Are you sure?
Okay, here it goes!
I chickened out.
You see, I'm not in denial. I don't play like I used to because I'm not competing anymore. Sure, I have moments of greatness when I do play, but it's nothing like it used to be.
As a matter of fact, I didn't throw in the towel right away when the opportunity arose. I actually waited to see how I would play when I gave a lesson (remember, I don't watch my client's play and then point to what they should do, I spar with them and we talk about all our options). I told myself, "If you play good, go ahead and play in the scotch doubles event."
Well, I played FANTASTIC! I always find myself surprised when I play good, lol. It reminds me that because my fundamentals were so solid toward the end of my career, they still are.
But I'm not fooling myself. That's practice. Put me on the stream table competing and my mental toughness is thrown out the door and I play like my arms are wobbly and I'm paddling like crazy in a sinking boat, lol. I just don't play enough anymore to be a threat. And I'm okay with that - I'm actually much happier! But I also don't want to put myself through the angst trying to play well.
One of my exes went through this and stated, "My lack of confidence and struggling is just making me not have fun. I guess I should just accept this fate of sucking since I don’t practice, but I’d rather just quit than accept being less than. "
Boy, do I hear those words! I'd rather be doing less stressful things in my life than trying to play well, when I know I can't anymore. Life is short, right?
Don't get me wrong - pool is a beautiful sport! And I played for 25 years competitively.
However, the fact I struggled and debated so much with the idea of should I play or not, is the true answer: I was too apprehensive to play.
Just like with many decisions in life, if we can't decide on something and are struggling with what to do (or not to do) then that usually means we don't really want to do it. In other words, if we have no hesitation and are excited, then that means we really want to do that something. Too much "should I?" or "do I want to?" usually means deep down we don't want to.
Now peeps, don't tell me to start practicing and don't tell me to start playing more. I don't want to. I'm actually much happier stepping away.
Athletes in top sports still compete even though they aren't in their prime anymore. But they have sponsors and are being paid to show up....hmm, those things aren't knocking at my door for some reason lol.
So, when the opportunity comes up to play or compete, am being realistic. And that reality for me is I don't play like I used to, and that makes it stressful, which is one of the main reasons I stepped away. Who needs more stress? hahaha