how does this all relate to competing, Melinda?

I'm glad you asked!

Well, if you're lucky enough to be aware of or already know an opponents' personality ahead of time, then when you play them you can use that knowledge to not let their reactions or emotions bother you.  Let me be specific.  Extroverts can be loud, talk a lot, verbally show their emotions when they are upset (or happy) and those things can be distractions.  Many of us assume they are directing their words directly at us personally.  But in reality, that's just the way they are.  It's not personal.  It's not directed towards you, they are just that way all the time.

Therefore, knowing that their actions/words are not personal to you is a huge advantage.  It will allow you to focus on playing your best, instead of stealing mental energy away from you by getting upset because they are talking too much or you think they are upset with you personally.

Myers-Briggs will also tell us if I, you, or others are a "feeler" or a "thinker."  If you play someone who is a feeler and you upset them, their reaction is going to be completely different than someone who is a thinker.  Thinkers don't usually take things personal and don't think about the issue again.  Feelers will hold on to even the slightest bothersome thing and let it affect them.

Again - how does this help you?  This helps you because if someone reacts in a certain way it's usually not because of something you have done, but it's more so their personality that brings out their attitude.

Some people can be extremely mad on the inside, but you'll never see it on the outside because they just don't show it. But if they do show it, and you know they are an extrovert or a feeler, then you can use that as a tool to not react to how they are acting, realizing that this is just their personality.

I hope this helps you in your pool journey, peeps!

Practicing Scotch - Project Hunger Games

I have pontificated a lot in my blog that players who play scotch doubles together do not necessarily need to practice together if they already know 8ball well.

Katniss changed my mind a bit.  I love seeing different aspects of things!

What I hadn't really thought of was when two people who don't know each other at all play scotch doubles together, it is actually very beneficial to practice together ahead of time because then you get to find out about their personalities.  Some people show a different side to themselves when they are competing, right?  Competition can bring out the worst in someone, and if you don't know that about your partner, you will be surprised.

You see, Katniss played in a scotch doubles tournament with that guy a while back and he is the type of player who shows his emotions when he's upset - usually a small tantrum sort of thing - walking off mad, quipping about her slot selection - nothing loud or obnoxious, just a hint of upsetness.

He's like this all the time when he plays, but she hadn't seen him play a lot in tournaments and didn't know this about him.

So when they played together for the first time, his negative emotions and reactions bothered her, and therefore distracted her from playing well, because she thought she caused his tiny tantrums.  I tried to explain to her after the scotch doubles tournament that he's like that all the time, and while she understood that and it made her feel a little better, there was still some doubt and she continued to take some blame thinking her mistakes on the table upset him.

As we all know, we play our best not distracted.  Therefore, because he showed his upsetness, it definitely distracted her and she didn't play her best.

They decided to play in another scotch doubles event together, but this time they got together to practice a week or so before.  And what did she see?  She saw him act the same in their practice session and it clearly proved that it's just his personality and nothing to do with her!

So, when they played again in their next scotch doubles tournament, she felt much more at ease with him, wasn't taking things personal if he got upset, and they played much better together!  I'm not saying they won the tournament or anything lol, but they played better together and felt better much better because they got to know one another a little better during the practice session.  They are also becoming friends, which helps in scotch doubles, as well.

I definitely failed to see that when two people don't know each other at all, even if they know 8ball well, finding out about their personalities ahead of time can be a key element to shooting well together.

Thank you, Katniss, for the lesson!

The Rabbit Talk

I was watching a player in a match last year on the Sunday of an Omega tournament.  He really studies the game and practices, and it shows in his increasingly high finishes, even though he's not yet one of the top players.

I am very impressed with how much he has improved and how well he knows the game.

In this match, I saw him miss a crucial 8 ball.  He was trying to get shape on the 9ball, but he went for a tough shot on the 8ball and missed it in the side pocket.  As soon as I saw the shot, I thought to myself he should have used a different route to make the 8 ball (an easier shot) so he would for sure have a shot on the 9ball.  In other words, he took a risky shot and because it was a tough shot, it was missed.

Because I really like the guy, I decided to share with him (at the next tournament) my thoughts on his shot selection.  You have to realize I can't just walk up to some dude and start giving advice, I actually have to be careful how I even broach the subject.  Some guys take offense to a chick trying to show them something, so it can turn into a dicey thing.  But, I think you all know me well enough to know I am careful with how I word things to not embarrass him, upset him, or make him think I am better than him.  I am just offering advice.

Long story short, the conversation went very well!  We chatted about the different options and he explained why he made that shot selection (he wanted to get perfect on the 9 ball) and I explained why I thought it was better to go a different route (easier shot and still have shape on the 9ball).

After the great discussion, I shared with him I was glad he accepted my opinion so well, as sometimes guys don't react as receptive as he did.  He then shared something really cool with me.

He said that it's just like taking advice from a rabbit.

Uh, what?

He said in his country (Peru) there is a saying that you can listen and take advice from anyone, but it's up to you to decide if you want to use it or not.

I loved it!  But then I asked, "Uh, what about the rabbit, though?"

He smiled and explained, "Oh, the reason why the quote mentions a rabbit is because in Spanish it rhymes.  Un consejo hasta de un conejo."

I always find it fascinating when someone uses a phrase or quote from their childhood or country.  Makes me feel like they remain connected to their history and they let me see a part of it.  That day was a cool day for me.

Tongue Lashing After a Loss

I find it interesting, (well, actually disappointing and sometimes shocked is better terminology), the way people act when they lose.

And I don't really mind people slamming fists on tables or snapping their cues (although I feel bad for the cues, lol).  But what I'm really referring to is the tongue lashing a player may get because they defeat someone.

One of my friends (I'll call her "CJ") was playing in the masters division of a national tournament once.  She decided to see how she would fair among the top players, as before she was kinda timid about if she really deserved to be there or not in that division.  The irony of her reason to play or not and the story I'm about to share about what happened to her, is truly astonishing.

In her first or second match, she defeated her opponent (another friend of mine, who I will call "Suzie") and instead of shaking her hand nicely and just walking away, "Suzie" said something to like, "You shouldn't even be in this division.  What have you accomplished to be here?"

OUCH.

When I heard this, I knew immediately the only reason "Suzie" said that was because she lost, but that doesn't mean it was right at all that she was so rude and mean.

The thing is, it stung to "Suzie" that she lost.  And yet, it stung to "CJ" when "Suzie" said that crappy comment.

But I was shocked the one thing she decided to say was about why 'CJ" was in the division anyway. Why would that even matter?

I know both ladies well and both are super sweet.  But it shows how the game can really bring out the worst in us when we lose, especially when we feel we shouldn't have lost.

Let me explain a little further.

I happened to walk by that exact match and I noticed there were friends of "CJ" watching their match but also talking too loud and being too talkative.  So, I think "Suzie" reacted that way not just because she lost, but because she also had other negative things going against her that upset her throughout the match.

BUT STILL.  Doesn't mean it was right to chew her out for winning.

So many people do this.  It's not unheard of, unfortunately.  People even do this in relationships, or with people they don't even know.  Take for instance someone who gets irate at bad service at a restaurant or standing in line too long while their blood boils from frustration.  The waiter or cashier gets chewed out.  It's the same concept:  getting really upset or embarrassed or pissed and taking it out on someone else by snapping at them.  But, doesn't mean it's right.

I actually grew up being verbally abused and I didn't even realize until my mid 20s it wasn't right to yell at someone.  Yes, really.  And then it took me 10-15 more years finally stop being that way through much help from loved ones.  Seriously, 10-15 more years to stop, even after I knew it was wrong.

So, I can understand and relate.  Still.... doesn't mean it's right.

"CJ" was mortified and hurt, and it really made her feel badly her opponent was so rude to her.  It's tough to feel elated to win a big match when someone chews you out right after.

BTW, "CJ" ended up in the money and she proved to herself she does indeed belong in that division; no matter what "Suzie" thought.

Discovering You're Not Alone

I write, I personally feel, quite often about personalities and such.

But, differing personalities are something we have to deal with in everyday life, and of course when we compete, too.  And if everyone had a pleasant personality, we wouldn't have much to complain about or get upset about, right?  In life and with pool, lol.

The other day I was talking to Katniss (of the Hunger Game Project of my blog).  She shared she was worried about running into her Nancy at an upcoming tournament.  If you don't know who Nancy is - read about her here.  Real quick though, Nancy is the generic name of players we all have a difficult time competing against and can't seem to defeat them for some reason.

I hadn't really asked her WHY she didn't like her Nancy, but this day I finally asked her what was up.  She was having anxiety days away about a person she may or may not even play in the tournament.

She shared, "She mentioned once that she hates playing these women that can not make two balls in a row.  So, when I have to play her, all I'm thinking about is trying to make more than two balls in a row!"

I lamented and told her, "Yea, she's a complainer.  And she talks and complains in her matches, too."

Katniss said, "Hmmm....maybe that is what she was doing: complaining and not saying that to me directly.  I need to let it go already... thank you for pointing out another side to Nancy.  I took it so personally....when in reality she probably doesn't even remember that convo!"

I shared with her, "Yeah when I used to run the Omega Tour, all she would do is talk and complain the whole time in her matches.  And yet players are supposed to be quiet when playing on the Omega Tour.  It made it really tough being a tournament director, lol!  But, yes she probably doesn't remember that she said something like that.  She complains so often about so many things, it's tough to those around her when she's playing.  So, it's definitely not just towards you.  As a matter of fact, I doubt she even realizes she does this."

Her response was, "Wow I am seeing another side to her for sure!"

This exchange is actually very familiar to a lot of us.  And we normally find such things out later.  What I mean is, sometime we go through life and run across people who may treat us rudely, are mean, say things that come across badly, etc.  We take it personal, maybe get offended and upset about how they treated us.  It's normal to feel this way.  But later on, whether it's years or months later, we find out the way we were treated was how they treat EVERYONE.  It's actually a light bulb moment for us.

For instance, my Dad used to hang up on me on the phone all the time when he would get upset at me.  I'm talking even until my mid 30s, he'd still use that gesture as a way to show he was pissed off about something/me.  At his Celebration of Life, his sister joked to her brother, "Remember when Tommy used to hang up on us all the time?"  I looked at her dumbfounded.  I had no idea he did that to other people.  AT ALL.  To learn he wasn't just hanging up on my Mom and I made me realize it was HIM and his personality, not anything I really did.

And the same for Katniss.  She hasn't been around her Nancy enough to realize that this is just the way Nancy is.  She makes comments like that in general and kinda complains a lot.  It's never personal at all, it's just her personality.  As a matter of fact, her Nancy is actually a really great woman, she just complains a lot. 

And once I shared with Katniss how her Nancy acts like that all the time, it was a sigh of relief her to find out it wasn't just her.  Actually, not about Katniss at all.  It relieved the tension she felt and the anxiety she had to find out that Nancy was kinda like a, well, Negative Nancy, lol.

One of the Four Agreements (one of my fave quotes) even says not to take things personal.  But, that is SO hard to do.  But down the road we usually find out our perception was never personal - it was the other person.

Rude Guy From the Past

I have written a few times how I am trying to be more mature in how I act around people I may not really like.  Especially running a business (the Omega Tour), it's imperative I treat everyone with respect no matter the past or my personal opinion of someone.

During a stop a few months ago, there was a guy there I hadn't seen in about 20 years I think.  As SOON as I saw him, my anxiety increased and my mind, thoughts, and even body language went back to my mid 20s when he would berate me in the pool room.  He wasn't a very nice man, but mostly he simply didn't really know how to give positive or constructive criticism.  He was very abrasive to all the players he tried to help with his crappy ego lol.

Even though I felt uncomfortable, I decided that I should say hello instead of ignoring him like I would have in the past. He seemed genuinely happy to see me and asked me about a couple friends from back from San Antonio when I used to live there.  Then I went back to the tournament desk and continued my work.

About 30 minutes later he comes over to the tournament table to check out the brackets. And then for some reason he starts talking to one of the players who had just lost his match.  He tells the player (who was still seething from his loss) in front of everyone, “You have no one to blame but yourself for that loss.”

I don't know why people think they need to say such negative things.  Even if that was obvious or true, give a player some time to get over the emotions of the loss, damn!  I don't even know why he thought it was proper or helpful to give his crappy opinion.

Of course, I'm also of the strong opinion that one shouldn't say anything to a player right after a tough loss match until they are ready to hear it. And for this guy to do it right after he lost, in front of his peers, and from someone he probably didn't really know…..just showed me this guy hasn't changed one bit in the last 20 years.

Giving and Receiving Advice During a Tourney

As the main photographer of the Omega Billiards Tour (I wear many hats running the Tour, lol), I know probably more than anyone which players stay down well on their shots and which do not.

Of course we may generally recognize which players shoot fast or maybe don't stay down.  Or maybe you might recognize players that exaggerate staying down on their shots (whether intentional or not).

As the photographer, though, I know EVERY single players' normal shot routine.

During the last Omega tourney, I was taking photos and immediately recognized that a player was staying down longer on his shots.  In the past, he tended to falter sometimes in matches due to misses (not due to choice selection or safeties), but today he was staying down so well and taking his time more than I'm used to seeing, and it was clearly related to his positive score in this tough match, because he was making more shots.

I debated on telling him or not that I noticed this.  As I've written before, bringing awareness to someone about their game can actually be detrimental during a tournament, as they then begin to focus too much on that, instead of playing pool.  So, I decided to just kept the compliment to myself.

The player won that match, but then lost his next match.  He came over to the tournament chart, waiting to play his next match, and I decided to finally give him the compliment. 

I told him I noticed he was staying down really well and was taking his time more than usual in his earlier match, and that he made more shots than usual.  I told him I was pleased to see this change, as it really benefited him.  I also shared, in comparison, that in his next match he didn't stay down quite as well, to shine on the reality that his staying down and taking more time was indeed beneficial to him.

And then I recognized right away my compliment was kinda lost.  He wanted to explain to me why he hadn't stayed down in that last match and why he lost.  Every time he would say something like, "He hooked me 3 times in a row by accident," I would counter with a chuckle, "What does that have to do with staying down well?"

And then he shared more of his frustrations with me, "Well, he had me down and then shit in a ball."  Again I asked, "What does that have to do with staying down?"

I tried to really reinforce that him staying down was a beautiful sight and that he played so good taking his time.

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Okay, folks, I could easily end this blog post right here.  But for some reason, I think it's intriguing to delve into this exchange some more.  Sure, it makes for a longer reading (sorry!), but I like evaluating aspects of situations.  It's the leadership classes I've had over the past 20 years that begs my mind to evaluate and contemplate the different aspects of communication.  

You can stop reading now if you wish, or read on for my opinion of the leadership/psychology aspect, lol.
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At this point in the conversation, I knew there were many factors affecting his absorption of the compliment or not.  It was now a matter of his personality on if my words would sink in or not, or maybe my timing was bad, or maybe my choice of words wasn't good, or maybe comparing it to his next loss was not smart on my part, etc.

Further, it's actually tough for some guys to take advice from anyone, much less a chick.  Further, he wanted to really explain why he lost.  That's his personality; and I'm okay with that.  He might have heard what I was trying to tell him that would help him, but he didn't acknowledge it; which again is fine.

But he seemed to brush it off, and instead wanted to counter with the reasons why he lost (many bad rolls and his frustration over that). 

I am fully aware that some people take advice, some don't, some don't think I know much, some don't acknowledge positive things, etc.

The whole conversation was really about two personalities and also if the words I choose would help the compliment be received.

Further, what frame of mind was he in to receive the words of advice?  If I told him over dinner, I bet the convo would have been different.  Instead, I might have picked the wrong time to tell him because it was right after he lost a match.

Timing, personalities, ego, acceptance, choice of words - all these things go into giving/receiving advice.  Even if it's a compliment.

I am hopeful he thinks about the compliment the weeks after, and shows up at the next tournament ready to take extra time on his shots and kick more ass!

What a Chat Led To

I mentioned that I am now a regular contributor of American Billiard Radio.

My purpose is to contribute by chatting about a topic I've written about in my blog.  And my goal is to help at least one person each time I'm on the program.

Simple goal, right?

hahhaa

But, I never really know what I am going to talk about and sometimes decide on the fly what the topic will be for that day.  I try not to spend a lot of time thinking about it, I'm much much better on my feet.

So when David Bond (the host) contacted me late last Thursday, I looked at the topics from the recent week of blog topics from my blog to figure out which one might be good to chat with him about:

• Advice and the Ramifications

• Last Lady Payouts

• Learning Differences of 9ball vs 8ball

• Pool Shirts and Hustlers

• Missing the Six Ball

• Talking After You Miss

Every topic was actually interesting and I really wanted to talk about them all, lol, but I decided on "Talking After You Miss."

Basically, I explained that after a player misses, the extroverts (more than the introverts) sometimes don't sit right down in their chair, and instead make small talk to someone in the crowd, and that's not really fair.  Although not normally intentional, it's still a distraction to your opponent.

I told David, "let's say I'm the introvert and you are the extrovert..."  And I went on to explain that when he, as an extrovert, talks to someone in the crowd after he misses it's actually a distraction to me who is now at the table trying to shoot.  Further, he doesn't even realize that it's really not fair he gets to talk to someone, because in reality it can have a calming effect to vent.   And yet I sit down and take care of my emotions internally.  Further, after I miss I give him the courtesy of being quiet and not talking to others.

He then shares that he is indeed actually an extrovert (I didn't know lol), and that now he felt bad reflecting on the topic because he's prolly done this in every tournament he's played in!  LOL.  He felt so badly about it, he labeled the episode, "Are You Rude?"

Are Your Rude? 

Tonight Mr. Bond chats with Melinda Bailey, author of Pool is a Journey, about "table talk" and how it may effect your opponent during a match. Did we forget how to be courteous to our fellow players? 

I got quite tickled that I indeed helped at least one person DURING taping!  lol.

Check out the broadcast for yourself HERE.

We talked more about it after the taping ended and he really was affected by the topic and wondered if he bothered a lot of players unintentionally all the years.  Poor fella.  RUDE.  Just kidding.  :)

Why Ask Me?

While being slightly offended (in a funny way) during one of my matches last weekend during the Omega Tour, nothing really compares to what happened with another opponent.

I swear I can't even make this stuff up.

Yet, it does give me blog material, lol.

In my second match over the weekend, I look at the charts and see I have to play a guy I defeated during the Omega stop just last month.  I was very happy I beat him last month as he is a tough cookie.

However, this time was a completely different outcome.  He kicked my ass!  I think I only got 1 game.  He played GREAT!  I missed only a few balls, but he got out every time.  If I played safe early in the game, he would simply find a way to make that ball and then he ran out.  I didn't have many chances at all this match-up.  He played really good!

However, after the match he says, "now we are 1-1."

I admit I didn't think that was too friendly.  Why even say that after you beat me?  I didn't get upset over it, just thought it was kinda weird to say it out loud to me.  However, nothing would compare to what he would say to me the following day.  NOTHING.

As Tournament Director of the Omega Tour, I figured out early from its inception that it's best to play the final 24 players on Sunday.  They are all "in-the-money" and it works out best for a 2-day tournament with 80-100 players.

The guy who defeated me the previous day loses his first match Sunday morning.  Then he wins his next, but falters after that.  He still did great, though, placing 13th out of 83 players.

After he loses, almost 30 minutes later or more I would guess, he comes up to me.

So, let me set the stage here.  There are about 40 people in the pool room at this moment.  And he comes up to me.  ME.  And says this:

"How can I play almost perfect against you yesterday and today I can barely play well.  Does that happen to anyone else?"

I sat there dumbfounded.  The guy sitting next to me turns away and starts laughing he's so shocked.

I look down, and try to compose my thoughts.  I then look up at him fairly quickly and say, "why in the world would you ask the one person you played so well against and beat down yesterday that question?"

He stammers and doesn't know what to say.

I then stop thinking of the way I'm feeling and be a good steward and add, "yes, we all go through that.  We all do that."  I share, trying to reassure him.

And then he seems surprised, "Really?  It's not just me?"

I am taken aback by his reaction.  Does he REALLY seriously think he's the only person that happens to?  The man is like, I dunno, 60 years old or something.  He HAS to have experienced this before.  He HAS to know he isn't the only one who doesn't play well consistently from match to match.

The guy next to me also shares that it happens to him, too. 

I added, "yes, it happens to everyone."

He seems relieved and then he says shyly, "I'm sorry if I came across wrong, I didn't mean anything by it."

You don't mean anything by it?  There are TONS more people in this room you are friends with and yet you come up to me to ask that question?

lol.

I just told him, "it's okay."

I am trying to indicate, obviously, that I'm not really the right person to ask that after you kicked my ass the previous day, lol, but in all honesty, I really didn't mind.  It was simply confusing he would ask me of all people.

But, I think he just needed to vent his disappointment that he felt bad about how he played that day.  I told him, "at least you won one match and defeated Phillip - that's a tough opponent."  Trying to point out he shouldn't feel all that deflated and he did have some really good moments today.

Still funny, though.

PlayGround Bullying

I was pretty lucky as a child.  I didn't get bullied frequently like I hear other kids are bullied nowadays, or even in the past.

However, what I have realized is, there is bullying going on in the pool room.

I know you can all relate.

Some players just, well, bully us.

They are verbal, rude, harass, intimidate, etc.

What's weird is, I didn't really have a description/word for the players who made my friends and I feel uncomfortable.  It was just something we talked about; something we dealt with; something we felt.

Then one day at work I came across an article about bullying and I realized, "Hey!  That describes those players exactly - they are bullies!"

They are the adult version of bullies in the playground.  But our playground is the pool room where we compete and try to earn titles and maybe even some cash.

And, it's not fun to play against bullies in tournaments.

We try to avoid them at all costs if we can.  Barely even saying hi.  We may say hi as we pass by them, but in reality we are just glad we aren't in a match with them because it's too unnerving and stressful.

When we look at the tournament charts, we hope and pray they are in a different bracket so we don't have to run into them.

I am copying this from the article:

More people than ever are aware that bullying exists. Bullying can be defined as a series of aggressive, inappropriate, or unreasonable activities directed at an individual or group of people. Some typical bullying behaviors include:

• Threats
• Intimidation
• Humiliation
• Exclusion from a peer group
• Harassment

Personally, I think it's pretty sad we have to deal with bullies while trying to compete, but unfortunately, that's how things are sometimes. 

And, we all know who they are.  It's no secret which players my friends and I would rather never play in a match.  While pool is competitive, it's also a tad fun, right?  But it's miserable when you play a bully.  And how can we focus on playing our best when we are dealing with sharking and verbal rude comments and tension from our opponents?

All part of the game, I know.  But, I wanted to at least address it.  It's something definitely out there we have to deal with at times.

Male BackTalk

It always amazing me how guys talk shit to each other.  I hear it every once in a while and every time I do, I'm kinda stunned.

As I wrote about before, women just don't do this.  We are careful not to point out flaws or poke fun at our fellow female friends.  It's just not something we do. 

Men on the other hand, they speak what's on their mind to another guy, even if it's a stab or jab or rude.  I have witnessed that most men hardly ever respond or react, they just take the words, accept it, or joke back.  Not many feelings are hurt, is what I mean I guess.  Whereas if females were to jab at each other, one would prolly go off crying or another would never speak to that female again.  We are just wired differently.

At league on Tuesday, our star player missed an easy shot in the side pocket.  One of the teammates on the OTHER team said, "Wow, how did you miss that?"

Another one said, "That's your star player, I never thought he'd miss a shot like that."

And then a few more comments ensued.

I was pretty surprised.  My teammate just sat there and watched his opponent run out and then shook his hand.

He never replied, he never shot back with words, he didn't argue back or anything.

I did see him go outside, and when he came back in he confided he had to step outside or else he would have said something.  He was upset and he mumbled, "I bet none want to play after league, do they."  But I know he wasn't seriously wondering, he was more reacting to their harsh words.

It may not seem harsh, but I was a bystander and I felt the embarrassment and rudeness of the words they said out loud and I admit I was shocked they said all that.

I just cannot see females doing that.  We might be thinking it, but we would never state out loud how bad someone is playing, lol.

What You Are Competing, You Are in Life

One thing that I noticed is how people "act" on the pool table, they can be that way in life as well. 

If you are a nice person on the table, you are nice off the table. 

If a player cheats at pool, they usually cheat somehow in life.

If a player is honorable, they will be that way with their friends and family and friends and work.

If a player hustles in the pool world, they can at times hustle in life, work, relationships, and friends as well. 

If a player is too competitive in pool, they are too competitive in every aspect of their life.

If a player gets angry a lot playing pool, they are probably like that in their every day life as well.

Sure, some people can separate their personality on the table to off, but honestly, how we act playing in competitive sports, we will act in real life at work and with our relationships (family, friends, lovers) the same.

Playing competitive sports shows our emotions.  How do we handle those emotions?  If you see someone who flies off the handle, I bet they can be that way at work, too (if they have a job).  

If someone is super nice, they are that way to us off the table, too.  And they want matches to go well and smooth.  They can still be a very talented player that wants to kick your ass, but they also always show sweet emotions and a calm demeanor.

I used to show negative emotions when I played pool. Yep, and also at work.  I would show anger and act out at both.  Then I worked on my leadership skills and that helped calm my temper.  And now I hardly ever show anger when I play pool, or at work.

Personalities are a part of us.  That's why when an extrovert is animated in tournaments, they will be that way away from the pool room, too.  I realize that's just how they are, and I try not to get bothered by then when I compete against them.

Bottom line.  Who players are on the table, they usually are off, as well.

Different Personalities and Pasts

In relationships, whether with friends, coworkers, or significant others, it's normal for their pasts to "come up" some how in the present.

It's normal.

Not everyone can "forget" how they were as children, how they were treated, how they were raised, etc.

What I have finally realized, and I wish others would to, is that this also occurs in sports.

Really.

Sometimes, some players are very abrasive at the pool table. 

Some players come across as rude.

Some players are kinda mean.

Some players are super shy.

Some players get overly defensive with their words.

But once you get to know these players, you find out they are really, really great people!  They just have certain personalities that competition brings out in them.

One of my friends had a tough childhood and had to take care of herself and her siblings growing up.  So, this makes her a little bit more tougher around the edges.  It comes out when she competes, but when you get to her know her on a personal level, she is extremely caring and a very good friend.  Loving actually.

But people that don't know her, see her as abrasive and rude, as she walks around the table.  They take her comments as inappropriate.  But because I know her, I know she doesn't mean anything by the comments, she's really just "protecting" herself with her words as she competes.

(Like she had to do when she was growing up without parents.)

Some guys are very intimidating and make rude comments.  I bet those guys had a tough childhood, had to defend themselves, and this is now how they react to "confrontation" when competing.

Some players are very passive and shy, and that may seem like weakness, but maybe they were raised in a household where you don't ever raise your voice or show emotion?

I know a few players that are VERY intimidating.  It dawned on me the other day that in reality, they are BULLIES!  Really, they are!  But, if I realize that, maybe I will also realize they are bullies for a reason.  Maybe they've been this way their whole life?  Maybe they were like this in school?  I'm not saying it's right, but it will help me understand them better.  And maybe not be so afraid of them, lol.

I'm not being clear I don't think, but my main point is I think it's unfortunate we judge people based on how they act when they compete.  Or how they react when they lose (or win).  Just like leadership can be taught, losing and winning graciously takes time to learn (if you want to be gracious).

Some players don't care about politeness or gracious - maybe because they had a tough childhood?

The point is - everyone has a story.  Everyone competes in their own way.  Everyone has their own personality.  Everyone shows anger or happiness different.

So, no judgements.  Just acceptance and understanding!