Friday, August 12, 2016

Nagging During Tournaments

I know I've written about this before, but since it came up with a friend over the weekend, I thought I would write about it again.

I fully admit I have been a bad girlfriend in the past.  I wasn't very understanding at times, I nagged a lot, and my timing to pick a fight was not very smart to my boyfriends.  I was selfish, immature, and wanted attention at all times.

So, because I dated pool players, that meant that they were playing in a lot of tournaments.  And, that also meant that they were gone a lot on the weekends.  That gave me a lot of time to sit at home and wait for their calls and texts, only to get upset when I didn't hear from them often enough or quick enough.

Being immature, I didn't realize that if I was upset about something, I could just WAIT until they were either out of the tournament, or at the end of the tournament to pick a fight to let them know I was upset.  It was all about my emotions and how I felt at that EXACT time.  I didn't realize that because they are competing, I should wait to express any frustrations or disappointments.

Over this past weekend, one of my friends had to forfeit out of a big tournament because his girlfriend was chewing him out via text in the middle of one of his matches.  He was obviously upset, distracted, could not focus, was mad, and irritated at the fact she was in a fight with him while he was trying to compete.

My only quesiton to him was, "how old is she?"

"22," he replies mad and frustrated.

I just shook my head and told him, "she's too young to understand that she should wait to express she is upset."

He went on to say, "I couldn't play at all!  I had to forfeit and go home and handle the situation because she kept chewing me out."

Now, I don't know why she was upset, but they are still together and after he came home and they talked it over (after some words) they were okay.  That tells me it could have waited.

There is nothing I can put in this blog to help females (or males) understand that it's okay to wait to express you are upset.  That when a guy is competing for money, he needs to focus on pool.  It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, he just needs to focus on the game at hand.  You ARE still important, but right now he is trying to make money and compete - and that's okay, right?

Don't get me wrong, I was the constant texter, too.  I would get on to my boyfriend all the time and he was a pro!  It was his lively hood and yet I still didn't understand to not bother him while he was playing in tournaments.  Not sure why he stayed with me for 5 years over 20 years ago, lol.  I wasn't very understanding and nagged all the time at him when he traveled. 

I didn't realize I should be more aware of his situation.  I was more so not aware that it really IS okay to NOT have to state your anger right then and there.  It's actually better to wait to express yourself because you give your head and heart some time to think about your hurt (or whatever is going on).

This isn't just about pool, I hope people see.

I'm not denying your emotions or pain or hurt, I'm just saying as you get older you will see that it's okay not to vent right away.  It's okay to reflect for awhile.  It's okay to WAIT.   Your feelings wont go away, and if you allow your sig other to go through their important day, and not ruin it, it will be best for you both.

I am the first one to admit it took me a LONG time to figure all this out.  WAY into my late 30s.  WAYyyyyy.

Takes time.

Good luck :)


Babylon Brother said...

On the other hand, you would think that competitors would learn how to turn off and shut out distractions -- even those they're dating or spouses. Show some self-control and ignore the cell phone or just turn the damned thing off (goes for driving too.) Worlds do not collide just because you do not immediately read a text message or answer the phone. Think about how things were before everyone was so connected.

Melinda said...

Wrll, that was just an example what happened last weekend. Most do not check their phone during matches. That definitely would have helped him. However, he still would have seen all the crappy messages when he finally turned his phone back on, lol.
There wasn't even texting when I was this bad in the late 90s, and I was still a pain!

Melinda said...
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