Inner Turmoil Doing the Right Thing (for Myself)

One of the things we discover as we start to reach our mid 40s, is we want to be around less drama, to be around more positive and influential friends, and we want to be around people that bring us happiness.

Hold on now, folks...  This doesn't mean we haven't felt this way much of our life; we have!  But what is different as we age is we start to actually act upon different choices and decisions based on yearnings for peace.  We start to make more conscientious decisions that are best for ourselves.  Finally, right?!  For so many years we made a lot of decisions for others.

Let me provide one little, quick example.  You have a family member you hate to be around because he's so rude and obnoxious, but you continue to still go to the family functions and put up with them.  Then comes your mids 40s, and you have a epiphany about wanting less stress in your life and you realize you actually have a choice, lol.  "You know what, I'm not going to go.  I get upset for days after I see him and I simply want to have a good time around the holidays."

And btw, many decisions take time to finally make a change.  It's actually uncomfortable to start looking out for ourselves because it seems selfish.  So, it's not an easy transition at first, honestly.

My friend Dave Faver (as you all remember) passed away in May. He was a road player his entire life and I shared many things about him earlier this year when I posted the interview I did with him.

What I have been struggling with lately is Dave deserves an annual memorial tournament in his honor.  The annual "Dave Faver Memorial Tournament" or something like that.  Doesn't that sound awesome?!  And as one of Dave's best friends who happens to be a seasoned Tournament Director, it makes perfect sense that I would lead the effort to set up a memorial tournament for him and also run it every year.

He deserves that more than I can even express.  And that would also mean the world to me because he would be remembered every year (as he should be).

I've seen several memorial tournaments that have become annual events in honor of those who have passed.  And it honestly makes my heart ache because I have not done this for Dave.  But to be honest…. I cannot do this for him.

You see, this is the part of the story where I explain to you that I'm suppose to look out for myself. Which is something I only started doing recently.

What I have alluded to in my blog a couple of times is:  I don't drink anymore.  And I have not drank exactly 2 years of the posting of this blog entry (Nov 21).  Yay!

What this means is, tho, as hard as this for me to say in writing to people I don't know personally and to admit to those I do know personally, is to let you all know that I'm kinda scared to go into the pool room at certain times. I know it doesn't really make sense because, sure, I ran the Omega Tour the first year of my sobriety and I didn't drink any of those 12 weekends I was stuck in a pool room.  But, it wasn't really a choice for me - I had to be there and run the tournaments.

Running a tournament for Dave would be a dream come true for me, and you would think I could handle being in a pool room for only two full days out of a year without worrying about drinking, lol, but... I feel apprehensive.  And I need to listen to my instincts.  And I have to look out for myself and my well-being.  I'm nervous about hanging out in the pool room over two days around a lot of people drinking around the atmosphere where I used to drink frequently, often, and for numerous years.

It's not to say I would start drinking, but it's not to say I wouldn't be tempted, either.  I have always been a social drinker - I've never drank at home or by myself.  So, to do what's best for my health, my mental stability, my depression, my job, my friends, etc., I just believe it would be best if I don't put myself into situations that used to be the catalyst for excessive drinking.

You can go ahead and think that I'm weak, but literature will tell you to stay out of the element that can initiate those feelings of your addiction.

This may not make sense because you all know I go to Vegas 3 or 4 times a year (heck, I'm writing this blog post FROM Vegas right now lol!) and even though I don't have to pay for drinks there nor have to drive, I still don't drink there anymore.  So why can't I be in a pool room all day?  It's not that I CAN'T, it's that I don't want to.  In Vegas, if I feel uncomfortable or get nervous about any situation I'm in, I can just walk away.  But I get anxiety sometimes thinking about going to a pool room and being in that environment again.  Probably because I associate the pool room with me drinking too much.  And if I run a tournament for Dave, I can't just up and leave during it if I feel uncomfy.

Also, when I give/gave lessons in a pool room the last two years, I would always intentionally go in the mornings and be out of there by 1pm. You see, my drinking didn't start at night in pool rooms, it ended at night. So, I don't want to go into a pool room in the afternoons right now, either.

Even I admit I don't quite understand how I wasn't nervous about going into the pool room the first year of me not drinking, and yet now I am apprehensive about it for some reason.  I guess because I am more aware for some reason that relapses can happen in the blink of an eye, and I want to help myself by not being in situations where that might occur for me.

It may sound like I'm not having fun being sober, lol.  So I think it's important to state that I am only sharing this single trepidation of my life because it's related to my pool journey.  And btw - how cool is that??  I mean seriously, how many people have only one trepidation in their life?  I feel very blessed!

And this would be the perfect time to share something crucial: one of the fears of becoming sober (or clean) is that you wont have fun anymore.  And you may be thinking this to yourself right now about me, "Gosh, is Melinda even having fun?  She's scared to go into the pool room so how can she be happy?"  Well, I am here to tell you that I'm actually much happier than I've been in a VERY long time!  I have more fun in life and enjoy things so much more!  This isn't about the pool room making me sad - it's about the more substantial things I do now in life that bring me much more honest, memorable, and refreshing joy (drinking too much was getting in the way of those things).

Plus, there have been SO many benefits to not drinking anymore!  Read mine here if you wish.

But, if I felt like I was in a better spot mentally, I would be able to hold a Dave Faver tournament in his honor.  But, I think even Dave would understand my apprehension and would want me to do what is best for my well-being.  Dave was so very happy for me when I started down this road, and then proud of me when I reached my one year anniversary (he was still alive then) and he knew how important it was for me to remain this way.

Temptations, I feel, I must avoid.

I know plenty of people who can eventually go back into the environment of their addiction.  But right now I have a choice - and I am choosing what is best for me at the moment and I just don't want to put myself in that situation.  Maybe it means I'm not strong enough yet?  Maybe it means I just need more time?  Maybe it means I'm just trying to be careful?  Maybe it means I am glad for my decision to stop drinking and want to continue up this great path I'm on?

Whatever the reason, whether known or unknown, aware or unaware, I want to listen to myself and do what is in the best interest to stay sober.  And I know Dave and my other friends would approve. :)

I know I try to be honest in my blog, and this is may be a little too honest. But I'm hoping that maybe at least one person can relate to what I'm going through, and therefore know you aren't alone.

RIP Dennis Dieckman

Dennis Dieckman passed away in late July of this year.  He was a cuemaker, or as some have said, "The Cuemaster."  

I didn't know Dennis, but I noticed that his passing made an impact to many on social media and so I wanted to find out more about him.

And what I found was too meaningful and inspirational to keep to myself, so wanted to share it with you all.

I snooped around on his facebook page and realized I have seen him at big tournaments before!  I hadn't had the pleasure of meeting him, but it was cool to recognize him.  I could tell right away he had a great sense of humor - several photos even he's giving us the finger, lol, which made me smile.  He also stated this on his facebook page about where he works:  "Work is something I don't do - I am an artist."  I love that!  And he had a deep love for cats (you all know I'm an animal lover, too).  He also has a website, if you care to read about his travels or would like to see photos from about 50 years ago of him making cues.

And it's obvious he touched lives - they are having a 3-cushion memorial tournament named after him in October.

I don't normally write about people I don't know, but I his last post really touched me, and I wanted to share it.  He posted this on July 3rd, and he passed away on July 27th.

This is what he said:

"URGENT MESSAGE--this is NOT Fake News
I have been told that without Chemo and immune-therapy i have only six months left on this planet and then it is back on the wheel. No problemo mi Amigo[a]s

AS SUCH: am pretty much abandoning FACEBOOK so any message sent using their platform will be ignored. You may of course phone me 24/7 [517-745-883] and I just might answer depending on mood at the time. And of course you can send me a REAL letter [ at POBOX 944, Buena Vista VA 24416 ] and I MOST CERTAINLY REPLY ASAP.

And OF COURSE i HAVE LOTS OF STUFF [from machines to sawdust ] that I need to sell RIGHT NOW IF IT GOING TO DO ME ANY GOOD. Just an other reason to call me.

So....do not cry for me [Argentina !!] but whenever you see another person in a wheel chair please ask them if they would like a push. You will meet some remarkable people doing this thang.....and it don't mean a thang, either."

See his humor?  And for someone who knew he wasn't doing well, to even write this and post this just touched me.  I also of course love his advice about helping people in a wheel chair.  I hadn't thought of that before and he's opened my eyes.

Here is some more info that is interesting for fellow cuemakers (MM):

After two tours with the Air Force in Vietnam, Dennis started building cues in 1973. He is one of many quality cue builders who trained for a time in Bert Schrager’s shop, who is another Hall of Fame member. Although Dennis built a lot of pool cues in his lifetime, it was Carom Billiard Cues that he was most famous for. Playing Carom Billiards was Dennis’ love with golf also competing for his heart. Dennis was one of the few American cuemakers that kept the butterfly pointed carom cues with wood thread joints going in the USA for a couple of decades. That was a great contribution, but his greatest contribution to our industry has been teaching cuemaking with his videos that go back to the 1980’s and his Cueniversity where he taught in shop cuemaking. One of Dennis’ students invented the Predator shaft and Dennis was involved in that. Dennis shunned CNC machinery, and instead preferred old school points, butterflies and pantographed inlays. He was also a founding member of both the American and International Cuemakers Associations (ICA). Dennis was inducted into the ICA Hall of Fame in 2008. Dennis was honored to have his cues placed in the Smithsonian Institution. Dennis served as assistant director in the ICA from 2004 until he passed away on July 27th, 2018 at age 71.

RIP Dennis.  Thank you for your contribution to the billiard community.

RIP Dave Faver (and Billiard Buzz Interview)

My dear and close friend, Dave Faver, passed away peacefully in hospice on May 7th.  I can't begin to explain the impact our friendship would have on me as I helped him somewhat for the past 2 years as he went through esophageal cancer and then brain cancer.  His outlook on life was an inspiration and I was blessed to see that in a man who didn't have much, but actually had A LOT.  This will all make more sense when you read his interview that is now online for Billiard Buzz magazine.

I first interviewed David back in September 2017 - the day he had brain cancer surgery, and I would occasionally ask him clarification questions over the following eight months. He shared with me that he didn’t want me to put the interview in the magazine until after he passed away. I kept that wish (and many others), including Dave’s request that I title this “The Life of a Pool Player.”

I think you all will be very surprised by Dave's responses. Gosh I miss you, Dave!

Dave was in hospice for a week and a half and the nurses were simply amazing and so thoughtful and caring to Dave (and myself). I can't express enough how important hospice is and how impactful the nurses are during a difficult time. They were angels for sure.

RIP David Bond

It's the type of message you dread:  "Can you call me?"

On Saturday night I received such a message.  And I was told my friend David Bond had been found passed away that morning.

David Bond is my friend who ran American Billiard Radio and I was a monthly guest on his podcast show.

I then reached out to a couple of people who knew him, and it's always tough to give such bad news.  Hearing a mutual friend cry on the phone from the pain was heartbreaking.

David will be missed.  He had a sense of humor that was off the charts, really loved to gab, and had a passion for our sport.  He was working on a project that was taking a lot of time:  the Chicago Billiard Museum.  Turns out Chicago has a lot of billiard history than most of us never knew.

David's American Billiard Radio program will live on through the previous podcasts.  But, he will be sorely missed.

RIP Lucille Donahue

One of my dear friends and mentor passed away in late December - Lucille Donahue.  I can't begin to express how impactful this woman was to me.  Not even remotely begin to express it.

I found an interview conducted by author Carl Miller of Lucille during one of the Ladies Tour stops in 2007.  (back then, the Ladies Tour was the "Hunter Classics Tour").

I'm going to paste his interview right here, so you can find out more about Lucille.  She was an amazing woman full of life and such a contagious, positive attitude.  And a laugh so joyful... you would never forget!

RIP my Dear Friend.

LUCILLE DONAHUE

No Rocking Chair for this Grandmother

The one-hour drive up the freeway from Galveston Bay to North Houston is tiring on this early Saturday morning, but Lucille Donahue perks up the moment she steps through the front door at Bogies Billiards and Games.  For the past two years, a severe lung infection has limited Lucille’s appearances on the Hunter Classics Amateur Women’s Tour.  Now, as she joins the other board members and players at the registration table, she enjoys the familiar banter.  She’s back in her element, appreciative of the recent improvement in her health and excited by the opportunity to play in another pool tournament.   

Concurrent with this stop on the Hunter Classics Tour, Bogies is hosting a benefit for Anne Mayes, a Hunter Classics Tour member and respected custom cue maker.  Anne is battling cancer.  Throughout the weekend, WPBA touring professional, Kim White, will conduct a benefit in Anne’s behalf, which will include an hourly raffle.  Lucille asks for roll of raffle tickets, and within minutes of her arrival, she’s sold $100 worth. 

Fellow Hunter board member Melinda Bailey says with a smile, “The Hunter Classics Tour is alive because of Lucille.  She’s the nucleus.”

 

Lucille arrived on the competitive pool scene relatively late in life, and by unusual circumstance.  She was in her late forties, and owner of a real estate company, when one evening she agreed to meet a broker at a bar he frequented.  Lucille had never played pool, but as their business meeting concluded, a mixed-doubles tournament was about to begin.  Lucille got talked into playing, and before the evening was over, she discovered she had a natural talent and an affinity for the game. 

Later that year, two local players, Barney Garza and Ole Olsen, invited Lucille to accompany them to a professional tournament at Top Cats Billiards in San Marcos, Texas.  The field of Texas women professionals included: Vivian Villarreal (“The Texas Tornado”), Belinda Calhoun (“The Texas Belle”), etc.  The skills of these women both impressed and inspired Lucille, and she became hooked on the game and the lore. 

Lucille joined the Hunter Classics Amateur Women’s Tour twelve years ago, and for the past eight years she’s served as a board member.  She’s proud to be involved with the largest and longest-running regional women’s tour.  As a board member, her personal goal is to continue to attract talented women players, so the Hunter Classics Tour will not only remain strong, but continue to grow.

During the twenty years that Lucille has now played pool, she’s also been a member of several league teams that have competed throughout the Galveston Bay Area.  She particularly enjoys playing in the annual BCA National 9-Ball Championships in Las Vegas.  Making Las Vegas even more inviting is the fact that her daughter, Linda, and granddaughter, Allie Rae, live there.  Her other daughter, Lori, and grandsons, Trevor and Keaton, live in the Galveston Bay Area.  When not playing pool, Lucille often turns to her other favorite bay area pastime: fishing.

Despite her late introduction to competitive pool, and never having taken lessons, Lucille has developed a respected game.  Early on, she was just a shot maker, but as she gained in experience, she added defensive skills.  She admits, though, “I don’t practice as much as I should.  Mainly, I’ve just learned from playing.”

As the Saturday afternoon at Bogies progresses, Lucille loses her first match, then wins a match, but then loses again and is eliminated from the championship tournament.  However, since health problems have limited her appearances during the past two years, she’s pleased with her performance, particularly at having won three games in the match she lost to perennial Hunter champion, Leslie Anne Rogers.

On Sunday, as the tournament winds down, Kim White announces that raffles, auctions, and a Saturday night open tournament have raised nearly $5,000 for Anne Mayes.  No one is more pleased than Lucille and the other members of the Hunter Classics Tour.

Despite losing her two matches in the second-chance tournament, Lucille remains as enthusiastic as ever.  “I miss it a lot when I can’t play,” she says, “but life sometimes throws curves.  I love pool, and it’s such a pleasure to be part of the Hunter Classics Tour and to be associated with all these talented young women.”

The next Hunter Classics Tour stop will be at Legend’s Billiards in the Galveston Bay Area.  Lucille plans to play in that event.  Billy, her husband of 48 years, and their grandsons will be among the fans watching.

Helen Hayes - RIP

It's another sad day in the pool world.

One of the biggest hearts in pool has passed away.  Helen Hayes.

She was a staple on the Texas pool scene and also at National tournaments.  But besides her amazing talent on the table, she is also known for always laughing (she had a GREAT laugh, too) and enjoying life.  She never spoke ill of anyone and she had a heart bigger than the world.

She found out only a week and a half ago she had Stage 4 lung cancer, that had spread to her brain and abdominal lymph nodes.  She hadn't been feeling well in many months, and now we know why.

She still traveled to ACS Nationals just in May and her women's team won:

Helen and I go way back.  Not far enough for me, now.  She was a great friend to every single person she came across.

This is how I remember her:  always smiling, always laughing:

She was to have her first round of radiation on Fri (two weeks after she was diagnosed), but the day before, she was rushed to the ER... and did not survive in ICU.

The outpouring of love and memories on Facebook is heartbreaking.  Shows how wonderful of a person she is.  And how much her loss has touched everyone.

She was only 43 years old.

RIP in my dear friend.  You will be missed beyond words.

Hilary Morse - RIP

One of the coolest and funniest chicks I know passed away.

Hilary Morse.

She was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer 6 months ago.  At some point during those 6 months, she was told it was terminal.

Pneumonia would be her final battle.

She said the funniest things and was always smiling.  And her Mom and her were SO VERY close.  I am at a lose of words for what her Mom must be going through.

Hilary played pool and also foosball.  The woman was a true gem and the outpouring of love on FB is deafening.

RIP Hilary Morse.  You are missed.

RIP Chris Ramirez

Heard sad news today that a friend and local player passed away this week.  He was prolly only in his late 30s.

He was a great guy and always smiling and fun to be around.  I don't think I ever not saw him smiling.

He and his friends helped me celebrate a few amazing finishes and wins in Vegas for ACS and BCAPL, always with great food and drinks and friendship.  

He even captured this only photo I have from when I won ACS 9 Ball Singles and became a National Champion.

He was always the biggest fan of the female players in the Dallas/Fort Worth area and loved the game so deeply.

Chris's sudden death is tragic and shocking.  Gone too young.  Gone too soon.

Rest in Peace my friend.  You will be forever missed.

Remembering Connie O'Heron

I was very sad to hear of Connie's passing earlier this month.  She was a fierce competitor and yet the nicest woman at the same time.

She'd kick my ass, and then I'd give her a hug because she did it so eloquently because she was so dang sweet.

As I have been away from tournaments, I did not know she had been sick with cancer.

I remember her as this:  (3rd on the right, standing next to her daughter).

She loved every minute of pool and she had such a great talent for the game.  While I hated to run into her on the table, I loved seeing her smile in the aisles as we would pass each other and give smiles and waves.

She will be terribly, terribly missed.

I can't fathom what her daughter and family are going through.    May they have peace.

Huebler Cues - the Man, Paul Huebler

On May 14, 2016, Paul Huebler turned 89.  On June 8th, he passed away.  One of the icons in the cue industry, Paul will be greatly missed by his friends and family and the many players who own or have owned a Huebler.

I am one of those players.   My very ever-first cue I owned, was a yellow-toned beautiful and beautifully-played Huebler. 

Another great one in Heaven.  RIP, Sir.

 
Here is his story (from his obit), which shows what a great life he lived:


Paul attended school in Chamois and was of the catholic faith. He served his country in the United States Army.

Paul, the youngest of eight children, developed a knack for woodworking at an early age because his father and grandfather were both cabinetmakers. Paul also developed a love for the game of pool. Unfortunately, an accident at a young age kept him from pursuing a career as a billiards player. However, it did not stop him from owning a billiards room in Chamois and sponsoring many tournaments there. It was at his billiards room that he met Harold Schmidt, who was the owner of the A.E. Schmidt Company, a manufacturer of billiard supplies in St. Louis. In 1958, Paul was offered a job with them and later became their national sales representative where he built a loyal client base in many Midwestern pool halls.

In 1965, Paul surprised the Schmidt’s with the news that he was going to be a Catholic Missionary in Papua, New Guinea. While in New Guinea, Paul supervised natives there for 5 years in a lumber mill and this is where he learned about different types of exotic woods.

Paul came back to the United States in 1970 and immediately resumed his job with A.E. Schmidt Company. While Paul was in New Guinea the movie “The Hustler” came out and regenerated billiard play throughout the country. It seemed every pool player had to have a two-piece cue exactly like the one Minnesota Fats used to lick Fast Eddy in the movie.

In 1973, Paul left the Schmidt’s to start Huebler Industries in Linn. The Schmidt family helped him secure a loan and were also among his first customers.

Paul’s cues were known as “the straightest handcrafted cues on the market” and they sold for anywhere from $54 to several thousand dollars. Pool players from as far away as Germany, Japan, Russia and Australia have used his cues. Paul also served as President of the Billiards Congress of America, a Colorado Springs, Colorado based trade organization from 1982-1985. 

RIP Royce Bunnell

At a mere young age of 49, Royce Bunnell of OB Cues succumbed today to his injuries from a fatal heart attack that occurred on Monday.

;(.................

I was honored to have Royce Bunnell as a scotch doubles partner in Vegas for BCAPL and we came in 5th and then 4th places out of over 400 teams those back-to-back years (2007 and 2008).  Royce always knew to make me laugh so that I would not be nervous - he was SO good at making me laugh and smile!  And he ALWAYS called me "Champ," even before I played good. 

We became great friends as I worked on his website for OB Cues over 8 years ago. 

Here he is in this pic from the the OB Cues Ladies Tour stop JUST back on Nov 8th.  I'm on the left, right next to him.  :(

You will forever be in my heart and soul and I will never forget you, Royce. 

May your family be surrounded by Peace, always.  You will be deeply missed.

 (click photo to enlarge)