Emotionally Spent

Although out of my element, I wanted to write this vulnerable post with you to show that bloggers don't always write about what really goes in in every day life.  I'm being very open below.

I had a tough straight pool match planned for last night (Monday, August 15th).  I tried to watch my friend Mike's instructional video on Friday but was distracted at work to really pay attention again. It's chalk-full of great advice and only about 30 minutes long (see below).  I wanted to prepare myself for my match with The Toughie so watching vids was perfect.








50/84 Instructional Video from Michael Grosso on Vimeo.

Then over the weekend I thought it was crucial I play in an 8ball tourney that was held at the pool room I would have my straight pool match.  But I didn't fair so well in the tourney Saturday night and didn't practice like I yearned to do.

Come Sunday, and as things in life sometimes happen, I had a hiccup in my current relationship.  That led to huge amount of hours laying awake Sunday night with endless worry.

By the time I arrived at work Monday morning and sat down in my chair, that's when it hit me just how physically exhausted I was.  Then throughout the day, I wondered and worried about my relationship.  Yes, this is what females do.

Since I was so physically exhausted, I decided I should try to take a cat nap at work, but how does one do that in a cubicle environment anyway?  So instead, I pulled up another GREAT video to watch to get prepared for my match with The Toughie.

14.1 Qualifier, Bob Cozzolino, IL vs Lou Figueroa, Commented by George Fells and Freddy the Beard.

This video runs a little long because it's a great match, but George Fells provides SO much wonderful advice and excellent instructional gems, I wanted to watch it again and also try to watch it til the end.  But was it smart to watch it RIGHT before my match?

And, I was SO tired.  So mentally and physically exhausted from lack of sleep and stress from numerous things the last few weeks.  I also received calls all day from my Mom who was having a bad day and was very depressed and not feeling well.

I had to meet up with my b/f right before my match b/c I had his cues and he had league.  I wasn't sure how it would go.  Hadn't talk to him all day, wasn't sure if we were "okay" or not.  On the 15 minute drive over there, my hands were sweating, my arm pits weren't doing any better, I had a rapid heart rate.  I was a mess and very nervous about the unknown of the almost near future ahead of me.

When I showed up, he immediately hugged me, told me to stop crying, and that we were okay.  The immediate outpouring of relief was very emotional and draining for me.  I can't begin to even describe it - I for some reason cried all the way to the pool room (yes, only minutes before my straight pool match).  

Because I have been going through so much stress lately with a lot of things (not just this hiccup), I should have canceled that match, but the guy had already moved some appts around to meet up with me.  So I felt obligated.

But, the build up of stress causes a lot of crazy things to happen to a person.  As Wiki tells us, this includes poor judgment, a general negative outlook, excessive worrying, moodiness, irritability, agitation, inability to relax, feeling lonely, isolated or depressed.  It can even cause physical symptoms of diarrhea or constipation, nausea, dizziness, chest pain, rapid heartbeat.  And of course stress can cause the other "side effects:" eating too much or not enough, sleeping too much or not enough, social withdrawal, procrastination or neglect of responsibilities, increased alcohol, nicotine or drug consumption, and nervous habits such as pacing about, nail-biting, and neck pains.

I can pick out 75% of the above for just myself the last few weeks.

So, I had been emotionally overextended and exhausted with both physical fatigue and a sense of feeling psychologically and emotionally drained.  That was not a good combination to play The Toughie. 

And yep, I couldn't play.

Doesn't help The Toughie already plays well and shouldn't be in my division.

He made comments at the get-go: "we'll definitely need a clicker counter because of my opponent" (implying I would have high runs) and "I don't care if I win or lose"  (really?? then let me win so I can get the top shooter and that coveted trophy no one else cares about!!)

My high run was 5, twice.  He ran 10, 12, 11, 12, 8, etc.  He spanked me 37 to 100.

I tried to stay down, tried to have a smooth stroke, tried to take my time, but I couldn't.  I had no emotional energy, physical tact, or drive.  I was spent.

Even my league director asked me afterwards, "what happened tonight?"

But it's okay, it's just a game, he is suppose to win.

Plus, life experiences make me stronger.  :)  I'm a firm believer in that.