Tongue Lashing After a Loss

I find it interesting, (well, actually disappointing and sometimes shocked is better terminology), the way people act when they lose.

And I don't really mind people slamming fists on tables or snapping their cues (although I feel bad for the cues, lol).  But what I'm really referring to is the tongue lashing a player may get because they defeat someone.

One of my friends (I'll call her "CJ") was playing in the masters division of a national tournament once.  She decided to see how she would fair among the top players, as before she was kinda timid about if she really deserved to be there or not in that division.  The irony of her reason to play or not and the story I'm about to share about what happened to her, is truly astonishing.

In her first or second match, she defeated her opponent (another friend of mine, who I will call "Suzie") and instead of shaking her hand nicely and just walking away, "Suzie" said something to like, "You shouldn't even be in this division.  What have you accomplished to be here?"

OUCH.

When I heard this, I knew immediately the only reason "Suzie" said that was because she lost, but that doesn't mean it was right at all that she was so rude and mean.

The thing is, it stung to "Suzie" that she lost.  And yet, it stung to "CJ" when "Suzie" said that crappy comment.

But I was shocked the one thing she decided to say was about why 'CJ" was in the division anyway. Why would that even matter?

I know both ladies well and both are super sweet.  But it shows how the game can really bring out the worst in us when we lose, especially when we feel we shouldn't have lost.

Let me explain a little further.

I happened to walk by that exact match and I noticed there were friends of "CJ" watching their match but also talking too loud and being too talkative.  So, I think "Suzie" reacted that way not just because she lost, but because she also had other negative things going against her that upset her throughout the match.

BUT STILL.  Doesn't mean it was right to chew her out for winning.

So many people do this.  It's not unheard of, unfortunately.  People even do this in relationships, or with people they don't even know.  Take for instance someone who gets irate at bad service at a restaurant or standing in line too long while their blood boils from frustration.  The waiter or cashier gets chewed out.  It's the same concept:  getting really upset or embarrassed or pissed and taking it out on someone else by snapping at them.  But, doesn't mean it's right.

I actually grew up being verbally abused and I didn't even realize until my mid 20s it wasn't right to yell at someone.  Yes, really.  And then it took me 10-15 more years finally stop being that way through much help from loved ones.  Seriously, 10-15 more years to stop, even after I knew it was wrong.

So, I can understand and relate.  Still.... doesn't mean it's right.

"CJ" was mortified and hurt, and it really made her feel badly her opponent was so rude to her.  It's tough to feel elated to win a big match when someone chews you out right after.

BTW, "CJ" ended up in the money and she proved to herself she does indeed belong in that division; no matter what "Suzie" thought.

Golf Etiquette and Kicking Out Rude Fans

I read an interesting article the other day about a rude fan being ejected from a golf tournament!

Can you imagine if we did that during pool tournaments?  I can envision sweet claps of joy and calmness filling the room as they were escorted out.  Ahhhh.....

You can read the article yourself here, and it talks about a fan who was verbally shouting out that Justin Thomas' ball should hit the water or go in bunker.  Eventually, Justin asked that he be removed.  In the article it also quotes Justin and why he chose that action against the fan.

At first I read with delight, imagining being able to kick a rude fan out from a pool tournament, lol.  But what struck me MORE from the article was these two paragraphs, comments from the writer (Kevin Kaduk) of the piece:

If you’re one of those people who think this is the latest case of pro golfers being special little snowflakes, it’d be hard to argue with you. Professional athletes in other sports deal with much worse on a regular basis.

But if you’re a golfer or a golf fan, you know this isn’t something that’s tolerated on the golf course. Respect for other players is baked into the DNA of the game and going to a tournament usually isn’t about rooting for one player or another but appreciating the competition — and giving the golfers the space and atmosphere to achieve that.

Instead of being excited about this possible option to kick out a fan, lol, I was more disappointed and wishing that pool had the same "DNA of the game" as golf.  I find it intriguing that bad behavior isn't really tolerated in golf and respect for the players is held in high favor.  But in pool, let's face it, we don't have that.

We have players trying to cheat with breaks, sharking, etc trying to get an edge to win.  In other countries, this type of behavior is NOT tolerated at the pool table.  But for some reason, here in the US, it's almost norm to play pool in an atmosphere that is the opposite of calm and welcoming.

Is it too late for us to be like golf?

Yes,  I'm afraid so.  But, hey!  Wishful thinking!  Maybe the teenagers playing pool today will help our sport become as revered as golf.

Rude Guy From the Past

I have written a few times how I am trying to be more mature in how I act around people I may not really like.  Especially running a business (the Omega Tour), it's imperative I treat everyone with respect no matter the past or my personal opinion of someone.

During a stop a few months ago, there was a guy there I hadn't seen in about 20 years I think.  As SOON as I saw him, my anxiety increased and my mind, thoughts, and even body language went back to my mid 20s when he would berate me in the pool room.  He wasn't a very nice man, but mostly he simply didn't really know how to give positive or constructive criticism.  He was very abrasive to all the players he tried to help with his crappy ego lol.

Even though I felt uncomfortable, I decided that I should say hello instead of ignoring him like I would have in the past. He seemed genuinely happy to see me and asked me about a couple friends from back from San Antonio when I used to live there.  Then I went back to the tournament desk and continued my work.

About 30 minutes later he comes over to the tournament table to check out the brackets. And then for some reason he starts talking to one of the players who had just lost his match.  He tells the player (who was still seething from his loss) in front of everyone, “You have no one to blame but yourself for that loss.”

I don't know why people think they need to say such negative things.  Even if that was obvious or true, give a player some time to get over the emotions of the loss, damn!  I don't even know why he thought it was proper or helpful to give his crappy opinion.

Of course, I'm also of the strong opinion that one shouldn't say anything to a player right after a tough loss match until they are ready to hear it. And for this guy to do it right after he lost, in front of his peers, and from someone he probably didn't really know…..just showed me this guy hasn't changed one bit in the last 20 years.