Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Be Careful What You Share

One of my friends was playing in a big women's tourney against a good player.  She found herself down 6-1, but started to make a come back.  She won 4 games in a row, and lost only 7-5. 

My friend didn't get to the hill, but she did try her little heart out and never gave up.

She was elated she made a comeback and got to 5 games against a tough opponent!  But, also a little disappointed she could have made it hill-hill. 

Her opponent, however, was upset because she felt like she was giving games way.  In her eyes, she was making mistakes.

At the end of the day, someone asked her opponent how my friend played.  Her response was, "I should have beat her 7-1."

Now this is the part that gets interesting.

That last comment was passed on to my friend!  IMHO, I think it was inappropriate to tell someone, basically, "She said she should have beat you 7-1."  I am actually upset that my friend was told that, because it never should have been shared.

My friend was hurt by the remark.  In her eyes, she thought she earned those games.  Instead, she felt like she wasn't given any credit for her wins.

It's a very interesting perspective, really.  

And I know this happens all the time.

One person was simply sharing she made some mistakes and if she hadn't have, the score would have been 7-1, so she was disappointed in her own play.

The other player felt like she wasn't given enough credit for her wins.  She did get out and make balls to earn those 4 games, she felt.

Her opponent's comment was strictly about her OWN game.  But my friend took the comment a little personally, because she did try very hard and did make a comeback. 

I'm more upset at the person who passed on the info.  What was the purpose in telling my friend that?  Seriously?  Quite frankly, it caused mixed emotions for my friend, when in fact she had felt good about her little comeback, now she was second guessing it and also kinda hurt the other player felt that way.

Now, I realize that how that comment was received and meant is simply a matter of perspectives.  Her opponent (also a good friend of mine), meant nothing rude by it at all; she was just expressing her point of view of the match. 

But my point is two-fold:
  1. People view matches differently. 
  2. Some things should not be shared if it's not helpful.



6 comments:

spanky said...

some people like to sir the pot and create drame, childish

Johnny said...

I kind of think the same way... "if I hadn't missed that 5 ball or 2 ball or 8 ball, given the table layout, I should have won that rack." So in my mind, absolutely, I gave away that rack. When I'm on the other end, when my opponent misses somewhere and I get out, I do believe I earned the rack - but I also know they gave it away. I think it's important for all players to recognize that. If you're playing a run-out player (which I define as anyone that's at least 60/40 to get out from the 3-ball, with any kind of decent spread) then you have to be able to acknowledge that earning a rack (which your opponent broke and started to run out) is simultaneously punishing a mistake, and therefore "given away" by the opponent.

The person who "shared" that comment though - has NO BUSINESS doing so. I mean, if they were really close friends to the losing party and they were just sharing it as if to suggest the opponent was talking trash... maybe? But it doesn't sound like that was the situation at hand.

Me said...

Thank you for the comments, Guys!

Jim Shaw said...

Yeah, well the reason why she didn't win 7-1 was because your friend came back and won 4 games. And almost smoked her. Too bad. It wasn't 7-1, it was 7-5. Way to go.

Anonymous said...

You make a very valid point and these are things that we all do every pool playing day. We may not mean any harm by saying it; but, we need to understand how the other person is going to take the comment and what the perception is going to be. That's why I've learned to say 'Good game' weather I win or loose and walk away. I talk about my mistakes with my husband or mentor so that I can get coaching on what to do in those situations in the future. I try not to make such comments as 'I shouldn't have lost' or 'I should have won by a bigger margin'. A win is a win and a loss is a loss no matter how you look at it.

To the person that shared the comments - this wasn't their place. Share encouraging words for the next match or for the next time and keep situations that may stir the pot to yourself. :)

Anonymous said...

You make a very valid point and these are things that we all do every pool playing day. We may not mean any harm by saying it; but, we need to understand how the other person is going to take the comment and what the perception is going to be. That's why I've learned to say 'Good game' weather I win or loose and walk away. I talk about my mistakes with my husband or mentor so that I can get coaching on what to do in those situations in the future. I try not to make such comments as 'I shouldn't have lost' or 'I should have won by a bigger margin'. A win is a win and a loss is a loss no matter how you look at it.

To the person that shared the comments - this wasn't their place. Share encouraging words for the next match or for the next time and keep situations that may stir the pot to yourself. :)