That Chin!

I shared with one of Dave's good friends (Joe) one morning that initiative I announced in January, "Return the Faver."

The easiest way to explain the initiative was to simply share the link with him so he could read all about it.

He called me that afternoon and was so excited about this for Dave! He's been friends with Dave since they were kids, so this means a lot to him and he really loved the idea to keep Dave's memory in the pool world.

Then I discovered that wasn't the only blog post Joe read - evidently, he read some of my other posts.  He told me he had no idea that I played pool, lol.  Yet, he said, he could tell right away that I played well just by looking at the pictures of me.

"What do you mean?" I asked him

He shared and explained that when the cue is close to the chin, that is an automatic sign that a player shoots well. Means they have a solid stance, are usually seasoned, and normally stay down well on their shots.  As I thought about it, I did eventually get lower in my stance later in my pool journey, which helped my game go up.

I actually didn't realize my chin was so close to my cue, though, but it does reinforce what I tell people: that a player has a more solid stance and therefore are more effective if they are lower on their shots because their cue is much more level.

If you picture snooker players Allison Fisher or Karen Corr in your head right now, you automatically picture then lower near the table with their cue near their chin. Right?

Well, it's not just snooker players - check out just this one male pro I picked from the US who does the same thing:  Mr Sky:

Oh, and here's a pic of me and my chin, errr, cue:

I have to admit it was quite cute that Joe went on and on about how he had no idea how well I played and he stumbled upon it looking through my blog. It really made me smile.

Announcing: "Return the Faver"

I am so happy to announce this new project!!

"Return the Faver"

It took me a couple of months to get the title perfect, and to brainstorm with a couple of friends to come up with the right words to describe this project, and also to figure out some of the logistics for the first year, but basically, I am going to be giving away FREE (yes, I said "free") entry fees to several players every year in honor of my friend, Dave Faver!

I am SO EXCITED!

I had some hesitancy to run a memorial tournament every year, so I am very thankful that an alternative idea came to mind so that I can still honor him every year.  VERY THANKFUL!

Further, this will reach farther and more places, instead of a tournament in the same one location in Texas every year, right?

Did I mention I'm excited?!

"Return the Faver."  In memory of Dave Faver.  For his brave fight against cancer and his tenacity when he played pool; Never give up.

There are several facets to this project, but this year I am going to try and give away 4 free entry fees, roughly adding up to $200.  At times I will choose a player myself, or a TD may draw randomly to give away the free entry fee, or I will give certain TDs an entry fee and they choose a person who could use a free entry fee.

My vision is in years to come that this be also a scholarship-type thing and players can submit applications for consideration.

Right now, I'm just starting off small.  But it's still a BIG thing to me, for Dave :)

I created a menu item on my blog for this project, but the menu does not show up on all mobile devices.  So, let me paste here the further details:

"Return the Faver"
Free Entry Fee Endeavor
In memory of Dave Faver. 
For his brave fight against cancer and his tenacity when he played pool; Never give up.

How do you choose who receives a Free Entry fee for the "Return the Faver" project?

• A player may be selected randomly at tournament,
• A player may be selected ahead of time randomly,
• A player may be chosen ahead of time by me (Melinda) for certain tournaments.
• Future: Players submit why they should be chosen for a free entry fee, and then a committee will choose a recipient for the free entry fee.

How many free entry fees will be given every year?

•  This will fluctuate based on my income, but I'm thinking for 2019 (the first year) at least $200 worth of entry fee's for the year.  For example, that could be around four $50 entry fees throughout the year that is given out.

Can I contribute to the "Return the Faver" Project?

• Yes!  And welcomed to help out even more players in honor of Dave Faver.  Paypal email is address returnthefaver@yahoo.com.   
  

Will this only be for Tournaments in the Dallas/Fort Worth Area?

• Nope.  The vision is to give away free entry fees to different tournaments throughout the year - ie, the same tour/tournament does not get more than one free entry fee in a single year.  
  

A list of all recipients will be kept updated throughout the year here:

January 2019:

• Tony Sulsar from Texas.  Free entry fee for DFW 9 Ball Tour

To find out more about my dear friend Dave, please see this link.

Project Idea In Honor of Dave Faver

I was watching tv and a commercial came on that gave me an idea that gives back to the pool community... in Dave's honor!  And it would be an alternative to a tournament, to carry on Dave's legacy/name!  It's currently percolating in my mind, but when I figure out more details, I will announce it here on my blog. :)

I am super excited about it, honestly!

I just have to figure out the many different aspects of the project/idea before I share what I'm mulling over, lol.

But, wanted to give you all a heads up something is a-brewing!

Inner Turmoil Doing the Right Thing (for Myself)

One of the things we discover as we start to reach our mid 40s, is we want to be around less drama, to be around more positive and influential friends, and we want to be around people that bring us happiness.

Hold on now, folks...  This doesn't mean we haven't felt this way much of our life; we have!  But what is different as we age is we start to actually act upon different choices and decisions based on yearnings for peace.  We start to make more conscientious decisions that are best for ourselves.  Finally, right?!  For so many years we made a lot of decisions for others.

Let me provide one little, quick example.  You have a family member you hate to be around because he's so rude and obnoxious, but you continue to still go to the family functions and put up with them.  Then comes your mids 40s, and you have a epiphany about wanting less stress in your life and you realize you actually have a choice, lol.  "You know what, I'm not going to go.  I get upset for days after I see him and I simply want to have a good time around the holidays."

And btw, many decisions take time to finally make a change.  It's actually uncomfortable to start looking out for ourselves because it seems selfish.  So, it's not an easy transition at first, honestly.

My friend Dave Faver (as you all remember) passed away in May. He was a road player his entire life and I shared many things about him earlier this year when I posted the interview I did with him.

What I have been struggling with lately is Dave deserves an annual memorial tournament in his honor.  The annual "Dave Faver Memorial Tournament" or something like that.  Doesn't that sound awesome?!  And as one of Dave's best friends who happens to be a seasoned Tournament Director, it makes perfect sense that I would lead the effort to set up a memorial tournament for him and also run it every year.

He deserves that more than I can even express.  And that would also mean the world to me because he would be remembered every year (as he should be).

I've seen several memorial tournaments that have become annual events in honor of those who have passed.  And it honestly makes my heart ache because I have not done this for Dave.  But to be honest…. I cannot do this for him.

You see, this is the part of the story where I explain to you that I'm suppose to look out for myself. Which is something I only started doing recently.

What I have alluded to in my blog a couple of times is:  I don't drink anymore.  And I have not drank exactly 2 years of the posting of this blog entry (Nov 21).  Yay!

What this means is, tho, as hard as this for me to say in writing to people I don't know personally and to admit to those I do know personally, is to let you all know that I'm kinda scared to go into the pool room at certain times. I know it doesn't really make sense because, sure, I ran the Omega Tour the first year of my sobriety and I didn't drink any of those 12 weekends I was stuck in a pool room.  But, it wasn't really a choice for me - I had to be there and run the tournaments.

Running a tournament for Dave would be a dream come true for me, and you would think I could handle being in a pool room for only two full days out of a year without worrying about drinking, lol, but... I feel apprehensive.  And I need to listen to my instincts.  And I have to look out for myself and my well-being.  I'm nervous about hanging out in the pool room over two days around a lot of people drinking around the atmosphere where I used to drink frequently, often, and for numerous years.

It's not to say I would start drinking, but it's not to say I wouldn't be tempted, either.  I have always been a social drinker - I've never drank at home or by myself.  So, to do what's best for my health, my mental stability, my depression, my job, my friends, etc., I just believe it would be best if I don't put myself into situations that used to be the catalyst for excessive drinking.

You can go ahead and think that I'm weak, but literature will tell you to stay out of the element that can initiate those feelings of your addiction.

This may not make sense because you all know I go to Vegas 3 or 4 times a year (heck, I'm writing this blog post FROM Vegas right now lol!) and even though I don't have to pay for drinks there nor have to drive, I still don't drink there anymore.  So why can't I be in a pool room all day?  It's not that I CAN'T, it's that I don't want to.  In Vegas, if I feel uncomfortable or get nervous about any situation I'm in, I can just walk away.  But I get anxiety sometimes thinking about going to a pool room and being in that environment again.  Probably because I associate the pool room with me drinking too much.  And if I run a tournament for Dave, I can't just up and leave during it if I feel uncomfy.

Also, when I give/gave lessons in a pool room the last two years, I would always intentionally go in the mornings and be out of there by 1pm. You see, my drinking didn't start at night in pool rooms, it ended at night. So, I don't want to go into a pool room in the afternoons right now, either.

Even I admit I don't quite understand how I wasn't nervous about going into the pool room the first year of me not drinking, and yet now I am apprehensive about it for some reason.  I guess because I am more aware for some reason that relapses can happen in the blink of an eye, and I want to help myself by not being in situations where that might occur for me.

It may sound like I'm not having fun being sober, lol.  So I think it's important to state that I am only sharing this single trepidation of my life because it's related to my pool journey.  And btw - how cool is that??  I mean seriously, how many people have only one trepidation in their life?  I feel very blessed!

And this would be the perfect time to share something crucial: one of the fears of becoming sober (or clean) is that you wont have fun anymore.  And you may be thinking this to yourself right now about me, "Gosh, is Melinda even having fun?  She's scared to go into the pool room so how can she be happy?"  Well, I am here to tell you that I'm actually much happier than I've been in a VERY long time!  I have more fun in life and enjoy things so much more!  This isn't about the pool room making me sad - it's about the more substantial things I do now in life that bring me much more honest, memorable, and refreshing joy (drinking too much was getting in the way of those things).

Plus, there have been SO many benefits to not drinking anymore!  Read mine here if you wish.

But, if I felt like I was in a better spot mentally, I would be able to hold a Dave Faver tournament in his honor.  But, I think even Dave would understand my apprehension and would want me to do what is best for my well-being.  Dave was so very happy for me when I started down this road, and then proud of me when I reached my one year anniversary (he was still alive then) and he knew how important it was for me to remain this way.

Temptations, I feel, I must avoid.

I know plenty of people who can eventually go back into the environment of their addiction.  But right now I have a choice - and I am choosing what is best for me at the moment and I just don't want to put myself in that situation.  Maybe it means I'm not strong enough yet?  Maybe it means I just need more time?  Maybe it means I'm just trying to be careful?  Maybe it means I am glad for my decision to stop drinking and want to continue up this great path I'm on?

Whatever the reason, whether known or unknown, aware or unaware, I want to listen to myself and do what is in the best interest to stay sober.  And I know Dave and my other friends would approve. :)

I know I try to be honest in my blog, and this is may be a little too honest. But I'm hoping that maybe at least one person can relate to what I'm going through, and therefore know you aren't alone.

Doubles with Dave

I had another big smile moment last night.

I met with a VERY dear friend of mine for dinner.  She is moving out of state in a few weeks and so we met up to catch up and say our "temporary" goodbyes.  I plan to visit her in the coming years and walk in the Ozarks with her!

She is one of these women in life that we judge before we know them.  She was tough to play because she was so intimidating and I because incorrectly assumed sometimes rude.  What I would find out was she was raised in a tough world, which made her a menace around the pool table.  What I didn't know 10 years ago was this tough gal had a heart of gold and a love for life that most of us can only hope for.

She is one of those people that once we get to know the real them, they turn out to be a gem in the world and we find we are lucky if we get to be a part of their life.  She has made a huge impact to me personally and even though I don't see her that much, she still has a part of my heart.

She has lived in the area (Dallas-Fort Worth) for over 30 years.  And she mentioned last night that my friend Dave Faver and her used to play scotch doubles together about 20 or 25 years ago!  I just smiled and smiled :)  I love that so many people are still sharing stories about Dave with me.  Warms my heart.

Interviews Overlapping

The July interview in Billiard Buzz is out.  Andrew Cleary was my fun and clever interviewee!  It is a great interview and I highly recommend it.

In order to prepare for future editions, I'm usually working on the next interview in time for it to be ready for the next month.  Case in point is the interview for August.  I'm working on that month now and I get so excited about the interviews!  It's actually tough for me to keep a secret who I am interviewing!  And August is no exception - I can't wait for you all to get to know this player better.

If you happen to actually read my interviews (which I hope you do as it's one of my greatest joys in life), then you know I ask some of the same questions to each person:  Who helped your game, what is your favorite tournament, what was your favorite match, etc.

As you may recall back in June I published the interview about one of my best friends who passed away in early May (Dave Faver).  What is SUPER cool about the August interview is when I asked the player, "What is your most memorable match?" he shared a story and it was about Dave Faver!  I just smiled and smiled and was so happy to read that.  :)

Sorry.... you all will have to wait until mid August to read it.

I know, Imma tease!  But, had to share this really happy moment with you all.  :)

Game of Skill

I was talking to an out-of-towner back in late April.  We were having dinner, mostly talking about our friend Dave Faver and the options ahead of us (his close circle of friends) to help Dave with his quality of end of life care.

This friend used to go on the road with Dave back in the 70s and has kept in touch with him all these years.  It was a very tough dinner, but one we both needed as we were both leaning on each other for comfort, advice, and friendship about the man we both adored.

After a while, he asks me, "I don't even know this, but do you play pool, too?"

I looked at him funny, How do you not already know that?  I'm famous!

Instead I said, "Yea, played pool about 25 years and also ran a couple of tours for about 15 years total."

He said he could never really get into the game as much as Dave was, but still loved it (and occasionally still plays league).  And then he shared,  "You know, there's not another game with such high skill, that pays so little."

Amen to that!

RIP Dave Faver (and Billiard Buzz Interview)

My dear and close friend, Dave Faver, passed away peacefully in hospice on May 7th.  I can't begin to explain the impact our friendship would have on me as I helped him somewhat for the past 2 years as he went through esophageal cancer and then brain cancer.  His outlook on life was an inspiration and I was blessed to see that in a man who didn't have much, but actually had A LOT.  This will all make more sense when you read his interview that is now online for Billiard Buzz magazine.

I first interviewed David back in September 2017 - the day he had brain cancer surgery, and I would occasionally ask him clarification questions over the following eight months. He shared with me that he didn’t want me to put the interview in the magazine until after he passed away. I kept that wish (and many others), including Dave’s request that I title this “The Life of a Pool Player.”

I think you all will be very surprised by Dave's responses. Gosh I miss you, Dave!

Dave was in hospice for a week and a half and the nurses were simply amazing and so thoughtful and caring to Dave (and myself). I can't express enough how important hospice is and how impactful the nurses are during a difficult time. They were angels for sure.