New Attitude in Reno (Thanks to Friends)

As I mentioned several times about my big week-long Reno tourney, I was very apprehensive about competing against the great talent in the field.

While I shared a couple of things that helped me: wrote down notes/reminders I re-read throughout the week, and talked to a lot of people who gave advice. There was one other big thing I wanted to share that helped me - my attitude.

I am sure you have seen this before (at least among females):  The opponent who feels sorry for you because you miss a shot. She is timid as she walks up to the table after your miss, and her whole body emits a sense of "Oh, poor thing" or "I only got lucky."

They act like a sad puppy, really. These are also the same people who will express ahead of time why they might play bad, to get their excuse ready if they lose. Seems they lack confidence and also feel bad for our mistakes.

Then there are the Lisa Marr's and Jennifer Kraber's of the world! These two ladies have competed alongside me for the last 10 years or so and their attitude is much much different.

For instance, Lisa "seems" to punish me when I miss. LOL. She doesn't walk slowly to the table, she walks briskly to shoot that 9ball I just dogged.

Jennifer took some time off from pool, and when she returned, I noticed a new, competitive attitude from her.

Lisa and Jennifer both care more about winning than their opponents' feelings. I'm not trying to be rude, but it's what I see - and I like it!

So the first morning in Reno, as I lay in bed getting mentally ready for my matches, I thought seriously about their attitudes for a few hours. I wanted their attitudes. I wanted their confidence. I didn't want to be a player, I wanted to be a strong competitor!

I literally carried those feelings to my matches and when someone would miss, I would walk briskly to the table to capitalize. I felt no remorse, nor sorriness, no nothing for my opponent. I was there to compete! I wasn't there to slack off and be friends. I WANTED to win and if you missed against me, I took advantage of it. Wholeheartedly; with no remorse.

It's not to say I wasn't competitive before, but my attitude wasn't as strong and visible like theirs. Yes, I wanted to win, but I also let up sometimes, felt bad for my opponents, felt a little sorry for them sometimes.

Visualizing Lisa and Jennifer's competitive attitudes and confident composure around the table helped me so much in Reno. I tried to emulate them at the table, and it worked! I could FEEL I was more a competitor than before. I could FEEL my desire to want to play the game and fight for the wins.

What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. ~Dwight Eisenhower

I asked Jennifer and Lisa about their attitudes. I expressed how much it helped me and wondered if they could explain their strong competitiveness so I could share it via my blog.

Jennifer explained that during her time off from pool (for about 1 1/2 years), she focused on poker.  She met her boyfriend playing poker and Jennifer shared, "one night we were playing and there was someone I liked at the table and I kind of took it a little easy on them, and afterwards, my boyfriend almost yelled at me (in a loving way).  He said if you don’t want to take their money, YOU SHOULD NOT BE AT THE TABLE, period.  Because the whole point of the game is taking money when you win, and all your opponents want to take your money, that’s the way the game is played, so if you don’t play that game, it will just be a losing proposition."

That led to Jennifer being more competitive on the pool table when she returned to the game.  Being more competitive also meant she should not be as social at tournaments and instead get sleep and focus on practicing and not drinking or staying up late like she did before.  At one of her high finishes, Jennifer "kept to myself a little, and I think that helped me, kept me calm, and also not as concerned with the friend thing.  It’s hard because so often it’s great to see people at tournaments, but it’s really not the best time to socialize."

While Jennifer is a tough competitor, Lisa is on a-whole-nother level, lol.  Even Lisa admits, "I know I come across as being very harsh and cut throat when it comes to playing pool.  If you know me very well, you know that I am one of the biggest, softest hearted persons you will ever meet, but you might not ever see that side of me.  I treat pool like a business.  It takes a lot of money to travel, so in order to get reimbursed for your expenses and make a little profit you have to show up with your “A” game!"

Lisa is right - she is loved away from the table, as is Jennifer.  But come pool time, Lisa is all about business.  "People will comment on how hard I play them," Lisa admits.  "The answer I give them is that while I am playing pool with you, our friendship is on pause.  After the match is over we can hit play again and will be friends just like before the match.  It’s not personal, it’s business!"

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. ~Winston Churchill

Lisa then explained further why she has this strong attitude, "Women are not raised to go out and kill the food. We are raised to be caring and nurturing, so competition is a hard toggle for most women to understand and grasp. On one hand we hate to see someone make a grave mistake in a match but on the other hand you gotta take your opportunities when they are presented to you. Luckily for me, I had some hard times as a child & was a tomboy and did what the boys did, so my cut throat instinct comes easier for me than most women."

Lisa plays pool "to satisfy myself. No one else! I can’t be distracted when I am playing someone I care about when they play bad or make mistakes. I will admit for one microsecond I do feel bad but I realize that my job has to come first and foremost when playing. I can feel bad for them later. It’s not being mean or hateful. Let’s face it, we all play pool to win and play well."

Lisa explained further, "When you take your focus off of yourself and worry about someone else’s game you are cutting yourself and your game short and that’s not fair to you. In other words, if a burglar was coming to rob you, would you open the door for him to take all your possessions or lock him out and fight like mad to protect your home? I will always be that fighter as I am sure that most of us would do. It’s survival not personal!"

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.  ~Mary Engelbreit

Jennifer feels the same way and I think that's why they each have such a great mental game when they play pool.

Jennifer also shared something we all know but I think it's important to reiterate, because it explains her attitude some more, "I also think (and this is a cliché), but nothing breeds success like success.  During my time away from pool, I’d played in a bunch of poker tournaments, and had some success there.  I was traveling in Amsterdam about four years ago, and while I was there played in a poker tournament that I won!  I was so thrilled and it was so exciting!"

Jennifer continued, "I think the mental game is very similar in pool and poker.  I noticed if something went poorly for me in poker, I had a lot of good, positive “self-talk” at the poker table, which was distinctly different from my experience at the pool table.  If I experienced a bad beat or a mistake I made in a hand, inside I would just tell myself that I’m still in it, still have chips and a chair and therefore I still have a chance, so just do better next time!  In the past, when messing up in pool I would have a hard time bouncing back, and would get down on myself.  So I've tried to incorporate some of that positive feeling. When you have the attitude of 'even if I mess up, I'm still in it,' and then if you’re opponent messes up, you’re excited to get back to the table (rather than feeling sorry for yourself and for your opponent). "

Lisa is so competitive she even shared this, "One other funny tidbit people will say to me, 'Do you play your Momma like that?' (she plays pool too :o) I say yes and she wouldn’t have it any other way. She doesn’t want anything given to her she wants to earn her wins! We all feel better and more satisfied when we play well enough to win and not have someone just hand it to us!"

I want to thank both Jennifer and Lisa for opening up and sharing their insights about their strong competitiveness and attitude. I just KNOW their comments will help my fellow pool players (as it did me).

Enjoy!