Saturday, June 16, 2018

Discovering You're Not Alone

I write, I personally feel, quite often about personalities and such.

But, differing personalities are something we have to deal with in everyday life, and of course when we compete, too.  And if everyone had a pleasant personality, we wouldn't have much to complain about or get upset about, right?  In life and with pool, lol.

The other day I was talking to Katniss (of the Hunger Game Project of my blog).  She shared she was worried about running into her Nancy at an upcoming tournament.  If you don't know who Nancy is - read about her here.  Real quick though, Nancy is the generic name of players we all have a difficult time competing against and can't seem to defeat them for some reason.

I hadn't really asked her WHY she didn't like her Nancy, but this day I finally asked her what was up.  She was having anxiety days away about a person she may or may not even play in the tournament.

She shared, "She mentioned once that she hates playing these women that can not make two balls in a row.  So, when I have to play her, all I'm thinking about is trying to make more than two balls in a row!"

I lamented and told her, "Yea, she's a complainer.  And she talks and complains in her matches, too."

Katniss said, "Hmmm....maybe that is what she was doing: complaining and not saying that to me directly.  I need to let it go already... thank you for pointing out another side to Nancy.  I took it so personally....when in reality she probably doesn't even remember that convo!"

I shared with her, "Yeah when I used to run the Omega Tour, all she would do is talk and complain the whole time in her matches.  And yet players are supposed to be quiet when playing on the Omega Tour.  It made it really tough being a tournament director, lol!  But, yes she probably doesn't remember that she said something like that.  She complains so often about so many things, it's tough to those around her when she's playing.  So, it's definitely not just towards you.  As a matter of fact, I doubt she even realizes she does this."

Her response was, "Wow I am seeing another side to her for sure!"

This exchange is actually very familiar to a lot of us.  And we normally find such things out later.  What I mean is, sometime we go through life and run across people who may treat us rudely, are mean, say things that come across badly, etc.  We take it personal, maybe get offended and upset about how they treated us.  It's normal to feel this way.  But later on, whether it's years or months later, we find out the way we were treated was how they treat EVERYONE.  It's actually a light bulb moment for us.

For instance, my Dad used to hang up on me on the phone all the time when he would get upset at me.  I'm talking even until my mid 30s, he'd still use that gesture as a way to show he was pissed off about something/me.  At his Celebration of Life, his sister joked to her brother, "Remember when Tommy used to hang up on us all the time?"  I looked at her dumbfounded.  I had no idea he did that to other people.  AT ALL.  To learn he wasn't just hanging up on my Mom and I made me realize it was HIM and his personality, not anything I really did.

And the same for Katniss.  She hasn't been around her Nancy enough to realize that this is just the way Nancy is.  She makes comments like that in general and kinda complains a lot.  It's never personal at all, it's just her personality.  As a matter of fact, her Nancy is actually a really great woman, she just complains a lot. 

And once I shared with Katniss how her Nancy acts like that all the time, it was a sigh of relief her to find out it wasn't just her.  Actually, not about Katniss at all.  It relieved the tension she felt and the anxiety she had to find out that Nancy was kinda like a, well, Negative Nancy, lol.

One of the Four Agreements (one of my fave quotes) even says not to take things personal.  But, that is SO hard to do.  But down the road we usually find out our perception was never personal - it was the other person.

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