Teams Can Be Tough

I wrote before about my worst team experience.  I wont rehash it all, but a quick recap is the team captain made the experience of playing on her team horrendous because she second guessed our actions and was two-faced with her words of encouragement.

I realized this year more than ever, tho, that playing on a team is TOUGH.  Well, we can make it tough on ourselves. 

During the first Women's Open Team match this year at BCAPL Nationals, I wasn't playing well and got upset with myself.  In the second match, I had a breakdown. After the first match, tho, I played good.  Real good.  I felt good about my play and I was lucky to feel good for the rest of the team event because of that.

However, I can't forget the first match how *I* thought my terrible play and my actions affected my teammates. When I threw my chalk down in disgust in our first team match, I mentioned afterwards to my boyfriend how embarrassed I was. He said I need to stop feeling embarrassed and not care what others think.

He's right.

Very right.

I have a problem with that, I admit.

I listened to his words for the rest of the team event, and it helped!  If I missed a stupid shot or lost a match I should have won, instead of being embarrassed how my teammates thought of my play, I just tried to not let it bother me and move on.

Because let's face, if we let embarrassment fester, then we can't play our game for our next match because there is too much negativity in our minds to focus on pool.  Once I get embarrassed, it can be difficult for me to recover, that's why I tried to not let embarrassment take control of my emotions after my discussion with him.

I also looked at this way:  If one of my teammates lost or played bad, I never got upset at them. Not once.  Not once was I on the sidelines thinking negative thoughts about them or wished they would have won or got mad at them because they missed a shot. So, If I lost (or lost it) I bet they didn't think twice about me either.

Just like in our final match, one of my teammates felt bad because she played bad.  She took it hard because she thinks she let the team down.  I feel for what she is going through, I really do.  My heart actually aches for the pain she is causing herself.  But I hope she realizes like the rest of us that we don't judge each other when we play bad nor do we blame each other when we lose.  As a matter of fact, we all still loved that we came in 7th place!

Yes, we all are our own worse critics and want to play best all the time and please everyone.

But a Team event does not rest on the shoulders of one person.  

It's a TEAM event!

And I am beginning to think if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.  A team event is not for people who can't handle that they may have a bad day. I say this because that first team captain so many years ago that made a very bad experience for me should never be a team captain.  I say this because if you are going to be depressed for weeks on end because you feel too bad about the way you played, then you shouldn't be on a team until you understand and accept that it's okay not to play good every single time.

A team event can be tough on our psyche.

I admit I do not get depressed anymore after I play super badly (like I did in my 20s) because I learned from Mental Toughness Training for Sports (by James Loeher) to play my best.  It's actually not possible for one to get upset at themselves if you played your best! 

As one of our co-teams captain said:

"We win as a team and lose as a team. I know easier said than done, right? But we all put too much pressure on ourselves and that is just the nature of the beast in a team environment. We don’t want to let anyone down. If we lose, we just pick ourselves off the floor and get back and try it again. We all give best effort and that is the best we can do. "

Words to live by!

No one is upset if I dog it, and I am not upset if a teammate dogs it.  We really do all want to win and we try our best.  Sometimes we get there and sometimes we don't.  If we do or don't, it's what was meant to be.  I still have fun and enjoy the friendship of the team members.  I am lucky to be on such great teams that have fun, play with so much heart, and enjoy playing the game we all love! 

Can't wait til next year!