Negativity About Female Pool Players

I was taken aback last year and then again this year after two of the female players I interviewed for Billiard Buzz had both shared their experiences regarding what they heard about female players versus male players in the beginning of their pool journey. The similarities caught me off guard.

One of them stated, “When I get to the table, I am going to make them forget I’m a female and remember me as a pool player; I want to be respected by everyone."

I was taken aback because I had never thought that way before.

But then she also shared, "The culture is very different in MA vs TX. In MA, I was conditioned to think I wasn’t ever good enough. I was only pretty good for a female."

Ah, then it made much more sense.

The other female player had similar experiences.  "I had a lot of preconditioning to overcome. It was beat into my head early on from everyone who surrounded me in the pool room, that women couldn’t win. I had always looked at women as inferior pool players, counting myself amongst that number of course."

Yippers! Where did these girls play pool??

She continued, "I started playing pool in 1992, before there were many widely respected dominant female players. The pool room where I started, it was just a statement of fact that women played so far under men. That is why when I started playing pool I developed such a big stroke. I wanted to play as good as the men, and when looking around myself I saw a lot of women rolling in balls, and not able to come with big outside English draw shots that bent off rails. I spent hours practicing these and other shots to set me apart from other women. This both helped and hurt me years later."

You can tell both players were affected for many years by what they experienced and heard in the pool room about the differences between male and female players.

And when I posted the interviews, one of my female friends said they related - they had encountered similar situations.

Hmm, wow, really?

I just didn't experience any of that.

Therefore, it made me wonder why I (being a female) hadn't endured this, also.

My first guess is, the male players I associated with never discussed in a negative way about male versus females players. They never made me feel inferior and they didn't downplay females, it was just a fact/opinion I heard, but with no negative connotation to it. I played pool in both Florida and Texas - big states - but just didn't hear such raw comparisons about females. I did hear that guys think males play better than females, but it was never something that had a negative tone to it - it was just kind of a generic topic that sometimes the guys might talk about. We talked about POOL, not gender of pool.

My other guess is because I was around a very strong female player when I started in the pool realm. Strong at the game and strong in her character.

When I was about 22 years old, I was practicing pool one sunny weekday afternoon in San Antonio Texas at Clicks Billiards.  The pool room was pretty empty, as it was a very beautiful day outside, and June Hager Walter (who I didn't know at the time) was practicing on another table.  She came up to me and told me that I was cute and had a good stroke, and that I could get sponsors and should consider playing pool for a living.

Um, What?

When I told her, "But I have a job," she still looked at me like I was crazy, lol. Maybe she thought I didn't have good, steady job or one that made decent money, I dunno, lol.  But when I explained I actually had a career with my job that I went to Texas A&M for, she then said, "Oh, well, you should definitely do that instead of playing pool."

LOL.

It was really funny.

But her and I became very good friends and it turned out that June was a very good player who had been on the road in the '80s and '70s.  Her husband at the time was a well-known road player and so she learned how to play pool very well, and also how to handle herself. Don't get me wrong - June was very sweet, extremely caring, and would do anything for her friends. But she also stood up for herself and handled herself well in all situations, which was something I hadn't seen growing up.

Because her and I became great friends (she was instrumental in helping me overcome something in my late 20s), I would travel with her to tournaments not just in Texas, but also out of the state. I saw her play a lot of very high money matches, and so I'm witnessing a female who was playing high-caliber pool against other high-caliber female pool players and they're playing for a lot of money. So, in my mind I never thought much about the differences between a male and a female pool player. I mean, I know there's differences, but there was never a negative connotation tag to it, as I read in those two interviews.

I'm very thankful I was around a lot of people in my pool journey that didn't talk negatively about female pool players. That would have sucked.

Male Vs Female Spending

I had an interesting conversation last weekend with one of the managers of a pool room.

He mentioned to me the difference between male and female pool players and their spending habits of a tournament weekend. 

Here's the kicker - not their spending habits during a tournament, but after the tournament.

As we stood there and talked on Saturday night of the 2-day weekend tournament, there was a ton of players still there (male players), even though they were already out of the tournament.  They were hanging out with theirs friends and drinking, watching/betting on gambling matches, or gambling themselves, as there were a couple of sets going on and also a ring game.

He told me that the female players don't really stick around.  And he's right!  I don't hang around the pool room after I get kicked out of a tournament.  I drive my ass home with my tail between my legs.  Or if I'm out of town, we get a group together and head out to dinner for some girl time.  Some have even gone to a different bar where there is karaoke.

He explained it in simple terms as to why the difference, which made me laugh out loud from the truth of the words:  "Male players don't leave the pool room after they get kicked out of the tournament.  They want to stay and try to make their money back!"

LMAO.

Male or Female Tournament Director?

I know I talk a lot about leadership in my blog, and today is no exception!

I wanted to share a discussion I had with someone about the Omega Tour ending, and a new Tour  starting up that will be run by guys.

A player (male) shared his opinion with me that he thought that a male running the Tour would have less issues to deal with.  I guess he was saying that it's tough to run a men's Tour as a female.  And he thought as a guy, he would be able to handle the male players "better" because, as he said it, "If they start bitching, I won't put up with anyone."

I listened to his words and my first thought was running a tournament well is not about being male or female, but about leadership and how one handles players and issues.  Respect, empathy, fairness, and integrity go a long way.

In my humble opinion, it really honestly doesn't matter if you are male or female.  An abrasive female will have a difficult time handling difficult situations with guys or girls.  And a male Tournament Director (TD) with no leadership skills will not handle confrontations well.  So, it really is mostly about personality - not male versus female.

I shared with him, from my perspective, I think a female TD has a slight advantage dealing with male players than a male TD would, tho. 

Hear me out. 

If a male player is pissed and gets upset, he is going to vent his frustration to me and be vocal.  How I react and respond is key to handling these situations well.  However, if a male player is pissed and gets upset, he is going to vent his frustration more confrontational against a male TD than a female.

Most of the time, most guys are more asshole-ish with other guys, than with girls in public.  They will be more in fight mode with a guy.  With a female, when they are upset it will be a verbal argument, yes, but less confrontational.

Don't get me wrong, I have been chewed out royally by players after they lose (you know, it's always the tournament directors fault).  But I have a feeling the players would be even more vocal with a male TD.  And depending on the male TD, how will they handle it?  Will they simply argue back, or will they handle it well with leadership skills?

See?  PERSON dependent, not sex dependent.

Time For League

When I play on my Tuesday league, we get down in about two hours.

When I play on my Thursday league, I get home 2 hours later.

WHY?!?!?

I suppose it IS because on Thursdays it's an all women's league.  I guess women really do play slower. 

Not all women, but some. 

Sure, we play safe like anyone else, but for some reason it takes much longer on Thursdays to play league, and both nights start at 7:30pm.

*yawn*

I'm too old now to be staying out so dang late on a work night!

Male BackTalk

It always amazing me how guys talk shit to each other.  I hear it every once in a while and every time I do, I'm kinda stunned.

As I wrote about before, women just don't do this.  We are careful not to point out flaws or poke fun at our fellow female friends.  It's just not something we do. 

Men on the other hand, they speak what's on their mind to another guy, even if it's a stab or jab or rude.  I have witnessed that most men hardly ever respond or react, they just take the words, accept it, or joke back.  Not many feelings are hurt, is what I mean I guess.  Whereas if females were to jab at each other, one would prolly go off crying or another would never speak to that female again.  We are just wired differently.

At league on Tuesday, our star player missed an easy shot in the side pocket.  One of the teammates on the OTHER team said, "Wow, how did you miss that?"

Another one said, "That's your star player, I never thought he'd miss a shot like that."

And then a few more comments ensued.

I was pretty surprised.  My teammate just sat there and watched his opponent run out and then shook his hand.

He never replied, he never shot back with words, he didn't argue back or anything.

I did see him go outside, and when he came back in he confided he had to step outside or else he would have said something.  He was upset and he mumbled, "I bet none want to play after league, do they."  But I know he wasn't seriously wondering, he was more reacting to their harsh words.

It may not seem harsh, but I was a bystander and I felt the embarrassment and rudeness of the words they said out loud and I admit I was shocked they said all that.

I just cannot see females doing that.  We might be thinking it, but we would never state out loud how bad someone is playing, lol.

Why Say Something At All?

I realize Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, but I still don't get how guys can so easily offer their opinions at the wrong times.

Seriously.  I don't.

I was always amazed after a guy shot bad in a tournament his guy friend could easily tell him, "Dude, you shot bad."

If a guy (or girl) told me that, I'd be crying in the bathroom or snapping back at them (depending on when this occurred in life - in my younger days, crying).

Because I didn't hear a response from that male player that played bad in that tourney, maybe I'm wrongly assuming he didn't care what his male friend told him.  Maybe he really DID care and WAS ticked, but just didn't reply to his friend.

So, my assumption could be wrong on how I TOOK his non-reaction.

However, my assumption is not wrong about women offering negative opinions.  You wont hear a female tell a girlfriend, "gosh, you played terrible!"

It just doesn't happen.  At least not in my experience.

Granted, most people are taught "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all."

But I'm beginning to realize it just doesn't work that way in sports, or competition, and esp with males.

When a guy at the pool room is about to match up against another guy, people not associated with the match have something to say.  And they (for what-ever-damn reason) say it.  They will come right out and state, "you shouldn't beat this guy."  Or, "you aren't suppose to win."

Has anyone heard of leadership courses?  Does anyone else know the worst thing to do is to tell someone such a negative thing like that right before they are about to play?

Now, maybe you are thinking, "hey, calm down, maybe they are just trying to offer 'advice' that they shouldn't play that opponent for money"  I can understand why you would think that.  BUT - the games were already set; the players were already gonna play.  It wasn't negotiation time; it was GO time.

Instead of pumping them up, it just puts doubt in their head!  They question themselves the entire set(s).

Why do guys do this unprovoked?  Why would anyone offer their opinion when it's so negative and only hurts the situation?

I can understand the sweaters talking among themselves.  They will anyway.  I can understand if someone asks you what you think about the game or their opponent.  But I'm seeing more and more guys just spouting off their negative opinions about their friends' opponents when they are about to gamble.

We are talking about potentially losing/winning $500 a session here.  So, pump up your friends, or simply keep your damn mouth shut and stay out of it.

Do I sound bitter?  Yea, I do.  Part of that $500 is mine.

I have to admit a few very rare times a guy has said positive comments.  You should beat this guy" Or "You are suppose to win."  So, i have faith in the male species!  lol.  :-)  But why when money is on the line in a gambling match (or even in a tourney) why offer negative comments at all?  Seriously?  If it's gonna be a negative comment, then don't say anything unless asked.

Maybe I'm just around leadership courses too much so I don't understand.  Maybe it's because at my work I cannot send out one crappy or negative email and have to show professionalism at all times no matter how ticked I might be at someone else's crass email.  Or maybe it's because I watch my tongue and don't hurt other people's feelings.  If I have to say something negative, I try to very carefully word any ill advice (in all aspects of my life).  Aren't others this way?  Evidently not.

Men really are from Mars.

(Unwelcomed) negative reinforcement is described well by this AWESOME story by one of my favorite psychology and sports psychology authors, Denis Waitley, in The Psychology of Winning:

The World Series, in the 1950s.  New York Yankees, Milwaukee Braves.  Warren Spahn, the great Milwaukee left-handed pitcher on the mound.  Elston Howard, the great Yankee catcher at the plate.  Score tied.  Two men on, two men out.  Three and two.  A critical part of the series.  And a critical part of the game. 

The manager walks out of the dugout to give Warren Spahn, the great pitcher, some encouraging motivating advice.    “Don’t give him a high outside pitch, he’ll knock it out of the park,” said the manager.  And walked back to the dugout. 

Warren Spahn said to himself, “why did he have to say it to me in that way.”  Let’s see, “don’t give him a high outside pitch.”  “The reverse of that is…” too late.  Like a neon sign, high and outside came as the dominant message.  Out of the park went the ball.  A 3-run homer. 

Because of that one dominant thought Milwaukee almost lost the World Series.  But Eddie Mathews came in with a home run to save the game and the series for the Braves.  Warren Spahn, to this day says, “why would anyone ever try to motivate anyone with the reverse of what they want?” 

And so it is, with all of life’s confrontations.  You tell your children, “clean up your room, you little pigs.”  And what do you get?  You’re right, you get a pigsty.  And the kids say, “oink oink.”  Remind them enough, and they know who they are. 

That’s like motivating and office staff by saying, “firings will continue until morale improves.”  You know, it just won’t work. 

I know many series for the coaches who unwittingly set up their players for losing performances every day.  Here’s an example and basketball.  “Missing free throws is what loses big games, team,” yells the coach.  “You’re all going to stay late during practice and shoot free throws until you stop missing them so often.”  While the winning coach would take advantage of the positive motivation opportunity by saying, “teams with high free-throw averages win ballgames.”  “I want you to put an extra 15 minutes a day making your free throws in practice, so that when we get them during next week’s game, we’ll make all we can, and will win the game.” 

You see, this is the right way to motivate.